Retro Auto-Complaint Letter Generator

Like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Web 0.5, we stumbled across Scott Pakin
s automatic complaint-letter generator which simplifies and enliven your grievance submission process, an internet relic from 1996.

Type in the offending party
s name or company and the program cranks out a vague and threatening letter insinuating numerous wrongs. Wrongs so heinous that they remain nameless, to comedic effect.

The magical machine seems to remix some of the best complaint lines ever written and connect them in a linguistically sound fashion.
Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears, I come to bury The Consumerist, not praise him
was how one of the letters it produced for us started.

Why the letters may not resolve your issue, it may certainly be gratifying to befuddle your target into guilt and contrition.

We guess some things never change. The darn thing still works.

Scott Pakin
s Automatic Complaint-Letter Generator


Edit Your Comment

  1. JNelsonW says:

    Ha, ha; oh man that’s good:

    “There is something grievously wrong with those deranged beatniks who make all of us pay for Sunny-D’s boondoggles. Shame on the lot of them! It’s not just that Sunny-D’s skills are generally used to exploit, abuse, and exert power, but also that it asserts that violence and prejudice are funny.”

  2. lgf says:

    So much fun:

    “To make a long story short, while Mrs. Brtiney Spears insists that she has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose of reality, look at how I can reword my point as follows. It indisputably makes far more sense to reveal some shocking facts about Mrs. Spears’s campaigns than to take us over the edge of the abyss of nepotism. “