The Onion Reacts To Facebook’s Hand-Holding Of Your Idiot Friends

The Onion Reacts To Facebook’s Hand-Holding Of Your Idiot Friends

Earlier today, Facebook confirmed it was rolling out a system that labels links from The Onion and others as “satire,” so that your idiot friend from high school would (hopefully) realize that the President didn’t run over Jimmy Carter with his car, or that Dick Van Dyke may not have been the Zodiac killer. Oddly enough, the esteemed news source’s response to the Facebook announcement is much closer to truth than it is to satire. [More]

Facebook To Point Out To Your Idiot Friends That The Onion Is Not Real News

(literalyunbelievable.org)

It’s both hilarious and depressing when I go onto Facebook and see that someone I know is expressing outrage — OUTRAGE!! — in response to a shocking news story they came across online on a little-known news site called The Onion. Just this morning, I awoke to find that several of my idiot friends on Facebook had shared this Daily Currant story as if it were true, and one continued to insist it was authentic even after others pointed out in the comments that it’s a satire site. In order to cut down on the humiliation suffered by its users, Facebook is now testing a “satire” tag… that people will probably still ignore. [More]

(smohundro)

This satirical Onion overview of Black Friday sales is funny and all, but we’re pretty sure that they printed an error. The store that’s offering a “[c]omplimentary all-encompassing sadness and pervasive sense that your life wasn’t supposed to be like this with every purchase” is actually Kmart. And it starts at 6 A.M. on Thanksgiving Day. [The Onion]

(afagen)

The Federal Aviation Administration would undoubtedly get more respect from the public if it was as obscenely candid as it is in this Onion article about how horrible the airlines handle customers. Our favorite line: “The FAA has come to the determination that Spirit Airlines treats its customers like pieces of sh!t and that everyone should boycott this airline.” [via The Onion]

It’s Hard To Tell When The Onion’s Twitter Account Gets Hacked, Because It’s The Onion

LOL, The Onion. We L'ed OL.

We often come across headlines that are so ridiculous, it makes us wonder if they’re written by the satirical minds over at The Onion. Which is why what now appears to be a hack attack on The Onion’s Twitter account was initially confusing to many, as the tweets featured fake links to fake stories about fake news. It now appears that The Onion was indeed, outfaked, further proving the need for a two-step verification process on Twitter. [More]

Who Dares Visit A Restaurant Without Reading Online Reviews First?

Who Dares Visit A Restaurant Without Reading Online Reviews First?

The best satire is deeply rooted in reality. That’s why an article from this week’s issue of the Onion shook us to the core. “Brave Woman Enters Restaurant Without First Looking It Up Online,” the headline blared. At Consumerist HQ, we asked each other: is there really anyone out there who is so bold and reckless that they would do such a thing? [More]

Handy Video Explains Exactly How To Opt Out Of Olive Garden's Invasive Unlimited Breadsticks Program

Handy Video Explains Exactly How To Opt Out Of Olive Garden's Invasive Unlimited Breadsticks Program

As consumers, we value our personal space and carefully guard the right to make our own choices. So perhaps Olive Garden’s tactic of offering unlimited breadsticks to whoever happens to walk through its doors could be seen as invasive to some diners. In a handy video from The Onion discussing exactly how to opt out of the breadsticks program, we learn how to say no to the Olive Garden and its blatantly pro-bread agenda. [More]

Fake Newspaper Testing Out Very Real Pay Wall

Fake Newspaper Testing Out Very Real Pay Wall

Frequent readers of The Onion’s website may soon be forced to ante up if they want to keep up their regular dose of guffaws from fake news. The company has announced it’s testing out a pay wall that would require payment from overseas readers or limit them to only a handful of articles per month. [More]

Banks Impose Surcharge For Using The Word 'Bank'

Banks Impose Surcharge For Using The Word 'Bank'

As usual, parody news site The Onion has managed to produce fake news that tells the truth better than actual facts can. This week’s radio newsflash: not satisfied with charging us fees to receive statements, use tellers, use ATMs, have accounts, and transfer funds, banks will now automatically charge us seventy-flve cents to use the word “bank.” That sentence cost me $1.50. [More]

Famed Fake Newspaper Columnist Sides With Receipt Checkers

Famed Fake Newspaper Columnist Sides With Receipt Checkers

As any dedicated Consumerist follower knows, our readers generally fall down pretty squarely on the side of not having to show your receipt when you exit a store. That being said, we should always welcome the dissenting view, especially from a respected journalist. [More]

Google Invites Privacy-Concerned Users To Move To Remote Village

Google Invites Privacy-Concerned Users To Move To Remote Village

The Onion reports that Google’s new privacy policy requires users who wish to opt out to relocate to a remote ghetto and abandon all contact with the outside world. (Photo: kalle svensson)

Who's Responsible For The Chinese Poison Train? Us!

Who's Responsible For The Chinese Poison Train? Us!

Apparently we were wrong about this whole “Chinese Poison Train” thing. It turns out that it was “filthy U.S. inspectors” who were tainting “pristine Chinese shipments” all along, according to The Onion.

http://consumerist.com/2009/05/06/the-onion-is-killing-their/

The Onion Is Killing Their West Coast Print Editions “Unfortunately, despite healthy readership in both Los Angeles and San Francisco (readership has actually risen despite our reduction in copies in recent months) the advertising in both cities has been abysmal,” CEO Steve Hannah said in a memo. [Gothamist]

Domino's Tests The Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

Domino's Tests The Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

Most people don’t realize that scientists at Domino’s are working overtime to discover the absolute limit of what humans will consume. “The Domino’s scientists now believe a certain percentage of human beings may have a genetic predisposition to eat unhealthy foods made from other even unhealthier foods.” See the Onion video, inside…

Yum! Brands Introduces New Wearable Feedbags

Yum! Brands Introduces New Wearable Feedbags

Whether you’re trying to get as much of your Yum! Brand food into your mouth as humanly possible or just not in the mood to raise those heavy old arms to feed yourself, new wearable feed bags are functional, fashionable and sweeping the nation. Foods from Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut work the best, but we’ve found that wearable feedbags work on almost any kind of food, and they look great too. See The Onion video, inside…

Step Back In Time To The Blockbuster Living Museum

Step Back In Time To The Blockbuster Living Museum

Before the days of Netflix and the internet there was the “video store.” According to The Onion, Blockbuster was “a specialty shop where customers would exchange money for the short term use of videos in an archaic system called “renting.” Now we can visit the Blockbuster Living Museum to relive those days of yore. Watch The Onion video, inside…

Satire: Home Depot Honors Fallen Veterans With "Memorial Decks"

The Onion News Network delivers a mock news sketch where an interview with the mother of a fallen US soldier is interwoven with bald-faced Home Depot ads.