Tom Cruise Killed Mommy

Consumer Alert! Vitamins are not a good treatment for schizophrenia. In fact, they may lead sons treated in this way to stab their mothers seventy-seven times.

Jeremy was an untreated schizophrenic. He and his mother Elli were untreated Scientologists. Rather than commit Jeremy to psychiatric care, as Scientologists believe modern psychiatric medicine derives from an ancient alien civilization’s plot to drug and enslave humanity, Elli gave him vitamins.

The ad at left was published in the LA Weekly. provides a comprehensive overview of the events before and after the slaying, including source documentation. The website was created by Dave Touretzky, a Carnegie Mellon computer science professor who thinks Scientology is way gay.

Moral of the story: Flintstones aren’t good analogues for Aripiprazole. (Tip o’ the story hat to Scott!)

BONUS LINK: The release clause you must sign before joining the Scientologists, giving them the legal right to kill you.


Edit Your Comment

  1. Scott says:

    Oh Ben… You had to screw up my tip by adding yet another sardonic “gay” reference. I am, however, quite impressed by the speed at which your pudgy sausage fingers can type a post.

  2. Paul D says:

    Vitamins no doubt marked up 150% and sold by scientologist-owned stores.

    Check out this link.

    It’s about Clearwater, Florida, which as pretty much been taken over by Scientologists. Most businesses are scientologist-owned, and any non-scientologist businesses are run out of town. There are cameras everywhere and vitamins and copies of L. Ron Hubbard’s books in every storefront.


  3. konstantConsumer says:

    that’s totally true. scientology is always having intercourse with members of it’s own sex. at first, i thought you were using “gay” as a derogatory term, but then I realized that you were an intelligent human being who thinks about what you say!

  4. airship says:

    “Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion” – L. Ron Hubbard, a few years before founding Scientology

  5. Scott says:

    Hey BEN, why is it that just minutes after I posted my comment above, my name disappeared from the article as the person who gave you the story this morning?

    I’ll assume your journalistic integrity made you decide to protect the identity of your sources, or some other altruistic reason…

  6. Scott says:

    konstantConsumer: “scientology is always having intercourse with members of it’s own sex.”

    I didn’t realize that Scientology has its own gender, and is capable of mating (as if it weren’t frightening enough).

    However, assuming you meant to say that a widely known doctrine of Scientology is the rampant and sanctioned same-gender sexual relations among its worshipers, please enlighten me. You obviously know a great deal more about Scientology than I, so for my own education, please cite some references to support your claim.

  7. bonnie says:

    Scott, I do believe konstantConsumer’s post is entirely sarcastic. His/her point was about the use of ‘gay’ as a derogatory term. His/her point was made by the ridiculous imagery associated with a literal read of ‘Scientology is gay.’

    I’m not sure if his/her knowledge about Scientology will be extensive enough to fully enlighten and educate you…oh, did you not mean that literally?

  8. konstantConsumer says:

    dude, i was totally being a smart ass. i don’t know any more about scientology than what south park has told me. i do, however, find it very annoying with people use the term “gay” to mean stupid or bad.

  9. airship says:

    This discussion is so gay.

  10. Scott says:

    Wow… I just re-read the comment, and I don’t know how I misread it the first time. Thanks, bonnie, and a big “sorry ’bout that” to you, konstantConsumer. I guess I was in defensive mode all day today, and I didn’t read your comment with a clear head.

    And Ben, if you post a photo of your fast fingers and they are not, in fact, pudgy & sausage-like, I’ll apologize to you, too.

  11. mattbr says:

    how can a belief system where one evolves from clams to become a sailor be gay ?

  12. Transuranic says:

    Look, yawl: the word “gay” means when I’m pounding one into my boyfriend, which by all accounts means “so excellent as to never be replicated by some 14$ Hello Kitty vibrator” – nowhere near what you black teenage girls mean when YOU say ‘gay’, which perfectly evokes a Hello Kitty vibrator.

    I mean, Ben, why be so niggerly with your comments about what’s queer and what’s not – you know, why jew us down like that? why are you welshin’? indian giver. Damn, nilla wafer, insult everyone or try not to do it at all.

    Aside to Scott: don’t be a pudgy-phobe, faggot. ;)

  13. Scott says:

    Transuranic, you’re pretty funny, for a slit-eyed, pan-faced, dog-eating wok sucker.