No Carnival news ever seems to be good.

These are the kinds of stories you never want to hear: Two passengers aboard the Carnival cruise ship Spirit have reportedly gone missing, and are feared to be lost at sea near Australia. According to reports, there aren’t any lifesavers missing, which would indicate one of them had tried to rescue the other. Even worse, the couple was said to have gone overboard in shark-infested waters. [via AFP]

(Great Beyond)

Minnesota Hospital Apologizes For Misplacing Body Of Stillborn Infant In The Laundry

A Minnesota hospital has the weighty task today of explaining, and subsequently apologizing, as to how the body of a stillborn infant went missing from the morgue, only to show up at a laundry service miles away. Officials say they still have questions about the sequence of events that led to the unfortunate handling and discovery of the body. [More]

If You Visit Venezuela, Please Bring Us Back A Penisphone

If You Visit Venezuela, Please Bring Us Back A Penisphone

That rascal Hugo Chavez! First he uses a photo op with President Obama to hawk his new a book, and now he’s on Venezuelan TV urging his citizens to buy a new Vergatario cellphone. For those not up on Spanish slang, that’s equivalent to buying a Dickarama here in the states.

No, You Should Not Launch An E.E.C.B. Against Your Own Employer

No, You Should Not Launch An E.E.C.B. Against Your Own Employer

Do not launch an Executive Email Carpet Bomb against your own company or it will explode in your face. Reader E discovered this the hard way when he tried to use an E.E.C.B. to convince the bank where he worked to reverse $300 worth of overdraft fees.

http://consumerist.com/2009/01/22/this-terrible-terrible-commercial-for/

This terrible, terrible commercial for Lenovo’s new laptop is clearly meant to go viral a la Songsmith, but someone forgot that it should be amusing and not just cringe-inducing. You got your viral on, Lenovo, but now your new slogan is “That’s What She Said.” [YouTube via Engadget]

http://consumerist.com/2008/09/20/what-sort-of-ad-do/

What sort of ad do you run next to a full-page PSA that says, “My sister accidentally killed herself”? Probably not this one. [FAIL Blog] (Thanks to theblackdog!)

Hey Burger King, This Cigarette Lighter Makes A Less-Than-Ideal Kid's Meal Toy

Hey Burger King, This Cigarette Lighter Makes A Less-Than-Ideal Kid's Meal Toy

Walmart Takes Phallic "Fun Straws" Seriously

Walmart Takes Phallic "Fun Straws" Seriously

BONUS: WSAZ launched a classy investigation into the incident, which appears after the jump.

"This Sprm Croisnt Sure Is Messy!"

"This Sprm Croisnt Sure Is Messy!"

Okay, we promise not to post anymore stupid receipt stories… unless another one is sent our way that makes us laugh, and then we’ll probably just quicklink it since this post completes the rule of three. A reader ordered a “Supreme Croissant” from Jack in the Box and saw that it was abbreviated in an unfortunate manner on the confirmation screen—and then printed on the receipt too. “When it came up on the ‘confirmation screen’ at the order board, I thought, ‘Gee, there have to be at least three better ways to abbreviate ‘supreme’.’”

Walmart Ignores Widow's Letter Asking Why It Took Employees 9 Hours To Find Her Husband's Body In A Bathroom Stall

Walmart Ignores Widow's Letter Asking Why It Took Employees 9 Hours To Find Her Husband's Body In A Bathroom Stall

Karen Turner wants to know why Walmart employees told her that their bathroom stalls were unoccupied, even though they contained the body of Karen’s husband, 41-year-old airline mechanic Steven Turner. Karen needlessly spent hours searching for her husband, who went missing after dropping off his car that morning for an oil change. Walmart has yet to respond to a letter Karen sent in September. No condolences, no explanation. Nothing but silence.