the-onion

Fake Newspaper Testing Out Very Real Pay Wall
Frequent readers of The Onion's website may soon be forced to ante up if they want to keep up their regular dose of guffaws from fake news. The company has announced it's testing out a pay wall that would require payment from overseas readers or limit them to only a handful of articles per month. More »

Banks Impose Surcharge For Using The Word 'Bank'
As usual, parody news site The Onion has managed to produce fake news that tells the truth better than actual facts can. This week's radio newsflash: not satisfied with charging us fees to receive statements, use tellers, use ATMs, have accounts, and transfer funds, banks will now automatically charge us seventy-flve cents to use the word "bank." That sentence cost me $1.50. More »

Famed Fake Newspaper Columnist Sides With Receipt Checkers
As any dedicated Consumerist follower knows, our readers generally fall down pretty squarely on the side of not having to show your receipt when you exit a store. That being said, we should always welcome the dissenting view, especially from a respected journalist. More »

Google Invites Privacy-Concerned Users To Move To Remote Village

—>The Onion reports that Google's new privacy policy requires users who wish to opt out to relocate to a remote ghetto and abandon all contact with the outside world. (Photo: kalle svensson)  More »

Who's Responsible For The Chinese Poison Train? Us!

—>Apparently we were wrong about this whole "Chinese Poison Train" thing. It turns out that it was "filthy U.S. inspectors" who were tainting "pristine Chinese shipments" all along, according to The Onion.  More »

The Onion Is Killing Their West Coast Print Editions "Unfortunately, despite healthy readership in both Los Angeles and San Francisco (readership has actually risen despite our reduction in copies in recent months) the advertising in both cities has been abysmal," CEO Steve Hannah said in a memo. [Gothamist]  More »

Domino's Tests The Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

—>Most people don't realize that scientists at Domino's are working overtime to discover the absolute limit of what humans will consume. "The Domino's scientists now believe a certain percentage of human beings may have a genetic predisposition to eat unhealthy foods made from other even unhealthier foods." See the Onion video, inside...  More »

Yum! Brands Introduces New Wearable Feedbags

—>Whether you're trying to get as much of your Yum! Brand food into your mouth as humanly possible or just not in the mood to raise those heavy old arms to feed yourself, new wearable feed bags are functional, fashionable and sweeping the nation. Foods from Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut work the best, but we've found that wearable feedbags work on almost any kind of food, and they look great too. See The Onion video, inside...  More »

Step Back In Time To The Blockbuster Living Museum

—>Before the days of Netflix and the internet there was the "video store." According to The Onion, Blockbuster was "a specialty shop where customers would exchange money for the short term use of videos in an archaic system called "renting." Now we can visit the Blockbuster Living Museum to relive those days of yore. Watch The Onion video, inside...  More »

Satire: Home Depot Honors Fallen Veterans With "Memorial Decks"
The Onion News Network delivers a mock news sketch where an interview with the mother of a fallen US soldier is interwoven with bald-faced Home Depot ads. More »

The Onion Peels Verizon's Redonkulous Billing 'System'

—>The Onion nails it.  More »

Sony Unveils New Model Customer

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Air India Now Offers Business Caste Seating

—>The inimitable Onion peels back another layer of airline customer service and bares the soul of humanity. That's fillet of sole, of course, reheated and served in a hermetically sealed container, for $8.99.  More »