Here at the Consumerist we get a lot of emails requesting more "happy stories." While we wait for some to happen, here are 13 headlines we would love to write. They are in no particular order.

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• Sears Repairman Buys A Calendar, Looks At It
• Record High Personal Savings Rate Imperils Credit Card Industry Profits
• Person With Consumer Protection Background To Run CPSC
• Best Buy Geek Squad Replaces Your Current Porn With New, Better Porn
• Company Responds To Website's Fact-Checking Inquiry With Speed And Accuracy
• Do American Airlines' New Complimentary Hot Fudge Sundaes Come With Too Many Sprinkles?
• Wal-Mart Receipt Checker Shrugs Shoulders, Says, Yeah, We Know It's Total Bullshit Anyway
• CSRS Complain About Hold Times To Speak With Busy Customers
• Newspaper Wire Service Quotes Consumer News Blog By Name
• Finally Accepting Reality, Microsoft Debuts "Refurbished XBOX 360 Of The Month Club"
• Sprint To Pay Canceling Customers $50 "Sorry We Disappointed You" Refund
• "Help! I Signed Up For FiOS And Verizon Sent Me Too Many Free LCD TVs!"
• Payday Lenders Close Due To Lack Of Interest

(Photo: El Grande Mono )