10. VerizonFiOs Setting People's Houses On Fire

Verizon's new fiber optic cable network is blazingly fast, but their technicians can't be accused of the same swiftness as they keep drilling through customer's electrical lines and gas lines, leading to small fires. In an effort to put out the PR blaze, the Verizon Policy Blog always seemed to find a way to spin each story into a tale of how wonderful and in-demand their new network is. The phrase goes, "where there's smoke, there's fire," yet Verizon's PR mavens felt they could reinvent physics and claim that the smoke at some of the incidents occurred in the absence of fire. (Link to stories)

9. Comcast Throttles Bit Torrent

Though long suspected on tech-oriented sites, the internets went into a frenzy after the AP proved that Comcast was disrupting the traffic of customers using popular file-sharing program BitTorrent, preventing its use. Though often used to trade pirated movies and music, the software is used by popular online game World of Warcraft and open-source groups to distribute new versions of their software, and in the AP's case, the decidedly non-copyrighted Bible. Comcast denied disrupting BitTorrent traffic, but said that they reserved the right to manage their network. (Link to stories).

8. E.Coli In The Meat Kills Topps Meat Company

Late 2007 saw an extremely high number of meat shipments recalled for e.coli contamination. At Topps Meat, the recall was so massive that the company went bankrupt carrying it out. Insiders say the USDA's ineffectuality and meatpacker-friendly loopholes have lead to higher tolerances for e.coli at plants. When the meat tests too high for e.coli, meatpackers only have to slap a "Cook Only" label on to and still get to sell it without reporting it to the USDA. Quoth Fast Food Nation, "There's shit in the meat." Medium-rare no longer looks so appetizing. (Link to stories).

7. Best Buy Caught Stealing Porn From Customer's Computers

Following up on insider tip-offs of systematic porn pilfering, The Consumerist rigged a computer to make a video of itself, loaded it with porn, and it took it Best Buy. On video, we caught one of the techs purloining porn from our computer. The video went viral and Best Buy conducted a nationwide internal investigation, outsourced to ex-cops. Kids were interrogated. Kids were fired. Store hard drive were searched and seized. Pants were shat. According to some reports, most of the worst "porn caches," communal computers where employees swapped porn, movies, music, and documents taken from customer harddrives, somehow managed to escape being hooked up for remote review. (Link to story).

6. Student Loan Scandal

Attorneys General sued and fined prominent banks and universities after uncovering widespread collusion and conflicts of interest between the two to sell college students on high-priced student loans. One of the techniques was to give students a "preferred lenders" list, which is to say, the private institutions the university preferred you to use because it meant kickbacks, gifts and expense-paid trips for them in referral rewards. While they were being shuttled into expensive private loans, the students were often not informed of the array of Federal loans that should be exhausted first. Seems some universities slept through their own Intro to Ethics classes. (Link to stories).

5. Jet Blue Passengers Stuck On The Tarmac

A winter storm swamped discount airline Jet Blue's operating capacity, with planes grounded, passengers stuck on the tarmac for over four hours, flights canceled, call centers jammed, and thousands of passengers unable to reschedule their flights. The CEO initially won kudos for making an online video apology, but that, and his subsequent apologies upon apologies weren't enough to save his job. The airline has developed contingency plans for future fiascoes, including new "stranding policies" for passengers, which includes paying passengers if they're stuck inside a metal tube on a runaway for upwards of four hours and not given any food or allowed to disembark. The debacle helped galvanize a growing passenger's rights movement and spurred pro-passenger legislation in New York, legislation which the airlines then quickly moved to scuttle. (Link to stories).

4. TJMaxx's Largest Data Breach In History Of The Universe

Unsecured wireless systems at TJ Maxx lead to the largest data breach in the history of the universe, with millions of credit card numbers compromised. As is typical, the credit card companies and banks tried to keep everything as hush as possible and most customers only were curious as to why they and all their friends were getting their credit cards forcibly replaced. The issue highlighted how retailers have been quick to adopt the convenience of wireless information systems without taking the security measures to make sure they weren't also conveniencing potential thieves. Who would have thought you could conduct the world's greatest bank robbery without a note, gun, or even leaving the parking lot? (Link to stories).

3. Menu Foods Kills Pets With Fake Pet Food

Before there was lead, there was the counterfeit pet food. Menu Foods of Canada was found to be selling pet food tainted with fake protein. Swapping out the cheaper ingredients lined their and their suppliers' pockets, and the intestinal tracts of their customer's pets with poison, leaving dozens of pets dead. Consumers were livid. A massive recall ensued, and readers got their first glimpse into how Chinese ingredient makers get their contracts approved, only to later replace certain key ingredients with cheaper and sometimes fraudulent components, a practice that would come to be at the center of the massive lead recalls that were to come later that year. (Link to stories).

2. Mattel's Lead-Tainted Toy Recalls

Worries about children consuming lead were largely confined to jokes about avoiding eating paint chips on old houses, until Mattel was forced to conduct the largest toy recall ever after it was found a number of their toys contained lead well above the federally allowed toxicity levels. As parents, agencies, advocacy groups, and other manufacturers began scrutinizing products and supply chains, scores more products were recalled for high levels of lead. Congressional hearings were held and the story became a staple of local and national news broadcasts. It may not be until 20 years from now that we know the true impact, when we start wondering why national IQ levels have dropped 45 points. (Link to stories).

1. Sub-Prime Mortgage Meltdown

Housing prices stopped going up and banks stopped refinancing houses, pulling out the bottom blocks of the giant Jenga tower that was the housing frenzy. In fact, it was Jenga towers upon Jenga towers, with the mortgages being carved up and reshuffled until they looked like sensible investments. Now banks are washing out billions upon billions of losses, and homeowners across the country are worried about losing their homes. Everyone in the confederacy of dunces; homeowners, loan officers, credit agencies, banks, investment firms, stand to lose. Who will get stuck holding the hot potato? (Link to stories).

(Photo: jgodsey)

• Brora 30 Year Old ($400)
• Bruichladdich Italian Collection, Sassicaia 1993 ($75)
• Chivas Regal 25 Year Old ($299)
• Glenkinchie 12 Year Old ($50)
• Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban ($70)
• Glenrothes 1975 ($450)
• Highland Park 15 Year Old, Cask #10146 ($80)
• Highland Park 23 Year Old, Cask #443 ($200)
• Johnnie Walker Blue Label, King George V ($600)
• Talisker 30 Year Old ($350)

"Ten High-End Whiskies from the Highlands" [BusinessWeek]
"New Whiskies from Old Casks" [BusinessWeek]
(Photo: Getty)

Other must-have toys for girls are all just as doll-centric: Bratz dolls, "generic dolls," Dora the Explorer, and Disney Princess round out the top five. Boys want video games, the Wii, and the Xbox 360.

GIRLS:

10. American Girl
9. Elmo
8. Webkinz
7. Nintendo Wii
6. Disney Hannah Montana
5. Disney Princess
4. Dora the Explorer
3. Dolls (generic)
2. Bratz
1. Barbie

BOYS

10. Remote Controlled Vehicles
9. Elmo
8. Xbox 360
7. Thomas the Tank Engine
6. LEGOs
5. Spider-Man
4. Cars (generic)
3. Nintendo Wii
2. Video Games
1. Transformers

Ignore the list and try to find something that's not so mainstream, we dare ya.

"Barbie rules girls' wish-lists but boys go high-tech" [Reuters]

If you prefer your chase cut, here is the Vincent Ferrari AOL cancel call that took first on our top ten list.

For good measure, here's a complete scan of an AOL call center training manual.

Information on using this site in general...

What are you? We're a consumer affairs blog, part of the Gawker Media Network. We write at least 24 stories a day. They appear from top to bottom, newest to oldest. Stories are separated by bold headlines.
How do I send you a story/tips/question? Email us at tips@consumerist.com. We can not promise a post, but we will read.
How can I become a commenter?
What's the deal here anyway?
How do you decide what stories to run?

Be sure to check out the stories in our "Consumerist Kit." They're chock-full of tips on evening the playing field between yourself and corporations. If on the other hand, you are a corporation, consider following the link and learning the lengths your customers will go to try to get the service they deserve.

— BEN POPKEN

Advertising Age commissioned us to write up the top ten biggest business debacles of 2006.

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account
2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch
3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger
4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries
5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution
6. AOL releases users' search records online
7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive
8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed
9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video
10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

This list appears in the print edition of Advertising Age on newstands now. Some of the list items were suggested by the readers, and several of the original stories came out of reader tips. Nice work, people!

Story behind the stories, inside...

1. AOL refuses to cancel customer's account

Vincent Ferrari called to cancel his AOL account, and a 20-minute battle with the customer-service rep ensued. Little did AOL know Vincent recorded the call, and it became an internet hit that spread to radio and TV. AOL publicly apologized and revamped its call centers to make canceling easier. Subsequently, AOL began to hemorrhage subscribers at record levels.

2. Comcast tech falls asleep on customer's couch

Brian Finklestein recorded a Comcast tech asleep on his couch while waiting on hold with HQ. The video spread across the web and onto national TV. Comcast apologized and sent a crack team of seven technicians to solve Brian's problem. It took them five hours. And the sleeping technician? Unceremoniously dumped. Which is a little sad, since it was HQ who had him on hold for so long.

3. BOA employee sings U2 cover about MBNA merger

Ethan Chandler covered U2's "One" at a company lunch to pep up the troops about the 2005 merger with MBNA. At the time, the employees were kept in the room by the open bar, but the internet watched in rapture. Thanks to the video's popularity, Universal Music may be suing Ethan, and Bank of America affirms its identity as a major toolshed.

4. Sony recalls potentially exploding batteries

Sony and all the major laptop makers launched the largest product recall in the history of mankind after it was found that certain Sony batteries could combust while in use. Several incidents were documented and distributed online before the recall launched. In one, a hunter's laptop went off while sitting on a box of ammunition in his truck, forcing him to dive for cover as the truck spewed live rounds in every direction.

5. Bausch & Lomb recalls fungus causing contact-lens solution

B&L withdrew popular lens-cleaning solution ReNu MoistureLoc after outbreaks of fusarium keratitis fungus emerged in users' eyes. At least one user went blind as a result. Cases were first reported in 2004 in Singapore. In reaction to the news, B&L's stock dropped. After the company announced the recall, the stock went back up.

6. AOL releases users' search records online

In a misguided attempt to aid academic researchers, AOL released the search records of more than 500,000 users. Not surprisingly, the move didn't go over well with privacy advocates (or AOL critics). User IDs were blacked out, but it didn't exactly take a hacking genius to exploit the records and follow searches back to the source. Reporters at The New York Times were able to correlate one user's searches and discover said user's identity.

7. Northwest tells laid-off workers to dumpster dive

After broad staff cuts, Northwest distributed a handbook for thrifty living to pink-slipped employees. Some of the suggestions were relatively sound, but others were insulting. Among 101 ways to save money, the booklet advised, "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash." So much for dismissal with dignity. Also: "Bicycle to work." That would be good advice, provided the recipients had a job to bike to.

8. Wal-Mart's fake blogs exposed

Unable to tell the true story about Wal-Mart through press releases, Wal-Mart's PR agency, Edelman, turned to the blogosphere. One blog followed a couple who decided to "Wal-Mart Across America," parking their RV in a different Wal-Mart every night. It was later discovered that the people writing the blog had their entire trip underwritten by a pro-Wal-Mart group, which in turn received most of its funding from Edelman.

9. Hasbro markets Oozinator with suggestive video

One of the latest Super Soaker water guns is the Oozinator, which shoots a sticky polymer in addition to water. Hasbro's spot showed an older teen shooting younger boys with the goo. The results were suggestive and disgusting, and Hasbro removed the video from its site. Hundreds of innuendo-laced reviews flooded Amazon but were later deleted. A few archivists managed to save and publish the video and comments, where they continue to delight viewers.

10. Cingular cans contracts of unprofitable customers

Former AT&T customers and other "unprofitable" customers had their service degraded. Cingular: raising the bar, then lowering it on their customers' necks.

— BEN POPKEN

Consumerist's 10 Biggest Business Debacles [AdAge]

It's the first time not a single American car company graced the list. The list, reprinted below, is swept away by Japanese autos.

Mainly because American cars suck.

Worldwide backlash, hubris shatters Olympic hopefuls' dreams and now, no American cars on the top 10 list. It's Rome all over again, baby.