Here are a few choice goodies found in the water: Coliform bacteria, caffeine, the pain reliever acetaminophen, fertilizer, solvents, plastic-making chemicals and the radioactive element strontium.

All brands met the federal standards for drinking water, though researchers were concerned enough about two of the brands to release their names.

Sam's Choice sold by Wal-Mart and Acadia of Giant Food supermarkets contained chlorine byproducts above California's (stricter) standards, according to the Washington-based Environmental Working Group, an organization founded by scientists that advocates stricter regulation.

From USAToday:

In the Wal-Mart and Giant Food bottled water, the highest concentration of chlorine byproducts, known as trihalomethanes, was over 35 parts per billion. California requires 10 parts per billion or less, and the industry's International Bottled Water Association makes 10 its voluntary guideline. The federal limit is 80.

Water researcher Dr. David Carpenter, director of the Institute for Health and the Environment of the University at Albany, who had no role in the study, singled out trihalomethanes as the biggest concern because of strong research links to cancer.

"These are levels that should not be in bottled water," he said.

Giant Food officials declined to comment. Instead, company officials released a brief statement asserting that Acadia meets all regulatory standards.

Acadia is sold in the mid-Atlantic states, so it isn't held to California's standard. In most places, bottled water must meet roughly the same federal standards as tap water.

The researchers also said the Wal-Mart brand exceeded California's limit by five times for a second chlorine byproduct, bromodichloromethane.

The Environmental Working Group said it notified California's attorney general of its intent to sue Wal-Mart. The group wants the company to label its bottles in California with a warning of cancer-causing chemicals. Wal-Mart did not respond to a request for comment.

Ultimately, the researchers concluded that bottled water was, in some cases, no less polluted than tap water, and a waste of money. They recommended filtering tap water yourself.

Group: Wal-Mart, Giant bottled water shows more contamination [USAToday]

Today I ordered 4 utilities without giving my SSN to any of them, and the last 1 of the 4 was AT&T. I asked nicely to not give it. When the CSR ask for my SSN I said "gosh, I really don' t like giving out my SSN, is there a way I can get your product (the specific gas, electricity, tele. service) without giving my SSN." The gas and electricity will do a deposit - spread out over 4 months and after 9 months of consecutive payments I get my deposit back. When I asked AT&T I got the following "We need it in case you don't pay and we need to find you, and you need it to give your SSN to get any utility." I countered with 'I've just got water, electricity and gas TODAY without giving my SSN.' The CSR relented and then asked for my birth date. I got a local service land line from AT&T without giving my SSN.

The takeaway: if you're willing to leave a security deposit, some companies may accept that instead of your SSN. And it never hurts to ask—if the CSR won't budge, you might try calling back at another time to see if you find someone who's more willing work with you.

(Thanks to Jess!)
(Photo: Beige Alert)

The substances detected in the latest tests mirrored those cited in the earlier AP report.

Chicago, for example, found a cholesterol medication and a nicotine derivative. Many cities found the anti-convulsant carbamazepine. Officials in one of those communities, Colorado Springs, say they detected five pharmaceuticals in all, including a tranquilizer and a hormone.

"This is obviously an emerging issue and after the AP stories came out we felt it was the responsible thing for us to do, as a utility, to find out where we stand. We believe that at these levels, based on current science, that the water is completely safe for our customers," said Colorado Springs spokesman Steve Berry. "We don't want to create unnecessary alarm, but at the same time we have a responsibility as a municipal utility to communicate with our customers and let them know."

Of the twenty-seven municipalities to test their water supply, seventeen returned positive results. The water in Boston, Phoenix and Seattle all turned up crystal-clear.

What about the country's largest water provider, New York City?

The City Council called for an urgent-sounding emergency meeting in April to order the Department of Environmental Protection to test the city's water supply. In response, the D.E.P. declared: "the testing of finished tap water is not warranted at this time."

Drugs affect more drinking water [AP]
PREVIOUSLY: AP: 41 Million Americans Drink Water Contaminated With Antibiotics, Anti-Convulsants, Mood Stabilizers, And Sex Hormones
(Photo: mikelens)

According to US Airways policy, coffee and tea are $1, but bottled drinking water is $2. So, can you order tea and ask them to "hold the tea" and save a $1? Shouldn't you be able to get a boring old glass of water for free?

Jeanne Leblanc from the Hartford Courant thinks so:

It's hard to understand why the laws that require free potable water in such public places as movie theaters and amusement parks don't seem to apply to airlines. But then, it shouldn't have to be a law. It should just be a matter of common decency.
...
Now, I'm not saying US Airways should have to hand out free bottles of water, although that would be nice. I'm saying it should pour a cup of water out of a quart bottle for any passenger who's thirsty. And for no other reason than that they're thirsty.

US Airways says that if you're "desperately thirsty" and you don't have any money, they might give you some water... so that you don't try anything embarrassing like drinking out of the bathroom sinks.

“Frankly, [drinking from the sink is] just not classy,” a US Airways spokesperson told the Wall Street Journal.

So what do you think? Should there be non-fancy water for anyone who is thirsty?

US Airways' Fee Too Far [Courant]
Starting Today, No More Free Water on US Air [WSJ Middle Seat Blog]
(Photo: caseywest )

Johnson ordered 750 bicycles to be given to underprivileged kids at an event sponsored by the Andre Johnson Foundation — in return for the purchase, Wal-Mart agreed to donate water and ice for the May 3 event.

But there was a problem with the order, so Johnson ended up buying fewer bikes than planned. Wal-Mart countered by not giving the water and ice as promised. That's cold.

Wal-Mart is trying to rectify the situation. They tell TMZ, "We are reaching out to the Andre Johnson Foundation as we speak to rectify the situation. It's disappointing that this happened."

Wow, Walmart. Why don't you just laugh and twirl your mustache while you're refusing to give free water to needy children.

Classy!

NFL Star: Wal-Mart Left Kids Out in the Cold [TMZ]

The state did much more than fight to get Nestle the right to pump as much water as possible from the spring.
 
As an added incentive for Nestle, the state approved a tax refund of up to $1.68-million for the Madison bottling operation. To date, Nestle has received two refunds totaling $196,000 and requested a third tax refund.
 
Nestle had promised to create 300 jobs over five years. The most people it has ever employed was about 250. The number dropped to 205 late last year, 46 of them from Georgia, which Nestle defends as common for a work force along a state line.
 
The state estimated that the plant, which has a payroll of $6.5-million, would bring some $12-million a year in direct economic benefit to the county and the region.
 
The state says its work on behalf of Nestle was well worth it because the county was dealing with the shuttering of its other major economic engine, the meat-processing plant.
 
"This project was very important to the economic health of this rural county as the community recently suffered the closure of a major private-sector employer with the resulting loss of several hundred jobs," Page Bass, spokeswoman for the state Office of Tourism, Trade and Economic Development, said this month.
 
The Nestle plant opened in 2004. The Smithfield meat plant closed in 2006.

McClellan, the Nestle spokesman, said bottled-water companies should not be singled out.
 
"Treat us like any other user," he said. "People do not take bottled water and wash their dog. They do not wash their car with it. They drink it. That's the highest and best use of water."

I recently was forced to move for work. Considering the home market, it won't be a shock that I haven't been able to sell my own home. I'm still paying utilities since I need them on for showing the house. The city where I used to live recently raised the rates of the minimum water bill by about $35, making my new bill for zero gallons used a whopping $92.65 (this is New Mexico remember). This is not my issue though.

Among the "improvements" that have come with the rate increase has been new and improved water bills with return envelopes. I'm attaching a picture of the bill and the envelope. Look at it closely and think of what would happen if I put the bill in the return envelope, stamp it and send it off. I'll give you a hint, I'd waste a stamp and it'd come right back to me!

I sent an email about it last month to the "Deputy Village Manager" who assured me it would be fixed. It wasn't.

Sincerely,
Mark
Albuquerque, NM

Good Morning America

Anyway, not only does this extra water screw up a lot of recipes (the meat won't brown right, and roasted chickens end up soggy), it means 15% of the price of grocery store pork and chicken I am actually paying for water! (Mmmm, sizzling, juicy water.) Working this into the equation, the price per pound of actual meat for unadulterated pork and chicken at the natural foods co-op is not as high as it might seem.

Jenni

We did post a news story from NBC Augusta in which they squeezed a bunch of chicken and then figured out how much your average consumer was paying for "chicken water" each year. Guess how much it was? Did you guess? Ok, fine we'll tell you.

$60 a year. In chicken water. Yuck.

PREVIOUSLY: Are You Paying $60 A Year For Water Pumped Into Chicken?
(Photo:eggrollstan)

The confusion has put some companies in hot water. PepsiCo Inc.'s Aquafina brand and Coca-Cola Co.'s Dasani were slammed by consumer and environmental groups for failing to clearly note that their products came from water systems.

Aquafina, which adorns its bottles with a snow-capped mountain design, recently said it would revise its labels to include the phrase "public water sources." A Coca-Cola spokeswoman said there were no plans to put similar disclosures on Dasani bottles. Both companies cite local supplies as their water's source on their websites, though neither provides a detailed water quality analysis.

Right now, they don't have to. Bottled water is regulated as a food product by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, unlike public water systems, which fall under state regulation. The federal government doesn't demand the level of disclosure that the bill in Sacramento would.

Source of water would be clear under new law [L.A. Times]
(Photo: Getty Images)

The Today Show

A group called Corporate Accountability International has been pressuring bottled water sellers to curb what it calls misleading marketing practices. The group has criticized PepsiCo over its blue Aquafina label with a mountain logo as perpetuating the misconception that the water comes from spring sources.

Aquafina is the single biggest bottled water brand, and its bottles are now labeled "P.W.S." The new labels will spell out "public water source."

$11 billion of bottled water — combining spring water and purified tap water — was sold last year in the U.S. alone.

Aquafina Labels To Show Source: Tap Water [CBS News]
(Photo: gordasm)

As you recall, bottled water costs 1,000 times more than tap water. Places like New York have tap water just as good or better than bottled water. Add a home water filter, refrigeration, and the foresight to bring the water with you in, and bottled water starts to look pretty stupid.

Aquafina labels to spell out source - tap water [CNN] (Thanks to Jim!)
(Photo: Anthony, Baby)

Protecting Your Electronic Devices at the Beach [KABC]
(Photo: dan taylor)

Then we thought about how stupid it was to buy water from Fiji . Not that there's anything wrong with Fiji, but we don't need their water. We have water. So when we saw the following quote, we were glad we didn't buy water that had to be transported from Fiji.

And in Fiji, a state-of-the-art factory spins out more than a million bottles a day of the hippest bottled water on the U.S. market today, while more than half the people in Fiji do not have safe, reliable drinking water. Which means it is easier for the typical American in Beverly Hills or Baltimore to get a drink of safe, pure, refreshing Fiji water than it is for most people in Fiji.

Message in a Bottle [Fast Company via BoingBoing]
(Photo: rickabbo)

At the Southwest Airlines check-in counter, computers were covered in plastic. The baggage claim area on the lower level was cordoned off, and sawdust and puddles of water lined the floor.

Garbage cans and buckets were spread out in a large section of the baggage claim area, gathering water drops that continued to fall from ceiling tiles.

Sprinklers Douse People At LA Airport [CBS]
(Photo: Kenny Miller)

Should I buy bottled water?
You do not need to buy bottled water for health reasons in New York City since our water meets all federal and State health-based drinking water standards. Also, bottled water costs up to 1,000 times more than the City's drinking water.

Now, if we're talking about sparkling or seltzer water, that's a different story. We would pay good money to put a second faucet in our sink that dispenses carbonated water. — BEN POPKEN

(Photo: Spirit635)

Toilets know when to stop filling with water once the water reaches a certain level. By displacing that water with an object, you reduce the actual amount of water needed to tell the toilet it's ready for action. It's likely you don't need quite the full 1.6 gallons per flush (or whatever) 10-gallon hat, so to speak, to do the job fine.

Alternatively, you can install a lo-flow toilet. — BEN POPKEN

NBC Augusta had nothing to do one Friday night so they bought a bunch of chicken and analyzed the water content. Walmart "Pilgrim's Pride" chicken had the most water pumped into it, $0.60 worth. Other brands tested:

We paid $.46 for Perdue's water, $.43 for Springer Mountain Farms and the best deal on chicken water was Tyson, at only $.39.

Add all four packages up and we paid $1.88 for useless chicken water.

SPECIAL REPORT: Paying For Water In Your Chicken [NBC Augusta] (Thanks, Michael!)
(Photo: noricum)

The resort is operated for the state of New York by Colorado-based Xanterra Parks & Resorts, which decided to blend in the tap water after a hot water heater broke down. Twenty years ago.

The issue came to light when Eliot Spitzer, the new governor of New York, appointed new leadership at the parks deparment. Now Xanterra suddenly finds religion. "The public has a right to know the contents of the baths," a spokeswoman said.

Just be sure they don't start mixing in Aquafina — that's just tap water, too. — MARK ASHLEY

Officials confirm N.Y. mineral water spa diluted [USA Today]
(Photo: sqeulachdan)

I am sorry to hear of the problem you had with our product. The quality of our products - their content, performance and packaging - is very important to us. We have many quality control checkpoints along the manufacturing line because we want each of our brands to be in perfect condition when purchased by our consumers. I'm sharing your comments with the rest of our team.

Since the amount of help I can offer via email is limited, I'm following up with you by postal mail. Please allow 3-4 weeks for delivery of your replacement part (aerator).

Thanks for getting in touch with us.

Silvana,
PUR Team

The full email, after the jump...

I own a faucet mounted fixture — FM 3333 from the back of the unit. I noticed a leak at the bottom of the spigot when the filter was disengaged, so I tried to tighten the botom-most piece. I either over-tightened it or did something else wrong because I stripped the threads off of what appears to be the aerator. What do I need to do to get a replacement part?

Thank you,
StructuralPoke

I didn't expect a response really, but hey, thought I'd give it a try. I figured ~$2 for a new aerator was much better than ~$20 for a new setup. (Yes, we're cheap. We don't need our water filtered THAT much...) I received the following response on the 29th:

I am sorry to hear of the problem you had with our product. The quality of our products - their content, performance and packaging - is very important to us. We have many quality control checkpoints along the manufacturing line because we want each of our brands to be in perfect condition when purchased by our consumers. I'm sharing your comments with the rest of our team.

Since the amount of help I can offer via email is limited, I'm following up with you by postal mail. Please allow 3-4 weeks for delivery of your replacement part (aerator).

Thanks for getting in touch with us.

Silvana,
PUR Team

I was shocked I got a real response — especially that the aerator assembly would be arriving free. The new parts arrived yesterday. That's a really quick turnaround for a company in my opinion! Everything fit up correctly and we now have a properly functioning filter system.

What you say at The Consumerist is true. All you have to do is ask....

In case you were wondering, the Times tells us that this is because nearly everyone uses a bed and fewer people use bicycles. But you knew that. — MEGHANN MARCO(Thanks, Morgen!)

Who Americans Are and What They Do, in Census Data [New York Times]

Debtors with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt go uncollected. Since 1999, the city has had the power to shut of water to delinquent accounts, but has refrained. Their meters are so screwy it's uncertain they would be in the right, and they fear lawsuits.

Maybe Eliot, a reader who measured out a five gallon bucket of water every for six months as his sole source of water in an effort to prove the water department wrong, wasn't so crazy after all... — BEN POPKEN

City Fails to Collect Millions in Water Bills [NYT]

These midnight discussions are so fun...we know you'd never want them to end, but you can fix the inner workings of your toilet (for good) without buying a whole new one or even hiring a plumber. Yes! You can! Even you!

From DIY site Curbly:
"Just because your toilet runs a little doesn't mean you need a new one. Of course, if it's cracked or ugly, have at it. But more than likely it just needs some new mechanical parts inside, all of which are easy to install. Why pay a plumber a minimum of $100 for something you can fix on your own for $20?"

So get to it, and never have to get out of bed to fix a running toilet again. —MEGHANN MARCO

Unless it's cracked or ugly: don't replace that old toilet, fix it! [Curbly via Lifehacker]

Dan Lockton's Architectures of Control in Design has a neat riff on our Save A Wet Cellphone post.

Dan says, "As a designer, I would much prefer to look at the problem as "How can we improve the sealing of phones so that water ingress is no longer a major problem?" than "How can we design something to cover our backs and shift all the blame onto the user for our design fault?"

He adds, "Good designers may fix problems, but great designers prevent problems."

Unfortunately, none of the latter seem to be in the employ of cellphone manufacturers.

No! Thankfully, there's actually a process to the utility bill dispute. If only we'd known. Oh well, Mickey's parole hearing is in a month and he's been on his best behavior.

Details, inside.

Bankrate.com has the full report. Here are some highlights:

1. Start with the source. Gather all your bills, account numbers, passwords, small children, pets, diet pills and a notebook to write down the customer service representative's information. Figure out what you're willing to pay—but be realistic. Don't expect Ed McMahon with a big ass check. Also, call when it's not busy and don't be a jerk to the customer service person. Be polite, but firm. Take down all the customer service person's info BEFORE you start the call. That way, when they act like a jerk, you don't have to say, "Ok, douchebag what's your name? I'm tellin' mom!" You already know.

2. Get an advocate. "You can locate your state's public utilities commission, which oversees utility companies, or get help through the National Association of State Utility Advocates (NASUCA). This organization represents the interest of utility consumers before state and federal regulators in court."

"At the commission you can have an informal investigation and if you are not satisfied you can file a formal complaint," says Janine L. Migden-Ostrander, Ohio Consumers' Counsel.

There you have it. If your utility overcharged you, don't just sit there and take it!

[via BankRate.com]

Related: The $27,933.55 Gas Bill

Even though he only had moderate usage, the water meter showed 265 gallons a day. Repeated meter replacements and entreaties to the water company were of no avail.

So Elliot switched to using a measured 5 gallon bucket of water every day for kitchen and bath sink and tub. For six months. The water meter eventually declined... to 11 gallons a day.

At the end of six months, he showed the water company the irrefutable proof that their meter was off. They agreed to repay him for several years worth of overcharging.

And now, without explanation, all billing has ceased. His water flows freely. Elliot writes:

Elliot's full letter, inside.

Elliot writes:

Although Max's taste buds seem more superhumanly developed than our own (he claims to be able to taste whether or not a less-than-fresh dish towel has been used to wipe out a glass; I, on the other hand, have been known to use old pairs of underpants to dry dishes), it wasn't really the taste of the Poland Spring Water going bad that he noticed, although his roommates complained.

Rather, it was the stench of it. "I'm talking jock-strap/arm pit bacteria party where everyone was invited. Pouring out the rest of the bottle was like pouring out stale milk and I nearly gagged as the gurgling cess-pool flowed down the drain," Max writes. In a couple of days, an open bottle of what Poland Springs would have you believe is some of the purest water on earth turned into primordial ooze.

Max's email, after the jump.

I'm a college student in New York City and last year, my roommates and I decided it was in our best interest to arrange for a water delivery service.

We left it up to the third mate, who decided that poland spring was the most cost effective solution. We all pitched in and in a few dyas, our water cooler was delivered. Despite being the wrong color (we had paid extra for the stainless steel model and recieved the black plastic model instead), and never actually yielding hot water from the hot water spout, everything seemed to be going fine. After a few weeks of fine-tuning the number of bottles we needed between the three of us, it became a regular part of our daily grind, and the only times we thought anything of the system was once every month when we would drag the empty bottles downstairs to be exchanged.

Both of my roommates had at times expressed concern that the water was not tasting fresh. Being perpetually stuffed up myself, I could not taste anything off and felt they were just being paranoid. And I figured, the bottles being plastic and the cooler nearly new, it may have just been a slight "new car smell" that was somehow acceptable in a new water cooler. Anyways, we all seemed to get used to it and we had the service all of last year.

THis past summer, the roommate who orchestrated the transation with Poland Spring decided to move elsewhere. He took the cooloer with him, and as such we recieved 6 five gallon bottles two weeks ago and have no good way to use them. We opened a bottle and carefully poured directly into our glasses as this was our only source of clean water. It worked fine, but one day I noticed that the water in my glass was tasting a bit off. I poured out the glass and rinsed it, assuming that we had used a less-than-fresh dish towel when we last dried the dishes. I refilled it. Still very off-taste; sort of like a pond scum smell.

This suggested that I smell the inside of the poland spring bottle. Wowee did that stink. Taking a whiff inside the neck of the bottle was like smelling a locker room fresh after the football team scrubbed their feet in the showers. I'm talking jock-strap/arm pit bacteria party where everyone was invited. Pouring out the rest of the bottle was like pouring out stale milk and I nearly gagged as the gurgling cess-pool flowed down the drain. It's now a few days later and already the second bottle has gone bad. This water is being stored with the caps on the bottle when not being used, and the bottles are not being exposed to any kind of direct sunlight. OS then, why is this water rotting? I think Poland Spring has some quality control issues.

We have since cancelled our contract with Poland Spring and have bought a Pur Water filter to attatch to our sink, which hopefully will yield cleaner, tastier water, is cheaper, and will be a more fluid (forgive the oun) solution (hahahaha I crack myself up) to our liquid issues. (that sound wrong) What's in your water?

1) How were they mopping the floor?
2) How were they cleaning the counters?
3) How were they washing the dishes?
4) How were they washing their hands after taking dump?

I imagine the answer, much to our horror, is the same solution I turned to when my water was turned off: Windex everything.

When Bunny called Hardee's Corporate and asked them how one of their restaurants could possibly be doing business without running water, they responded: "That's a very good question." Isn't it, though?

Bunny's email, after the jump.

There's a Hardee's down the street from where I work that I am positive only turns a profit at all because it is much easier to turn right off of Main Street. I head there every once in awhile when I have to leave the house too quickly to have a delicious bowl of Frankenberry, the cereal specifically made for grown ups whose parents never let them eat it. Some sort of temporal cereal paradox marketing strategy, but I digress.

This morning the local Hardee's was taking a little extra time to get the food together. I ordered a breakfast burrito combo with a Diet Coke, only to be told that they were completely out of soft drinks. Ooookay. Specifically: "We are out of fountain drinks, but we do have tea and orange juice." Odd. Perhaps they were robbed. Perhaps there was a gigantic ordering screw-up. Things happen. I shrug, get my total, and pull around.

I wait at the window for a good five minutes once I get there, watching the nice little old lady who works there puttering about randomly. I am not sure if this is true for all Hardee's stores, but this one seems to attract the extremely elderly in droves. It's like a very subdued version of Dawn of the Dead in there.

Finally a shaking hand delivers me a sack of foodstuffs, and an apology. "Sorry about the wait. We've had our water turned off - they didn't get our check on time - and it is very tough for the store to function without it." No worries! Been in that situation before myself! With a cheery wave, I drive off.

And then I make the mistake of thinking. How are these people washing their hands? Moping the floor? Cleaning the counters? Washing dishes? How the hell can a restaurant run without water!? The restrooms alone must be hideous! Granted, 95% of this location's customers either have bag or diaper bathroom solutions in effect, but it only takes 5% to make a waterless bathroom a nightmare.

Wait, did she say they had tea? How the hell are they making tea!?

I ended up calling Hardee's corporate to ask, "How can one of your stores operate without water?" Their reply? "That's a really good question." They passed my concerns upwards and are mailing me some free coupons for food that I don't think I can ever imagine eating again. If that old cashier only told me as an afterthought, how many people didn't know at all? Does this sort of thing happen a lot?

On a positive note, my mother suggested I eat the food and then poop in a cup if I get sick. My mom rocks.

The baby's mother was denied the right to bring bottles of diluted orange juice onto the plane because of the ban. Moreover, because the baby didn't have his own seat, but sat on his mother's lap, he was also denied food and drink by Delta.

And that's the part of the story that's really odd: even though they were paid for the carry-on infant, Delta apparently didn't think it was worthwhile to feed or hydrate him. Even odder, Delta's UK office isn't even bothering to deny this. Another odd wrinkle: even if that's the case, why couldn't this woman fed her son some of her food?

Delta Airlines should just start spraying down their travelers with salt before they get on the flight and be done with it. Or perhaps comp travelers with a free can of Bernard's Dehydrated Water when they come on board.

Mother plans to sue US airline over fluids ban after toddler dehydrates [Irish Examiner]

Read the Oozinator thread to see why we cream over this Super Soaker squirt gun.

Just replace the tasty treats with prostitutes.

Troy Anderson, a 74-year-old Waldron resident, is expected to turn himself over to the sheriff's office later Wednesday.

According to police, Anderson forced individuals to have sex with him in exchange for money and, in some instances, free hook-ups to the city's water supply.

Anderson is also running for Scott County judge.

Gawd, they must be thirsty in Arkansas—for Justice!

[via 14WFIE]

Anyway, who's laughing now? Brave Patriots within the National Academy of Sciences report that the fluoride levels in the drinking water of one in every fifteen hundred Americans actually leads to brittler bones and tooth disorders like enamel fluorosis, turning the beautiful smiles of thousands of Americans into the hideous, brown-toothed leers. Black teeth and contorted, inhuman physiques? Those pinkos were turning us into filthy Reds from the inside out!

"The bottom line from the nation's top voice on science is that you can protect your children's teeth by brushing them and you can protect their bones by getting rid of fluoride in tap water," said Tim Kropp, the group's senior scientist. Yes... and you can protect children from the lurking Communist menace by nuking Russia. All very sound advice.

Too much fluoride in water endangers bones [Yahoo News]