(Thanks to Seth!)

Danielle writes:

I am a loyal Pizza Hut follower, even thought I know I probably shouldn't be... it's just what I grew up with.

I spend a fair amount of money with the various stores in my city, and I expect to be treated nicely when dealing with the company. Not like royalty, but nicely.

I get the pizza hut emails because I order online.. I've opted out before, but it seems like every time I order online, I get opted back in.

About a month and a half ago (beginning of August), Pizza Hut emailed me a coupon which was linked to the website "TrialPay". The coupon claimed that if I completed one trial pay offer, pizza hut would send me some free pizza (A medium natural, plus one other medium one topping, plus breadsticks)... it was an amazing deal, and immediately some "too good to be true" bells started going off in my head. So I went to Pizza Hut's website, and sure enough, the coupon was there as well, linked at the very top of their "Deals" page, where all their coupons are displayed.

So happily, I clicked away, chose an offer (a free trial of a Rhapsody account, followed by a paid subscription), and had it complete (I then went back and canceled the membership with Rhapsody, because their selection was terrible, but I was within the rights of the TrialPay agreement to do this). I got an email from TrialPay, saying I had completed the offer fully, and it provided a link to the Pizza Hut website, where I could redeem my "prize". I clicked the link and followed the instructions in the email, and when I went to check out I saw I was being charged ten dollars.

According to the coupon, everything was included, tax and all.. the only extra charges would be for substitutions (none), extra toppings (I didn't order any), or delivery (the order was for carryout).

Seeing that this was a mistake, I called TrialPay's customer service and asked them to confirm that the bundle was indeed, free, and that I had completed the offer correctly. The nice lady I talked to said yes to all of these things, and even said that it was OK that I had canceled my Rhapsody membership.. I still got credit for completing the offer.

She suggested that it was probably a problem on Pizza Hut's end, so I decided to call their 1-800 number. I spoke to a nice young man who had -no- idea what coupon I was talking about, so he offered to transfer me to his supervisor. I agreed. I then started the customer service call from hell. Throughout the conversation, which ended up lasting just under an hour, I was put on hold several times, without warning, for five to ten minutes at a time. The woman was also rude, and belligerent.

The woman I talked to claimed that I was "making the coupon up" (her words), and that I was "complaining about a legitimate charge". I then asked her "If it's legitimate, what is the ten dollar charge for, then?". Her offer was that it was for delivery fees and taxes. I told her "The order is for carry out, and it breaks down the sales tax separately.. the sales tax is only a dollar or so of the charge.. what is the rest of it?" She couldn't tell me. She claimed the coupon didn't exist, and that it wasn't sanctioned by Pizza Hut.

I asked how the coupon got emailed to me, in a Pizza Hut newsletter, and how it was linked on their website, and how their website recognized the coupon then...

She said "If you read the fine print, it says the two companies aren't connected, and that we have no responsibility regarding the coupon".

I said "That would be all fine and well, expect -your company- is who sent me the coupon. Hence, I want it honored, and honored properly."

She then proceeded to stonewall me some more, until I got her to agree to pull up the website, using my address, and see the coupon on it.

She did this, and admitted that she saw the coupon, and said I still had to pay the ten dollars. I staunchly refused, and demanded what the coupon promised. I felt stupid arguing over free pizza, but at this point I was rather upset.

She called me a liar. Straight out. She said "M'am, you're lying about what the coupon promised" with the coupon that lays it out right in front of her.

Eventually I got her to call my local store, and get the charges taken off, and I got my pizza. It was a major hassle, and the store manager at my local store was none-too-happy to remove the charge and hand me a free pizza, despite admitting that the customer service rep told him to do exactly that.

Upset over this experience, I filled out the "Comments, compliments, and complaints" form on Pizza Hut's website, detailing the experience, and typing into the comments box "I want to be contacted by a manager" as well as checking the box that indicated that I would like to be contacted.

A week passed, and no call had come for me. So I called back the 1-800 number, and told the rep that I hadn't got my call back, and I would very much like to be contacted by a manager. He apologized and offered to put me back in the queue to be called. I agreed, and he told me I would be contacted within 3 business days. This was a Friday night.

Next Wednesday night, no call had come. So I called the 800 number yet again, more upset this time. The woman I talked to said it was "all she could do to 'escalate' my problem, and put me back in line to be called." I said that was fine, I supposed, since that was probably really all she could do. I then asked when I should expect my call by. She said "the end of the week, for sure".

The end of the week came, no call. That was two weeks ago. I call the 800 number once every three days to let them know I still haven't been called back. I've talked to the manager of the call center. He says he has no contact information for the manager of my district (the man who is supposed to be calling me). All they can do is put me back in line to be called.

I ended up ordering from Pizza Hut the other night, paying in full this time, and the pizza I had delivered was cold when it arrived, and rather sauceless. Upset, I decided that since I already had plans to call the number, I would just tell them about this then. I told them about the cold pizza, the man said he was "documenting the complaint" and that I would be contacted. I laughed at this, and asked if it would be ok to contact my local store myself if the issues wasn't resolved (aka, I didn't get my call back). He said I "shouldn't do that", and that the hotline was for complaints.

Three days later, still no call on either of my complaints, I was about at the end of my rope.

I called my local store to ask if they had the number for the corporate office. The lady read off the same number I've been calling for weeks. I told her they weren't helping me.

She asked what the issue was, and I told her one issue was with the customer service people and a coupon, and that there was nothing she could do about it, but that the other issue was with a pizza her restaurant had delivered.

She told me she could help with that issue, so I told her what had happened. I ended up talking to her manager, and he told me he could give me some partial credit for the pizzas, for next time I ordered, and apologized they had been sent out that way, but said that there was nothing more he could do because I'd waited so long to complain.
I told him I had actually complained that night, to the customer service line posted on Pizza Hut's website, and that they had told me -not- to call the store.

He said I should -always- call the store if I have issues with the pizza, so that I can get a speedier and more helpful response.. the store has the capability to send out new pizzas, etc. He also said that as far as he knows, it's policy to direct the customer back to the local store if they have an issue with the food.

So now I'm stuck.. no calls back from pizza hut, and I paid for a crappy cold pizza and now there's' nothing to be done about it because the customer service people continue to screw up.

I'm thinking about visiting the Pizza Hut corporate offices tomorrow. Maybe being there in person will get me -some- sort of attention.

Pizza Hut clearly holds a dear place in Danielle's heart. It's a shame a local joint can't swoop in and save Danielle with superior pizza and service.

(Photo: Getty)

Doomsday prognostications aside, at least people who like Pizza Hut now have something to look down on.

The End Is Near [She Eats via Buzzfeed]

Here's the apology email sent to "valued Pizza Hut customers:"

From: Pizza Hut
Sent: Friday, August 15, 2008 2:05 PM
To: The Internet
Subject: We apologize for the errant email

Dear Valued Pizza Hut Customer:

You may have received an email on Wednesday that appeared to be from Pizza Hut with the subject line "Sports - 2 Medium pizzas, 1 one-topping and 1 specialty or up to 3 toppings". We were testing new functionality that will better serve our customers. It was not the intent of Pizza Hut for this email to be sent to you. We apologize for any inconvenience or confusion this may have caused. We value your relationship with us and understand that communicating with you via email is a privilege not to be taken lightly. We have identified the cause of the mistake and have taken steps to make sure this does not happen again.

Again, we apologize for any inconvenience or confusion that email message may have caused. We appreciate you as a customer and want you to be 100% satisfied with us.

Pizza Hut and YUM! Brands are committed to your privacy and the privacy of your data. As such, we recently updated our privacy policy. View our Privacy Policy here.

The Pizza Hut name, logos and related marks are trademarks of Pizza Hut, Inc.

(C)2008 Pizza Hut, Inc., 14841 Dallas Parkway, Dallas, TX 75254.

Oh, they're striving for 100% satisfaction, eh? Here's an idea: don't force your customers to sign up for unsolicited emails!

(Photo: Scott Ableman) (Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)
PREVIOUSLY: Pizza Hut Forces You To Opt-In To Spam Marketing When Ordering Online

Bloomberg is reporting that the chain "will have its credit ratings cut to "default'' if it goes ahead with a plan to miss a bond payment due this week." Uno Restaurant Holdings Corp, which is based in Boston (not Chicago, ahem), and whose restaurants are located predominantly in East Coast states like New York, Pennsylvania and Massachusetts, said that they have 30 days before they default in which to figure something out.

"We are not in any imminent danger of filing for bankruptcy," Uno Chief Financial Officer Louie Psallidas told the Wall Street Journal.

When asked about the recent string of chain restaurant failures, Mr. Psallidas replied: "Those other restaurants that filed, their concepts haven't remained relevant. Ours has."

The Wall Street Journal says that Uno Chicago Grill has "moved in recent years to a more expansive menu of grilled, fried and sautéed fare, including Angus beef steaks and Bolognese pasta, and drinks such as pomegranate margaritas."

Oh well. Long live Lou Malnati's.

Uno Restaurant Chain Talks With Lenders on Payment [WSJ]

Uno Restaurant Faces `Default' Grade on Missed Coupon (Update3) [Bloomberg]

Here's Mark's story:

On Monday, July 28th I ordered a pizza from Papa John's Pizza. When the delivery driver showed up, he handed me my Visa slip to sign with an 'x' written next to the tip line. To me calling any kind of attention to the tip line on a credit card slip is akin to holding your hand out and asking 'where's my tip.' I didn't like the presumptive tip, and had already paid an almost $2.00 “delivery charge” so I wrote a line through the tip line, rewrote the total and signed the slip.

This morning while getting ready for work, my wife informs me that Papa John's Pizza had overcharged us by $6.42. Quite upset about Papa John's Pizza stealing six-and-a-half dollars from me, I immediately googled Papa John's Pizza corporate number. I was transferred to the finance department, and left a message expressing my extreme dissatisfaction. About 7 minutes later I got a call back from Papa John's Pizza and the gentleman asked for the details of the transaction, etc. After promising the difference would be reversed to my debit card, he said that “Papa John's takes this sort of complaint seriously.” To which of course I replied “Please do not 'take this seriously,' resolve the issue.” Then the Papa John's Pizza guy got all defensive and wanted to know why I was calling him a liar. Anyway he promised to have a 'field supervisor' look into the situation.

If my charge was off by a dollar, say because the person keying in the charge transposed a number, I may or may not have been so upset. I would have waited until the local Papa John's Pizza opened up and discussed the matter with local management. But I firmly believe that the delivery driver took it upon himself to give himself a 30% tip. I also wonder how many other people have been 'fleeced' by this driver.

I hope to email you with an update about how Papa John's Pizza refunded the difference and took steps to show me that I am a valued customer, but the day is still young.

Well, we're impressed that someone at Papa John's called him back as promised, and in less than 10 minutes—that sort of thing is far too rare with many companies, and makes us think that Papa John's actually means the phrase. But yeah, they might want to rethink using empty PR-speak if they want to reassure customers that employee theft is not tolerated. But you shouldn't blame your customers for being skeptical when they hear that phrase—there's a reason nobody believes it anymore.

(Photo: Getty)

What is your idea for the most disgustingly delicious pizza?

Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat [The Onion]

(sent to dominos via website)
I arrived home yesterday to find a zip top plastic bag in my driveway that contained several Domino's coupons, a magnet, and several rocks. I thought it was just some trash but realized everyone on the street had a similar bag at the end of their driveway. I find this kind of advertising to be tacky at best and it may border on the illegal (littering). I deduced that the rocks provided some weight so that whoever was tossing them on driveways (and the sidewalk and some lawns) did not have to get out of the car.

Why can't you send a flier through the mail like Papa John's or Pizza Hut? Why did you choose to litter my street and sidewalks? Do I need to put a NO DUMPING sign on the front lawn? This has to stop. I want your assurance that this will not happen again and I think that it might be nice if the people responsible make a donation to the Sierra Club or Leave No Trace. Until that happens you have lost a customer.

Wow Domino's, we are impressed. Utilizing the technology of rocks to distribute your coupons is genius. We suppose it beats having to pay to send them through the mail like virtually every other pizza joint in the country. Why not try good old-fashioned word-of-mouth advertising? Oh yeah, you would actually have to make good pizza for that to work, never mind.

Adi writes:

I ordered a pizza online tonight, and since there was no field to enter my coupon, I brought my coupon to the store. The staff member at the register was unsure how to enter it, so she got someone else to help me.

When I showed her the coupon in question, this woman informed me I couldn't use it. I asked why and she said I ordered online. I re-read the coupon and when I pointed out there was no online exclusion she said it didn't say it COULD be used online. I said that unless there was a printed exclusion, it should be acceptable. She refused, and I said that I would like to cancel my previous order and re-order my pizza using the coupon. Her answer was, "Fine. You can wait." She threw the coupon back across the counter and I asked, "Isn't the pizza already made? You're going to throw it away and make a new one?" She replied that she was and after commenting that that was ridiculous, I stepped back to wait. She then yelled, "What do you want?" I began to answer and she interrupted me, yelling, "I can't HEAR you." I spoke louder and placed my order and she held out her hand for the coupon. I handed her the page of coupons and again she threw it back, saying, "You have to tell me which one." I pointed it out for the third time, and she typed in the code and then threw the page away. I asked for the remaining coupons back and she snapped, "I'm not your secretary!"

At this point I asked if she were a manager and she informed me she was the co-owner. I was shocked a business owner would take part in such a display of such deplorable customer service. Of course, an employee would be fired in a minute for such belligerence.

When I got home I relayed the experience to my boyfriend, who insisted on calling and demanding an apology. After speaking to the owner, she refused to apologize and he informed her we would be contacting corporate. I realize she is a franchise owner, but I assume she is NOT the sort of person you want as the face of your company, and I suggest action should be taken, perhaps in the form of customer service training. I would also like to be compensated for my time and for the fact that I endured such vitriolic interaction.

I've been a Papa John's customer for a few years, and have never had a problem before, but something of this nature makes me think about never stepping foot in one of your stores ever again.

(Photo: LiveU4)

Not a huge thing in the big scheme of life, but I wanted to make you guys aware of something Domino's Pizza started doing recently.

They will call you weekly (usually 1-3 times a week) and inform you of their weekly specials. They will do this to cellular phones, work numbers, anywhere. In short, they use their customer list as a free list of people to spam with weekly specials.

Again, this isnt a crime against man and nature but having your cellular phone hammered by unsolicited calls from the local pizza joint is a bit unsettling and uncalled for.

Readers beware. When you call in to order a Domino's pizza, you are adding yourself to a list of people to-be-hounded.

The National Do Not Call list is obviously ignored, as this number has been registered there for months.

Sadly, Ron, the Do Not Call list doesn't apply here unless you specifically ask Domino's not to call you. By purchasing something (pizza), you established a business relationship with the company. They are allowed to call you for 18 months after your last purchase or delivery, unless you ask them not to call again. In that case, they must honor your request not to call. If they subsequently call you again, they may be subject to a fine of up to $11,000.

Every time you order a pizza, however, you're restarting the whole business relationship clock again. Good luck.

(Photo: Ben Popken )

The answer of course, is "false." If you managed to guess correctly, you're smarter than the average Californian. Two researchers at Berkeley conducted a scientific poll in an effort to determine how much Californians knew about their state's privacy laws. It turns out that large amounts of consumers have no idea that it's perfectly legal for lots of different kinds of companies to sell their information without their consent, including pizza delivery places.

From the research paper:

Pizza delivery companies, since they are called so frequently by consumers, are a hub for collecting personal information. A delivery company can collect and aggregate caller identification information (typically name and phone number), ask the customer for their phone number (which may be different than what is displayed by caller identification), and in order to process the order, acquire the delivery address. Pizza delivery information is used by private investigators and by governments to track individuals. In the marketing context, pizza delivery databases have been discussed as source for phone numbers for wireless 411 databases.

When we asked Californians whether they thought pizza delivery companies could not sell personal information without their consent, 54.7% incorrectly answered true and 5.8% said they didnʼt know.

Other scenarios in which consumers assumed they were protected from sale of their personal information: donating to a charity, registering a product warranty, giving a phone number to a cashier at checkout, registering a product rebate, and ordering from a catalog.

Research Report: What Californians Understand About Privacy Offline [via CL&P Blog]
(Photo: Tyler Durden's Imaginary Friend )

Here are the two biggest problems Tim sees with Pizza Hut's "no choice" strategy:

First, it completely eliminated all of the value mentioned above that could have been created by an online order. Since we called in [and abandoned our online order], conversion costs increased, Pizza Hut will never have the opportunity to add our email address to their marketing lists (via a check or a non-uncheck), they will never have the chance to up sell or cross sell to us in an automated fashion, they have completely obliterated any loyalty we had and they provided an utterly terrible customer experience. Moreover, their customer retention and market share numbers just dwindled by a body count of two (my friend and I).

Second, the strategy that Pizza Hut is utilizing makes me wonder if most users don't notice what they're getting themselves into and if this is what Pizza Hut is shooting for. Well known practice in eCommerce is to force a customer to agree to a sites general terms of use in order to transact on that site. Sometimes, at the same time a user is agreeing to the Terms of Use, a second, optional, opportunity is provided that allows the the customer to opt-in to advertising. If only one option is given, it is by and large a Terms of Use agreement. Therefore, if a customer only sees one option, and doesn't read the details, they assume that they are agreeing to a sites Terms of Use, and that no option to opt-in to advertising exists, let alone that they are opting in if they agree to the Terms of Use.

For those who initially opted-in to receive future offers or promotional materials or to allow the sharing of Personal Information with third parties may subsequently opt-out as follows:

For email communications: (a) send an e-mail to webmaster@pizzahut.com or (b) if you are a registered user, deselect the option on your accounts profile page under "My Account" on Our website;

For text message communications, (a) send an email to webmaster@pizzahut.com and include the appropriate mobile telephone number(s), (b) send a "STOP" text message to "749488" or (c) if you are a registered user, deselect the option on your accounts profile page under "My Account" on Our website.

"That's Freaking Spam-tastic: PizzaHut.com Requires Customers to Opt-In to Advertising When Ordering Online" [PlumberSurplus]

He writes, "Just imagine your summer job consisting of this conversation 100 times a night:"

DRIVER: Um, that'll be $23.52.

CUSTOMER: No, I called before eight, that actually took thirty-four minutes.

DRIVER: I am sorry valued customer but Domino's Pizza no longer honors the thirty minute guarantee anymore thirty minutes is just an estimate I apologize for the inconvenience.

[CUSTOMER LAUGHS. THERE IS AN AWKWARD SILENCE]

CUSTOMER: You're serious? What a f*cking crock, you expect me to pay for this? I just saw the ad on tv!

DRIVER: Sir, calm down-

CUSTOMER: F*ck you, this is all your fault! If the advertising people were here I'd punch them a lot but because they're not I'm gonna pretend that you're them and by beating you it will somehow solve things!!!

DRIVER: Please don't-

[CUSTOMER STARTS BEATING DRIVER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE PIZZA...]

"On Behalf Of All Former Delivery Drivers, I Say F*CK YOU, Domino's Pizza" [Best Week Ever]

Yes, this is how the slice came: a used and soiled "Convenience Size" bottle of Vaseline moisturizer, as found in a Pizza Pizza, bagged slice of pizza; purchased in-store at 8:30PM (EST) 23 February 2008, Yonge St near Bloor St (Toronto, Canada).

Charles and his two friends thought the tube was a prank—our first reaction, too—and called Pizza Pizza to complain. They were promptly offered a free small pizza and an investigation.

How could that even happen? A hair, fine, whatever. A fake eyebrow, ok, it's getting late. But a whole !@#$ tube of Vaseline? Seriously, how do you not notice that? Gross.

Dame Mas Vaselina [Torontoist]
(Photo: Charles DH Crosbie)

Here's a discription of the Papa Murphy's ordering process:

1. Call ahead and order your pizza.
2. Turn up 20 minutes later and pay.
3. Be told "that'll be just a few minutes."
4. Wait a few minutes.
5. Watch some guy come into the store and order.
6. Wait a few more minutes.
7. Watch more people come in with phone orders.
8. Watch them pay.
9. Watch the guy who just came in get his pizza.
10. Scratch your head and wonder why.
11. Wait a few more minutes.
12. Watch some lady wander into the store and place an order.
13. Watch more people come in with phone orders.
14. Try not to laugh at them.
15. Wait a few more minutes.
16. Watch lady who just came in get her pizza.
17. Start getting really annoyed.
18. Watch other people with phone orders get annoyed.
19. Repeat steps 5 though 18 for the next HOUR.
20. Form a protest gang with fellow hungry, pissed off phone order customers.
21. Go to counter, see masses of tickets in no particular order.
22. Watch young store clerk give you bewildered 'help me' look.
23. Organize a committee.
24. Sort through tickets, find phone orders.
25. Get phone orders made, hoping there is no spit in the pizzas.
26. Receive, as a way of saying sorry for the long wait, NOTHING extra in return.
27. Leave store with pizza, grumpy.
28. Return home to hungry, annoyed family.
29. Recount steps 1 through 27 while pizza cooks using your own electricity.
30. Eat pizza begrudgingly.

Great idea for Papa Murphy's - make the pizzas in order. [WiseBread] (Thanks, Dan!)

Me: "Hi, I have a coupon. It's the $7.99 Monday-Wednesday Special."
Domino's: "Yeah, that's only valid on Monday or Wednesday. Today's Tuesday."
M: "The coupon suggests it's Monday through Wednesday."
D: "Nope. It says 'Monday (slash) Wednesday'."
M: "No, it doesn't. I'd agree with you if that were the case, but it says 'Monday (dash) Wednesday', which would suggest it's valid Monday through Wednesday."
D: "Sorry, it's Monday or Wednesday."
M: "Fine, whatever. I guess I'll get the $10.99 pizza and breadstick combo."
D: "That's $11.99."
M: "Nope, it's $10.99, I'm looking at the flier right now."
D: "That's an old flier."
M: "No, it's not. I just got it today."

D: "No, it's an old flier." M: "I pulled it out of my mailbox 15 minutes ago. How is it old?" D: "We recently changed the price." M: "OK, I'm looking at the flier. On the border of the flier, it has a date on it. 11/18/07. That was two days ago." D: "We must've changed the price since then." M: "So, the flier was printed on Sunday. There's no mail on Sunday, so the flier wasn't mailed until yesterday. And now you've changed the price. Does that make any sense to you." D: "Hey, we've gotta change the price sometime." M: "I . . . Can I ask you something? Do you guys want to sell pizza?" D: "Huh?" M: "Do you want to sell pizza? Simple question." D: "Huh?" (click)

(Photo:Ben Popken)

"We're filling that black box of uncertainty — 'Has my pizza been forgotten?' — with information and entertainment," says Chris McGlothlin, technology chief at Domino's.

The system goes up Wednesday at 3,400 Domino's outlets and will be in all stores by June 30, he says. It even gives folks the first names of the workers who take their phone order and deliver their pizza — and asks customers to rate them.

Any customer comments about inappropriate behavior by order takers or delivery staff will be investigated, spokesman Tim McIntyre says.

Pizza Tracker
Where's your Domino's pizza? Track it online [USAToday]

Domino's writes to Robert:

January 22, 2008

Mr. Robert [redacted]

Dominos Case #: [redacted]

Dear Mr. Robert [redacted],

Thank you for taking the time to contact the Domino's Pizza Customer Care Team. As a valued Domino's Pizza customer, your comments are extremely important to us.

I want to apologize for the situation you encountered at the Cambridge location. Domino's Pizza takes great pride in providing the quality products and service you have come to expect and trust.

Because your Domino's Pizza store is independently owned and operated, I have forwarded your comments to the franchise owner or local representative. Please be assured your comments will be taken seriously and considered to help Domino's Pizza improve our operations.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact us. Your business is very important to us.

Sincerely,

Arnaldo
Domino's Pizza Customer Care T.E.A.M.

Arnaldo-

After I sent my previous message (the one which you are replying to) I attempted to contact the Cambridge location again, and no one would assist me. They still have my money, and now that I've returned home there's little chance I'll get it back.

While they might be an independent franchise, they share your name, and their actions damage the reputation of your entire company.

To reiterate-

1) We placed an order for pizza's you guys had on sale, and we were instead charged full price, which ended up being twice what we thought it would be.
2) When my friend called, he was treated rudely and told it was his fault that the sale price wasn't given.
3) When I called, I was told the manager would return my call as soon as she could, but that it was our own fault.
4) After 3 calls to the store, we were finally told there was no manager on duty, but that she would call us the next day.
5) At no point did any of of the staff return my calls as they said they would.

This entire time we were treated horribly by that stores staff. For you to tell me that you're forwarding the complaint on doesn't help much, since I've already called them and complain and was treated badly for doing so. All I wanted was a refund of the overage I was charged, and I was clear with the staff that I understand mistakes happen. I saved up for college by working at a pizza place, as did my sister (who actually worked at a Domino's in Springfield, MA) and I know that sometimes it can be frustrating when a customer calls up with a complaint. As such, I went out of my way to be as polite as possible and simply wanted a return of my money. Instead I received attitude and frustration.

Please look into this a little deeper than just a form letter to myself.

Robert [redacted]

PS- I am CC'ing this email to The Consumerist, which is an excellent customer advocacy site.

(Photo:Tyler Durden's Imaginary Friend

Within five years, Pizza Hut aims to earn half its revenue from orders placed via computers and mobile phones, he said.

Pizza Hut is not the first to offer mobile ordering services, but the Dallas-based company says its service is the broadest and most comprehensive.

Domino's in September gave customers with Web-enabled phones the option to place mobile orders at nearly half of its 5,100 U.S. restaurants.

"Pizza Hut rolls out nationwide mobile ordering" [Reuters]

How will we survive? On Tombstone alone? The horror!

[ABC News]

Several people have become ill from eating these pizzas, so please, please throw them away. The code "EST. 7750" will be located inside the USDA mark of inspection as well as a "best if used by" date on or before "02 APR 08 WS."

The USDA says: "The company applies the "best if used by date" on the package based on a 155-day shelf life, however consumers are urged to look in their freezers for similar frozen pizza products and discard them if found. "

So far there have been illnesses reported in Illinois (1), Kentucky (3), Missouri (2), New York (2), Ohio (1), Pennsylvania (1), South Dakota (1), Tennessee (8), Virginia (1), and Wisconsin (1). Don't mess with these pizzas. Throw them away. For a complete list of the recalled pizzas, click here.

Ohio Firm Recalls Frozen Meat Pizzas Due to Possible E. coli O157:H7 Contamination [USDA]

Hey. Flying to JFK from Portland tonight. The flight keeps getting pushed back and the flight tracker on the website is getting updated before the gate agents are. It's so foggy that it's difficult to see the ground below the terminal windows, so the situation is obviously out of the agents' hands. To compensate, they've set out several pizzas and bottled water for the waiting passengers. People seem pretty stoked. Might this be a new addition to their customer bill of rights?

We asked JetBlue if they really do order pizza and their spokesperson, Sebastian, responded: "You know, JetBlue has been doing pizza ordering since we started seven years ago — people seem to love it!"

Sebastian explains that JetBlue in an "innovator" in the airline pizza ordering sector:

"In fact, it seems as though our innovative approach to taking care of our customers on delayed flights has influenced other airlines. We've heard reports that other airlines have started serving pizza to their customers when delayed due to weather. Good for them - and great for the airline customer."

We had no idea.

(Photo:Thanks, Karolyn!)

At least, the NYT seems to think so:

Passengers on three flights on Aug. 17 were astonished to see that someone had thought enough to have pizza and sodas sent their way.

One of those passengers was Robynne Reiber, a frequent business traveler who lives in New York and said that every flier she knows has been complaining about "the hassles of air travel and the lack of respect given passengers by airlines."

That's why the pizza at the airport in Syracuse was such a shock. "I was astounded," she told me.

"I couldn't believe how well I was being treated," she said.

She was on Delta Flight 424 from Phoenix to Kennedy International Airport. About 90 minutes after takeoff, the pilot made one of those dreaded announcements that typically begin with the words, "Well, folks, ..."

It was a Friday afternoon, and half the flights over the continent seemed to be heading for the East Coast, where thunderstorms were turning most of them away. The Delta flight had been instructed to circle over Colorado.

With Kennedy closed, the flight was ultimately diverted to Syracuse.

There, according to Ms. Reiber, the pilot said: "I'm not going to keep you on the plane. I'm going to pull up to a gate where you can get off, as long as you wait there in case we have to leave. I know you've only had cheese and crackers. So I called the Sbarro in the terminal and asked them to keep sending pizzas out until the whole plane gets fed."

At the gate, tables were set up. "The pilot said it might take a while to get everybody fed because this is probably more pizzas than they're used to turning out at a time, so please be patient," Ms. Reiber said.

Flight attendants helped serve while the pilot made regular announcements from the departure desk about the prospects for getting en route again.

"Finally, he said, 'All right, everybody back on the plane, we have a slot,' " Ms. Reiber said.

"On the plane, the flight attendants kept saying, 'If anybody needs anything, just ask and we'll do the best we can. We're all in this together.' "

Best Choices To Be Stranded: Syracuse, Albany, Pepperoni [NYT]
(Photo:Morton Fox)

A quick warning for those in the Sunnyvale, CA area buying Red Baron frozen pizza: Don't.

They were on-sale —- three for $9.99. My roommates and I (tricked by the xxx for xxx sale) grabbed three.

Opened one box and found it to be a deformed pizza.

Hmm. The machine couldn't make this pizza properly, we thought. No worries, let's try the next box.

Each box was subsequently worse off than the next. One of them (the one that looks like it's half-eaten) has some mysterious weird red/black dark matter embedded into the pizza. Uh, cool? Extra toppings?

Safeway was cool though, they promptly offered an exchange or refund. We took the refund.

I was flying from Massachusetts to New Jersey on Continental Airlines on this past week. There was terrible weather over New Jersey and while the plane took off on time, a half-hour in to the 47 minute flight we ended up circling over southern Connecticut. After a number of "we'll only be holding here for a few minutes" updates, an hour had elapsed and the pilot told us that the storm that held us up was making it impossible to get to New Jersey and that they didn't have enough fuel to get back to Massachusetts. We were diverted to a remote airstrip and were told that we'd just refuel and then get to New Jersey.

Of course, the "30 minute refuel" turned into 2 hours stuck on the tarmac at this airstrip because the storm came right through our location.

At this point we'd been on the plane for 4+ hours and despite some individual heavy sighs, most people were still pretty pleasant. We were all blown away when the flight attendant came on the PA and told all of us that they had a surprise: the crew had called in an order for pizza and had 10 pizzas delivered to the plane. They also told us not to write into Continental about this because "they'd get in trouble".

It turns out that the pilot paid for the pizza out of his/her pocket! It was a remarkable gesture, and what I found really terrible was that the crew felt that they'd get in trouble with the airline for being so thoughtful, generous, and kind to the passengers.

So, I definitely think that this particular crew deserves a pat on the back, and provided that Continental doesn't penalize them for their actions, then the airline deserves a pat on the back for hiring such high quality people. I've modified some of the info in the story to mask the identity of the flight and crew - but I feel that the story deserves to be told nonetheless.

(Photo: David de Groot)

4) Tomato-And-Basil gave us a $2.25 slice when we only had $2. They're worried they will have to raise prices in response to rising milk costs.

3) Gorilla Coffee told us that our punch card that we've been filling up was only good for drinks, even though we've been buying bags, and we really needed to have been filling up a "bean card." But they were nice enough to let us talk them into transferring all the punches over.

2) A Starbucks barista gave us a venti-sized cup of free water, over her co-worker's protests that they're only supposed to give out tiny courtesy cups of water.

1) On the way to baggage claim in the Fort Wayne terminal, elderly ladies greeted us and pressed free airport sugar cookies into our hands. They were soft and good.

(Photos: Ben Popken)

An employee at a test store located in the East Village section of New York City said they only sold two pizzas the first day of the test in late March, but are now are up about 25 a day. The biggest problem: patrons don't know about the product despite a prominent sign on the menu board, he said.

New Products: Subway Seeks To Slice Domino's, Pizza Hut Pie [Brandweek]
(Photo: zyphbear)

From Time:

If it weren't for the pink door handle shaped like the letter D at the new Dunkin' Donuts shop in Sarasota, Fla., you might think you had stumbled into a Starbucks. Bags of beans and oversize coffee mugs near the door? Check. A waiting area for lattes and cappuccinos? Check. Heck, there's even free wi-fi and a rack of gift cards by the register.

This is the Dunkin' Donuts of the future, a chic space with soaring ceilings and earth-toned walls that will be the prototype for every new store the 57-year-old chain opens. "We're not a sleepy little New England company anymore," says Dunkin' Brands CEO Jon Luther, 63. Sure, they'll still have time to make the doughnuts for your morning commute, but Luther thinks the slightly musty chain is ready to take on the industry giants—Starbucks and McDonald's—on their turf. He started small, rolling out espresso drinks in 2003; they now account for 5% of sales. Next he plans to triple the number of U.S. stores, to 15,000, by 2020; expand the menu with pizza and flatbread sandwiches; and give the stores a much-needed makeover.

Where's Denis Leary when you need him? "You took the donut, you dunked it in the coffee, thus the #%@$% title of the place."—MEGHANN MARCO

Brand New Buzz [Time]
(Photo: Qfamily)

NOTE TO EDITORS: We love to feed the media! Call the Domino's Public Relations Department at +1-734-930-3741 to order a piping hot Domino's Pizza for your newsroom or studio.

Just like we told you last week.

Dave, a blogger and journalist, has got your proof of concept. He called up that phone number and placed an order, saying he was a member of the media.

Dave: most people don't follow up on stuff like that because they don't think it works
benpopken: most people are lazy pussies
Dave: The Domino's woman called me regarding my lunch and read of the 17,000 things that they are doing
Dave: blah blah blah - kina like charlie brown's teacher
Dave: she cut me off at two pizzas
Dave: you''ll love this - they guy tried to charge me for it
benpopken: classy
Dave: the fact that he BACKED OFF MAKES ME WONDER
Dave: if he was trying to pocket it

There you have it. The pizza works. You just have to sit through a PR pitch and tell the delivery guy it's already paid for. — BEN POPKEN

NOTE TO EDITORS: We love to feed the media! Call the Domino's Public Relations Department at +1-734-930-3741 to order a piping hot Domino's Pizza for your newsroom or studio.

Is Dominos blah blah? Or blah blah blah? We don't know, but we like pepperoni and with this whole citizen journalism thing, blah blah blah everyone gets a free pizza. — BEN POPKEN

Does Dominos PR need a lesson in ethics? [Tech for PR]

Domino's Pizza Named A Good Choice For A Healthy Diet (Press Release) [PR Newswire]

From MSN Money:

Papa John's looks to Web to boost its share of pie [MSN Money]

Atmosphere? Seriously? —MEGHANN MARCO

Papa John's gets consumer satisfaction honor [Louisville Buisness First]

"we were told by MATT (the store manager) that we could either stop laughing and order our pizza or call another pizza restaurant. "

Appalled by Matt's attitude, Jillian called Pizza Hut Corporate to complain and was issued an apology coupon. End of story, right? Nope.

"Once again the wonderful MATT answered the phone and he told us he wouldn't honor the coupon (his corporate office sent) because we called on one of the busiest nights and we were laughing forever!!... I asked to speak with the owner and he said they were corporate owned and he was the store manager. I said, 'so let me get this straight MATT, this location is corporate owned and you wont honor a corporate coupon YOUR CORPORATE office sent?'. With some anger in his voice, he confirmed what I just stated."

What an asshole. Our advice is to avoid the Pizza Hut in Rancho Cucamonga. Actually, you should avoid corporate pizza entirely. Yuck. —MEGHANN MARCO

Read the rest of Jillian's email inside...

Good morning Ben,

I would like to share my recent experience with Pizza Hut with Consumerist in hopes you will post it. In my 14 years of living in Rancho Cucamonga we have never encountered a problem with our local Pizza Hut store. One Saturday night my husband and I ordered a pizza. When we called in to order a pizza, the first several minutes your on an auto hold listening to all of their "great" deals they have to offer. Well timing happened to be impeccable this Saturday evening because just when MATT (the store manager) answered the phone to take our order, my husband just finished a joke and we started laughing. After literally, 5 seconds of laughing, we were told by MATT (the store manager) that we could either stop laughing and order our pizza or call another pizza restaurant. Stunned by what MATT (did I mention he was the store MANAGER?) had told us, we quickly placed our order and hung up. Still frustrated by my experience with Pizza Hut, I called the corporate office on Monday or Tuesday. I was given an apology by the lady on the phone, and she stressed this wasn't Pizza Huts policy. She sent me out a coupon for a free pizza and about two weeks later my husband and I decided to use it. Once again the wonderful MATT answered the phone and he told us he wouldn't honor the coupon (his corporate office sent) because we called on one of the busiest nights and we were laughing forever!! (Side note: I understand Saturday nights are busy, but this was the first week of November. Now let it be during the summer months and okay, I understand busy. Or let it be Super bowl weekend etc. but November?? Super busy??) I couldn't believe my ears AGAIN. I asked to speak with the owner and he said they were corporate owned and he was the store manager. I said, 'so let me get this straight MATT, this location is corporate owned and you wont honor a corporate coupon YOUR CORPORATE office sent?'. With some anger in his voice, he confirmed what I just stated. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER USE PIZZA HUT AGAIN!! EVER!!!! Now, I am a loyal Papa John's or Domino's customer.

From the New York Times:

"But anyone in the Midwest who thinks this is real Brooklyn is getting fooled," he said. That's the basic message from Mrs. Ciminieri at Totonno's, who was finally persuaded to taste a Domino's slice in the name of research. "In Utah, they're going to love it because they use ketchup and American cheese on their pizzas," she said.

Mmmhmm. Suck it up, Brooklyn. This happened to "Chicago Style" a long time ago. Consumerist thinks the only argument stupider than the "Which city has the best pizza?" argument is the "Which beer is the best beer?" argument. Hint: It's not Budweiser, and pass the Lou Malnati's, please. Oh no, we didn't! Fanboys, attack! — MEGHANN MARCO

'Brooklyn Style Pizza' Meets the Real Deal [NYT]

Teresa Skarman was just an average Jane, wrapping up her shift bagging groceries, when a masked thug swiped her purse and ran. Luckily for her, Uptown's greatest pizza delivering superhero was nearby. Before a shrill scream of "Purse snatcher!" could even oscillate from her mouth, Super Cameron was a tawny streak of orange lightning in pursuit.

Unfortunately, life isn't really a comic book, and it took two other bystanders to take down the purse snatching perp. If Cameron had been Thor, mighty Mjolnir might have rocketed down deliciously upon one of the criminal's temples. If Cameron had been Captain America, he might have hurled the pizza he was delivering like a frisbee at the knees of the fleeing crook. Still, we love Cameron for providing one of those brief flashes of surreality that makes life so worth living.

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'Caped Crusader' Foils Uptown Robbert [KSTP.com]

Also noteworthy is the fact that, from the photograph, this appears to be one of the few fast food horror stories that isn't depressingly phoney. This isn't some drop-a-dead-roach-in-your-food-and-scam-a-few-mil fake out we're talking about here. That roach is baked right in there

The roach (genus Blatella germanica, if you're wondering specifically what to ask for when you call for your next delivery) was served to a customer in Australia, which resulted in a $13,000 fine levied against Pizza Hut. Tim Eakin, Pizza Hut's Australian lawyer, admitted it was pretty disgusting, but stressed that "[this] is not a case of dangerous food."

Pest topping made diner's skin crawl [SMH.com.au]

A couple days ago, we made a passionate plea for pizza delivery companies like Domino's or Papa John's to institute internal policies preventing their employees from delivering pizzas in the same vehicles they were using to deliver festering, formaldehyde-flooded corpses. Bad for business.

But perhaps we were too hasty; maybe there is a cross-promotional market for mortuary slash pizza delivery companies. After all, check out how cool this pizza box from New Zealand chain Hell Pizza is. The perforated box can be recomposed into a snazzy little coffin "for your remains."

Hell Pizza - Rest in Peace [Livejournal]
Previously: Pizza Delivery Guy Also Delivers Corpses

William Bethel, a part-time pizza delivery guy with a side job in human corpse trafficking, was recently pulled in a mortuary hearse while on a pizza delivery run. Worse yet, Bethel was delivering both a decomposing corpse and its direct gastronomic analogue — a Hawaiian Pizza with anchovies — without a license. Needless to say, Bethel lost both his jobs.

The AP article ends with this odd quote: "County and state health officials said there is no law against delivering a body and food in the same vehicle." Well, yeah. There's no law against delivering them in a garbage truck or in a porta-potty you've turned horizontal and transformed into a bitching all-mod-cons go-kart either. Still, we'd hope that Domino's company policy, at least, condemns balancing the pizza boxes you are delivering on top of a black-faced sack of liquifying meat and rotting offal.

Man Delivers Pizzas, Corpses In Same Vehicle [WUSA9]

After all, the thirty minute guarantee has been around for decades. The pizza chain that can break that will have a serious edge over the competition. Unfortunately, there's no real way to do it without sacrificing either quality (and there's little enough of that to go around anyway) or safety.

Wat needs to happen to get a pizza to your door in ten minutes? As soon as you call, Papa John's either need to have your specific pizza under a heat lamp, or they need to just blaze putting it together. Neither equates good pizza.

On the safety side of things, even a thirty minute guarantee encourages drivers to get reckless — their jobs are the ones on the line, after all. We don't know what Papa John's driver policy is (do you know? Send us an email!) but a lot of companies that promise a pizza to you in thirty minutes or less punish the driver if it doesn't get there in time. Sometimes this can be pay docking (Domino's famously used to do this) but even if it doesn't become financially punitive, it looks bad if a driver continuously fails to meet the time limit imposed. Those precedents could eventually equal firing. Thirty minutes is already a slim wedge of time to get pizza to somebody's door... does anyone really want to live in a Cryptonomicon Snowcrash-like world of samurai-sword wielding pizza deliverators boiling the asphalt at 200mph?

Scratch that last question: of course you do. Who doesn't? So maybe Papa John's is onto something here. Still, until a Papa John's pizza chef can flip on a Cronenberg transportation device to beam a steaming pizza straight into your hands, we'd rather get a good pizza delivered to us in thirty than a heat-lamp pizza delivered in ten minutes by a bloody corpse who just crawled his way out of a car wreck.

Edit: Of course, it's Snowcrash. Sorry, I spaced and confused it with one of Stephenson's other books. Which is too bad, since Snowcrash is the only thing he's ever written that doesn't just suck.

Papa John's 10-minute pizza [Food Facts]