The powerpoint, created by a Comcast account executive and currently getting passed around inside one of their call centers, sounds a giant klaxon that the company is extremely screwed up. It warns of the perils of not addressing bad tech behavior, demoralized employees, high turnover, baroque customer service templates, and metrics that force employees to upsell additional services on top of the ones that aren't even working right in the first place. There's quotes and stories from real customers, like the one about the tech who said he had to go out to his van to get a screwdriver, and just drove off, rather than bother completing the install. Or how routine it is for techs to ring or knock and then bust out before they can even get to the door. Or how customers are getting lied to over the phone about plans and pricing. The embarrassments just keep coming and coming. Some choice quotes:

"On average, gas is $4.07 (too high for unnecessary truck rolls) and very shortly cable will go from a 'need' to an option for some people."

Comcast Quits Early

Technicians are not showing up for appointments and it appears they are not being held accountable.

* Comcast technicians and subcontractors routinely cancel/reschedule customer appointments without approving or even notifying the customer of the change when they are tired of working.

* Several of my customers have complained that the technician was rude or short with them when they refused to let him come earlier than scheduled.

Scott of New Hudson MI (01/29/07) “I made 3 separate appointments to have Comcast come out and install cable, phone, and high speed internet as part of their Triple Play deal. The first appointment came and went, nobody showed up or called. Set up another appointment, but they did call to cancel that one…”

We've got it here in Google Doc, but for the full effect with all the nifty sound effects, download the original powerpoint (right click and "save link as).

Reader Michael watched incredulously as a Staples tech tried to convince a senior citizen that his computer wouldn't work properly without repairs costing almost $400.The senior, who had been lulled into Staples for a free tune up that suddenly cost $39.99, didn't understand why he needed to spend money on a "diagnostic screening ($49.99), virus removal services ($150), and more RAM (~$150)." Michael intervened and offered to look at the computer free of charge. He couldn't believe what he found when he popped open the computer.

He writes:

Thought your readers might find this information useful. While making a return at Staples (800 Lexington St, Waltham, MA), I happened to hear an elderly gentleman disputing a service charge. He had brought his PC in for a free "tune up," and now was being charged $39.99 for that service, plus the service technician was explaining that he needed to purchase a diagnostic screening ($49.99), virus removal services ($150), and more RAM (~$150) to get his computer working. His PC had four viruses, the technician explained, but they would need to run the diagnostic to determine the extent of the infections and to determine if any hardware needed to be replaced.

Having done PC repairs for pizza money in high school, I couldn't stand to watch a senior citizen get bilked that much to simply have anti-virus installed, run, and then (presumably) removed since it was just a "service." I stepped in and offered to take a look at his computer for free, though I couldn't make any promises about fixing it. The technician glared at me, but when the gentleman took me up on the offer he left us alone. I made my returns and followed the man to his house to see what I could do (OK, maybe I'm too trusting but I figure at 6'3" and 230, there's not much and 70 year old can pull on me).

He explained that his computer had worked well enough for e-mail and web surfing, but after he took it in for the free diagnostic it wouldn't start up anymore. Sure enough, we plug his Gateway in and nothing: The monitor doesn't even flicker, even though the power button turns green. I insert a live CD I'd brought along, and still no luck. I double checked that everything had been just fine before taking it in: He hadn't dropped it on the way to the store, hadn't ever opened the case up. He said the technicians had told him he'd need to have virii removed and more RAM added; he suggested he might as well get a new computer if they were going to charge him $300. Seeing how not even the BIOS was showing up, I was starting to worry he was right.

I opened up the PC, expecting the worst: A melted motherboard, fried circuits, or worse, nothing visible at all. I poked and pushed all the parts, making sure everything was tightly pushed in. Everything seemed alright, until I came to the RAM: His DRAM had been partially ejected from its slot, which only could happen if the buttons that held it in place had been pushed. Since he had never opened the PC case up, there was only one explanation: While rummaging inside his computer, a technician had (accidentally or on purpose) hit the button and caused the damage that they were now trying to charge him $390+tax to fix.

I can't see why a "tune up" would require opening the case, except to check and see how many open DRAM slots were available so they could push Staples products. Whatever the case, taking advantage of the elderly by throwing terms like "computer virus" when a hardware problem you caused stops you from even turning on the computer is downright dishonest, if not quite actionable. I even went through Staples pricing sheets afterwards, and none of the services they tried to upsell even appeared on the list.

Anyways, just a warning to your readers to watch out with Staples services. Probably no better or worse than any other big box assistance, but at list in this instance more than a little odious.

It should be noted that several Staples techs have chimed in the comments here and on Digg to dispute the prices Michael reports. Here's a comparison of Michael's prices, the price Staples charges for in-store tech service, and the price Staples charges for at-home repairs.
It's possible that the Diagnostic was rung up in-store, the virus removal was done at the on-site price and he got the number slightly off, and the tech was recommending Edge 2GB Kit PC3200 DDR Desktop Memory. So we can say Michael misremembered or misrepresented the prices, the tech was trying to meet quarterly sales goals, or the tech was new and mistakenly punched it the wrong price for the virus removal. The only weird thing under a "newbie/incompetent tech" scenario is that the tuneup price. Staples used to charge $39.99 but it was dropped to $29.99 mid-2007.

(Photo: Getty)

Here are some of the issues with FiOS TV that I've run into over the course of the past year:

• chronic "tiling" and image degradation since Q2/Q3 2007
• audio/video "freezing" and "dropouts" * numerous canceled technician appointments
• complete loss of all three services (POTS, internet, TV) on two separate occasions - services down anywhere from 24-72 hours
• clueless, unresponsive technical support
• "tiling" on HBO video on demand

For the non-techies, "tiling" is a term used to describe when the image becomes distorted and is broken up into little blocks.

(For a detailed history of all the problems I have experienced with FiOS since March 2007, see my full review of the service at dslreports.com: according to technical support, I have 55 unique support tickets under my name, the majority of which are related to problems with FiOS TV.)

Since March 2007, I have been forced to use the "nuclear option" - contacting Verizon's "Presidential Appeals" department - on two separate occasions, as their first-level technical support was unable to resolve anything in a timely manner. So far, the appeals department is 0 for 2 - each time, the problem was not resolved.

I contacted the presidential appeals department because HBO video on demand would not function properly; signs of tiling would appear every few minutes. Numerous technicians were dispatched and were unable to resolve the situation. Several weeks passed before the representative working for the appeals department came across an internal Verizon document stating that this was a "known issue" and a fix would be implemented in August 2007. To this day, this has not yet been fixed; according to a Verizon employee who posts on the FiOS TV message board, a fix is supposedly still being tested.

Weeks later, I was forced to contact presidential appeals for a second time when the normal levels of support were unable to resolve issues with the image quality; once again, several technicians were dispatched but were ultimately unable to resolve the issue. At one point, in an act of desperation, the local group decided to replace most of the components up to and inside the home. The measures were ineffective; the problems continued. A local manager was eventually dispatched out to the home; he claimed that the sub-par image quality was a result of "electrical issues" having to do with the wiring inside the home. End of discussion, case closed. (A visit from an electrician several weeks later would show that this claim was incorrect.)

So, I doubt that contacting the presidential appeals department will help to resolve the chronic issues that I continue to experience with the service.

The quality of the FiOS TV service since October 2007 has been at an all-time low; for the past four months, I have been forced to deal with severe tiling, audio/video "freezing"/"dropouts" and generally sub-par image quality. Verizon's technical support group insisted on dispatching more field technicians out to the home; the technicians were unable to find a cause for the problems. On several occasions, technicians did not show up at the home at all. This continued until mid-January when Verizon's network group eventually discovered a problem with their video distribution equipment in the local central office. This seemed to correct some of the problems with "tiling"; however, image quality continued to be sub-par.

So far, Verizon has wasted time and money replacing:

• 8x optical network terminals ($$$)
• 4x battery backup units
• 4x set top boxes ($$$)
• 3x coaxial cable splitters
• 1x length of fiber and conduit
• 1x length of RG6
• 1x Actiontec MI424-WR router 0x fiber distribution terminal

On January 31, a technician finally diagnosed the problem to be with the fiber distribution terminal - the only piece of equipment yet to be replaced. He informed me that somebody would be out the following day to replace it; par for the course, nobody showed up to replace it. I was eventually informed (after hounding technical support and a supervisor, daily, for any sort of update) that the piece of equipment in question would be replaced sometime next week. We'll see - I don't have high expectations at this point, given how difficult it has been to get Verizon to actually take a look at a problem or fix anything.

Dumping FiOS TV and switching back to Comcast is currently not an option as I am locked into a triple play contract with Big Red until 2009 - I have better and more important things to do with my money than to pay the early termination fee.

(Photo: Getty)

Who is the mysterious dog— and why, oh why, is he on fire?

10. The hiring process doesn't actually have any qualifications required beyond you saying you know what you're doing. Most techs that are hired know little more than the basics, and learn as they go. You can't really have an experienced tech work on your machine, because once you leave, it may sit there for a few days, and who knows who will work on it then. I was required to take my Microsoft Certified Professional exam, but when I failed the first time, that was okay too. I never went back to take it again, and no one said a word.

9. "FD COURTESYCHECK" isn't a real SKU, it means the customer was good looking, and the tech should check to see if they have any "personal" pictures worth keeping. One customer was a professional nude model, over 2,000 images got backed up on to the tech work machine.

8.Nothing they will offer you for installation is worth it. The standard package includes Norton Internet Security, Webroot Spysweeper, and Microsoft Office Home and Student as well as the creation of recovery DVDs and an "optimization". Norton isn't as good as AVG Anti-Virus, available for free. Webroot isn't as good as Spybot Search and Destroy, which is also available for free. The recovery DVDs are made in a few clicks, and could be done by a three year old. Optimization consists of uninstalling some junk programs, and deleting icons off of your desktop. All of this takes about 45 minutes to an hour, and could be done just as easily by you, at home.

7.Protection plans don't always cover anything special. Batteries, for example, are covered by most manufacturers warranties, but are often used as part of the sales pitch when buying a laptop. "If your battery goes out, we cover that too - all you need to do is bring it in and we will replace it free of charge." Often times, this process can take a month and is generally faster to just order it through the manufacturer.

6.Your computer may well sit around for days without anyone looking at it. If we were low on computers to work on, we would often drag repairs out for days past when they should be done, just so we looked busy. If we weren't working on a machine, we would have to go help out on the sales floor. I've seen machines sit for as long as three weeks because of a lack of customers

5.Don't always expect a new part if you try to rush them on a repair. Sometimes, when we had a customer that kept bugging us because a part on his computer was taking forever to come in, we would just swap the part out with one off of a display computer to "expedite things". When the new part would come in, we would just return it as used.

4.Don't expect a call back. The techs don't care about your repair, and it's rare that they will call you for much of anything but to pick it up when it's done. If you want status updates or anything else, even if they tell you they will call, they more than likely won't. Call the store and ask for the tech on duty, you don't need to talk to the one that you turned it in to - they won't necessarily work on it anyway. Also, it's company policy to have a tech on duty, so if someone tells you that they aren't there, chances are they're lying.

3.99% of all software repairs can be completed in a day. There is next to no reason that your repair will take a week, and if you ask for it to get it rushed, they will charge you an extra $20 or more, and put it in line with everything else. Unless you demand same day service, you won't see any special treatment. Even then, it's unlikely to be done the same day.

2.The salesmen know absolutely jack about the computers they sell. Most of them are just high school or college kids that may or may not have any interest in computers at all. A few of they may not even own a machine. The sales training that Circuit City requires everyone to take is 100% about how to pitch things, and 0% how things work or what they do. Do all your homework before you make your purchase, and don't listen to anything they have to say. Many of them will say anything they have to to get you to buy whatever it is they want you to buy. One of the worst I ever heard is that if one woman didn't buy the protection plan the salesman was offering, she wouldn't be able to get any updates for her software. Another man didn't want to buy our anti- virus software, and the salesman told him that he would contract a virus as soon as he plugged it in to the internet if he didn't install one first.

1.Circuit City takes no responsibility for your data. If somehow a tech magically wipes your entire harddrive, the waiver that you sign when you check it in clears them of any wrongdoing. They could quite literally just reformat for the fun of it, give it back to you, and there is nothing you could do about it. Always back up your data before taking it in.

(Photo:wingless girl)

Christos called Time Warner to complain. Time Warner understood that Christos didn't want holes in his wall and floor, or borrowed cable. To apologize, they offered a $30 credit and "a few movie coupons." Christos writes:

I initially contacted Time Warner to acquire all three services they offer; Cable T.V., Internet and Telephone.

On August 18th 2007 I called Time Warner for new services. When the technician arrived to my apartment he told us that we need to be referred to a "post wire". So we agreed and he made a phone call to set this up. Our next visit was about a week later from another technician and he also told us we need a "post wire". I initially thought this was the purpose of his visit. So this technician made ANOTHER call to refer us to another "post wire". The third visit, needless to say another week later... "post wire" again! It took three visits for us to finally get someone to come over and install a "post wire" construction.

The third technician arrived at 12pm on September 28th (wearing a Time Warner shirt) and couldn't find the main line coming to my apartment so suggested it might be hiding between closet walls which he went on and made two huge holes in my wall with a hammer, creating damages to my apartment. He didn't find the cable, so he drilled through the floor of my apartment and through the neighbor's ceiling right beneath me. His solution? To split the line of the neighbor and share the cable; Without understanding what happened when I plugged my TV to the cable I had picture(without the box even being present) all tiled and pixilated...and moments later my channels were changing on their own! I have come to realize that Time Warner directly or not violated someone else cable line and provided me with it...I am not sure if this is "pirating" or not but I believe it is.

I have followed through for a damage claim; that is to get my walls repaired after the installers made huge holes in my walls, splitting the line and offering me my neighbor's cable line. That is unethical and against company policies.(your own technicians gave me "pirated" cable tv- that is illegal to my understanding.)

The damage claim is going to take care of the damages occurred to my apartment made by their own technicians so I don't perceive this as "credit to me".
I was offered credit of $30 and movie coupons by a supervisor named Chris with Operator ID # C87. I find this very offensive as i take it i and my time is valued at only $30 and a few coupons .

From time to time companies need to realize that US customers make paydays happen and keep the foundation alive.

I have resulted emailing Time Warner numerous of times because i find $30 inadequate to compensate my troubles and frustration of over a month trying to get services and neighbors knocking on my door accusing me of "stealing" their cable and their picture is coming up all tiled and pixilated...

The last email I received suggested I contact customer service over the phone, and so I did to get offended and spoken to very condescending and unprofessional. I read all the success stories you guys accomplish, so i am asking for any help, i am in the Los Angeles region.

(Photo: *USB*)

Comcast's new telephone self-install kit is for you, smarty pants. Comcast saves money, you save aggravation. (This is where you cross your fingers and pray that what we say is true.)

Comcast tentatively plans to charge customers $250 for three cordless phones that link to their cable modems. The total time from opening the box to getting a dial tone is 30 minutes or less, Avgiris said.

``It's for the customer who says, `I want the service, and I want it now,''' said Avgiris. Subscribers who want their wired phones to work still need a service call by a Comcast technician.

Let's just hope it works. Install kits are being tested in San Francisco and are coming soon to Boston, Denver and Comcast's home town of Philly.

Comcast Tests Do-It-Yourself Install Kits for Phones [Bloomberg]
(Photo:Spidra Webster)

Ariel let the Verizon CSRs convince her into risking second day off work, and... the Verizon tech still didn't show. While she was waiting, she amused herself by calling Verizon in the hopes of reaching someone who could help her. She did not have much luck.

Ariel's list of Verizon CSR responses is nothing short of wonderful, but this one is our favorite:

-"You can call me (800) 567-8932"—Employee 1220" (when I called the number, there was no real person there, but an automated message: "Don't wait to meet new and exciting people, call now!" Does this mean one of your employees works for some sort of pornographic hotline as well as Verizon? Well, there's an interesting twist on customer service, but doesn't it strike you as inappropriate that this was given out to a customer who only wants DSL service restored?)

Ariel writes (to the CEO of Verizon):

The President of Verizon (if such a person exists)
140 West Street
23rd Floor
New York, NY 10007

Dear Mr./Ms. President of Verizon (if you exist),

As I write this, it is my second full day waiting for someone (a scheduled "dispatcher") to actually address my Internet problem caused by your horrific service.

I am convinced that this person will never show up. That he or she is something like the Sasquatch or the Yedi. Maybe the Tooth Fairy. Except the Tooth Fairy is much more reliable.

Since I have no Internet service and nine hours trapped in my apartment waiting for you (eighteen if we count last week's waiting too, but really, that would be pedantic, wouldn't it?), I figured I would write out this complaint so that I can snail-mail it to you. The good ol' Pony Express never disappoints.

I have spoken with countless representatives at your company for the past six days to resolve my problem, but for to no resolution, it seems. There is NOT ONE PERSON at your company who is willing to help a customer. This is disgusting, disgraceful, and appalling.

I am sending a copy of this letter to FOX News' "Shame, Shame, Shame!" series, as well as to consumerist.com, The New York Times and Consumer Reports.

Allow me to explain my problem for what feels like the millionth time: my phone service inexplicably died on Wednesday, August 1st. I was told by Verizon representatives that I would have to pay a minimum of $91.00 for someone to resolve this problem, which your company admitted it had caused itself. Aggravated though I was, I accepted this answer, as I was simply relieved and astounded that someone actually agreed to fix my problem.
Furthermore, I don't believe in negotiating with terrorists.

As I mentioned, a representative promised that "someone" would come to my home on Friday, August 3rd, leaving me without phone or Internet service for three days.

I accepted this. After all, I grew up in the 80s. I know what it's like to live in the Stone Age.

I took off from work on Friday, August 3rd, in order to wait for the repair person to fix my phone and restore service (there was no dial tone). I should state here that, like the seven people, who, like me, are not billionaires in the United States right now, I do not have the money to take days off from work. In fact, I am a New York City schoolteacher who has taken on a summer job teaching inner-city students simply so I can pay my own bills. After all: waiting for phone service and repairmen is just a part of life, like the SATs or poor healthcare. You dread it, you live with it, and you expect it.

What I DO take issue with, though, is that I stayed at home waiting for repairmen to come, and even though everyone at Verizon knew this was about as likely as finding a diamond in my epiglottis, no one had the decency to wake me up from my dream world where a company fulfills its promise to the customer.

No one came, but at approximately 1:20 PM on Friday, I received an automated call that said my phone service had been fully restored. A miracle! Hallelujah! YIPEE!

But of course my service had not been fully restored: my DSL line still did not work. I called customer service, and after waiting on hold for forty-five minutes, someone was finally willing to help me. I followed all of his advice, from unplugging the modem to unplugging and plugging wires in to unplugging the wire from the jack to everything else he requested. I would have made a souffl if he thought it would help my DSL line. And I don't cook.
Still, no dice.

So I called again. I had to go through the exact same process, with your representative refusing to believe that this was something I could not fix, with your representative refusing to acknowledge that this was something I had already done with another representative.

Truthfully, with an Ivy League education and a masters degree, really, couldn't I fix it myself?

In a sad moment of my personal history, I admit that, brow-beaten and badgered, I was reduced to tears by one of your representatives. Literally. (Feel free to check, as I've been told countless times that my "calls may be recorded for quality assurance", though "quality" seems to be an odd choice of words, don't you think?) Only when confronted with a crying customer was the representative willing to "transfer me" to someone else, who claimed to be a "supervisor". The supervisor, amazingly, agreed to send out a "ticket" so that someone would come to restore the DSL service.

So, lesson learned: there is at least one way you can get service from a Verizon representative. Be ridiculed by them, cry, and then take another unpaid day off of work so that your inner-city students can fall even further behind rather than receive the supplemental class work they so desperately need.

Kudos, Verizon!

Today is Monday, and as I write this, no one has come to my home to fix my service.

Shocking, I know.

Frustrated and disgusted by your despicable business practices, I decided that the best way to spend my wasted unpaid day at home away from my students was to call your company and find out what on Earth I would have to do to receive service of any kind. At this point, I'd even take terrible service if I felt at all like my problem was being addressed. Over the course of the day (and that means six phone calls to your customer service team, with a wait time ranging from 20-35 minutes each time. FYI: I have Windows XP, and a Westell modem that is model number 327W. I have entered this information into the phone about sixteen times, so believe me, I know.)

I have received the following comments from various members of your customer service team. I use the word "service" merely as an idiomatic phrase here, as the word implies that your company actually cares about its customers, which, we can agree, it clearly does not.

-"Oh yes, the dispatcher is on his way!" (no dispatcher)
-"Can I call you back?" (no call back)
-"You can call me (800) 567-8932"—Employee 1220 (when I called the number, there was no real person there, but an automated message: "Don't wait to meet new and exciting people, call now!" Does this mean one of your employees works for some sort of pornographic hotline as well as Verizon? Well, there's an interesting twist on customer service, but doesn't it strike you as inappropriate that this was given out to a customer who only wants DSL service restored?)
-"There's no record here of a dispatcher supposed to come to you today."
-"There's no ticket out for your problem."
-"There was a ticket out but it was canceled."
-"What happens is that the ticket is cleared if Verizon says they can fix it without coming to your home. So I guess your ticket was cleared." "But the problem is still here!" "Uh, sorry."
-"The dispatcher will be there before five!"
-"There's no scheduled appointment for you."

I ask, no, make that I beg to know: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR COMPANY!?

I have taken my second day off from teaching summer school (losing money that I literally don't have to spend) waiting for people who will never provide me with service, talking to liars, miscreants and buffoons, wondering whether I will be able to teach my students tomorrow at all or if I will need to take more days off simply dreaming of imaginary magical "dispatchers", the mythical sugar plum fairies of Verizon. Hey, you know what? Maybe I'll go eat some rainbow gumdrops too and then ride my magical unicorn off to a wonderful wireless world filled with four-leaf clovers and centaurs!

Verizon, the sad fact is I'd be better off if Harry Potter came to fix my DSL. At least Harry—a fictional character—doesn't disappoint people.

The best part of it all? In a moment of true weakness, I asked one of your service representatives if they could at least look up Time Warner's number for me so I could switch my service, which I couldn't do because my DSL works about as well as our non-existent plan to get out of Iraq. What was the customer representative's response?

"We don't have Internet."

At least this is fair, then. Pretty hilarious for an Internet company, right?

Pathetic is more like it.

I'd like to point out that now it is 4:59. No one is here. No one will be here. After three hours on the phone with your "Complaints" office and "Executive Office", I have been told by everyone that "no one is coming today" and they are "sorry". "Someone will come tomorrow."

I've heard this one before.

So, Verizon, this is me congratulating you. Why, you ask? Because your tagline, "We never stop working for you" is astoundingly accurate. The fact is you never actually started, so it would be hard to stop, now wouldn't it?

I apologize if this letter has taken away any of your precious work time. I realize that some people are allowed to go to their jobs to earn money so that they can afford to live, while others simply have the misfortune of waiting at home for narwhals, unicorns, and imaginary service-people to fix their telephone lines.

Please accept my sincerest apologies, and excuse this disruption to your schedule.

Sincerely,

Ariel

Shockingly, it is not a problem with the line or the box. It is a problem with the coding coming in through the line. The technician tells us that our line is showing both Adelphia codes and Comcast codes coming through it. When both sets of codes hit the box, the box shuts down.

Laura's email, inside...

To whom it may concern -

I have had completely unreliable service from your company for over two weeks now. I have given up on calling any of you numerous 800 numbers and have decided to send you a timeline of the incredibly poor service that I have received.

Timeline: 2/10/07 - channels 23 - 70 were not coming through. I called to resolve the issue and after being instructed to re-boot my cable box 5 times, I was told there was a widespread outage throughout all of Massachusetts. I called four more times that night and had varying successes in getting my service somewhat back to normal. In the end, the last person to 'help' me ended up crashing my cable box and it was unusable.

2/11/07 - I called again and was told that a service technician would have to come out.

2/13/07 - we had a service call scheduled for the 5PM - 7PM slot. I left work 1.5 hours early to meet this appointment. While I was driving home, the technician called to tell me he was not coming. As I arrived home, I was shocked to find a Comcast van in the driveway of my neighbor's house. That evening I drove down to my local Comcast office and delivered the broken cable box to them. They gave me a new one. I went home and plugged it in and discovered that I was not receiving over half of the channels that I pay for. I called your 800 number and the 'helpful' technician once again sent a signal to my box — it crashed. I was then told that they would set up a service appointment for me on the 16th. I opted to drive back to the local office. I received another new cable box and was told that the problem was the result of Comcast's botched take-over of Adelphia. The coding that was put in place was incorrect, but no one had bothered to fix it.

02/15/07 - I excitedly sat down to watch my DVR's recording of Lost only to discover that once again my cable box was dead.

02/17/07 - another service appt. This time, the technician showed up and gave us another new box (keep in mind; this is the 3rd box in less than a week). He told us the same thing we had heard on the 13th about the coding being incorrect.

2/19/07 - Another dead box. My husband took the trip to our local office this time and received our 4th bright, shiny and new cable box.

2/23/07 - Shockingly, another dead cable box. We called to complain and were told that the problem was not the box, but the line coming in. A service appointment was scheduled for 02/26.

02/26/07 - technician arrives. Shockingly, it is not a problem with the line or the box. It is a problem with the coding coming in through the line. The technician tells us that our line is showing both Adelphia codes and Comcast codes coming through it. When both sets of codes hit the box, the box shuts down.

So, here it is 17 full days from the start of our problems with you. I have had 3 service appointments (1 of which was cancelled), 4 new boxes, and I can't remember how many calls (upwards of 20). At this point, we have a box and we can use the DVR. However we are still not receiving channels 23 - 70 (have not seen those channels since 02/10). I don't dare call your 'help' line for fear that a signal will be sent to my box that will crash it again. I'm hoping that someone on your end will get your act together and finally fix this coding issue. You must have some programmers on staff who can fix this.

I refuse to pay for service for the month of February, and at this point it is looking like March as well.

Please, I just want my normal service that I pay for back. I want to watch channels 23-70 again. I miss the Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

FIX THIS PROBLEM NOW.

Sincerely, Your disgruntled former Happy Adelphia customers

It's got computer technicians rappelling out of helicopters, Fabio, and a three-day laptop repair turnaround time.

Perhaps the inhabitants of Geek Squad City will be a breed better than those that populate local Best Buys.

Footnotes:
Geek Squad Gouges
Deja Vu: Geek Squad Gives Elderly Couple's Hard Drive to Flea Market
Welcome to Best Buy! How Can We Steal Your Computer Today?
Best Buy Sold 'Destroyed' Hard Drive at Flea Market

When their 8-year-old refrigerator suddenly started making noises, they called Sears and were told that a repair person could be sent to their house for $65. Naturally, the guy missed the scheduled time, but claimed that it was ok because he at least he called during the 4 hour window. You know, the four hour winddow when he was supposed to be at their house fixing shit? Right. This is a modification on the scam that is always pulled on me, where the repair guy randomly calls your cell phone or your fax number (rather than your house phone) and because you didn't pick up, he cancels your appointment. If you call him back to tell him, "Yes, I took the day off to sit here waiting for you, I'm home. Please god, don't do this to me." He doesn't answer the phone and you have to wait two more weeks to get your defective dryer fixed. Sears has done this to me, personally, three times.

Anyway, when the guy finally shows up, he takes a look at the icebox and proclaims the ice-maker not hooked up to the water system. He disconnects the power to the ice-maker and all is well. Sort of.

This is when Dan finds out that the $65 dollars was just a base fee, and that since there was a "serious problem" Dan didn't qualify for that rate. The new price was $109. Of course, if Dan didn't want him to do the repair, he'd take his $65 dollars and leave.

This begs the question, what exactly is NOT a serious problem? The appliance just isn't plugged in? Read Dan and Marguerite's repair drama after the jump.

Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail. My wife and I recently had an encounter with Sears: In August, '06, I called Sears regarding a strange noise coming from our 8 year old refrigerator. Sears said that they would have a technician out on Tuesday between 8 am and 12 noon, the minimum charge is $65.00. On the Tuesday I waited for Sears, at 11:53 am I received a call from the Sears technician who stated that he would be able to get to my home between 1 pm and 5 pm. I asked about the 8-to-12 timeframe and he said that they are required to state a 4 hour timeframe but that on the day of the call we are put on a route list and that my name fell in the afternoon, and that he was calling before 12 noon to inform me of the schedule, therefore he was within the timeframe. When the technician arrived he looked at the refrigerator and stated that the ice-maker bar was in the "on" position and since it wasn't hooked up to a water system it made the noise because it wanted to make ice. The technician stated that he could disconnect the ice-maker mode and eliminate any further noise. I said, okay. I then stated that I would make the check out for $65.00. The technician stated the cost was $109.00. I asked about the $65.00 price quote I had received over the phone and re-stated via the computer reminder the day before the appointment. The technician stated that if he found a serious problem then he would make an estimate for cost and at that time if I refused to have the work performed then the charge would be $65.00. As I didn't meet that criteria the charge was $109.00. I then asked the technician how many people pay the $65.00 rate, he said very few, and the $109.00 was the normal charge. I contacted Sears regarding their policy and was told that the charges were correct. I then requested that I have my name removed from their mailing/tele-marketing list and was told that it would take about 8 weeks. My feeling is that Sears is willing to write off a percentage of customers who complain rather than try to correct a problem with their way of doing business. Again, thank you for your time. Dan & Marguerite

• ConsumerAvenger (going in the comments as The Cultural Icon) reports that she did finally receive a NEW motorola RAZR, just as she asked for. "I'm still planning on turning over creation because of what I've been through but at least people can call me," she says.

• We wanted to know whatever happened with Andrew W and the creepy Comcast tech but he hasn't responded to our followup inquest. Don't leave us hanging!

• Dan says TWC has continued to be helpful and the next step is to get his roommate to give a description of the tech who showed up to his house unannounced. That's proving difficult because his roommate is never home, never answers his phone or responds to his messages, and is in general, a useless schmuck.

His turboed executive customer service call (which we helped him achieve, thank you very much), went from Terri (customer care advocate), to Barry Rosenblum (Executive Vice President, Operations, Northeast Region) to Tom Allen (V.P. of TWC security of NY and NJ).

Allen said he's opening a case on the situation. More than just looking at job numbers, he can cross reference assigned techs and territory and see if someone was out of place. Edelman say Allen gave him his personal line and "was really nice and helpful."

Adding, "I think at that level they realize the seriousness of it...the possible lawsuitiness."

Dan had to run off to a lunch meeting and promises more details later. While we wait for him to finish his pastrami, read our full IM convo inside.

By way of explanation the tech offered, "This is the nature of the beast," and left.

Long version: inside.

Mark writes:

I recently (Friday, August 18, 2006) had Time Warner Cable install high-speed, wireless internet service in my apartment. After almost one and one half hours of installation, including the technician having to re-run the exterior cabling for the job TWICE, i was left with an old, busted up cable modem/router and poor connectivity, at best.

Now, I had just finished writing a check to the tune of $160 dollars for this service when I got a good look at the hardware they left with me and discovered a used, malfunctioning router. You can see in the pics that their are black smudges and fingerprints on the top and bottom of the router. Also, i found that if you touch the powersupply entering the router, the device will reset itself.

While I was not happy with this hardware, it was functioning properly, for the time being. I got almost three hours of internet service before i started experiencing long periods of no connectivity. I was very unhappy at this point. So the first thing I do, like any other consumer, is to contact my customer service representative at Time Warner Cable. While I cant complain of my experiences with the support team, I also cannot praise them. I got no apologies or explanations for the faulty product and poor service i received. I did, however get an appointment for a service technician to visit my apartment the following Monday, August 21.

That day came, and the man arrived, only to find, at my amazement, that I was getting a good signal good connectivity. I then brought this gentleman to the hardware and showed him the problem with the powersupply. Unbelievably, this supposedly trained technician advised me to put a pack of matches and a bottlecap underneath the powersupply to keep it from moving, leaving me speechless. He then explained that "this is the nature of the beast" (wtf does that mean?) and promptly left my place.

Now, I wont pretend to be very well versed in modern computer technology, but I know a faulty product when i see it. I paid alot of money to have this hardware and service installed, and the product is poor. Unfortunately for me, Time Warner Cable holds a monopoly on high-speed internet service in my area. They are the only providers of broadband service, so currently, I am stuck with their services. I have made three phone since the "matches" incident, and have another service appointment scheduled for Thursday, August 24 to remove the mentioned router and replace it with an "updated" piece. I will continue to subscribe to Time Warner Cable as long as they are without competition in my area.

When Edelman (pictured) heard about this, he raced home to find out if anything was stolen. Upon inspection, nothing seemed amiss, but the mystery remained. What was this guy doing there?

There's two possibilities we can think of:
1) A TWC tech has gone buckwild.
2) Someone in Park Slope is impersonating a TWC tech and casing people's joints.

To find out, Edelman began questioning Time Warner customer service. They were no help, so he started IMing us with advice for how to conduct his calls. We walk him through, live...

Follow along our exciting IM journey, inside!

Stay tuned for the next installment in this scintillating true customer service crime!

"The safety and privacy of our customers is our highest priority. We take this seriously and we want to investigate the allegation immediately. We interact with millions of customers a week (on the phone and in the home) so any assistance you can provide would be greatly appreciated, because as you can imagine, we feel obligated to our customers to fully investigate this."

We put her in touch with Andrew and his friend. We'll see what happens. Too bad there's no YouTube.

Brian's unhappy because Comcast fired the technician and won't rehire him. Brian has called at least three times, asking Comcast to to rehire the tech, but they have declined.

"This was a structural issue, the man should never have been on hold for over an hour," writes Brian on Snakes on a Blog. "This was a problem to be dealt with by structural changes, not by scapegoating. If Comcast was trying to make me happy, they failed."

While Brian's sentiments and efforts are noble, he should get real. Comcast ineptitude aside, there's no excuse for falling asleep on the job, especially at a customer's house. Anything less sends a message that this behavior is tolerable.

Wednesday, the regional VP of Comcast called Brian. Thursday, a crack team of techs arrived at Brian's apartment and worked from 7pm until midnight and finally resolved his multifold issue.

On his blog, Brian writes, "This crew was extremely professional, efficient and they knew what they were talking about. It was great. If Comcast could provide this level of service for every person experiencing connection issues, they'd be the darling of the industry."

Perhaps mass shaming through internet audio and video will become the new tool to subverting businesses back into good customer service. Only one way to find out—break out the recording devices!

"Snakes on a Comcast Issue Resolved" [Snakes on a Blog] (Thanks to Joshua!)

Previously: Comcast Tech Falls Asleep on Customer's Couch

A troll by the name of Lance gurgled on Brian's blog, "not a Comcast tech /// Comcast corporate policy says no shorts."

Because of course, besides this, Comcast is the queen's tits when it comes to customer service. If the guy's gonna fall asleep on the couch, we doubt strict adherence to dress codes is his first concern.

"Snakes on a Comcast Internet Connection" [Snakes on a Blog]