Did you know that UPS is now able to teleport packages hundreds of miles in only a few minutes? It’s true. Well, that, or something went slightly wrong with the timestamps on reader Kain’s package. [More]
Someone Warn This Time-Traveling Cookie Box About The Great Depression
By April 19, 2013
Who knew that they had delicious off-brand Thin Mints at the beginning of the 20th century? We didn’t. Yet John discovered this box of cookies that expired way back in 1914. Yet it has a UPC and brags that the cardboard is 100% post-consumer waste. What is this madness? [More]
In-Store-Only Digital Downloads Are Not The Way To Get People Flocking Inside Best Buy
By April 10, 2013
For brick-and-mortar retailers, getting customers to walk into their stores has always been a challenge. Today, it’s even more so. But the secret to success in the third decade of the e-commerce era probably isn’t making digital downloads “In-Store Purchase Only.”"I wanted to buy some Microsoft points for Xbox…..ummm, I’m not quite sure I understand this one Best Buy,” reader Aaron writes. “Digital Download in-store?” [More]
How Do You Re-Use A Naughty Cake Pan To Make Something Less Naughty?
By February 27, 2013
It seemed like a really great idea to order a penis-shaped cake pan and make a dirty dessert for your friend’s bachelorette party. But now you have no similar shindigs coming up, don’t need the pan anymore, and you don’t want your neighbors to see it between your old food processor and that iced tea maker at your next yard sale. Throwing it away would be a waste. What do you do? What do you do? [More]
Walmart Will Kick-Start Your Fitness Regime With Chocolate Bark And Crisco
By February 4, 2013
Kelly noticed a display at Walmart with signs that said “Get back on track,” which she assumed meant health foods and workout equipment. What else could it be? (Well, maybe NASCAR merchandise.) Instead of protein supplements and Shake Weights, she found cake mixes and cans of Crisco. Pretty much the opposite of what she was expecting. [More]
Don’t Miss These Great Sales At Target And Meijer
By January 17, 2013
We don’t hate the foot soldiers of retail here at Consumerist. What we hate are the processes that make lead to pointless non-sale signs posted on shelves that waste everyone’s time and either confuse customers or make them giggle. Here are two. [More]
Taylor Rewrites Time, Crams 85 Minutes In An Hour
By May 1, 2012
Sure, you might wish that there were more hours in the day to get things done. But what if there were more minutes in every hour? That’s what Taylor Precision Products, maker of measuring devices, from thermometers to scales, has apparently accomplished with one of their timers. It puts at least 85 minutes in every hour, for maximum productivity. It’s either that, or a hilarious typo. [More]
How To Gift-Wrap A Cat
By December 8, 2011
Giving pets as a gift is rarely a good idea unless it’s been cleared with the recipient ahead of time. But that doesn’t mean you can’t amuse yourself by swaddling your existing pets in wrapping paper and bows. [More]
Pretend To Be A Dinosaur, Get A Free House?
By August 5, 2011
Housing in a major city like Vancouver is expensive. In order to achieve the dream of homeownership, you can work hard for years in order to save up for a down payment on a house. Or you can be like one enterprising resident, and offer your services as a pet pretend dinosaur on Craigslist in exchange for a house. It’s just crazy enough that it might… nah, it’s still not going to work. [More]
Banks Impose Surcharge For Using The Word 'Bank'
By July 14, 2011
As usual, parody news site The Onion has managed to produce fake news that tells the truth better than actual facts can. This week’s radio newsflash: not satisfied with charging us fees to receive statements, use tellers, use ATMs, have accounts, and transfer funds, banks will now automatically charge us seventy-flve cents to use the word “bank.” That sentence cost me $1.50. [More]
An iPad 2 Smart Cover Is Much Less Entertaining Without The iPad
By April 19, 2011
Jeremy’s iPad 2 has been backordered, and he has to wait another month or so to receive it. That’s okay, though. They sent along his Smart Cover in advance, and he’s found at least as many uses for the cover as he would have had for the iPad. Kind of. [More]
Welcome To The 6th Annual Worst Company In America Tournament!
By March 15, 2011
Ladies and gentlemen of business, it’s our proud honor to welcome you, your staff, your customers and your CEO to the opening of the 6th annual Worst Company In America tournament! It’s a knockdown drag out battle to the death. 32 companies go in, but only one can come out. It’s like Highlander, Battle Royale, the Hunger Games, and Survivor all rolled into one delicious, much-less-profitable package. So without further ado, let us turn it over to a silly video of Ben Popken playing basketball. [More]
Use A Beer Holder Thingy To Stop Shaving Cream Rust Rings
By January 12, 2011
You know, a lot of those “New Uses For XYZ Random Item” stories magazines come up with are really pretty stupid, but I hate rust rings on my bathtub and I am incapable of remembering that they will happen if I leave the shaving cream just sitting there. [More]
How This $2,000 HDMI Cable Will Change Your Life
By January 10, 2011
If you have an extra $2,000 in your home entertainment budget, consider investing it in the 12-meter AudioQuest Coffee cable. Oh, sure, it’s not for everyone, but online customer reviews report life-changing and scientifically impossible experiences that you just can’t get with your ordinary $5 HDMI cable. [More]
Collection Of Ridiculous Warning Labels
By January 7, 2011
Woman’s Day has rounded up some of the more silly of the fine-print warnings appearing on products. You know, those one’s like on the kid’s Batman cape where it says, “Warning: Cape does not enable wearer to fly.” I think my favorites are the “Terrestrial Digital Outdoor Antenna which warns “Do not attempt to install if drunk, pregnant, or both.” And of course there’s the iPod shuffles’, “Do not eat iPod shuffle.” Gotta love lawyers. [More]
You Are Not Alone, iPhone Auto-Correct Does That To Other People Too
By November 8, 2010
Do your friends without iPhones wonder why you randomly send them texts with the word “utter” or “boner” in them? The answer, as you’ve explained over and over again, is iPhone auto-correct. [More]
Sears Finally Runs Out Of Living Customers, Reaches Out To Zombies
By October 28, 2010
In an encouraging step, Sears has made its merchandise and web shopping experience more accessible to a marginalized population that most retailers ignore: zombies. They’ve even translated the site into Zombian. As they put it, “Zerger bargarz zambah barg!” Yes. [More]
If This Snickers Lady Scares The Crap Out Of You, You Are Not Alone
By October 5, 2010
Look, there’s nothing really to report here other than lots of people are scared of this commercial, and I’m one of them. That’s clearly what they were going for, so bravo to you, Snickers. [More]
