One new Microsoft commercial even begins with a company engineer who resembles John Hodgman, the comedian portraying the loser PC character in the Apple campaign. “Hello, I’m a PC,” the engineer says, echoing Mr. Hodgman’s recurring line, “and I’ve been made into a stereotype.”

The commercials are the work of Crispin Porter & Bogusky, the ad agency behind such familiar oddities as the creepy Burger "King." The spots will feature celebrities, too: "actress Eva Longoria, the author Deepak Chopra and the singer Pharrell Williams," are expected to appear.

How exciting. It's just like the "Cola Wars"... only nerdier.

Echoing the Campaign of a Rival, Microsoft Aims to Redefine ‘I’m a PC’ [NYT]

Elizabeth's story is just one of the many examples showing that piss-poor customer service can directly lead to lost business.

It has been over 3 weeks since I ordered a set of windows XP replacement cds, and still no sign of them. I ordered the disks using the form on dell.com and received an email saying that the disks would be sent to me in 3-5 business days. When I had not received the disks after over a week of waiting, I checked my account information on dell.com, hoping to find some answers. It was clear that the customer service rep never read the original form that I submitted and sent the disks to the "original shipping address" instead of the "current shipping address".

I replied to the original confirmation email (as the email told me to do if I had a problem) and explained the situation. I received what was obviously a form letter in reply saying that the situation would be corrected and that they would send out a new set of disks the following day. After waiting a few days for the "order info" to appear in my account information on dell.com, I was shocked to see that the disks had AGAIN been sent to the wrong address.

This time I tried calling customer service directly. After being on the phone for nearly an hour being transferred to a series of people whose English was barely intelligible , I was finally connected to a rep who said that because the package had not yet been picked up by DHL that he would personally contact DHL and change the shipping address on the package. He also stated that I would receive a confirmation email that same afternoon with the case number of my problem and all of the relevant shipping information.

By the next day I still had not received any confirmation email. My dell.com information still had the incorrect shipping address. Likewise using the DHL tracking number provided on the dell.com order info page, I saw that DHL still had the incorrect shipping address listed.

I called customer service again and was told that I had to be transferred to the technical support department to solve the problem. While I was on hold, the voice recording over the hold music told me to "have my credit card ready" so that technical support would be able to charge me for talking to them. I immediately hung up when I heard this. There was no way that I was now going to pay to talk to technical support about a shipping issue for a supposedly free set of disks.

I called customer service back immediately and was connected to a different representative who said that he would indeed be able to help me. He pulled up my file and said that he saw I had called the previous day and that the agent I had spoken to had contacted DHL and had changed the shipping address. The representative was quite rude and treated me like I was crazy for calling to confirm what I had been told the previous day. When I asked why I had not received a confirmation email about this (as the rep the previous day had promised), I was told that between Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon Dell had changed their policy and that they were not allowed to email me a copy of my case number and complaint information nor could they even tell me the case number over the phone. I was however promised by this rep that the disks would arrive on Tuesday.

Tuesday came and no disks. I received an email stating that my order had been "resolved and closed" because the package had been delivered. Magically, they now included the case number in the email, the case number that on Saturday I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to know due to their "policy". The Dell representatives had blatantly lied to me.

I checked the DHL.com tracking information. The disks had been delivered alright...AGAIN at the incorrect address. I called DHL directly and asked them if they had ever received any request from Dell to change my shipping information. Of course, they had not. The Dell representatives had blatantly lied to me about this as well.

I called customer service for a third time and explained the entire situation again. I told the rep that I had just gotten off the phone with DHL and that even though her computer said that Dell had contacted them about the shipping change, DHL had no knowledge of this. All she could tell me was that because the order had technically been delivered, the only way to receive the disks was to start the request process from scratch. I did so. So here I am Friday, sitting here still waiting for the disks to arrive knowing that some poor soul at my old college dorm has now received two sets of windows XP disks and is probably wondering what the heck is going on.

There is currently no information regarding this third order on my dell.com account info page. At this point, I just want to see if Dell will EVER be able to send the disks to me. Thank goodness all I had ordered were a set of free disks, imagine if this had been done with a full computer system.

This was not my first horror story with Dell customer service, but it will certainly be my last. I am currently typing this on my shiny MacBook. The final selling point for me was that there is a physical Apple store nearby that's open 24/7 - 365 days a year with customer service reps that I can look in the eye. Then if they lie to me, at least they have to do it to my face. ;)

Welcome, Elizabeth, to a new, better world.

(Photo: Getty)

A mild detergent solution is fine on inside windows with natural woodwork, as well. "Don't let it linger more than half a minute or so. And don't do too many panes at once," he cautioned. You want the squeegee to glide, and you don't want a lot of drips.

Carolyn Forté of the Good Housekeeping Research Institute recently tested six store-bought solutions, a homemade solution of ammonia and water, and three pre-moistened towels.

"We made a lab mixture of greasy, dirty soil; let it dry; then applied a measured amount of each cleaner," she said. The winner was Hope's Perfect Glass, available at Bed Bath & Beyond and other major retailers. "It was best overall for cleaning and removing streaks." Regular Windex was a close second.

And you thought your home wasn't selling because of the imploding housing market.

The Squeegee Dividend [The Washington Post]
(Photo: michale)

• An Xbox 360
• Windows Vista with Vista Media Center (it's included by default in Vista Home Premium and Ultimate)
• A Netflix subscription
• The freeware vmcNetflix plug-in

Bill ultimately entered his payment information 7 times. Each attempt cost him $233.15. Now his account is out $1,632, and Microsoft is refusing to help.

He writes:

My name is Bill. I work at a large University and deal with Microsoft quite frequently as an IT Manager. Recently I went to purchase the new Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate operating system from their online store, Windows Live Marketplace for my personal use on my home computer. I filled out all the appropriate documentation and submitted my order to them with my debit card information and the nightmare began....

Upon selecting "submit" from their site I was immediately taken to a page stating "Microsoft cannot be contacted at this time" or similar, "Please try again later." So needing a license for Vista right away I resubmitted it and, again, got the same thing "Microsoft cannot be contacted at this time, please try again." After 6 attempts, finally, the 7th attempt was successful and I was able to purchase a copy of Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate Upgrade (which turns out was not what I wanted in the first place). I thought all was well until the following morning... I received a call from the fraud prevention department at my bank stating I had been charged by Microsoft 7 times at $233.15!!!!!!

This was completely unacceptable and I immediately phoned Microsoft when I got to work. Microsoft stated to me that the problem was with the bank and that the charges hadn't actually posted to my account and I just need to wait for the bank to update their info so this is what I did. After a couple days nothing had changed in my bank account. I was still in the hole roughly -$500.00 thanks to Microsoft.

I called Microsoft again and was told my issue would be "escalated". Ok I thought. No problem they recognize the problem and are working to address it and get this taken care of. WRONG. They did in fact remove a couple of the charges (4 of them) but what about the other 3???? I contacted Microsoft Windows Live Marketplace and stated it has been about 2 weeks and I have still seen no change in my bank account. I then told them I would now like to get a refund as well for the one copy I did actually receive. That return was processed in the same phone call the way I would expect the others to be credited back to my bank account. WRONG again. So by this time I have spent almost all month without any money and being late on all of my bills and now, almost a month later, am STILL waiting on Microsoft to refund the other 2 charges that were posted to my account at $233.15. This is almost $500.00 and for someone who gets paid monthly is completely unacceptable. I have been calling Microsoft now for 2 weeks straight and all the Microsoft Windows Live Marketplace keeps telling me is "I am sorry sir your issue has been escalated to our product delevopment team and you should get a call back today or tomorrow." WRONG yet again.... Everytime I call its the same story "... it has been escalated sir sorry" "we will call you tomorrow" ..... No call.

I am really irritated and have asked numerous times for a number or email address to "Product Development" and they keep telling me they don't even have that information and that the system they use doesn't even tell the support person I am speaking with that contact information. WHAT KIND OF SYSTEM IS THIS?

I now have overdue bills and am going hungry for what would appear to be the rest of the month.... I suppose this is what I get for trying to do things legitimately with Microsoft... A big smack in the face.

I give Microsoft a lot of business being and IT manager at a large University but am extremely dissatisfied with this whole experience. I will be seeking Unix/Linux alternatives.

Please Help!!!!

The charges posting:
The charges clearing:
Bill could have protected himself by charging Vista to his credit card. Since Microsoft is unwilling to reverse the clearly erroneous charges, it's time to ask the bank to stand up and fight for its customer. If conversations don't help, leap over the hurdles of incompetence and fire an Executive Email Carpet Bomb at both Microsoft and the bank.

(Photo: johnsu01)
RELATED: Contact Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer

See, I try to be a good guy and purchase a retail copy of Windows XP to use on my Macbook. But the stupid security sticker is covering up the last five digits of the product key, and trying to remove the security sticker tears the label. I give up.

Nice Guys Finish Last [Scott Kidder]

The suit claims Microsoft "knowingly misled consumers by allowing PC makers to emblazon 'Windows Vista Capable' stickers on PCs that could run only the most bare-bones version of the operating system," and last week's hearing was to determine whether the suit can be granted class-action status. Microsoft says the emails were part of a much larger discussion and perfectly normal.

Amusingly, Microsoft is using the complex, confusing marketing scheme as an argument against class-action status, by saying that each consumer had different information available when making his purchase and therefore can't be grouped together:

"For instance, a Microsoft Web site provided information about the various editions of Vista, while magazines, blogs and even some retailers also explained the distinctions."

"Suit says Microsoft knew it misled" [SeattlePI via ArsTechnica]
(Photo background: Getty)

She mentioned her problems to the AT&T CSR and It turns out that they don't support operating systems other than Windows, or browsers other than Internet Explorer. Jen notes that she's never had any previous problems accessing the website in the 8 years she's been a customer.

Here's AT&T's response.

Dear Ms. [redacted],

Thank you for taking the time to e-mail AT&T. I apologize for any inconvenience that you may have experienced in regard to accessing att.com/wireless using the Safari web browser.

After reading your e-mail, I have found that AT&T supports Microsoft Windows operating systems and the Microsoft Internet Explorer web browser. This does not mean that other web browsers or operating systems are not compatible at www.att.com/wireless, but there may be compatibility situations that arise and AT&T is unable to assist in these rare situations, because AT&T only supports Microsoft Windows operating systems and the Microsoft Internet Explorer web browser.

However, we also value all of our customer's opinion and appreciate your feed back. I have forwarded your feed back on to the appropriate office so that your voice will be heard.

We greatly appreciate the opportunity to serve you. Please let us know if we can assist in any other way, and thank you for choosing AT&T.

Sincerely,

Christina [redacted]
AT&T Online Customer Care Professional

Q. Who should consider a Mac?

A. Pretty much every average consumer using a computer should at least look at the Mac. It combines gorgeous hardware with an operating system I consider superior to Windows, with better built-in software. It can even run Windows programs if you buy and install a copy of Windows. And unless you do that, you won't be vulnerable to the vast array of viruses and spyware that threaten Windows users. Only a handful, so far, have been written to run on the Mac operating system, OS X.

Q. Who shouldn't consider the Mac?

A. People who spend much of their time playing cutting-edge games should stick to Windows computers, because there are far fewer games written for OS X. Apple doesn't offer hardware tuned for serious gaming. People looking for the lowest-price PCs should also avoid the Mac, because Apple's cheapest model, the Mac Mini, costs $599.

Another group that should shun Apple's computers are people who depend for support on corporate IT departments that are either ignorant about, or hostile to, the Mac. Finally, if you know and like Windows, and expect mainly to use Windows programs, stick with a Windows PC.

Although novel, we're not sure how much of an added value this really is since special edition sets are more expensive than regular DVDs anyway. (Amazon reports the list price for the Special Edition "Live Free or Die Hard" DVD is $34.98, discounted to $23.99. By comparison, they list the regular old ugly DVD release at $29.99, discounted to $15.99.) And yes, the semi-tech-savvy can rip DVDs and compress them for playback without the studio's help. Still, they win points for convenience, and we're impressed and surprised that a studio isn't running screaming from a movie file for once.

We'll reserve final opinion until after we hear more about how easy the process is, and just what "DRM-free" really means to a movie studio, but here's how Hollywood Reporter describes the process:

To utilize the Digital Copy feature, consumers can insert Disc 2 of the "Live Free" DVD into their computer. A menu will pop up, giving users the choice of either executing the Digital Copy application or launching the DVD special features. If the Digital Copy application is selected, the computer will verify the proper requirements and ask the user to enter a 16-digit serial code, found inside the DVD case. After selecting a destination — either the computer's hard drive or a connected PlaysForSure video player — the transfer will begin, and the program will be ready for playback after about five minutes.

""Die Hard" DVD will include computer file" [Reuters]

But on Dell's IdeaStorm Web site, where visitors can post suggestions for the company and vote on the ones they think are important, a plea titled "Don't eliminate XP just yet" racked up more than 10,700 votes.

PC maker Dell again offers Windows XP [AP]

Every time reader Jered updates his Windows Media Center PC bad things happen. Codecs are deleted. The DVD player menu doesn't work. Finally, the sound stopped working completely. Since it was the Windows Update that seemed to be causing the problems, Jered called Microsoft. They tried to pawn him off on Dell, then reluctantly agreed to call him back in 24 hours before hanging up on him. From Jered's blog:

When I asked my customer service rep at Microsoft - who just happened to be in Bangalore, I'm sure - if it was really truly right that Dell was responsible for customer service on Microsoft's updates, she had no response. Finally, she said, 'well, seeing as this is an update issue, I'll give you a case number and get you free customer service." Wow. Supporting your own update. How generous.

I explained the issue, at which point she realized that she needed to transfer me to the Media Center technical support team. In what I can only describe as her not being able to figure out how to transfer me, she gave up and told me that I would have to wait for a "call back" which she said meant that I "have to wait at least 24 hours" to receive. At least? What, is there some Microsoft rule that one cannot solve customer's problems in a timely manner. After all, if one were to start producing products with great customer service, the customers would come to expect excellence... and we don't want that.

She gave me a case number, then asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with?" I responded, "yes." I began to tell her my problem with the dvd-menu at which point she interrupted and said "lets just take care of this problem first," by which I thought she meant, lets close this case, and open a new one for this other issue. Ha! There I go again, expecting Microsoft to stand behind their products. She closed the case, told me to wait for the callback, then asked again if she could help me with anything else. I said, "just the dvd problem." She responded, "Thank you for calling Microsoft, have a nice day," and hung up. Me? I'm still in awe of the blatant disregard.

Microsoft's "Wow" Campaign "Wows" Me [JeredTEde]
(Photo: Maulleigh)

• Vista is incomplete, and they're already planning a service pack.

• It's expensive.

• It'll work better on a new computer.

• You should just switch to a Mac anyway. "Apple will start selling the next version of OS X, code-named Leopard, this spring. The details of this operating system are secret, but it's likely that it will be spectacular."

Oh, life is so hard. So many difficult choices...—MEGHANN MARCO

Wait! Don't Buy Microsoft's Windows Vista [PC World]

Lifehacker points us to ExtremeTech. They've got answers to these questions and more, and we'll remind those of you who got a new computer over the holidays...you might be eligible for a free or discounted copy of Vista. Yay?—MEGHANN MARCO

Upgrade from Windows XP to Vista [ExtremeTech via Lifehacker] [photo: likeyesterday]

Fantastic. This is why testing is important! The rest of us can just wait and upgrade when it's safe. Er, hang on, is Windows XP safe yet? Never mind.—MEGHANN MARCO

Flaws Are Detected in Microsoft's Vista [New York Times]

Vista Could Sap Notebook PC Battery Life [PC World]

Apparently what had happened is that all the "economy" seats were full, and window seats were considered "economy plus."

"I didn't pay the $41, mostly from principle, and exhaustion. She held onto my boarding pass until the flight was about to leave, handed it back and said there was nothing she could do. I was still on the aisle on 13D. When the plane door closed I simply moved to the empty exit row, stretched out over the two empty seats and got some sleep."

Many airlines have resorted to making "services" a la carte in an effort to cut costs. We fail to see how a window is a service, but all in all, we prefer the aisle anyway. —MEGHANN MARCO

Want a window seat? Pay more on some flights [Seattle Times]

• Don't buy a computer based on a sticker alone.

• "Certified for Windows Vista" means the product has been tested and will deliver a superior experience with a PC running Windows Vista.

• "Works with Windows Vista" means just that. It will work. Maybe not well, but it'll work.

• The minimum performace for the "Windows Vista Premium Ready PC" is not that amazing. "Apart from the RAM and graphics card requirements, even the Premium Ready spec is pretty low. Don't use either of these logos as a "performance" guide." Amen.— MEGHANN MARCO

Windows Vista Logos - what do they all mean? [ZDnet.com]

You'd think an OS that had actually been created with pirated software would be a little more understanding of our own moral failings. But apparently not.

Nevertheless, five or six years ago, nine defaults WAV files in Windows XP were created using a cracked version of Sony's Sound Forge. Doubtlessly, it was not Bill Gates doing the cracking, but probably some freelancer who didn't pay for his tools.
Still, if one of the most profitable and just-stinking-loaded companies in the world can't bother to pay an extra $450 to establish its hegemony over the home computing market with a further iteration, it probably makes you feel less bad about borrowing your buddy's Windows XP cd and saving your own impoverished ass a couple hundred bucks.

Windows uses pirated software? [Tech Republic]

Instead of receiving the freebie 6-8 weeks later, they got a message 12 weeks later that Bill Gates had run out of USB drives.

Would-be flashers received an email today informing, "Supply is depleted at this time, so we encourage you to please utilize the online alternative today." What? An online version of a flash drive? No, the online alternative they suggest is to purchase Windows licenses.

A strange bait and switch, almost, a mystery...which is a mystery unto itself because the guiding drive of the campaign was, "Some things will always be a mystery, Windows Licensing doesn't have to be."

Apprently it chooses to be so anyway all on its lonesome. (Thanks to Jpa and Jim!)