Tim says:

So for many reasons I'm leaving behind my Tivo and switching to a comcast dvr (it's cheaper, among other things - the entire story why I'm switching is for another email). When I went to Tivo's website to cancel my subscription I encountered the classic "But wait - you're such a good customer we'll give you discounts if you stay!!" message. Curious, I decided to see what sort of savings they're offering. Below is a screenshot of my findings. Tivo, like all good companies, apparently fails at math.

I can save $100 by upgrading my Tivo Series 2 dvr to a Tivo HD dvr. So instead of paying MSRP of $299.99, I only have to pay $249.99!!! Or if I go with a Tivo HD XL dvr, I don't have to pay the $599.99 - I only have to pay $549.99!!! This is such a great deal, that I felt compelled to pass it along. The only way I can see their claim of saving $100 is if I buy one of each. But that's a long stretch.

Yeah, we'd probably pass on this one.

Banks get a bad rap these days, and many deserve the criticism. Today, however, Citibank saved me as a customer by gracefully and reasonably dealing with my issue. The back story is what makes this interesting.

I clearly remember opening my account in 1977 at the age of 14 with my first $200. Back then it was called First National City Bank and was the only institution with ATM devices. Because I was under 18, my account was flagged as a minor and service charges were waived. Well, that setting lasted until this month when I finally got hit with checking account fees! Can you believe that I got away with service fees for 32 years! The nerve of some people :)

Since this has become my secondary account, I called them to cancel. Venkatesh, the outsourced, overseas CSR noticed that my account was from the dark ages. In fact, it was configured as close to a passbook account as you can get these days. He quickly suggested another checking account option that will work just fine for avoiding fees and does not require changing my account number, (which is much shorter than what they give out these days). I'm not kidding when I say that Venkatesh was really excited to save a long term customer. I could hear the inflections in his voice. He did such a good job that I asked to speak with his supervisor to personally extend my thanks and compliments for such a good job.

So, chalk one up for Citibank in this age of impersonal banking and customer service.

Hire the right people, train them well, and you'll have satisfied customers who don't want to leave. Simple enough in theory, but hard to do in practice. Evidently.

Not that everyone can get personal satisfaction from their work as a bank customer service rep. Maybe Venkatesh is an aspiring actor.

(Photo: kiwanja)

He writes:

Short history - Got DirecTV in July 2007, each month since, I've had to call customer service about them shutting off channels or receivers not working. I have the protection plan (about $6 a month) so other than time and hassle it hasn't cost me anything.

Current event - We had the floors redone in the living room of our home. To accomplish this we had to move the TV and DirecTV box out of the way. We did. We didn't plug it in a new location, simply moved it to another room while the work was being done on the floor. Skip forward, the floor work is done and I got to plug the TV and DirecTV box back into exactly the same spot as before. Turn it all on and the DirecTV box doesn't find the satellite. I check all the connections, even the box where the satellite line connects into the "signal distribution" box to the rest of the TV's in the home (btw - all the other TV's are working fine).

Reluctantly, I call DirecTV support. After going through every single trouble shooting step with a polite technician Marisela, she concludes I need to have a technician come to my house. Then she says because I made a change to the installation, I would have to pay $79.95 for the service call. Huh?

Fortunately for me, I had just been reading how cell phone companies technicians and reps sometimes get it wrong, so I started asking for details and specifics. First I got her name and ID number. Next I confirmed that simply unplugging the box and plugging it back into the same place in the same configuration was considered a "change of installation". She said yes. 3 times or so. I then asked if this was detailed in the protection plan, and she said "yes". I then asked if the protection plan explicitly defined what "change of installation" was and she said "no". Again, from reading about cell phone companies on Consumerist, I realized that without a legal definition of change of installation, was an arguable fact and that if all else failed some of the other hints from Consumerist such as contacting company executives or filing a complaint with the FCC were last ditch options if I needed them.

During the conversation, I asked the technician to please make a note on my account so that when I talked to other people about this issue, I would not have to explain it all again. She did.

The thought hit me though, that with all the problems I've been having with DirecTV service, this $79.95 service charge was the last straw. As much as I love the high def clear signals from DirecTV and all 5 of my receivers, I just didn't want to have to keep calling DirecTV each month. I was sad because I really don't like cable tv.

I asked Marisela about my options for canceling my account. She said she would have to transfer me to a different department. Thinking ahead and having experience with disconnects after being transfered, I asked for the name of the group I would be talking to and their phone number in case I get disconnected. Turns out there is no direct line to the retention department.

After a few moments, I was transfered to the polite retention technician Jamie. I explained my situation and desire to cancel due to the continuing string of problems and now this $79.95 fee because unplugging and replugging my box was considered a "change of installation". Jamie immediately responded that simply unplugging and replugging the box would not qualify as a "change of installation". She also explained it was within the terms of the protection plan that you could move your DirecTV out of the way for remodeling, esp for cosmetic reasons and that if you plug it back into the same spot without triggering the "change of installation" issue. She was very helpful and I'm really glad I decided to speak to someone about canceling (something I only do if I really intend to cancel). Without speaking with Jamie, I would have been stuck paying $79.95 just to get the DirecTV box to work.

Following on tips from the Consumerist, I asked that the fact there would be no fee for the service call be noted in my account. She did so and included her ID number so if a fee did show up, I could easily get it removed.

Total phone time about 40 minutes. 20 minutes trying to trouble shoot, 20 mins on hold and discussing the situation. Unfortunate that I had to go through the situation, but thanks to the Consumerist, it turned out better than it could have.

Thanks again for your great work at the Consumerist.

(Photo: grendelkhan)

[via The Value Creation Process in Customer Relationship Management (PDF)]
* Reichheld, F. F. and Sasser, W. E. Jr. "Zero Defections: Quality Comes to Services", Harvard Business Review, September-October, 1990, pp. 105-111.

You'd think it was so easy: call to cancel service, and it's cancelled. And yet, it never is. Here's why.

Most customer service is outsourced, but either way, customer service is a cost. Businesses dislike costs. It's much easier to try to cut costs than to make more money; costs are to be minimized unless they can be directly quantified as creating more money. So customer service, which costs money, is generally done in a manner that costs the company the least amount.

Smart companies realize that good customer service does create more business. However, most companies either get the lowest possible costing customer service. This is done through, among other things, outsourcing to India. But one way to skirt this is to actually make money through customer service. This is generally done through two ways: upselling or retention.

I worked for a customer service outsourcer. It was part of our agreement with the client that we would retain a certain percentage of customers who wanted to cancel (25% to 30%). The client — our real customer — loved this. Through the magic of creating mandatory scripts for our CSRs to read, little actual personal interaction was a part of this process, in order to make it as predictable and regulated as possible.

In these scripts, if a customer wanted to cancel, you'd ask them why, then input the reason for a relevant retention script. There was often no option for "Prefers not to say" / "Doesn't know"; the CSR was responsible for asking more follow-up questions for "resistant" customers. In the rare cases that "Prefers not to say" was even in the script, the response would be something along the lines of "I can certainly understand you might now want to discuss the matter right now ... would you like to hold your subscription for three months [at which point we start billing you and you've probably forgotten] and be guaranteed the same rate?"

CSRs were tracked and rated based on their retention rates. It was also a part of their employee review. Reviews were done by the numbers: call length, attendance, customer retention. A small amount (generally 5%) was actually under the discretion of the supervisor for employees who, say, actually went out of their way to help customers out.

Failing to attempt customer retention was a serious offense; it was considered more serious than screwing up a customer's account. After all, screw up an account and it's probably an innocent mistake; fail to try to retain a customer, which was a huge part of employee training, could only be done by willful negligence. Not making at least two attempts to save the customer would also count against the "quality" of the call. Quality and retention percentages together generally comprised over half of the employee's score, which was the general measure of their performance, and strongly affected their pay and work schedule.

Not surprisingly, such strong focus on customer retention created many situations where employees would not cancel accounts. Misleading wording, while not encouraged by the company, was common to offer alternatives to canceling. Outright lies were less common, but still occurred. Often, many "mistakes" in processing accounts were failing to cancel. Strangely, accidentally cancelled accounts were rare to the point of extinction. After all, making a mistake on an account was less of a black mark than failing to retain customers, and a few extra mistakes were unlikely to be caught. Failure to meet the retention goals meant trouble and eventual termination. What's more, to decrease costs, management and any kind of oversight is minimal. Twenty, often thirty employees to one supervisor was the norm.

If you are a typical call center worker - unskilled, uneducated, living paycheck to paycheck off a generally low-pay and no-benefit job, being constantly driven by management to retain customers - what do you do when your numbers are low for the month: cancel Suzy Q.'s account and risk being fired, or sweep it under the table and be able to pay for your kids' school clothes? After all, if you call back tomorrow to see if the account's really cancelled, chances are this customer will reach a different CSR. Chances are, this call isn't one of the three or four calls a month that is actually monitored by someone. Chances are indeed very good that there will be absolutely no consequence to not canceling this customer's account, but there will definitely be a consequence if the account is actually cancelled.

You canceling your ISP's internet service or your magazine subscription is a very small matter to you. But it is a critical matter of employment to the CSR. Under such pressures, created by greedy companies, who can be surprised that "mistakes" are made.

Canceling an account is a battle of wills. Corporations are determined to keep your money; CSRs are determined to keep their job. Don't be a pushover. If one call doesn't work, call back. Keep calling until your account is cancelled; and then, call once more to verify.

(Photo: SpooSpa)

This promotion is not new and has actually been around for several years now (at least 3 years or so), and it's usually used, when/where necessary, as a short-term retention promotion. That said, this is by no means something Vonage uses broadly. Less than 1% of Vonage's total customers are currently in the $3.99 program. Since this is such a small number of Vonage's overall customers, the plan's low price point does not significantly impact the company's financials.

Vonage offers $3.99/month to retain customers [VOIP & Gadget Blog via ZDNet and VOIP Watch]
(Photo: Scot (PhotoNoob.net))

Vonage: Why are you canceling the account.
Mark: Because we no longer need the second line.
Vonage: Unfortunately I can't do that for you. You will have to call back during regular business hours and talk to Customer Retention
Mark: But I don't want to be retained I just want to close my Vonage account.
Vonage: I'm sorry sir I can't do that, you have to call back during regular business hours.

Customer Retention Department - Vonage Customer Service Sucks [Notes From A Tool User]

Tried to get Comcast to match any of the 4 different offers I received from AT&T to switch and save over 55 dollars a month for the same or better services I receive from Comcast now. (I don't particularly want AT&T-branded satellite and DSL, however.)

I've tried twice before, and I know the general idea is to keep calling/chatting back and get a new person. This time, however, it seems as if they are all sticking to their reading points.

Chris continues:

This was the end of my last chat session.

I explained that my $150 a month bill for partially-high speed internet (only fast when my condo community isn't awake) and my HDTV digital cable that seems to get more compressed each time they add another hi-def channel can't be justified at this time. I also explained one offer, which she apparently ignored when she copied and pasted the following two DSL lines. The kicker is in red.

Me(Tue May 29 08:38:32 EDT 2007)>
I know you can make offers to existing customers to prevent them from switching, I know that's pretty much why I'm talking to you. What offers can you make for me?

Stephanie(Tue May 29 08:38:32 EDT 2007)>
Our service is faster then the DSL service since it is on a phone line

Stephanie(Tue May 29 08:38:47 EDT 2007)>
You will have to get home phone service in order to have the DSL service

Stephanie(Tue May 29 08:38:56 EDT 2007)>
We do make offer

Stephanie(Tue May 29 08:38:59 EDT 2007)>
We offer service

Stephanie(Tue May 29 08:39:10 EDT 2007)>
If you want a service we will provide it

Wow, Stephanie was pulling out all the stops with that side-splitter.

Her only "offer" was an option that wouldn't have lowered my bill, but in fact, would have added an additional $33 a month for a feature I said I'd never use!

It doesn't seem like they're budging as of late, perhaps too many people have tried cutting their costs with this department just because they can, not because they're getting competitive offers. Is there a specific person I can speak to that will make the offer, or is the entire cancellation/downgrade department the "retention department" and I just have to keep sticking my arm in the barrel of fish?

That being said, you are not likely to get a better deal than the promotional "triple-play" package. In order to get Comcast to price match, do the following:

1) Call to cancel your service.
2) When you are directed to a retention specialist, they will ask you why you are canceling. Tell them they are too expensive and you're going to go without cable and use the money to take Spanish lessons.
3) They will give you a retention offer. If it's better than AT&T's take it, if not, cancel or hang up.

Don't waste your life arguing with a Comcast CSR. It's just not worth it.—MEGHANN MARCO

(Photo: Spidra Webster)
RELATED: Time To Call And Ask For A Discount, Comcast Revenue Up 80%

AOL didn't care, they just wanted more opportunities to pitch their cross-marketed crap.

Read his tale, inside...

Anonymous former AOL employee writes:

o Part of Member Connect for tech support was called "One Call/One Resolution" which sounded great, right? Call once and get your problem fixed. Sadly, this policy was more literally named. When you call, you get one attempt to fix the issue, then you have to call back. Here's how this crowd-pleaser worked:

+ Consultant: "Thank you for calling America Online, my name is [Corporate Drone]. How can I help you have an even better online experience?"
+ Member: "Well I can't get online."
+ Consultant: "I'm sorry to hear that, I'll be happy to help you with that issue. Have you restarted your computer since the problem began?"
+ Member: "No, I didn't know if I should do that."
+ Consultant: "No trouble at all, If you could please restart your computer, I'm confident that will resolve your problem. Here is a case number if you ever need to call us back for any other issues. Now before I let you go, I wanted you to know that AOL has arranged for you to receive a free computer lesson from Video Professor, I'll transfer you now for more information. Ok?
+ Member: "Aren't you going to stay with me and make sure this works? "
+ Consultant: "I'll transfer you now. Thank you for calling AOL and have a great day."

o ...One Call/One Resolution meant that when you received a call from a member you were only allowed to do ONE STEP in Sherlock before you had to end the call. HOWEVER, you weren't allowed to tell the member that, nor were you allowed to tell the member that you weren't allowed to tell the member. It made for heartbreaking interactions with people who had called multiple times in the same day who continued to be processed through the ringer rather than helped at all. Techs were particularly vocal about this policy, they hated it because from their perspective, they were there to fix the problem the member called about. Unfortunately, the ones who actually stayed on the line and fixed the issue were cited as failing to comply and written up. YES, written up for fixing the problems the members called about if they performed more than one troubleshooting step to get to the fix.

Another drawback was that a simple issue took forever to fix because the member had to keep calling back in after every step. From the revenue side of things this was explained as a perfect way to increase the number of "Smart Transfers" that could be sold.

+ Smart Transfer was a program whereby each customer who called would be pitched some product as a "member benefit." Video Professor and various others were pitched to every caller.

o The criteria for complying with Member First was a) Number of calls per hour b) Member Satisfaction c) Smart Transfer Rate and d) Attendance, but they were not all weighed equally. Actually, calls per hour and smart transfer rate were the most important.

It was clear that in order to not get written up you had to crank out as many calls as possible while selling products you had no faith in. People with 100% member satisfaction were fired for not hitting the metrics because they didn't take enough calls per hour, or didn't sell enough Smart Transfers. To make it even harder the policy changed again and you were not allowed to mention the Member Satisfaction survey that was sent at the end of each call, so even when you did fix the problem the focus was more on the shortness of the call and a successful sale than the member's satisfaction.

Here's a look into the mind of a consultant (myself) while performing a Smart Transfer:

o Consultant thinks to himself: "Shit, the call is ending and I fixed the problem, but it took twelve minutes and was supposed to be under 7:30, but at least I got it fixed... so I'll mention the Member Satisfaction Survey so I'll at least get that going for me. Dammit, that's right, I'm not allowed to mention the member satisfaction survey anymore... oh well, at least I fixed the problem and if they get the survey they'll be sure to give me an excellent rating."
o Member: "Hey, that's great! It's working now. Thank you!"
o Consultant: "You're very welcome, glad I could get that fixed for you."
o Consultant then clicks the mandatory Smart Transfer button since you cannot click the "End Call" button until you've pitched the Smart Transfer... silently praying he won't have to pitch Video Professor to another eighty year old who thinks he's great because he actually fixed the problem.
o Consultant thinks: "FUCK. It's a Video Professor pitch, it's a damned shame that I actually care about these people who call in, it'd be a lot easier to sell this crap if I didn't know exactly how this will play out. Oh well... here goes."
o Consultant reading script verbatim as required: Before I let you go, AOL has arranged for you to receive a computer lesson from Video Professor and a chance to receive a free digital camera. Please stay on the line for more details, OK?
o Member: Sure, thanks again.
o Consultant Transfers the member to Video Professor.
o Consultant in revulsion with himself: "Yeah, free computer lesson my ass. If I didn't have to read that damned script verbatim I could actually have told her this instead: AOL is getting paid to force me to send you to Video Professor for a free computer lesson. Well, free if you somehow manage to follow the hidden rules I'm not allowed to mention to you. For example the lesson will be sent to you in a package with three lessons, and you have to keep one of them and send the other two back within ten days. Oh, and you have to pay for the return yourself. Oh, and it's not ten days from when you receive it, it's ten days from when it is mailed out to you. Oh, and you'll also have to make sure it arrives back to them before the ten days, and isn't just post-marked before the ten days. Otherwise you'll get hit with a charge for $69.95, and another one next month, and the month after, because they're gonna keep sending you new lessons that you'll have to keep sending back at your own expense to ensure that you aren't charged again. Why do I keep doing this job again?"

ARchived: ValuPoint Transfer Offers and Rebuttals

Follow these guidelines the next time a member hesitates to accept a ValuPoint Transfer offer.

Last Updated On: 6/7/05
<< Back | Forward >>

Many of you have asked about using rebuttals during ValuPoint Transfer offers. Rebuttals are not mandatory in ValuPoint Transfer opportunities, but if you do want to offer a rebuttal to a member make sure it does not specify anything in general or take away from the meaning of the script. Why not try these recommended rebuttals:

If the member asks a question about the offer:

"I don't have all the details, but let me bring someone on the line who does, okay?"

If the member seems unsure of accepting the offer:

"This is a great benefit for our members so let me bring someone on the line to give you the details, okay?"

Remember: You are not selling the product for the partner or doing anything more to the member except raise their level of interest.Trying to do more than that risks creating a negative experience or providing wrong information to the member.

Following these simple suggestions will help your Transfer effectiveness and help keep the Member experience the best it can be!

Archived: Current ValuPoint Scripts

Our current scripts, all in one place.

Last Updated On: 11/27/06
<< Back | Forward >>

Here are the current scripts for ValuPoint. Each entry also has script non-compliant reasons that apply to that particular offer.

More general non-compliant reasons can also occur on any call. Improperly Set Expectations can occur if you give a time guarantee, or present as a personal favor or gender-specific reason. The two blind transfer reasons are; if the member does not know they are being transferred, or the member does not verbally accept being transferred.

Video Professor

Before I let you go, AOL has arranged for you to receive a computer lesson from Video Professor and a chance to receive a free digital camera. Please stay on the line for more details, OK?

HSIO DSL

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

HSIO Cable

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

Verizon DSL

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

Time Warner Cable-AOL Bundle

Before I let you go, I want to let you know that you may qualify for one of our great broadband offers. I am going to connect you to a specialist to see which offers are available, OK?

o Now you'd think that since member satisfaction was the goal that this wouldn't be very effective, but AOL loved Member First, just the way it was. In fact when asked about why the metrics were so very different than the originally proposed Member First, the reply was:

"\Why change the performance measures?"
+ We want to reward the right people: our high achievers.
+ We want to align the metrics with our business imperatives. In other words, consultants will be measured on the same things that are important to member satisfaction.

...AOL never seemed to overcome the schizoid view of things like this. I suppose they were thinking, "If we call it Member First and then implement the policies in such a way that totally prevents any successful member interaction then the member's satisfaction must increase!"

— BEN POPKEN

Tivo is now offering a trade-up program for older Series 1 Tivos. If you tell them your Series 1 machine is acting up, they will offer a highly discounted model (I got a series 2 Dual Tuner for $35 shipped) with your original service agreement.

I recently added a Dual Tuner to our house, and was going to cancel my older Series 1. When I called, the representative (very helpfully, I might add) suggested I take advantage of their new offer, and I couldn't resist. Now I have 2 Series 2 DT's, one at 14.99 a month, the other at 6.99 a month. They didn't even want the old series 1 back! Tivo customer service has rocked my world every time I have called.

You might be put off by the underlying condescending tone, but retention reps usually have an hyper-developed sense of their own power. Probably because they do wield a great deal of power when you're trying to cancel your cellphone contract, and as he says, the relationship you build with him in the first two-minutes will make all the difference between a pleasant and a fractious parting with your cellphone company...

(Photo: gordasm)

Hi guys. I'm a CURRENT retention rep for T-Mobile USA. Here's some tips for your readers on how to handle the cancellation call - and some inside tips on our thought processes.

Be Patient. We're doing our job. - Face it folks, we want to talk to you about as much as you want to talk to us. If you genuinely want to end your service, then we'll take care of you. Just like you though, we do have requirements for our job that we must perform to keep it. I know you don't care at that point if I can save you money with a preferred plan. I know you don't want a new phone and contract from us. Just humor us for an extra 30 seconds and let us make our offer as is required so we can move on to taking care of your cancel request. Our goal is to have you squared away within 8 minutes of answering. Often times sooner - 480 seconds is a target for average resolution time. Those eight minutes will be a lot more pleasant if you...

Be friendly and courteous. - I know there are a handful of reps out there that for whatever reason are just (insert expletive here). Most of us though are in this job because we like what we do. I personally took this job because I like talking to people and solving problems. Those skills took me out of the general queues and into retention and high-value queues. Do whatever with the gen reps. When you're talking to a Customer Loyalty rep, though, your courtesy and conversation while we're doing you've requested will be appreciated and reflected back ten-fold. This will also go a long way to help you...

Get the best deal. - So you don't really want to cancel, but you, like countess others, understand the game. Threaten to cancel, get transferred to me, and get that POS RAZR for 29.99 shipped instead of 49.99 after rebate. This works great if you're fully qualified (11 or more months since previous 12 month contract phone purchase or 22 months since 2 yr contract phone purchase and on a 39.99 rate plan or higher for an equal or greater number of months since same purchase - but months suspended for no pay don't count as months towards upgrade) But if you're not fully qualified, you don't get the rebate for the RAZR, so the gen price is 99.99. My price is 79.99. If we've got good rapport going, I won't even mention that 79.99 price to you. I can change order forms in about two clicks of a mouse and get it for you at 29.99 if I'm feeling frisky (albeit against policy, and I'm usually not going to ask my coach to violate policy) and if you're treating me right. I'm not Monty Hall. This isn't Let's Make a Deal. Your kindness to me, and the relationship we build in the first 2 minutes of the call is going to determine if I am willing to sacrifice my policy compliance to keep you as a customer. I will do anything I can possibly do for you if you will understand that there are limits to what I can do, and if you will try to...

Understand the system. - When we give you a handset price, that's our price. We cannot override that. We cannot adjust handset costs. We cannot issue credits to offset handset costs. It is simply not an option. If you don't like the price, simply say no thank you. Don't ask for free service. Can't do that either. Once upon a time we had a 6th month free offer. That's gone. Code is unrecognized now. We CAN however often times set you up on grandfathered features. For example, you want a fat messaging package on your 2 line family plan. 19.95 per month for unlimited messaging for families is right up your alley. If you're renewing a contract, I'll add it (or even change your existing feature) with the old FTMSG999 code and hook you up at half price. I can work the system that way. I can't make the system give something free. Also understand that the fact that you've been with us since it was Arial/Voicestream/Powertel/Western Wireless is wonderful in our eyes. We truly do appreciate that loyalty. We also understand it's been 3 years since you last got a phone, and you need a new one. But please understand that you reached maximum discount eligibility 2 years and a month ago, and you're not entitled to anything different because you didn't take advantage of that eligibility yet. You'll still get a better deal than a new customer, and most of us will toss in whatever perks we can to you for that loyalty. Speaking of credits...

Adjustment guidelines. - The hard and fast rule in retention is that if you've been with us less than 10 months, the most credit we can give by policy is 50% of your monthly charges. After ten months, we can offer up to 100%. Doesn't mean you'll get that much (See tip #2), but that's the cap. If it's a situation where an adjustment is my only save strategy, here's my steps. Let's say that you get over to me because you gave a trigger statement to a gen rep since you were charged a $100 out of warranty fee for water damage on an exchanged handset. (bonus tip: triggers include asking contract end date, mentioning canceling service, mentioning another provider's offer - all this will get you transferred to me if your line has been active greater than 10 months) First off, I'd listen to you tell me all about how you never dropped it in water (while you fail to realize that leaving it on the shelf in the bath while you take your steaming morning shower also induces water damage indicators) and how you will not pay the fee, and if we don't take it off, you'll cancel. Great. Makes no difference to me. So don't pay it. You'll be canceled soon enough anyway, and it won't count against my numbers. While you're telling me how inept the manufacturer's return center is at diagnosing water damage on devices they specialize in, I'm looking first at your service start date, your contract details, then your payment history (to garner the total amount of your cash we deposited), and finally your adjustment history. So say you've been with us 38 months. In those 38 months, you've paid us 1600 dollars with an additional $400 in adjustments. So that means in just over 3 years, we've paid 25% of your bills for you in adjustments. Guess what percentage of your monthly charges I'm going to offer you? You guessed it - 25%. Now that may go higher, remember, I can go as high as 100%. That's where tip #2 again kicks in. But regardless, the only way you're getting a credit higher than one month's service is in a re-rate situation where you went over your minutes, and agree to a new contract for a new plan in exchange for crediting overage less cost difference between old and new plans. And since we're on the topic of plans...

Ask for a preferred plan. - So your new plan isn't working out anymore. Don't settle for what's on the website. Don't settle for what the gen rep gatekeeper tells you about. Talk to retention. Just mention "cancel" to the IVR. We've got a handful of unadvertised, current plans. A popular example is 1000 minutes, free nights and weekends for $39.99. What's the catch for saving 120 bucks a year over the regular offering? In this case, we sign you up for 2 more years. Only want one year? Take 800 minutes instead for the same price - and get 200 more minutes than the standard plan at that price point. And along those lines...

Don't fear the contract. - If you just signed a two year contract 6 months ago, all a 2 year contract does is add 6 months to the end. A one year in the same scenario doesn't change anything. If you're out of contract, every special offer I throw your way is going to have a contract attached. If the contract is the deal breaker, the one and only thing I'll do out of the ordinary for you is change you to a current advertised plan and waive the contract. I'll do that to save your line(s), but apart from that, I'll cut my losses and cancel as you wish.

Finally, Do your homework before you call. - Don't insult my intelligence and ask me to give you a Sidekick for free cause Sprint will. Don't tell me that AT&T is going to give you a thousand minute family plan and two new blackberries and BIS service for 49.99 a month with no contract. My response to that nonsense? "Wow! What a great deal Mr. Beayesser! Are you porting your T-Mobile number to AT&T? No? Well then let me tell you some basic information about cancellation as I prepare to cancel your account." If you're going to bluff, be aware that it may just be called.

Why is it this way?- The relationship/rapport aspect is based on the fact that a) it's common decency and b)it's the basis for about half of our quality score. We get good scores, we get bigger bonuses, more advancement opportunities, etc. Your job gives you one, maybe 2 performance reviews a year. Mine gives me 11 each month. Handset pricing: I don't know who sets the prices. All I know is that my order form tells me the price based on your personal account history. We simply have no way of lowering the price beyond a maximum lowest cost. Adjustment policy: T-Mobile is a business. We don't make money by giving money away. I damn sure don't like T-Mobile giving my money to anyone else, and I'm not going to do the same with theirs. If it's an invalid charge, we will credit it without fail. However if you used the service, you owe the bill. Contracts: Simple. It sweetens my pot. I get an above average hourly wage, a quarterly performance bonus based on quality scores and call resolution time. I also get two monthly bonuses. I get 400 bucks if I come in contact with a minimum number of subscribers (not accounts, but rather actual active lines) who are still active 30 days after my contact with them. For each additional 25 subscribers, I get another 25 bucks, no limit. Could you put an extra $1000 to use a month? Yeah, me too. The other monthly bonus gives me $2.50 for the first 60 contracts I set for customers in the 11th (or 22d) month of contract or later. After the first 60, it's $4 each. 200 contracts a month = $710. So yeah, it's worth it for me to "save" you. But, coming full circle now, if you just want to cancel, let me make my one offer so I can move along, get you on with your day, and get on to my next customer with 5 lines, all out of contract, wanting to get some new Nokias.

— BEN POPKEN

Carolyn's email exchange with Sprint, inside...

Carolyn continued to battle with CSRs until she reached Paulina. In exchange for actually signing new two-year contracts, Paulina offered Carolyn a reasonable deal that approximated her old service package. Carolyn asked for the offer in writing, but Paulina said Carolyn could call her back anytime to accept. When Carolyn did call back, neither Paulina, nor the deal she offered, could be found.

When Carolyn called Sprint Executive Support to complain, she was told to "write a letter." The other day Carolyn received a letter. Her contracts have all been signed to new one-year contracts.

The full email exchange, below.

Jan 3 I called Sprint PCS to clear up Dec 15 inv incorrect chgs for anytime mins used over top tier. Was told this happened because the acct wasn't coded into Sprint system correctly so lines weren't sharing minutes. Also chgd for roaming even though acc't has America plan which has no roaming charges. Rec'd $105.23 credit adjustment for Dec 15 invoice

Jan 15 inv has incorrect chges for anytime mins used over top tier even though acct had 500 unused shared anytime mins remaining. Same inv also has incorrect charges on one of the lines: unltd SMS messaging - changed from $5/mo to $15/mo, and Vision Pack changed from $7.50/mo to $15/mo

1/26 I emailed SprintPCS.com - Question re acct#*********-*: 4 phones sharing mins - on 1/3/07 I called Sprint CS to review Dec 15 inv - was chgd for "shared anytime mins above top tier" though we hadn't used all of anytime mins in the plan. Also charged for roaming which is included in our 'America' plan. Was told reason for mistaken chgs was because acct was entered into Sprint's system incorrectly. The result: credit for $105.23 for the 12/15/06 invoice.

On 1/15/07 invoice - one of the lines on the acct still being chgd for mins used above top tier (have a 1400 Anytime Mins Plan - used 881 mins) called Sprint CS. and rec'd $13.60 credit. 45 mins into the call we discovered that another line's plan had been inexplicably changed on 1/3/07 increasing chgs for unlmtd SMS messages from $5 to $15 and Sprint Vision Pack from $7.50 to $15. Rep couldn't help since 'system' wouldn't let her. She transferred me to the Retention Dept. who correct error but didn't give credit for SMS and Sprint Vision Pack overcharges.

I've been a pretty patient Sprint PCS customer since 1998 when many calls were routinely dropped, or couldn't be completed, or the system was overloaded and had to try the call later, etc. But after all these years,I am amazed that Sprint doesn't have a system that allows reps to change codes that were entered into system incorrectly.

please tell me who I should send my bill to for the hours I've spent so far helping Sprint figure out their invoices.

Jan 27 email from Sprint PCS
Thank you for contacting Sprint together with Nextel. I will be happy to assist you regarding the billing concern. I sincerely apologize for the incorrect charges on the invoices, which was due to error in the plan set up. I do not blame you for being upset.

To get your issue resolved, it is best to have a verbal interaction with our specialist. Please contact us by dialing *2TALK from your PCS Phone or by dialing 1-888-788-4727 from a landline phone. Our specialists will thoroughly review the account and make the necessary corrections.

I have also notified the account about your issues so that the specialist assisting you will have a point of reference. Thank you for contacting us, we look forward to serving you.
Veronika T. E-Care Sprint together with Nextel
"Where our customers come first!"
Refer someone to Sprint and get $25.
Visit www.sprint.com/referralprogram for details.

Jan 29 email from me to Sprint: Dear Veronika T. Thanks for your response but I've already been there - done that. The CSR I spoke to for 45 mins during my last call couldn't change the 'codes.' The retention dept rep couldn't be bothered. I'm left with a solution that is: 1) as clear as mud to me so that if it doesn't appear on my next Sprint inv I can't even explain to a CSR what 'it' is, and 2) it is not reflected on my current (Jan 15th) invoice. The first, helpful rep credited my account for the 'overage' minutes. But the second retention dept rep didn't credit me for the $15 SMS msg chg which should be $5 or for the $15 Vision package chg which should be $7.50.

And, seriously, please tell me who I can send my invoice to for the time I've invested in helping Sprint PCS fix the 'bugs' in your invoicing system.

Jan 29 email from Sprint:
Thank you for writing back to us. I will be glad to provide clarification regarding the billing concern. I noticed that the service plan for the main line was changed as of November 15, 2006. This new plan includes roaming, but the old plan prior to this date never included roaming. Therefore, whatever roaming charges incurred prior to November 15, 2006 are billed correctly.

During the plan change process, there was error in the set up of the additional line. Therefore, you were billed the additional tier charge and roaming charges on your previous and current invoices. However, all the necessary credits for the incorrect charges have already been credited.

The necessary plan changes have been made as of Jan 02, 2007 to avoid these incorrect charges. You will no longer be billed incorrectly from your next invoice onwards.

The old Vision Pack and the Unlmitd SMS Text Messaging option were removed when the plan for the main line was changed in Nov 15, 2006. This is because these options that were offered at a subsidized rate were compatible with the old plans and cannot be continued with the new plans.

Therefore, the new Vision Pack and the Unlimited SMS Text Messaging option for $15 each were added as of Jan 03, 2007. I am sorry that you were not educated about these changes and apologize for the confusion this has caused. A specialist has removed these two options effective Feb 14, 2007 and added the Vision Pack (for $5 per month) and the Unlimited SMS Text Messaging option (for $8 per month). This is the best we can offer as the old options are no longer available.

I understand you have been greatly inconvenienced while trying to get these issues resolved and have spent many hours to get it resolved. We are reviewing our service procedures to ensure that incidents like this do not happen again.

I have applied 100 courtesy minutes as a token of compensation for the inconvenience caused. These courtesy minutes will be available after you have used all of your Anytime Minutes. These minutes will be available for the current billing cycle only.

We hope that you will give us another chance to provide you with the kind of service you deserve and that all your future experience with us gives you satisfaction.
Thank you for contacting Sprint. We appreciate your business, and look forward to providing you first class service in the future. Have a great day!
Veronika T. E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel "Where our customers can Refer someone to Sprint and get $25.

Jan 30 email to Sprint: Dear Veronika, Thanks for helping me understand the errors that have been made on my acct's invoices. Your explanations are not very satisfying. For example, I'm having a lot of trouble with your explanation that:

"The old Vision Pack and the Unlimited SMS Text Messaging option were removed when the plan for the main line ***-***-**** was changed in November 15, 2006. This is because these options that were offered at a subsidized rate were compatible with the old plans and cannot be continued with the new plans.

Therefore, the new Vision Pack and the Unlimited SMS Text Messaging option for $15 each were added for line ***-***-**** as of Jan 03, 2007. I am sorry that you were not educated about these changes and apologize for the confusion this has caused."

Not educated? Confusion? Let's be straight with each other. Sprint PCS made changes to my acct that I was not told about (these conversations are recorded, right?) and you're sorry? So two services (SMS Messaging and Vision Pack) that were costing me $12.50 a month were changed to $30/month for the exact same services. And I wasn't informed.

Your inability, for whatever reason, to take the $30 a month chg for Vision Pack and SMS Messaging off my existing inv and replace it with a corrected $12.50 charge, refusing to acknowledge that my time is worth money (this isn't a paid occupation for me) and dismissively offering 100 'free' minutes when our most recent invoice had more than 500 unused anytime minutes on it, coupled with Sprint's 'error in the setup' that took me not one, but two phone calls to customer service and at least 90 mins to clear up (my last most recent phone call to you was primarily to point out we are STILL being charged for mins above top tier when we had almost 600 anytime mins in our plan that weren't used that month) - all this does not add up to any kind of customer satisfaction or customer retention. Since three of the four phones on our plan are not new phones I am going to start shopping today for new phones and plans with a new carrier for these phones and as soon as I find them will be canceling our Sprint account.

So you can keep the 100 courtesy minutes - maybe you can use them for yourself! But I am insisting that you at least correct my most recent invoice to reflect ALL the errors you've made on my behalf. And if you have any interest in keeping this account and retaining us as customers after all these years, try making a realistic apology in the form of - let's say two months of free service for the account.

And if we are going to get into 'penalty' fees when I do cancel, then I am going to have to insist upon hearing the recording that Sprint made on Nov 15th when changes to the account were put in place. But I don't think that will be necessary, do you?

Jan 29 email from me to Sprint
And by the way, the changes in chgs for SMS messages from $5 to $15 and Vision Pack from $7.50 to $15 are NOT on my Dec 15th inv, so please tell me how you could make the following statement in your last email to me:

"The old Vision Pack and the Unlimited SMS Text Messaging option were removed when the plan for the main line was changed in Nov 15, 2006. This is because these options that were offered at a subsidized rate were compatible with the old plans and cannot be continued with the new plans."

I am very upset and unhappy with Sprint PCS.

Jan 30 email from Sprint:
Thank you for writing back to us. In order to best address your concerns, I have arranged a call back for you. A Customer Care agent will be contacting you within 48 business hrs to respond to your concern.Thank you for contacting us. Have a great day.
Abebi R. Business E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel "Where our customers come first!"

Jan 31 email from Sprint Customer Solutions to me
Greetings!
This is the follow-up to our conversation dated 01/31/2007 regarding your the vision pack and unlimited sms option.

I have reviewed your account and found that the Vision Pack $15 and the Unlimited SMS pack $15 will get expired dated 02/14/2007 and the Vision Pack $7.50 and the Unlimited SMS pack $8 will be added on your account dated 02/15/2007.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to speak with me about your concerns. It was a pleasure talking to you. I am glad I was able to assist you.

If you think that you have resolved the issues satisfactorily, please fill the customer satisfaction survey form to rate my performance over this call on the scale of 1 to 5, where 5 being the highest. If you have already filled this form, please use the same link again to rate my performance or you may reply this mail with your feedback. This will really provide me a valuable feedback

Thank you for choosing Sprint. Have a nice day.
Sharon M. E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel "Where our customers come first!"

Jan 31 email to Sharon M. E-Care Sprint
Huh? What? I think we definitely misunderstood each other. This is not a satisfactory solution for me. I was paying $5 for unlimited SMS so $8 is not BETTER - it is $3 more a month, plus the incorrect chgs for SMS on my current Jan 15th inv of $15 and $5.81, and the Vision Pack chgs of $15 and $5.81!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry to say that I was not able to understand you very well when you told me how much my SMS and Vision Pack plans would cost on a going-forward basis. I completely misunderstood you.

On Jan 26th, Christie from Retention Dept offered me unlimited SMS for $8/month and a Vision Pack for $5/month (to make up for the increase in the unlimited SMS plan). So your proposed solution is inferior to Christie's from Retention. I would like to speak to someone from Sprint who is serious about helping me resolve these issues.

Feb 1 Sprint Customer Solutions to me
My name is Opal and I am a representative of Sprint Together with Nextel.

I have reviewed your account today, as well as the emails to and from you and our representatives. I apologize for the inconveniences you have experienced.

Unfortunately, as our systems are set up, once a plan or feature is changed on your account from a old plan that is no longer offered we are unable to change your service back to the previous plan. Though we will do our best to match your previous plan or feature in price and service.

Looking back on the issues you have had, I do see that we have rectified overage charges and have put our efforts into finding the best solution for you, because as I mentioned, we cannot change plans back once they are switched from unavailable plans.

I do see that you have received credits on your acct this month to accommodate for the extra charges caused by incorrect plans on your account. As well, the offer made to you concerning text messaging and Vision services only charges you an extra $0.50 difference from what you previously had.

Previously, you had:
SMS Unlimited: $5
Sprint PCS Vision: $7.50

New features to be activated on 02/15/2007:
SMS Unlimited: $8
Sprint PCS Vision: $5

Christie added this service on for you, it is only waiting for the previous plans to expire. As I mentioned, you have received credits to compensate for this difference in price.

I hope this information clarifies your account status for you.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reply to this email and I will be more than happy to assist you. If your reply comes in on a day I am not available, another representative will be more than willing to assist you further.

Thank you for being a part of Sprint Together with Nextel. Have a great day!
Opal S. E-Care
Sprint Together with Nextel "We are always here to help"

Feb 1 email to Sprint from me:
Dear Opal,
I'm shopping for a family plan from another carrier. So we should be discussing how I terminate 3 of the 4 lines (one line is stuck with Sprint PCS because it's a new Treo. The other three lines involve older phones so there is no great loss).

Why are you ignoring the most recent correspondence I've had from Sprint -
Sharon M.'s email to me yesterday saying:

" I have reviewed your account and found that the Vision Pack $15.00 and the Unlimited SMS pack $15.00 will get expired dated 02/14/2007 and the Vision Pack $7.50 and the Unlimited SMS pack $8.00 will be added on your account dated 02/15/200."

$7.50 and $8 - that's $5.50 a month more, so I wrote back to Sharon M.saying:
"Huh? What? I think we definitely misunderstood each other. This is not a satisfactory solution for me. I was paying $5 for unlimited SMS so $8.00 is not BETTER - it is $3.00 more a month, plus the incorrect charges for SMS on my current Jan 15th invoice of $15 and $5.81 and the Vision Pack charges of $15 and $5.81!!!!!!!!!"

No one is addressing the incorrect charges on my current inv for the SMS messaging and Vision Pack. The credit that has been issued on my Jan 15th inv was for incorrect chgs for mins used above top tier when we still had a lot of unused anytime mins .

In order to clear this whole thing up and keep me a Sprint customer with a 4-line family plan, someone has to REALLY look at the acct and SEE that Sprint has made MANY incorrect overchgs, that I have spent A LOT of TIME trying to clear this up, that each time I deal with someone from Sprint it's a DIFFERENT person who ignores ALL the overchgs on the acct and the fact that I have spent so much of my own TIME on this.

I'm insulted by the 100 free mins offered to me when we have LOTS of anytime mins available to us already this month. If Sprint can't be bothered trying to keep me as a customer by clearing up this mess, I am going to take my 3 lines some place else.

Let me tell you what is needed: A credit on my current outstanding inv for the incorrect chgs on 1**-***-**** (Vision Pack and SMS) and a REALISTIC acknowledgement on Sprint PCS's part for the time I've spent trying to get my acct properly coded into your system. I've spent at least 3 hours of my valuable time. I'm talking about changes made to my plan without my knowledge or consent and overcharges on my current inv.

Please.

Feb 1 Sprint Customer Solutions to me
Thank you for your reply.

I have not ignored the previous correspondence, though I do apologize that I did not mention that Sharon had been incorrect. You were not going to be chgd $7.50 and $8 for the Unlmtd SMS and Vision Pack. As I mentioned, once the Vision Pack for $15 and the Unlmtd SMS pack for $15 were to be expired, you were to receive Unlmtd SMS for $8, and the Vision pack for $5. Therefore, it would only be a difference of $0.50 from what you previously had.

As a courtesy to you I have changed the dates so your new plans will begin as of today instead of 02/15/2007. I have also credited $50 to cover both the $20.81 charge on your January bill for the Vision Pack for $15.00 and the Unlimited SMS pack for $15.00, as you did receive one month free of the Vision service. This $50 also covers the estimated charges for starting the discounted Vision pack and Unlimited SMS. Therefore, concerning these charges, no further credit is due.

Changes and Credits:
******************

Removed Unlmtd SMS for $15 and Vision pack for $15 - Effective 02/01/2007
Added Unlmtd SMS for $8 and Vision pack for $5 - Effective 02/01/2007
Credited $50
- $20.81 for January Vision and SMS charges
- $29.19 for approximate charges for new Vision $5, and new SMS $8.

I do hope you find this resolution satisfactory.

However, if you still wish to cancel your lines, I will be happy to forward your request to our Account Services Department for you.

I will advise you that your 1*** line is under contract until 01/26/2009, and if cancelled before that date, will incur an Early Termination Fee of $200.00. Your 2*** line is under contract until 04/27/2008, and if cancelled before that date, will incur a $150.00 Early Termination Fee.

Once again, I apologize for the trouble you have experienced, and I do hope you will reconsider Sprint as your service provider. We are always working to correct any issues that occur, and do highly value our customers.

If there is any other questions or concerns you may have, please do not hesitate to reply to this email and I will be more than happy to assist you further. If your email is received on a day I am not available another representative will be more than happy to assist you.

Thank you for being a part of Sprint Together with Nextel. Have a great day!

Opal S. E-Care
Sprint Together with Nextel
"We are always here to help"

Feb 2 From me to Sprint PCS
More 'incorrect' info from Sprint. It never seems to end. so that is why I have questions about the following paragraph from your email:

"I will advise you that your 2*** line is under contract until 01/26/2009, and if cancelled before that date, will incur an Early Termination Fee of $200.00. Your 3*** line is under contract until 06/24/2008, Your 1*** line is under contract until 4/27/08, and if cancelled before that date, will incur a $150 Early Termination Fee."

1. 2*** is locked in a contract til 1/26/09? Why would that be? What occurred a week ago to cause that? Or is 2*** under a 3 or 4 or 5 year contract?

2. Where can I find this information regarding the dates of our contracts. It used to be online for each line, but it's not anymore. Nor is it on our invoice. Curiously annoying.

Feb 4 email from Sprint Customer Solutions
Dear Carolyn,
We appreciate you for writing back to us and I would be glad to assist you further.
As of January 26, 2007 a 10% credit against the monthly service charge was offered to you with a new two-year agreement. After you accepted this offer, the agreement was renewed on the account.

Further, currently the agreement satisfaction date is not reflecting on the online account. Our Web site development team is working again to get this information updated on the online account.

Agreement does not get updated automatically without your consent. However, when any changes are made to the acct or any offer accepted, depending on it, agreement is renewed.
Thank you for contacting us. Have a great day.
Alendra S. Business E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel "Where our customers come first!"

Feb 4 from me to Sprint:
No, I did not consent or accept a new two year agreement. This is really the last straw.
The 10% credit against the monthly service chg was offered by Christie in Retention to replace a credit we've been receiving (qualifying employer credit) that became void when Sprint corrected ITS BILLING MISTAKES. I did not agree or consent to a new 2 yr contract on any of the 4 lines on this acct. I want this CORRECTED immediately or I am going to file a complaint with the FCC. And I would like an explanation regarding the contract agreement dates for ***-***-****.

Feb 4 Sprint Customer Solutions to me
On the PCS Phone Number ***-***-****, agreement was added as of April 27, 2006 while adding the Total Equipment Protection program.

To dispute the agreements, we request you to contact us by dialing *2TALK from your PCS Phone. From eCare, it is not possible to make any changes to the current agreement. Have a nice day!
Alendra S. Business E-Care
Sprint together with Nextel "Where our customers come first!"

Feb 5 I called Sprint PCS CS and the rep I spoke to, Paulina, who was articulate, informed and seemed motivated to resolve all issues w/this acc't. She confirmed that 3**-***-**** was out of contract, and that ***-***-****'s contract was due to expire on March 12, 2007. She also told me that a contract can only be changed with customer's knowledge and consent if there is a phone upgrade or a change in plan minutes. She offered to go over the acc't, review all the notes, emails, etc. and call me back same time next day.

Feb 6 Sprint PCS CS rep, Paulina, called me:
After reviewing our acc't she said Sprint wanted to keep our business and was willing to make us a great offer if we would re-up contracts on all four lines for two more years:
15% disc on each line on top of the 10% employer disc the acc't already receives
Remove $5/mo chg for 7 pm start (as opposed to 9pm) of evening/weekend mins
On line 1**-***-**** free 500 SMS messages (currently paying $8)
On line 4**-***-**** free unltd SMS messages (currently paying $10/mo for 1,000)
On line 3**-***-**** free 500 SMS messages (currently $5/mo for 300)
On line 2**-***-**** free unltd SMS messages (currently $8) and free Vision Pack

I asked for the offer in writing and she told me CS Reps aren't set up to do that, but not to worry because it was all going to be written in our acct's records. I told her it didn't really mean much to me if I didn't have it in writing. She gave me her name again (just her first name) and her log in ID: PAK1638 and told me if I ever had an issue with this acc't or with her offer, I could call Sprint PCS customer service and they would contact her and have her call me. She told me to think it over and discuss it with three other family members on the plan. We set a time to talk again Friday, Feb 9, 2007, at 8 am.

Feb 14 Paulina never called back.
Today we received in US Mail Confirmation of your recent account changes with new contract start/end dates for 2**-***-**** (the line that is actually out of contract):
Start date 1/26/07 End date 1/26/09
None of the changes that Paulina and I talked about was reflected on this Confirmation of account changes. I called Sprint Executive Offices 877-875-7505 and the switchboard person told me she wouldn't know how to find Paulina even with her log in ID since they have so many call centers. Then she asked me to hold and while she found someone who could help me. The rep who came on the line told me that it was noted in our acc't records that our contract end dates on the two lines in question, 1**-***-**** and 2**-***-**** were changed from 1/26/09 to 4/27/08. I asked her what caused the contract date to revert to 4/27/08. She asked me to hold on and we were disconnected.
Feb 16 I called Sprint PCS and Gloria said that it is noted in our acc't records that the contract end date for 1**-***-**** was changed from 1/26/09 to 4/27/08 the same date that 2**-***-****'s contract will expire. She couldn't figure out why contracts were renewed for these two lines on 4/27/06. I asked for proof and she said she wasn't set up to do that and suggested I write a letter to Sprint PCS.

I bank with Chase and I have my only credit card with them and that keeps things simple.... After reading some articles on your site I decided to just call and ask them to lower my rate. They transferred me to a credit analyst who got some information from me and agreed to lower my rate back the lower rate I had been paying and also refund what I had been paying in higher interest payments. It's all thanks to you guys at Consumerist.
You rock!

No, Stephen. You rock.— MEGHANN MARCO

The rest of Stephen's email inside.

Reduce Credit Card APR: It Never Hurts To Ask

Consumerist,

I just wanted to say thanks. Your site really helps out and I'd like to tell you my story of how.

I bank with Chase and I have my only credit card with them and that keeps things simple. Lately they just decided to raise my APR and I made a fairly large payment on my credit card balance so when they raised my APR my newest finance charge was more than my last minimum payment. After reading some articles on your site I decided to just call and ask them to lower my rate. They transferred me to a credit analyst who got some information from me and agreed to lower my rate back the lower rate I had been paying and also refund what I had been paying in higher interest payments. It's all thanks to you guys at consumerist.

You rock!

Oh, and threatening to leave.

While we've heard this one before, we think the way she went about it is pretty classy.

Her letter, inside.

Acambras writes:

"So I'm on the phone with Citibank last night. I wanted to find out exactly what my interest rate was on my Citi Mastercard, but didn't have a current statement available and the website was asking for a scary amount of information. So I go through the rigmarole of calling, entering my account number, telling the CSR my account number, verifying my identity, etc.

She told me my rate was 13.99%. I mentioned that was the highest rate on any of my credit cards and asked if I could qualify for anything lower. She said no, but that I could try back in a month or so.

I thanked her for her time and began to wrap up the conversation (very politely) something along the lines of this:

"Well, you can probably see on my account activity that I'm no longer charging any purchases to my Citibank card, and that in fact I've transferred some of the balance to other, lower interest cards. There are plenty of offers out there for much better deals, so don't be surprised when you see my Citibank balance get transferred elsewhere."

And presto! She quickly transfers me (to a "retention specialist," I suspect, although she never used that term). "Travis" bumped my rate down to 3.99% (on the current balance and future purchases) for the next 9 months. Sure, I would have liked more than 9 months, or less than 2.99%, but this wasn't a bad deal for less than 10 minutes on the phone (plus about 5 minutes of hold time).

The moral to this story: IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK. In fact, I think I'll call the other credit card companies tonight."

It's been often said that it costs several times more to acquire a new customer than to keep a loyal one around.

So why is that cellphone companies will splooge all over themselves to earn new customers, but do jack to actually retain them?

Opine in the comments, or tips at consumerist dot com.

Question spurred by ""I'm just an unfrozen caveman—your "cellular telephones" scare and confuse me" [Pocket Change]

James tried to cancel Sprint over the text message rate change. The rep told him no. The rep said there's no more contract cancellations, as Sprint is returning the text message fees back to 10 cents from 15. James got the rep's ID and hung up.

A few days later, when James called back and supplied the rep's ID, Sprint told him there was no so person.

We just called Sprint and inquired about their per message text message rates. The rate remains at 15 cents.

Reminder, you only have 4 days left to cancel your contract due to the change in their Terms of Service. If you don't want to wait at all, calling 1-888-567-5528 will connect you directly to a live operator.

Related: Defeat Sprint's Rate Hike Cancellation Lies

One snag: John hated his phone. So he bought a new one on Amazon. Then the trouble started. Despite checking several times to make sure his new Verizon Amazon phone would work, It didn't. When he called Verizon, they told him he would lose his number if they transferred his number back to the first phone. What? Then they told him that if he wanted to keep his number he'd have to transfer back to T-mobile and then back to Verizon again. John says:

"It seems ridiculous to me that Verizon can not transfer numbers between 2 of their own phones (I know they were under two different contracts but both where within the 15 period) and their 'solution' was to return both and buy a third after I switched back to my previous provider?

Anyways, I was very impressed with how helpful t-mobile was in all of this when they knew they were going to be losing me as a customer (I am not so sure now as I am trying to find a way to get my girlfriend on t-mobile, even if it costs more)."

Way to go T-mobile, your retention efforts were successful. You should probably send a note to Verizon thanking them for their part as well. And Amazon for selling a customer a contract when they already had one.

Read John's entire email after the jump.

I have been a t-mobile subscriber for about 5 years without any problems but unfortunately my girlfriend lives in another time zone so it has been hard only being able to use the free nights, which fall after 10 her time (she just signed a new contract so switching for her wasn't an option).

I decided to switch so we can get the free in service calling between us. I went to the local Verizon store, purchase a new phone, ported my number (big mistake but first time I have done this). They told me 'no problem, you have 15 days to try out'. Problem was the quality of the phone was really bad so I wanted to try a different one. I called Verizon first to double check I wasn't getting myself into trouble before I purchased nicer model on Amazon (since it was $100+ cheaper then at the store). They told me as long as it was a Verizon phone I wouldn't have any trouble switching my number over to that, even after I explained my other phone purchase and contract, as long as it was within 15 days. Once my new phone came that is what I tried to do. No luck. After a few hours on the phone I was told if I returned the bad phone I would loose my number and that I couldn't transfer to my new phone. After more arguing I finally offered another solution which the operator hadn't thought of - 'transfer my number back to t-mobile, return both phones, buy a new verizon phone for the third time, then transfer my number again'. She stated that was the only way to keep my number if I wasn't satisfied with the first phone and didn't want to purchase a new phone at the Verizon store.

I then called up t-mobile, who were nothing but extremely helpful and friendly, and they mentioned I could transfer my number back to them, they wouldn't require me to extend my contract even though my rate plan no longer existed and they could've, then transfer to my new Amazon Verizon phone, and only have to return 1 phone. I talked with Verizon 2 more times to make sure there was no way to transfer my number from 1 phone to another with no luck. I ended up having to transfer my number back to t-mobile, buy a new sim card, then transfer to my new Verizon phone. It seems ridiculous to me that Verizon can not transfer numbers between 2 of their own phones (I know they were under two different contracts but both where within the 15 period) and their 'solution' was to return both and buy a third after I switched back to my previous provider?

Anyways, I was very impressed with how helpful t-mobile was in all of this when they knew they were going to be losing me as a customer (I am not so sure now as I am trying to find a way to get my girlfriend on t-mobile, even if it costs more).

Personally, we think the $175 terminations fees are a crock. Professionally, we want to see whether it really works or not. Be sure to check out our new blog, "Stuck in Folsom Prison."

We don't advise anyone doing this. This is a "do not try at home," like wrestling on your roof or riding shopping carts down stairs.

(Yes, the letter looks like crap on purpose. Anyone know a free online fax service that doesn't make you sign up for a monthly service?)

The CSR is not a Nazi lieutenant: "I was just doing my job the way they told me to do it" is a perfectly satisfactory answer, coming from them. Which is why, as much as we loathed John, the AOL CSR who fielded the now infamous Ferrari Call... we still understood he was actually an exemplary employee, performing his job to the letter. This impression was solidified into cold certainty when we got our hands on AOL's retention manual. The problem in that call wasn't John. It was AOL.

Which is what makes us feel sorry for John, or any other AOL CSR. Most of the time, when they are fired, they are fired for doing their job exactly the way they were told to do it.

Or take Bubba, for example, who was fired from AOL just because the lawyers happened to be listening to the call for proof of the fallacy that it is easy to cancel AOL. His story, after the jump.

So I saw the story you did on John and one of the posts I noticed was something about how AOL fights tooth and nail to not give out unemployment. This is true and the reason is because of the ungodly turnover rate. If even half of them got unemployment they would be losing money just because of that. Anyway about a year ago I was made a sacrificial lamb to the AOL demigods. I was doing my 'saving' one day when out of the blue my manager walks up behind me in my cubicle and told me he needed to see me after this call. He had another manager with him and so I got nervous because anyone who has seen two managers walk up to another employee you usually saw them go into a room and the employee would come out crying and escorted to the door or they weren't seen again as they were escorted out the back way.

So I finish my call and we walk to the HR room where they sit down and proceed to tell me that I had taken a call and it wasn't good one and that they were suspending me with pay for the day and they would make a decision in later that day as to whether I could return or not. Now I am no dummy so I knew that later that day they would call and tell me they decided not to continue my employment and yaddda yaddda yaddda. I had way too many friends who got screwed over the same way. In this meeting I was baffled - I asked them what call were they referring to. My manager's response was that there was some lady who called and I made her mad and there were some people monitoring random calls and they needed to make this move. So I was totally baffled - I hadn't had any of the "VINNY" caliber calls at all and was having so many emotions running through my head. So we ended the meeting and told me he would call me later that day to let me know the decision but he told me "it don't look good for you though" with a smirk on his face. Well that evening about 5pm I got the call which I let go to Voicemail and they did say that they weren't going to continue my employment and I was terminated and needed to turn in my badge and secure ID and that if I had any questions to call him. I had a ton of freaking questions like what I had done. No one really did tell me specifically what I had done and all afternoon from the time I was escorted out of work to the time of the voicemail I couldn't think of any call and the call that I think he was referring to wasn't bad at all. It was one that I had cancelled and not had a verbal battle with and the lady wasn't mad - I wasn't mad I made my required 3 saves attempts and cancelled the account.

So the next morning I called my supervisor and asked him what was going on and why I was terminated. He responded again with because of a bad call. I told him I didn't have one bad call all day. He said it was some lady - so I asked him if he could be more specific on what happened in this call. He said that the call started off fine and then the lady got frustrated because I wouldn't cancel it after my first saves attempt (which everyone does). Then I made 2 more saves attempts and she was still frustrated and supposedly a room full of people were listening to this call off site somewhere and they called for my head. So I told him that I don't remember anyone getting upset - I asked him outright was the person mad or screaming - his response was 'no' - I asked if I was mad or screaming or condescending - 'no' - but she had just gotten frustrated and I didn't cancel it right away - I told him that we can't cancel it after the first saves attempt - that he required us to make 3 or more. His comeback was 'well if the customer is insistent then you do it right away' - but how can I know that after 1 attempt when you require 3 no matter what - 'well we are very clear on this' - I told him that it wasn't real clear and this was a crock of shit. At that point I demanded to hear the call. He stated that it wasn't recorded - I asked him if he heard it then and I wanted him to give his honest opinion and he said he never heard it as he wasn't in the room with them. So I asked him who was and he wouldn't tell me. So I asked him what happened at the end of the call - he told me that I cancelled the account and that everything was fine after that. So in my trying to figure out why I was fired I asked if I had made excessive attempts to cancel the account. He told me no that I had done my 3 - I asked him if the lady called back to complain about how bad I treated her if that was the case - he told me no. So I asked him if I put a false 'save' on the account - he told me no that I cancelled it correctly. I asked him if I had taken too long on the call ? He told me now it was 6 minutes. I asked him if he had any other calls recorded by their monitoring where I had a problem with this before and he told me no - none of the calls he listened to were bad at all. He just kept saying that those who listened to it made the call.

So I file for unemployment - knowing that they resist it but I think I have a pretty good case since I did everything I was supposed to do and they let me go. Their call not any fault of mine. So I fill out all the info and tell my side of the story. A few days later unemployment rep calls me and goes over the story again and I relay what happened. Then he says he would call me back. I thought that was odd but then it dawned on me - he had AOL HR on the other line and getting their story too. He calls me back 1 hour later and tells me that AOL was fighting it but after looking at their testimony and mine they did not at all provide anything compelling to support their argument that it was my fault. So I collected unemployment and about 4 months later I was speaking to an insider I knew at AOL and they told me the skinny. See the 'people' monitoring the call were some attorney's who were with some AOL officials who were monitoring calls to make sure AOL was complying with one of their class action lawsuits. Evidently AOL was telling the lawyers who were getting ready to sue AOL that it was easy to cancel AOL. Now I also found out that there was a meeting that morning (that I missed due to mechanical problems with my car) and the supervisor told everyone that people would be listening and don't do anything 'dumb' (wink wink) - what he meant was don't do 3 saves attempts - make it look like to whoever was listening that no evil was being done. So they listened - heard the 3 saves attempts - and AOL's response to them was that I was a rogue and I was terminated. When it couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact it was more of sell out job - AOL management doesn't back anyone else on the bottom rung even if they are dead wrong. That is my story.

Simply download the spreadsheet and keep track of your saves, cancels and hours worked. Watch with glee as each account not canceled causes the monthly to rise and rise. Try and see if you can get the big red GROSS over $100,000! Remember, the top 2% win a free trip to Mexico! Ole!

This Excel document comes to us courtesy of the former elite AOL retention consultant we interviewed. The schema is based on the bonus structure in August 2004. He says, "This changed several times though out the six years I was there. The numbers that are entered in there are my numbers the month before I left. Not my best but a good average."

The bonus structure is much stricter now.

"The company estimates that it will lose more than six million paying subscribers over the next year. "

People might like to think that it was the exposure given Vincent Ferrari's call that jump started the retention center flush. That may be too rosy a view. Maybe there's a certain point where there's simply too many people trying to cancel, too eagerly and it's more cost-effective to quickly process them than tourniquet the attrition.

Like the wise willow, AOL bent to the farts of change.

We believe this is called "telemarketing."

He explained to the rep, "...the only reason I had AOL as long as I did was that I had set my father up with a screen name six years ago and didn't have the heart to make him change to another ISP and e-mail system....Well, pops is [dead]...and hence my cancellation. Sorry, but I'd rather stick bamboo chutes under my fingernails than use AOL."

Instead of hundreds of discs in the mailbox, perhaps America can look forward to a currently unspecified number of calls on the phone line...

Bonus game: What issue of 2600 contained an article about the Merlin program used by retention consultants?

Jan Brandt, AOL's original marketing director, had a framed AOL subscription disc on her wall, captioned with, "Resistance is Futile." Supplanting mastodon and tyrannosaur, retention consultants ruled the earth.

In a confession about the month before he quit, one former retainer writes:

I began hanging up on customers that sounded like problems. Actually, I would hang up if I were just tired of listening. To my surprise, my coach notified me I had won Most Valuable Consultant of the month for having the lowest call time.

Ahhh... memories...

"The last month at AOL, I knew I was leaving and had reached such a point of indifference and intolerance for my job, I began hanging up on customers that sounded like problems. Actually, I would hang up if I were just tired of listening. The totally unintended consequence of this negative customer service was an incredible call time. To my unspeakable surprise, my coach (Yes, they are called coaches) notified me I had won Most Valuable Consultant of the month for having the lowest call time. That was difficult to accept with a straight face. Just recently I came across the MVC pin I had received for this undeserved honor.

No, I was not the model employee. I freely admit to that. However, I was observant. Looking back I should have taken the clues on orientation day, that this was not the healthiest place to work. I recall stopping at a vending machine at break time, there between the Snickers and the Fritos was a two pack of Tylenol. I had never seen analgesics mixed with snack food. I should have run then. If not then, certainly when the HR person is hurriedly giving us a tour of the call center and stops just short a pod (what they call our workstations) that is chock full of framed pictures of family and children's drawings, and says, There is "NO personalization of pods." Somehow that statement had a larger meaning to me. I marveled the entire time I worked there, when I would see people begin their shift and carefully pull out their mobile personalizations . To some it was a Winnie the Pooh mouse pad, to others photos of children, the normal sorts of things people tend to put in their work space. Then at the end of eight long hours I would watch as they paiently packed them all up. Maybe they are the healthy ones. Who can say? I always thought the statement no pod personalization spoke so much to the alienation and discomfort that call center fostered.

The other thing I remember is the fuzzy math they used to calculate our bonus. One time, I and another employee decided we were reasonably intelligent and should be able to understand this formula, which determined the money we would take home. After an extended and concerted effort on both of our parts we accepted defeat. It reminded me of buying a car and the salesman wears you down with numbers and you say just give me the damn car. To this day I swear the formula, besides changing regularly, was created to shock and awe. It was a shell game of numbers. If you could not work it-then how could you know what you received is correct. One time I received a check and it had a miscellaneous deduction of 250 dollars. When I inquired what was the miscellaneous subtraction, I was told that the previous month they had made a mistake in some of the consultant's commission. How do I argue with a mistake when I am unable to figure out it originally? That incident was significant to me, and not just for the obvious upset with receiving less that I anticipated. It felt dishonest and impossible to refute and I sensed that was by design. I was learning that corporations were also capable of questionable money shuffling even at the lowest level in their corporate food chain. I still find it shocking.

AOLs negative way of doing business definitely has a history. For reasons I cannot fathom why they determined it a better path to train a corp of retention specialists than focus on making AOL a product people would not wish to cancel. The fact AOL still continues to practice what I consider backwards thinking has not ceased to baffle me.

So, here is to you and Vincent Ferrari for bringing this to the light of day. How ironic that the same medium that made AOL, appears to also be its downfall."

A splash page for the refurb says, "In the beginning AOL was where you went for your Internet connection. But the online world has continued to evolve quickly — so we are reinventing ourselves. Say hello to the new AOL."

The company will still offer $26 a month dial-up accounts, but will no longer market them. Or presumably, try very hard to stop you from from cancelling them.

Nail, meet coffin.

One way to cancel your cellphone account without incurring a termination fee is to tell them you're moving out of the service area. We told Verizon we were taking up residence at the US Embassy. In Phnom Penh.

Verizon didn't take us at face value. We need to send a copy of our utility bill, or a driver's license with our new address, or a copy of our mortgage, or a letter from our employer. We have 30 days to fax that to 425-603-5366 or mail it to

Verizon Wireless
PO Box 96082
Bellevue, WA 98009

Guess we gotta look for some US embassy letterhead now... (Parts not affecting the outcome of the call have been edited out.)

Transcript inside.

(Verizon machine plays in bg)

CONSUMERIST: This is Ben Popken, calling Verizon wireless, I'm going to try and cancel my account by telling them I'm moving to Cambodia... and therefore avoid (to machine) Will you shutup?! Their $175 termination fee.

VERIZON: Your call may be recorded for quality and training purposes.

CONSUMERIST: You bet your ass.

VERIZON: Please hold while we transfer your call.

(sound of clicks)

CONSUMERIST: Ow...what was that click?

VERIZON ERIC: Um, real quick before I transfer you over, can I get uh, can I get that new address that you're moving to?

CONSUMERIST: Yeah, hold on a sec. Um, alright. Number 27. Street 240. Um, Phnom Penh.

ERIC: How do you spell that?

CONSUMERIST: P-h-n-o-m, P-e-n-h.

ERIC: Ok.

CONSUMERIST: And that's in Cambodia.

ERIC: Oh, ok, that's definitely out of the service area. Just give me a moment and I'll get you transferred on over.

(musical hold)

VERIZON KEVIN: Hi Benjamin?

CONSUMERIST: Yes.

VERIZON KEVIN: Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm in Verizon Wireless customer service. I understand you're moving out of the country.

CONSUMERIST: Yes.

KEVIN: Ok. Sorry to hear that, is this going to be...

CONSUMERIST: No, it's going to be great! You don't have to be sorry.

KEVIN: (chuckles) Well I don't mean sorry that uh, that uh, I don't mean to imply that's a bad thing for you. (chuckle) Uhm...

CONSUMERIST: Yes.

KEVIN: Well let's see now. Is this a permanent move for you or is this temporary?

CONSUMERIST: Permanent.

KEVIN: Ok...and I understand you're moving to Cambodia?

CONSUMERIST: Yup.

KEVIN: Andddd, when will you be leaving the country.

CONSUMERIST: Well, ummmm in a week.

KEVIN: Would you like the service to remain active through, until your departure?

CONSUMERIST: No, I don't really use it anymore so..

KEVIN: Ok, alright, so want make the disconnect as soon as possible. Well actually, since do, because we bill a month in advance, we do disconnect on the last day of your bill cycle. I do see you're not using your phone here. Um but the disconnect will set to happen on the last day of your bill cycle. This will be on August 10th. So you will have usage through that.

KEVIN: The final bill will have residual charges, residual service charges and fees from the service that will apply to you, two or three dollars.

CONSUMERIST: Okay...

KEVIN: It's also going to charge the early termination fee of $175. As long as we have proof of the residency outside of the country within 30 days of that, we will credit that back. Ok.

CONSUMERIST: What's the address that you need to receive documentation?

KEVIN: I'll, I'll get that here in one sec. Did Eric tell you what documentation is required, what is valid documentation?

CONSUMERIST: Yup.

KEVIN: Ok. Is there any more family or friends who want to take over your service and avoid an activation fee if they're not already Verizon Wireless members?

CONSUMERIST: No.

KEVIN: Setting up the disconnect for you right now...That's a big move, leaving the country like that.

CONSUMERIST: Yeah.

KEVIN: Work taking you out of the country?

CONSUMERIST: Yup. I'm gonna go work at the embassy over there.

KEVIN: Wow, that's exciting.

CONSUMERIST: Yeah.

KEVIN: Have you worked at an embassy before?

CONSUMERIST: Not exactly, this is my first full on embathy, embassy position.

KEVIN: Have you ever been to Cambodia?

CONSUMERIST: No.

KEVIN: So this will be a whole new adventure for you.

CONSUMERIST: Yup. I'm looking forward to it.

KEVIN: Alright, getting all set up for the disconnect and...

CONSUMERIST: (grunts)

KEVIN: Here you go, you can mail your documentation to either Verizon Wireless PO Box 96082, and that's in Bellevue, Washington. B-e-l-l-e-v-u-e, 98009, or you can send a fax to area code 425, 603-5366 and... just remember that again, let's see here, looking at the account, proper documentation mumble, driver's license for the area that you will be living with your address on it, a utility statement, or a letter from your employer stating the address where you will be working, that will probably be the easiest for you to obtain before you head over there, and that needs to be within 30 days after the disconnect which is August 10th.

CONSUMERIST: Ok.

KEVIN: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

CONSUMERIST: Um, I mean, 'm pretty busy here this last week and I don't happen to get that document, and I'm adjusting over there, I mean (laughs) do you guys just not believe me that I'm moving there? Like, why, Why do I have to provide documentation to that effect?

KEVIN: Because of that. If If if uh, we didn't have documentation stating that fact, then that would definitely get out to the public and well jeez all you have to do is tell them you're living another country and they'll disconnect and waive the fee for you. The fees are there for a purpose and there are conditions that allow for those fees to be waived but we need supporting documentation for that. I do understand that it's a busy time for you but we have to have our documentation. If we didn't require it of you, then we couldn't require it of everyone else.

CONSUMERIST: I see.

KEVIN: Ok.

CONSUMERIST: Alright, well, um, I'll try and get that letter for you guys and say a-rivah-dirchee.

KEVIN: Alright well good luck to you over there in the embassy, I thank you for choosing Verizon Wireless and being a valued customer. You have a great day now.

CONSUMERIST: Thanks, you too.

KEVIN: Is there anything else I can assist you with today, Benjamin?

CONSUMERIST: Mmm, unless you're going to cancel my account and waive the termination fee.

KEVIN: I don't I don't have a way of doing that.

CONSUMERIST: You don't?

KEVIN: I don't. You have a great day now.

KEVIN: Benjamin?

(click.)

Here's how to cancel AOL by:

Phone: 1-888-265-8008
Fax: 1-801-622-7969
Mail: P.O. Box 1600
Ogden, UT 84402-9926

Simply scrawling "You Suck, get me out" on a Chinese food menu won't work, however, for the fax or mail method. You'll have to get a form, available here. by calling.... one of their retention consultants.

Make sure every iota of information is correct. If one digit is off, they won't cancel your account and might not even tell you.

(Thanks to Amy!)

That's the gist of this confession by a former AOL retainer who reveals some very interesting details about the commission structure behind "Saves," which is when they successfully prevent you from cancelling AOL. The bonuses sum to usually less than three dollars.

Oh, and our confessor also claims that he worked in a call center for 6 months and, "at least three people killed themselves."

As the chum churns, after the jump...

M. writes:

"You ever have a job that you dreaded waking up in the morning because you know you had to go to work, and as soon as you got off you had to drink yourself to sleep because you were so strung out? This is one of those jobs.

The AOL Retention specialists get an hourly base rate. When I started it was about 11.00 dollars an hour. Then they got 3 types of bonuses that were paid out every other week. The first type of bonus was called a 24 hour save. This is were you didn't cancel an account or "save" it, and the customer didn't call back for 24 hours. This was the lowest paying bonus, i don't remember the exact rate but it was something like 0-100 customers there was no bonus. 100-200 was like $1.25 each customer and over 200 was almost 2.00 a customer. There were many people that were pulling down easily 300-400 a month just in this area alone on top of their regular pay.

The second type of bonus is called a 90 day bonus. This is were the customer doesn't call back until after 90 days. As you can imagine this is the hardest bonus to get but it pays by far the most. I don't think we were ever given a scale on how this was payed, but we'll just say people were making 1100-2000 a month alone on these types of bonuses if they were really good and didn't have a conscience. The ones like me that actually felt sick about it because you know your screwing the people that are calling you, we probably made anywhere from 500-800 dollars on these kinds of bonuses.

And at last the third type is a "no credit" bonus. These are bonuses that they in fact with different themes every time. The basis is, you save a customer and don't give them any free months, cash back, etc. and in return they would give you 5-10 dollars per save whether they called back or not. They always encourage you to take as many calls as possible, but, there are underlying circumstances and guidelines they want you to adhere to.

Number one thing they push extremely hard is don't give up. Keep asking questions until you get some information that you can input into MERLIN. I know you have already hit on MERLIN before but there are still some things that you might need to know. MERLIN is there database program that is tied directly to the phone systems and to the servers. Whenever you got a call MERLIN would automatically bring up the customer info. It would give you insight into the users usage of internet time, as in time online, as well as there calling in habits and why they have called in before in the past. Also, it would give you where the customer is calling from and a slew of check boxes depending on there answer to help you pitch ideas.

For example, a caller calls in from Oklahoma, you ask them why they want to cancel, they say they don't ever use it any more. You select that check box and it brings up the usage for the account for the past year. This is how they catch a lot of people lying especially those that are using the free AOL CD's. So you say to the customer well i show usage of XX hours yesterday. So you start over again getting more and more information until finally you've talked them to death and they are tired of arguing with you so they take a couple of free months or they say ok and call right back and get someone a little weaker to cancel the account. It's a very vicious campaign were force of will is greatly rewarded.

They want you to take as many calls as possible. But they always look at this as sales, and being that its sales that want you to close the sale within 7-9 minutes. Any longer than that and they start getting red flags in there system and you can get wrote up and eventually fired. There is pressure number 1. Next, they want you to have on average a 60% retention rate. They see that 60% as the minimum and if you go below that line for a certain period of time it will also get you wrote up and eventually fired. That's pressure number 2. Also they want you to take at least 45 calls a day. Which if your call times are over 9 minutes its impossible to do which once again will get you wrote up and or fired. pressure number 3 and 4 because this isn't your typical call center. The reason I say this is because you literally get calls back to back to back. You don't get break in between calls, it goes from one pissed off customer to the next for 8 hours straight. And if your not logged into your phone for at least 7hours and 50 minutes that will get you wrote up and fired, yet another pressure. And lastly, they micro-manage EVERYTHING you do. They record all phone calls, they record your computer sessions, they record your login times they record what is on your screen at all times and even have people monitor it. Needless to say again, this job was a lot of stress. And the stress really wasn't from the callers, it came from unrealistic standards set forth by the company. Did you know that AOL has a 98% percent turnover rate. They can't keep employees. They either fire them, they quit, they literally get carried out on a stretcher( like me at least two people a week have anxiety attacks and are sent to the hospital. once they get back they are usually fired for some reason or another)or finally they commit suicide.

It's extremely sad, i worked there for 6 months and at least 3 people killed themselves.

I truly believe that AOL is an evil company. I'm not religious by any means but they are the devil. Well I got to get back to work and I'm drained already. I hope this is a good start for you, if you want anything else let me know."

"An AOL representative declined to say whether the manual was legitimate or comment on the matter."

We know it's cross-eyed and with facial features askew, but gawd, that's sooo cold. How could they disown their offspring so out of hand?That manual is going to have difficulty with commitment when it grows up.

"AOL Customer Service Manual Posted To Web?" [Cnet]

AOLWatch's David Cassel certainly stirs up the nostalgia: "Many cancelling subscribers complain annoying software updates seize their system when they're trying to exit AOL. One service rep says there's a dirty secret behind the downloads. Though the updates are mandatory, "some of the 'downloads' from AOL are artwork for pop-up ads." These non-consensual "upgrades" prevent users from leaving the system until AOL has downloaded ads to their hard drive... "

The piece has another tasty nugget from the curb of memory lane. Before retention consultants, AOL actually let people cancel their accounts online. When the Wall Street Journal asked AOL's VP of Members Services in 1997 for why the change, he said it was because AOL found, "our cancellation rate was going up considerably."

Every nine seconds, an AOL user cancels their account. Do you know where your internet is?

"Integrity" [AOL Watch]

Now we know why AOL is eager to melt down its retention facilities into collectible coins and Franklin Mint tchotchkes.

Josh writes that his university sent out an email blast and got this message back on emails sent to a few AOL accounts:

That's right, AOL wants you to retain their customers for them! Now that's what we call leveraging. AOL finally gets it. Web 2.0 is all about shunting your costs onto the user. Does the forebode the rise of wiki-call-centers?

AOL will also stop marketing its subscription service. That means no more free hours cds clogging your arteries.

Since they're not going to talk anyone into signing up, they're also not going snooker you into staying, either. The NYT reports, "Under the plan being discussed, the company would cease having its employees try to "save" subscribers, by talking them into retaining their service."

Rats, you may now freely move about the sinking ship.

"Earlier this year PC Magazine put AOL's software at the top of its list of the 25 worst technology products of all time."

Oh snap!

"AOL Said to Be Planning Free Ad-Based Web Access" [NYT]

...but it seems the call center is already hip to the game. Bad for viral video makers, good for consumers.

The upshot is that as of June 23, ten days after Vincent's call hit the net, AOL ordered its retention specialists to only make TWO offers during a cancellation call. If a member says no to both, the account must be canceled. What a nice idea, a policy against having protracted arguments with your customers.

Nestled amongst the ultimatums is this line:

If members...are trying to provoke the Consultant into being unprofessional, immediately cancel the account.

As a matter of conjecture, this would seem to reveal that there's some in the AOL retention hierarchy who suffer under the misbegotten notion that Vincent somehow goaded John into acting like a jerk. Wow, they STILL don't get it. See you in the welfare check line, fellas.

Also, what's up with the capital C in Consultants and M in Members. What are we now, managing a cult?!

Smoking gun, after the jump...

Keep in mind with this offer sequence:
You are allowed to offer additional options if the member proactively asks.
Exercise common sense. If members are irate, use strong language, interrupt offer pitch to say they're not interested, or are trying to provoke the Consultant into being unprofessional, immediately cancel the account.
Credit cannot bbe given to members already on or being put on a commit PI.
Remember to uphold the Keep It Real standards and be true Member Advocates!

How the New Offer Sequence Helps You
With the new streamlined offer sequence you are now able to pitch an offer more tailored to the member's needs - faster. This ensures a better member experience while also reducing your talk time.
For example, with the combination of the AOL Advantage messaging with the PI pitch, you are able to directly show the value of AOL with the PI that best fits the member's needs.

If you like this entry, be sure to check out "AOL Internal Memos, After Vinny's Call"

In these AOL company documents we obtained, Scott Falconer, EVP of Member Services, transmits a rah-rah to the troops, expresses concern and appreciation for their work, and reminds them to renew their dedication to Servicing the Member.

Underneath the gloppy gloo of corporate newspeak lurks an inconvenient truth: retention consultants need to keep a 60% saves rate to keep their job.

Gotta love Scott's touting of their "third party verification" as an "industry-first initiative." Yes, those would be the same Watchmen AOL had to hire when Spitzer went after the ISP for their anti-consumer retention policies last year.

There's also a tone in the memos that instead of an unmitigated PR disaster, AOL suffered a death of family member. Given the circumstances, that's not necessarily an inappropriate turn to take.

Source documents, after the jump...

Member Services,

Recently, some AOL Member Service calls were posted on the Internet that do not reflect our serious commitment to Member Advocacy. On any interaction, you should assume that it could be posted on the web.

You have tough goals, and no doubt it can be difficult to deal with a member calling very frustrated with some aspect of their service. But we must remember the importance of creating a good member experience by being straightforward, helpful, respectful, friendly, and positive during every interaction. Imagine yourself on the other end of the phone, how would you want to be treated? Being an advocate, on behalf of members, strengthens the very foundation of what AOL stands for. AOL is our members.

In every member contact, I need you to step into your Trusted Advisor role and respond to our members in a manner that shows we are on their side. I need you to really hear what our members are saying, actively listen to them as you work to meet their needs, establishing a sense of trust and mutual respect.

I am proud to be a part of this tremendous team and know it's your personal mission to watch over our members. Please continue to focus on building a strong business - a business with member advocacy at its core.

Sincerely,

Scott Falconer
EVP, Member Services

As follow-up to the message I wrote you on Monday, June 19, I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining our unwavering standards of ethical and effective service during every member interaction.

The aftermath of the unfortunate, disappointing and unacceptable behavior of one of our former colleagues ha been severe. Following the posting of the recorded call on the Internet, various television and print media have featured the story, including a lengthy interview this morning with the former AOL member on NBC's Today show and on CNBC, casting a very negative impression of AOL and the great work all of us in Member Services do on behalf of our members every day.

While fulfilling our Member Advocacy Commitment (the "F" in FOCUS) is Member Services' number one goal for 2006, there is no time like the present to reiterate the commitment each of us has pledged to uphold on behalf of our valued members:

As the voice of AOL, I promise to conduct myself with integrity at all times, provide excellent service, and ensure a world-class member experience on every call or interaction.

The foundation of AOL is our members. The foundation of our relationship with our members is Member Advocacy. By being uncompromising in our adherence to our standards of behavior, we will maintain a relationship of trust with our members - trust that we are on their side and will provide them with a high quality customer experience. As you can see, withholding our highest level of service from even one member is all it takes to damage the trust and credibility you have worked so hard to earn.

With all of the safeguards we have in place:
*recording and monitoring of member interactions
*our Keep it Real policy, which details our standards of professionalism and ethical behavior
* and Third Party Verification, an industry-first initiative to guarantee quality in every single retention call Any attempt to circumvent our member promise is a violation of our practices, and we maintain a zero tolerance policy for non-compliance.

Please use this unfortunate customer interaction as a reminder that we must maintain our standards of conduct at all times, maintain the goodwill of AOL, and most of all, that we must keep our promise to Fulfill our Member Advocacy Commitment!

Regards,

Scott Falconer
EVP, Member Services

Dear Member Services Colleagues,

We have had a tough week here at Member Services. Although I am sitting far away from you here in Dulles, I am listening to your member interactions and I sincerely admire your response following the recent recorded call posted on the Internet. You are responding to member after member with even more consideration, respect and patience than before.

I hear many of you experiencing more challenges that you usually face with promises of recorded phone calls and the such. Amid all of this, you continue to demonstrate that respect and consideration are the rule, not the exception - all the while continuing to be the bedrock of our business.

As you continue upholding our commitment to Member Advocacy, I want you to know if you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to your leadership team for help. We're here for you as you are tirelessly here for our Members.

Before we head into the weekend, I want to take a moment to sincerely thank you. I want each of you to know, your commitment and faithfulness to our Members has not gone unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Scott Falconer
EVP Member Services

If you like this entry, be sure to check out another internal document "AOL Updates Retention "Offer Matrix"

Now, you too can become an AOL MEMBER RETENTION SPECIALIST! Positions are available in Oklahoma City, OK.

Transmute your childhood anal fixation into a career path!

Full reimbursement for frontal, soul, lobotomy!

See original posting at Yahoo! Hotjobs. [via Insignificant Thoughts]

One intrepid reader took it upon themself to find out. Yeah, things are nicer. A little to nice, if you ask them.

Plus, insight into AOL's eternal retention plan, with the hopes of luring you back by the dangling possibility that maybe somebody somewhere sent you an extra-special, super-important email and maybe it would be worth it to check out...

"Chat Noir" writes:

"After reading the horror stories on the Consumerist about people trying to cancel their AOL subscriptions, It was naturally with some trepidation that I placed my call to AOHell to end my service.

My wait for a human being was not terribly lengthy, especially considering that I had heard it would last longer and be more painful than a Clay Aiken remix of "My Heart Will Go On." Of course, I had taken the precaution of fortifying myself with snacks, bottled water, tunes, magazines, and comfortable seating, not to mention my cell phone in case I needed to place an emergency call, but didn't want to lose my place in the queue.

I was greeted by Nicole. Nicole was very happy to tell me her name. Repeatedly. She said it was to make certain that if I needed to refer to whom I spoke, I could refer to her, Nicole. I doubt it had anything to do with prior complaints that AOHell operators refused to give their identification. No, siree.

Nicole happily told me that I could cancel my subscription, but she could give me a month free instead. I politely declined, having already taken advantage of the "free month" earlier so that I could finally get my butt in gear and notify my contacts of my new email address. I advised Nicole that I also did not want to be placed on any sort of "suspended billing," either. I regurgitated that directly from the pages of the
Consumerist.

Nicole became less happy.

However, Nicole did tell me that although she was cancelling my service, as a free gift from AOL in appreciation for my years (Gawd, yes, it was years), of service, I would still have free access to my screen name and email. Forever! "There's no catch," she assured me. I wasn't given the opportunity to say "hells no" because she didn't stop talking and began immediately reciting my "cancellation number." Well, of course, I
had to stop and write that down so that I could include it in my written follow-up
cancellation letter. Not that the Consumerist has made me paranoid or anything.

I was then quickly transferred to an automated male voice who was not nearly as perky as Nicole, and who advised me again of my "cancellation number." Mr. Roboto also told me, though not in such clear terms, that if I were to sign on to AOL with my "free screen name," in say, an attempt to actually read my "free email," that such action would constitute my automatically signing up for the service. Mr. Roboto did not say at what price that would be, but I imagine it would have been at the $24.95 going rate and not at the $14.95 rate I had renegotiated. Not that the Consumerist has made me suspect AOL of dirty dealing or anything.

Needless to say, I immediately uninstalled every last bit of AOHell software I could get my grubby hands on. Not to say that I don't believe there isn't still some insidious AOHell spyware lurking in there.

Now, mind you, I've not tried accessing my AOHell mail, so I don't know if that would actually make me an indentured servant again. I leave that experiment up to younger people who aren't already on anti-ulcer medications. But I do think it sounds suspicious and I warn anyone considering trying their "free email" to think again."

I work with a guy who used to manage reps at an AOL call center, and he told me about AOL's 90-day retention bonus. In reading today's "AOL Complaints Round-up" I thought you might get a kick out of knowing how an AOL CSR earns a $6 90-day retention bonus:

1] Customer calls in, insists their account be closed. No amount of cajoling sways them. The CSR tells them, "Fine, your account is closed."

2] Said customer's subscription status remains active, and they're placed on the not altogether scrupulous "suspend billing for 60 days" list.

3] 30 days elapse, "ex-"customer is not billed; "ex-"customer is happy.

4] 60 days elapse, "ex-"customer has forgotten all about AOL, until...

5] On the 91st day after they thought they canceled, "ex-"customer starts getting billed again

6] CSR makes $6 for "retaining" a customer after 90 days

My co-worker says there are CSRs who make six figures annually because of these "retention" bonuses. Good for them, huh?"

How deliciously unscrupulous! What do you think, is this real? Sounds illegal.

My Dad died about 2 years ago, and it was no problem to cancel his electric and gas service, telephone, etc. Even the credit card companies were fine. I think AOL required some proof. But Gold's Gym required an original death certificate to cancel him. Like we're gonna lie about it?

Best part is after the credit cards were canceled, Gold's Gym tried to charge him for another month.

Sir, we definitely saw some of those barbells and leg presses move of their own accord. Obviously, his will for a good physique reaches beyond the grave.

Here's what you do in these cases: tell the companies to go stuff themselves with a big fat chargeback.

Having worked at AOL's Jacksonville Call Center for 2 years, I can safely tell you I was fired for NOT doing exactly what that AOL Ass(ociate) was doing...

Someone once said "Please cancel my account." I took that at face value and cancelled the account... three weeks later I was fired!

Good. You should have been fired.

When a customer calls to cancel, it is the company's duty to find out why. Perhaps there does exist a solution the customer was not aware of. Perhaps its just frustration that can be mitigated with some service discounts. However, if these don't work, the customer shouldn't have to argue with the Sphinx to get the service stopped.

It's not just niceness, its economics. Chargebacks are more expensive than fairly and reasonably handling cancellation requests.

He writes, "AOL said they couldn't locate my account when I tried to cancel, but found it in a hurry with the help of the 2 above-mentioned agencies."

What is this company sub-contracted their retention services to? Why does AOL tolerate their existence?

Greed. But that greed is coming to bite them in the ass in a big way, as Vinnie's call is well on its way to becoming an unqualified PR fiasco.