FTD Thinks ‘A Different Vase Is OK’ And ‘Change The Flowers Entirely’ Mean The Same Thing

The same thing. Right?

At high-volume times like Valentine’s Day, and at any other time, really, flower-delivery services like FTD reserve the right to substitute something similar if they don’t have the exact item in stock that you want. Mark was upset shortly after Valentine’s Day because he ordered an arrangement that had a purple container, purple flowers, and some white lilies in it. Purple is her favorite color, you see, and lilies are her favorite flower. Isn’t Mark thoughtful? Speaking for the ladies of America, he is. He’s also really mad. [More]

Not the flowers! Noooo!

Thief Dressed As Deliveryman Walks Out Of Florist With 21 Bouquets On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a chaotic time for florists, with temporary help mixing with regular staff to get everything delivered on time and to the right recipient. (Well, mostly.) In Chicago, one busy florist claims that a man took advantage of the floral fracas to walk off with 21 flower arrangements worth a total of $2,000. [More]

One of these things is not like the other

The 2013 Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent

This year, the major national flower-distribution networks were just as busy as usual on Valentine’s Day. Busy being terrible at their jobs. Maybe the vast majority of flower arrangements ended up where they were supposed to and looked more or less correct, but it’s the outliers that make both senders and recipients feel like crap. When the vast floral-industrial complex markets to us with the message that the quality of the flowers we send or receive is a proxy for the quality of our love, then they should go out of their way not to screw that up for us. Right? [More]

1-800 Flowers is doing a lot of apologizing today.

Twitter Feeds For 1-800 Flowers, FTD Are Apologizing More Than Boyfriends Who Screwed Up Valentine’s Day

We’ve shown you some Valentine’s Day disasters from one floral delivery service, and we’re sorting through the many photos sent in by angry customers of other companies. But if you want to see just how peeved customers are, look no further than the Twitter feeds for FTD and 1-800 Flowers. [More]

Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent: The 2013 Entries From Proflowers

Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent: The 2013 Entries From Proflowers

When Proflowers isn’t accusing people of bigamy, Proflowers is apparently busy really, really disappointing girlfriends. So far today we’ve received two reports of the company dispatching really subpar roses. What the recipients actually got is nice and all, but not what the sender paid for. [More]

(Reddit)

IKEA Wants You To Make A Baby Today, Offering Free Cribs To Kids Born 9 Months From Now

Today is a day of love, affection, chocolates, roses, cards and a bunch of other romantic whatnot. But for folks in parts of Australia whose Valentine’s Day fun results in offspring, IKEA is offering up free furniture. [More]

(Chris Rief aka Spodie Odie)

“Let’s Read” And 8 Other Retired Sayings Your Sweetheart Candies Won’t Say Today

While we’re unsure if anyone has secured a promise of love or even a date by way of candy heart in the 147 years since Sweetheart candies have been around, we are pretty darn certain that such a thing has never been accomplished via fax. Which is why the makers of the iconic heart candies, Necco, has retired plenty of sayings in the past. Somehow “FAX ME,” “LET’S READ” and “YOU ARE GAY” failed to inspire romantic ardor, it seems. [More]

Tell Trader Joe's you'd rather have your meat sans antibiotics.

Trader Joe’s Fans Ask Store To Stop Selling Drugged-Up Meat

Trader Joe’s has a lot of fans who evangelize on behalf of the food and service at the grocery store chain, but some of those same superfans are asking their favorite food fix to please stop selling meat full of antibiotics. [More]

One of these things is greener than the other.

FTD Kicks Off The Valentine’s Day Disappointment Season With Subpar Roses On February 11th

Alex tried to beat the rush. He had a dozen roses delivered to his lady’s workplace on Monday, February 11th, paying $96 for the privilege. Whatever he expected, it was not what appears in the photo that he sent: even properly lit, there’s a lot more green and a lot less luscious red rose in that picture than there should be. [More]

(BBC)

If You Really Loved Me, You’d Give Me Candy Shaped Like Your Face

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and around the world, people are turning their thoughts toward love. Sweet, sweet delicious edible love shaped like someone’s head. Wait, what? No, the zombie epidemic isn’t finally upon us (yet), but technology has made it possible to ingest the chocolate facsimile of a loved one. [More]

(Ed Yourdon)

Lawyer Knows The Best Time To Give Someone A Free Divorce Is On Valentine’s Day

While we’re sure there are plenty of people out there who are just over the moon with joy that Valentine’s Day is almost here (“Hearts! Chocolate! Squee!” etc.), there are those of us who dread that day’s arrival with every fiber of our being. For that second set, a Michigan lawyer has come up with a genius way to give someone a Valentine’s gift they actually need — a free divorce. [More]

Nothing says "I just realized today is Feb. 14" like a pink stuffed bear.

Forget Christmas. This Kmart Has Already Moved On To Valentine’s Day

By now, you’re all familiar with Christmas Creep, the insidious inching of the holiday shopping season earlier and earlier into the year. But there’s a lesser-known holiday creep that is already showing up on the shelves of at least one retailer. [More]

Papa John's Heart-Shaped Pizza Looks More Like Anatomical Heart

Papa John's Heart-Shaped Pizza Looks More Like Anatomical Heart

Everyone knows that “heart-shaped” items don’t look anything like the big lump of muscle in mammals’ chests that pumps blood around. But heart-shaped things are cute. Every year, Papa John’s tries to produce a heart-shaped pizza. And every year, it’s a heart-clogger shaped more like an actual anatomical heart. Mozzarella cheese is a cruel medium. [More]

Four More Sad Florist Tales From The Garden Of Discontent

Four More Sad Florist Tales From The Garden Of Discontent

Closed lilies, not-so-fresh blooms, and two flower arrangements that never showed up, leaving disappointed girlfriends in their wake. Delivering the flowers a day late is better than not at all…but not when you paid extra to make sure your significant other knows that you didn’t forget to wow her on the 14th. Welcome to the third and final installment of this year’s Valentine’s Day Garden of Discontent. [More]

The 2012 Valentine's Day Garden Of Discontent

The 2012 Valentine's Day Garden Of Discontent

On Valentine’s Day, we are expected to show loved ones how much they mean to us by giving them dead plants. For extra style points, we pay strangers to bring these dead plants to the recipient for us. However, florists are unfathomably busy on Valentine’s Day. So busy that we almost feel bad criticizing when things go wrong. Almost. The Consumerist’s annual Valentine’s Day Garden of Discontent is a collection of flower or gift deliveries that aren’t what the recipient had in mind. Such as calling your fianc√©e a whore. [More]

Fast Food Restaurants Seek To Fan The Flames Of Love This Valentine's Day

Besides the fact that it’s Tuesday, today also happens to be Valentine’s Day. And although we already told you to stay home for dinner, you and your loved one might have the sudden urge for a last-minute meal on the town. Reservations at Chateau Fancy might be hard to come by, but fast food will always be there for you. [More]

Looking For Love In All The Electronic Places: Older People Now Really Getting Into Online Dating

It wouldn’t be Valentine’s Day week without the prerequisite romance and dating news crawling out to remind everyone that yes, there are single people in the world, and they’re looking for love. And guess what? It’s not just you young kids surfing the net for a match, as a new study says the fastest growing age group in online dating are those over 60. [More]

Nothing Says Romance Like A Valentine's Day Tour Of A Sewage Plant

Traditional Valentine’s Day celebrations might smell of flowers, delicate perfume and the aroma of chocolate wafting through the air as you sit in front of a roaring fireplace and pledge eternal devotion, but who needs those meaningless gestures when you and your loved one can breathe in the scent of sewage during a tour of a wastewater treatment plant? [More]