The News; Home-Wreckers

The News; Home-Wreckers

• Bernanke should commission Bob the Builder to sing them a cheer-up song. “Builders’ confidence lowest in 11 years” [CT]

The News; Fitter, Better, Happier, More Productive

The News; Fitter, Better, Happier, More Productive

• Homeland Security Incorporated; running domestic defense like a business means capitalizing on fear for the unscrupulous. [NYT]

The News; Rich, Creamy, Lung Cancer

The News; Rich, Creamy, Lung Cancer

• Nation’s factories prescribed Cialis. [NYT]

The News: Squeaky Clean

• Inflation in May dissimilar to matzoh. [NYT]

The News

• Northwest and its flight attendants enter final denouement, again. [CT]

The News Loves Gentrification

The News Loves Gentrification

• You can’t fight yuppies. [CT]

The News: Evil Fur Gangsters

The News: Evil Fur Gangsters

• Scientologists want to be backseat drivers at NASCAR. [CT]

The News

The News

• Airlines fill up on freight to try to make a buck. Cargo crates complain of cramped quarters, having to buy own forklifts. [CT]

The News: Evil Had a Birthday

The News: Evil Had a Birthday

• Inspired by The Antichrist’s birthday, Google admits being to being evil after all. [CT]

The News: Now, 100% Dolphin Safe!

The News: Now, 100% Dolphin Safe!

• Consumer Reports says that due to high levels of mercury, pregnant women should not eat tuna. Plus, those dolphin bits can get stuck in the baby’s umbilical cord. [CT]

The News: Legitimate Businessmen

The News: Legitimate Businessmen

• Need a telco spokesperson to fight net neutrality and give it a happy face? Let’s get that guy who was Bill Clinton’s mouthpiece during the cigar scandal. [LAT]

The News Can, and Will, Kill You

The News Can, and Will, Kill You

• 4th worst spammer in the world gets $1 million fine and is stripped of his powers to make your penis bigger. [CT]

The News: Sex, Goats and Self-Serve

The News: Sex, Goats and Self-Serve

• To turn around sales, Saks 5th to feature fewer fake goats in store. They made the loyal Park Ave goats jealous. [NYT]

The News is Incredibly Newsy

The News is Incredibly Newsy

• Reporter buys a cheap Dell and opens every spam and suspicious file to see how much malware and viruses he can get before Geek Squad declares it a total loss. [Wired]

The News: Hungover, Hating Self, World

The News: Hungover, Hating Self, World

• CMP Media trying to >prevent anyone from using the term Web 2.0. God, at least somebody is. [NYT]

The News: All The Fat That’s Fit To Print

The News: All The Fat That’s Fit To Print

• Hasbro cancels plans for line of racy dolls based around ‘Pussycat Dolls,’ switches focus to My First Little Lolita rollout. [NYT]

The News is Tasty Like a Taser

The News is Tasty Like a Taser

• School doesn’t like student complaining on Xanga that the school is a bully, proves him wrong with a 10 day suspension. [Sun Times]