Every time Carrie writes us, I talk about what a sexy little minx she is. To be frank, I don’t know her. She could be fat as the queen of all sea cows for all I know; a decade of heavy cocaine use might have turned her nose into a flabby, cartilageless sack. But she’s got spunk! She’s got moxy! And she is unwaveringly optimistic! And hey, that’s sex appeal.
I mentioned it a bit earlier today, but companies are starting to read this blog. Last week, complaints about T-Mobile, Coinstar and Cingular led to direct intervention from the companies.
sthof butcher knife.
We love Carrie best amongst all our readers. Not only is she a party girl with a charming predilection for promiscuity (really, the best kind of party girl!) and who likes to shake a peach-perfect bottom to sultry grooves, but she’s officially on record as being willing to give us her digits if we ever met her in the middle of a line of blow at a sparkling metrosexual bash. Not only that, but unlike most of you complainers, she only writes us when a company treats her right. She’s an effervescent pixy and we wish this shrill, bitter site had more readers like her.
We’re not implacable, inconsolable. We, as consumerists, can be appeased. Most of the time, all we want is a sincere “We know we fucked up.” That we scream so very loud here is testament to just how endangered the species of sincere corporate apologies really is.
Sure, they aren’t glamorous posts. No one diggs them; Xeni Jardin does not deign to cast her appraising eye over them. But we still make a point of posting the good along with the bad. After all, when an executive or CEO sees his company’s name here along with a complaint, we want them to know he’s done fucked up good. But we also want the same guy to have a bit of a glow when his company’s done something right.
Now that we are media darlings, the Consumerist tip line has been flooded with pleas of help, reasonable complaints and the ravings of lunatics… and, as usual, we want more!
spoon and writing indiginant critiques of the cell phone industry. Ben loves her. I tolerate her. My ex-girlfriends meet her at Roger le Grenouille whenever she goes to Paris to spend an evening talking about what an asshole I am.
When we saw party girl Carrie at one of Gawker’s hot, sexy Manhattanite parties, we — attached in tandem, belly to flabby belly, by the rusty staples of the artificial and obnoxious royal ‘we’ — made our way over to her to make our move.
Anyone ever noticed that the companies that offer the best customer service are always the ones that almost no one will ever have to call because they’re just too damn good? For example, Moen — a company that makes chrome kitchen faucets and other long-lasting plumbing fixtures.
Exhaling plumes of velveteen smoke from his hookah, propped up against an Ottoman, surrounded by Turkish succubi fluidly gyrating in diaphanous silks, Consumerist J.K. dreamed of a better world… a world where USB gadgets at hot, affordable prices would be delivered to Istanbul with an affordable shipping option.
According to the New York Times,
- “Until a few days ago, a search of Amazon’s catalog of books using the word “abortion” turned up pages with the question, “Did you mean adoption?” at the top, followed by a list of books related to abortion.”
On the internet, your sins are eternally extant.
Have you heard of ObsessiveConsumption.com?