Slap on a $1-off "Manager's Special" sticker, obviously!

(Thanks to M!)

Last year, a rat head surprised a Utah woman when she opened her can of Allen's Italian Green Beans. That rat head earned its finder, Marianne Watson, an offer of $100 if she agreed to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which she didn't.

Despite the bribes, Allen's has nothing but confidence in their canning process:

Dear Mr. (redacted)

We are aware of the recent allegations regarding our product. However, we can confirm that the details released by the media are not accurate. We have spoken with the gentleman making the allegations but as of this date, none of the allegations have been confirmed as fact. What we can tell you is that because green beans grow out-of-doors and must be harvested by mechanical pickers close to the ground, it is not uncommon that field debris, insects and field pests may be present in the product when it is harvested and delivered to our plant for processing. Realizing this, we have equipped our production lines to rigorously wash and inspect raw product a half dozen times. Before filling the cans, they are inverted and steam flushed to assure cleanliness. The product is then filled into the cans with liquid, capped and cooked to the level of Pasteurization right inside the hermetically sealed cans, rendering the complete contents of the can commercially sterile. We utilize extensive quality control measures including technologically advanced equipment and trained inspectors. Just a few of the processes we utilize are quality checkpoints including blowers, de-stoning equipment, high pressure washers, metal detection and technically sensitive equipment, which scans the product for color and texture variances, rejecting any off-color object. Our company exceeds all FDA Requirements for food processing. In addition, we are constantly exploring new processes to improve our quality.

Quite honestly, we are at a loss to explain how something like this could have escaped our quality control measures and could have gotten through the rigorous quality process and into a can of our product. We want to assure you that our plants are extremely clean and our processes quite thorough. Allens places strong emphasis on quality assurance, utilizing competent, well-trained people and the best equipment in our plants and Corporate Laboratory. Our company packs millions of cans of product each year and I want to assure you that an incident such as this is extremely rare.

Although we have not had a chance to fully investigate this matter nor hear back on the results from the independent laboratory, we do know and can confirm scientifically that had there been any foreign material inside of the can, due to the stringent cooking process, the complete contents of the can would have been commercially sterile and would not have posed any sort of health hazard or threat to the public. Again, the Pasteurization process renders the product sterile and completely safe for consumption. While it is our goal that our products be aesthetically pleasing to our Customers, incidents such as this pose no health hazard or risk. Obviously this is a raw commodity grown in a field and as such, is subject to exposures that occur within nature. The FDA governs our processes and recognizes that there is no measure within the canning industry to prevent incidents of foreign material from entering the product 100% of the time.

Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding your concerns. We sincerely hope that you will give our Company another chance.

Sincerely,

Kathy Turner
Manager, Consumer Relations
Corporate Services Department
ALLENS, INC.
PO Box 250
Siloam Springs, AR 72761
kturner@allens.com

As for Walmart... well, according to spokesman Phillip Keene:

Food safety is a top priority at Wal-Mart. We take customer concerns seriously.

Man who found rat head in beans says canner told him contents of can would have been safe to consume [Beaumont Enterprise]
Utah Woman Also Finds Rat Head In Green Bean Can [KFDM]
(Photo: KFDM)

Gummi Lighthouses [Buzzfeed]

PREVIOUSLY: Del Monte Dog Treats Are Highly Inappropriate

Alex writes:

This morning, my girlfriend made a quick run through her local Marysville, CA, McDonald's drive-thru to get a McGriddle Happy Meal for her three-year old. When pulling away from the restaurant, she heard a cry from the back seat. Her son's McGriddle, it appeared, was missing its sausage patty. Annoyed that yet another drive-thru order was bungled, she went into the restaurant to retrieve the missing meat. When she told the manager of the meat-less McGriddle, the manager replied that the McGriddles in the Happy Meals do not come with sausage, just two syrupy buns wrapped in paper. Seriously. Despite charging regular McGriddle prices, their kids' McGriddles arrive sans meat. SANS MEAT! So, my gf complained obviously, but this manager wouldn't budge, not even for the sake of the most base customer service, not even in the face of common sense, not even with a wailing three-year old in her store. She flat-out refused to hand over a a slice of meat that probably cost McD's pennies to pump out of their patty making plant.

I get that shoddy service at mammoth chains like McDs is pretty much the norm, but I'm absolutely perplexed as to why this store would turn logic on its head by packing two buns into a wrapper and call it a McGriddle, then refuse a customer's reasonable request for a tiny slab of cheap-ass meat.

We looked at McDonald's website to try to find a meatless McGriddle meal — but couldn't find nutritional information for such a thing. We asked Alex for some more info:

I believe the McGriddle Happy Meals are only available at certain locations. For example, the closest McDonald's to me in Rancho Cucamonga, CA, has had the meals since the McGriddles were introduced in 2003. (Comes with the usual: choice of drink, toy, hashbrowns, and sausage-enhanced sandwich.) However, the Gorman, CA, McDonald's doesn't carry them at all.

The Marysville location does indeed carry the item on their menu. On the drive-thru menu, it notes the meal comes with "two griddle cakes," but I can't imagine anyone assuming that the sandwich they were purchasing for their kids would solely consist of two syrup-drenched "cakes" without a slice of meat. It's tons misleading, and mind-bogglingly stupid to even make this a Happy Meal-exclusive menu item [and while the sausage McGriddles are a quick find on mcdonalds.com, the nutritional info. for these "cakes" only appears as part of the sausage mcgriddle sandwich. Here's the description from the site: "McGriddles® breakfast sandwiches provide an innovative way for customers to eat warm golden griddle cakes (with the sweet taste of maple syrup baked right in), and different combinations of savory sausage, crispy bacon, fluffy eggs and melted cheese in a convenient sandwich."]

Seriously, who orders a McGriddle without expecting meat?

Yeah, why wouldn't you just order Hotcakes?

Reader Christina wants to know why there's black schmutz all over her Aunt Mille's homestyle seeded Italian bread.

She writes:

On Wednesday I went to Meijer to purchase bread. I purchased Aunt Millie's (Home style seeded Italian) because they were out of my regular brand (why the heck not its HFCS free) When I got home I wanted to make myself a sandwich,but to my surprise I found some mystery black stuff on my bread in diagonal slashes. At first I thought is was mold but looks more like residue stuff from some machinery.

We'd take the high fructose corn syrup over the bread-staining industrial gunk. Can anyone identify the mystery marks?

The circumstances of the chipped tooth are especially sad: the man, James Fetters, and his wife had been at a wake, and stopped at Outback for some food on their way home. When his wife felt too upset to eat the soup she had ordered, Fetters began to eat the soup, only to chomp down on the metal bolt. Outback has offered to pay for the repairs to the man's tooth, although Fetters says they have been uncooperative.

Man Chips Tooth on Bolt in Restaurant, Outback Plans to Pay for Dental Work [Naples News] (Thanks to Reid!)
(Photo: Getty)

Looks like Applebees in Lexington, VA doesn't believe in truth in advertising. Compare the menu's Hot Fudge Sundae shooter, which fills the glass and spills over the top, to the Sundae they served me, which barely fills half the cup. I guess I didn't get my two dollar's worth.

Beware diners, the inflation-powered Grocery Shrink Ray has escaped from store shelves and is now lurking in restaurant kitchens. It is destined to terrorize the masses until Ben Bernanke angrily rises in opposition after being served an equally disappointing dessert.

I'm willing to concede that the stray rodent skull or giant metal clamp will occasionally slip past the most vigilant of inspectors, but I would think that even a less-than-diligent employee would notice he just lost a glove. For one thing, his hand would probably get cold. And someone should have noticed a giant gray object in a box of leafy greens. We advised Justin to get in touch with Earthbound Farm and let them know that their salads are not children's cereal, and should not come with a treat.

Organic Glove [justinthecity]

Here's how Sabrina tells the story:

So there I was....eating a bowl of Cranberry Granola cereal a couple nights ago when I chomp down on a hard mass. The cereal is rather chunky and nutty, like most granola is, so i figured it was just a shell of a nut that snuck in there....WRONG!!

I proceeded to pull it out of my mouth only to find something that resembled a bone of sorts. I turned it over and discovered it had TEETH! A lot of them. Too small big to be mouse teeth. I am thinking rat, chipmunk or squirrel!

I started dry heaving immediately! I can't believe this was happening. I think I am still in shock! Thank goodness I didn't crack my back molar. I did cut a portion of my gum line...but nothing major. My jaw hurt for the rest of the night....and my stomach turned for the rest of the night and into the next day.

I cannot believe I was biting down on the head/jaw bone and teeth of a nasty rodent!
What do you do in a situation like this! I was not hurt...so I am not sure I even have a case. This is just so awful though! I am nauseous just thinking about it!

The company is "Bakery on Main" natural gourment. The cereal was nutty cranberry maple granola. This is an organic company out of connecticut.

Yesterday I brought the the bone and packaging to Hannaford ( the grocery store where i bought it). I was very polite and explained to them what happened. I didnt want to give the bone to anyone just yet...but they said as part of their "process" they needed the package and bone to seal up and send to headquarters. I was uneasy about it at first...but realized that everything was going to be properly documented. She doubled my money back.

When i got home...I called "Bakery on Main" and spoke to them. They were very apologetic and offered me TONS of free cereal products...BUT....I declined. I think I will be very weary about eating cereal for quite a while and the thought of eating any at this point makes me nauseous. He then offered me a hannaford gift card. I said that was kind of him...and whatever he felt he should do is fine. I was very polite with him...it wasn't his fault what happened. He said the farmers he gets grains from is what was most likely the issue. The scanning systems pick up metal and such, and bone is harder to find I guess. I told him I am fine aside from a cut on my gum line. Either way this is terribly disturbing. I chewed on remains of a rodent head!!! I told him that Hannaford will be contacting him as well. I asked if he wanted to see pictures..and emailed them to him.

So that is the action I have taken. I am still in shock by what i found. It is too bad...I really liked their products!

RELATED: Dancing Deer And The Metal Spear

From Photocritic's "secrets" article:

Here's some of what you may find on their shopping lists, and at least one reason each has its rightful place in the photog's apron pocket:

Blowtorch, for browning the edges of raw hamburger patties, the goose-bumpy skins of nearly raw poultry, and hot dogs. (Caution: simmer hot dogs for a while before torching, unless your goal is an action shot of a pink-meat food explosion.)

Motor oil, as a stand-in for unphotogenic syrups.

Glycerin, along with various sizes of artist's paintbrushes (to make seafood look like it was just caught that morning) and a misting bottle (to spritz lettuce salads, giving them that just-picked-and-rinsed look).

"werbung gegen realität" [Pundo3000] (Thanks to Ben!)
"The dirty tricks of food photographers" [photocritic.org]
(Photo: Pundo3000)

Went to Ihop yesterday, here is the feed back I just sent them through their website.

We went to this location on my birthday. After ordering my wife (sitting across from me was staring into the food prep counter area) asked me "What's he doing?" I looked, an employee was standing on a ladder scrubbing the acoustic ceiling tiles! I turned back to my wife, who then said "I don't think I can eat here." The waitress walked by and asked the person cleaning the ceiling over warming counter/pass through to step down off the counter (he had moved to standing on the counter as he was cleaning) she then brought our food down from the counter above and set it right where he had been standing! The hostess/manager walked into the prep area at time time.

My wife and I got up saying no way would we eat there. The manager who we believe had already been alerted to our conversation by my wife cried out "He wasn't cleaning!" to which my wife told the manager "Don't lie to us! We watched him scrubbing it and spraying cleaner over our food and the counter!" The manager then told the cleaning person to move to the other end of the food prep counter to clean the ceiling there! It's only 20 feet at most and more likely 15 or less so he still would have been endangering dropping dirt, dust, mold, mildew etc. into the food product in addition to all the open bins built into the counter he had doubtless already contaminated.

The manager volunteered to remake our food. I told the manager we would never be eating in her restaurant again. We walked up to the register as we were having this discussion and ask for them to let us pay for our teas so we could leave to which they replied not to worry about it.

I have seen disgusting conditions before, but for the restaurant to create them itself and the manager to outright try to LIE to us was inexcusable! If I hadn't been so shocked at the time I should have used my wife's phone to videotape the action and share it with the world! I certainly hope you take a long hard look at that location and the staff employed there.

It's a really nice, really honest response.

As severely stupid as the manager's mistake was, if we received an apology letter like that, we might actually eat there again. The general manager was obviously as horrified as Richard was!

"If' it's from a machine. If it's a practical joke. Well, it's not really funny just because if there's small pieces," explained mom Karen Kader

Kader purchased the sesame chicken frozen entree two weeks prior at a local Aldi store.

"I was trying to explain to [my daughter Ashley] that this is more meatier and stick to your bones more than this it's heavier. Little did we know why," said Kader

As for Ashley, she seemed more fazed that the preparation instructions didn't include a contingency for metal clamps:

It disturbed me that, for one, I wouldn't haven't eaten it anyway—but I was going to give my sister food and I can't microwave this with metal in it.

Helen writes: "I had some friends over for dinner last night, and didn't feel like making dessert from scratch so I bought a package of Dancing Deer brand blondies (they're advertised as organic, all-natural, etc. etc.) to serve instead. So after dinner I opened the package, took out the top three blondie bars, cut them in half to be a bit more normal-sized, and set them out on a plate. Everyone loved theirs, but when I bit into mine — it bit back. I pulled it out of my mouth to find a two-inch-long. quarter-inch cylinder of metal baked right into the damn thing."

Of course I documented it with a digital camera and a ruler, and I kept all the packaging, the uneaten blondies, and the piece of metal itself. Today I called Dancing Deer and spoke to their Quality Assurance person, Anne Zielinski, who — while very nice — at no point apologized (I guess this is a legal thing?), though she took down my personal information and said she would be sending me a mailing kit so I could return to them the metal, the packaging, and the remaining product.

A couple of my less scrupulous friends are urging me to sue Dancing Deer for whatever they've got, but that's probably not going to happen: I like their products, I wasn't hurt, and I don't want to lie and say I was. At the same time, Dancing Deer hasn't offered me *anything* - an apology, money, products, coupons, even a refund - and I'm not sure what I deserve here. What's the protocol for this? What happens next?

Two weeks after speaking with quality assurance staffer Zielinski, Helen has yet to receive the promised return kit or an apology, and two messages left with Dancing Deer have gone unreturned. The blondie-encrusted cylinder is sitting idly in a sealed container. Tell us, dear Consumerists, what, beyond an apology and a few freebies, should Helen reasonably expect?

Update: Helen reports a happy ending: "Actually, I spoke to Anne Zielinski again yesterday (finally got through!) and she was very apologetic about them, in her words, "dropping the ball." She said she would send over the UPS kit right away, along with lots of cookies. I'm feeling much better about everything :)"

GIANT METAL STICK [flickr]

(Photo:Marike79)

"The chicken was indeed frozen hard as a rock."

Shhh, you're just imagining things. If the label says it was never frozen, it was never frozen. Pay no attention to all that ice.

(Photo:Thanks, Richard!)

Zach writes:

My wife just opened a bag of spinach she bought at Whole Foods. As she was draining it, she found a bird feather (she's a biologist, so we're confident in her finding).

We've got stock in Whole Foods too, so we have no axe to grind, but were a little upset at how the customer service rep handled it (no concern about feathers being in other bags, saying "you'd be surprised at how much stuff people find in their food").

To complete the story, the next day my wife returned the feathered spinach to Whole Foods. The manager said that they'd pulled the spinach from the shelf and notified other area stores about the problem. My wife confirmed that there was no frozen chopped spinach available in the store. When she asked a person stocking shelves where she could find it, he said it'd been pulled. So the problem had been communicated to the staff too.

The manager offered to reimburse my wife for the purchase, but quickly realized that it cost all of $1.50, so he gave her a $25 gift certificate.

Flickr pool member mixmasterk asks, "What's wrong with this sign?"

(Photo:mixmasterk)

Further investigation shows no reference to this "new" spread on the Parkay Website and no "original" to be found anywhere. Bummer... Rich H Grand Rapids, MI

That is how we do it. Obviously, we have a lot to learn.
Eugene writes:

My friend Dmitriy went to the McDonald's on First Avenue 71st st in Manhattan to pick up lunch for us. I decided to go with the new Mushroom and Swiss Angus Burger. I'm not a big fan of McDonalds but decided to give it another go.

Unfortunately, it was a bad decision. Dmitriy brings the food back to our college, on 68th and Lexington, and I take a bite, tasting delicious mushroom and swiss cheese, but that is the only thing I taste. I open up the sandwich to see that all I have is just that-mushroom and swiss cheese, no burger, no meat. It was too late to go back to that McDonald's to exchange it because I had class starting in 15 minutes. Let's just take it as a warning-make sure your 1/3 pound Angus burger is just that.

I went to dinner at the Applebee's in Woodland, CA a couple nights ago and ordered their bruschetta burger. As soon as I saw my order, I immediately took a picture and thought Consumerist needed to see it because it fits so well in the ad v. reality posts. The burger itself was a bit sloppy, but still looked similar to the menu picture. The fries, however, were a different story. In the menu photo, "garlic parmesan fries" are served in a ramekin and look quite tasty. Instead, I was served a cylinder of slimy, greasy fries with a couple pieces of parmesan cheese on top.

Enjoy!

(Photo: defective burger)

We ordered our food and I ordered the "awesome blossom". I've been a professional cook for 14 years and when I saw what I got I was personally offended. It looked to me like the cook had just scraped out the bottom of the deep fryer and threw it on the plate. I took a picture of the menu and our plate to show what they were advertising it as and what you actually get. They weren't very busy, most of the tables were empty. It seemed to me the cook was just lazy.

Did I send it back? No. I don't do that. Having worked in restaurants I know what often happens when food is sent back. Did I complain to the waiter? No. I didn't see the point in that either. He was a nice guy, (we even gave him a pretty good tip) it was something beyond his control. So instead I silently fumed about it and vowed to never return to the restaurant. The sort of passive aggressive thing that probably happens thousands of times every night at restaurants all over the world that don't deliver what they visually promise in their menus.

A quick warning for those in the Sunnyvale, CA area buying Red Baron frozen pizza: Don't.

They were on-sale —- three for $9.99. My roommates and I (tricked by the xxx for xxx sale) grabbed three.

Opened one box and found it to be a deformed pizza.

Hmm. The machine couldn't make this pizza properly, we thought. No worries, let's try the next box.

Each box was subsequently worse off than the next. One of them (the one that looks like it's half-eaten) has some mysterious weird red/black dark matter embedded into the pizza. Uh, cool? Extra toppings?

Safeway was cool though, they promptly offered an exchange or refund. We took the refund.

The hidden camera follows the man, whose face is not shown, into a ramshackle building where steamers are filled with the fluffy white buns, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.

The surroundings are filthy, with water puddles and piles of old furniture and cardboard on the ground.

"What's in the recipe?" the reporter asks. "Six to four," the man says.

"You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?" asks the reporter. "Fatty meat," the man replies.

The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda — a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap — then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on the screen. The reporter takes a bite.

"This baozi filling is kind of tough. Not much taste," he says. "Can other people taste the difference?"

"Most people can't. It fools the average person," the maker says. "I don't eat them myself."

Beijing steamed buns include cardboard [Yahoo!] (Thanks, Acambras!)
(Photo:AP)

Sean writes:

Early this month (July), my wife purchased a fried chicken (already prepared) from the Walmart Deli department located in Paola, KS. When we opened the packaging, the first thing I noticed was a few chicken feathers on the OUTSIDE of the breading on a leg and thigh. We chose not to eat the chicken and disposed of it because we felt it might have been handled in an unsanitary fashion.

Usually, I'd expect to find something like this mixed in and fried into the breading - not just laying on the outside. Needless to say, it's curbed my appetite for fried chicken.

I contacted the Walmart and asked to speak to a manager. The person I spoke to told me to bring my receipt in and they'd exchange the chicken, but by that time, I wasn't really interested in another bird. They didn't offer me any other option.

I contacted Walmart corporate, and left feedback on their web form but no one has contacted me.

Before anyone starts to wonder what the big deal is over a couple of feathers, this isn't the first time I've gotten bad product from this particular Walmart. I've gotten home and found that I had bought moldy flour tortillas or hamburger with tooth-busting, pebble-sized bone fragments in it. I'm just mad enough to vent about it now. It's a small town, with one other grocery store and otherwise, not a lot of shopping choices.

(Photo:Sean)

We know what you're asking. "What, Dear Consumerist, is a "Cereal Straw"? Well, sorry to disappointed you, but we have no idea. If we are to believe the package, they are "milk-suppin' fun."

Here's a description from a human who was brave enough to eat one:

They are lined in the middle with that sickly sweet powdered milk that seems to be popping up in granola and cereal bars everywhere. Someone needs to tell these guys that it does NOT replace milk and that we can all tell it's just sweetened coffee creamer. Fortunately, the flavor of that is masked by the Froot Loop shell.

The straws themselves are rather sturdy and hold up well to milk. They last a long time without getting soggy and do actually work as straws. They basically taste like Froot Loops, which is all you could realistically hope for. Sadly, the cereal straws live in a paradoxical existence; humans cannot eat and drink at the same time. Well...I guess soup makes us do that, but let's ignore that for a second.

Once you take a single bite of the cereal straw, it becomes too short for drinking and the fun immediately dissipates. If you just sit there and drink the milk, you'll just be wasting the straw as it imparts no flavor and is generally useless. Once you get to the bottom, you realize you have a half-soggy cereal straw with no milk to wash it down with.

Froot Loops Cereal Straws [The Impulsive Buy via BuzzFeed]

Hey consumerist just thought I'd let you and every other customer out there know that Wal-mart sucks at making cakes! It was my daughter's 3rd birthday yesterday (06.17.07) and my wife ordered a cake a week ago to be made for this date. When we picked it up with a little less than an hour until the party started, we were extremely disappointed to say the least. We complained and they gave us 20% off but that wasn't enough as far as we were concerned. I told customer service "We shouldn't have to pay more than half for a half-assed cake" (I just couldn't resist making a pun haha). All they said was "twenty percent is the most we can give you". We didn't have time to get another cake and just went ahead and bought it but we will never buy another cake from Wal-Mart again that's for damn sure. I mean look at at it, it looks hardly anything like the advertisement! That strip with black lines on it, yeah that's supposed to look like a film strip. Oh and to boot my wife ordered butter cream filling and they put strawberry instead. Is it really that hard to follow directions and deliver a worthy product? Apparently.

Hey, let's look on the bright side: Happy birthday to Miranda! Yaaay! —MEGHANN MARCO

UPDATE: For added value, our expert play-by-play cake analysis inside.

meghannmarco: It looks like they were missing pieces that were supposed to go on the cake.
meghannmarco: but I don't really know anything about cakes.
benpopken: yeah those little squiggles are supposed to be streamers
benpopken: Walmart's looks like dead worms
meghannmarco: and is the child really supposed to guess the black stuff is film
meghannmarco: it looks like teeth
benpopken: I thought it looked like a board game
benpopken: disney version star has nice dots. walmart's is just a straight splooge line
meghannmarco: this cake is tragic.

Your first instinct will be to say, "Simon, fat is the point of bacon." Then you will look at the picture above and realize that your second instinct, to vomit, is in fact, the correct one. —MEGHANN MARCO

Best Bacon Ever!

UPDATE: Additional glamorous shots of fatty bacon.