On February 9th, Bush’s longtime domestic policy advisor Claude Allen carefully waxed his handlebar mustache, adjusted his jet top hat and — throwing a smoke bomb to the ground — disappeared from the White House with the glint-eyed mystery of the master criminal. No one knew why he’d resigned his post… all that anyone could agree was that it was pretty dang mysterious.

Well, we now appear to have the answer: Claude Allen resigned from the White House because he was being investigated for massive refund fraud at Target.

Refund fraud is when you purchase an item at a store, then come back with the receipt, pick-up the same item off the store shelves and return the unpaid item at the Customer Service desk. Apparently, Allen had been under investigation since October, but it was only in January that Allen was caught red-handed by an intrepid Target clerk. Items that Allen managed to steal through refund fraud include a Bose home stereo system, a photo printer, a Snoopy alarm clock, N.W.A.’s seminal rap album Efil 4 Zaggin and a copy of Michael Moore’s Dude, Where’s My Country?

Link: Former Bush Aide Charged in Felony Theft (Thanks to Gari N. Corp, who sent us the link while challenging: “Do [you] write about famous shoplifters, or only when LIBERALS do it?”

Remember, kids — a blog that has cavalierly used the phrase “Bush’s lapdog” and is currently featuring a poll in which the US Government is likely to be voted “worst company” against eleven other contenders — despite the fact that it isn’t even a company — is still too conservative for some.)

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