Brian points out in his letter to the company:

One of two things is happening Mr. Niblock; either the people responsible for manufacturing your labels are making mistakes, or your company is falsely advertising the quantity of some of their buckets of paint.

I opened a box I received from FedEx and pulled out of a couple of DVDs and then saw what looked like a rusty lid of something. At first, I thought nothing of it, since you can get DVDs packaged in all kinds of weird shit. I thought it might have been a fake film canister of some sort or...something. In retrospect, it might have been the Limited Edition Paint Can "This Old House: The Complete Series." But when I pulled it out I saw it was what you're seeing up there: an authentic $4.99 rusty gallon can of Satinwood Interior Latex Flat Wall Paint. (And please don't mock the wallpaper, it came with the house.)

I called the sender of the package and said, "What's with sending me a can of paint?"

He said, "What the hell are you talking about: a can of paint?" And you can guess where the conversation went from there.

It took a while for John to track down someone from FedEx to investigate, but apparently they're on the case now:

Regardless, the claims process is supposed to be underway, and FedEx Claims was helpful when I got them on the line—after they inexplicably transferred me to somebody who worked somewhere else within the company and had no idea why I was suddenly on their phone and then...on the second call they transferred me into their internal phonemail system, where I was prompted for my mailbox number. But anyway, the third call was fine. Let's just see how they react to this.

"Indiana Jones and the Satinwood Latex Flat Wall Paint" [Needcoffee.com]

Humphrmi writes:

I recently purchased a 1963 Chrysler Newport as a project car for my son and I. It needs new paint, and a new power steering pump. Other than that, the car is in pristine condition, literally having only been driven by a little old lady to church every Sunday. The engine purrs like a kitten.

I called my insurance agent, Bernie Majewski, who sells exclusively State Farm insurance, and began the process of insuring the vehicle. I was told when I first called that State Farm offers a special discount program for antique vehicles that are only driven to and from car shows, parades, and auto shops. This is perfect, because that's all I do with the car, and it matches the use restrictions of the license plates I purchased (Antique Vehicle plates in Illinois have the exact same restriction - car shows, parades, and shops.) Otherwise it sits in my garage. I was quoted about $200 / 6 Months for basic liability and a declared value of $2000, which is what I paid for the car. State Farm also asked for pictures of the car, and I complied.

Today I received a call from an employee of my State Farm agent, informing me that they cannot write the policy as an "Antique Vehicle" until I "restore" the car to its original condition. Since the car is nearly pristine, I asked what, exactly, they required to be restored. Their answer? "You have to paint the car". Without the special Antique Vehicle program, the cost of basic liability and no comp/collision will be $300 for 6 months. That's 33% more with no damage coverage.

So it boils down to this: The State of Illinois sold me discounted AV plates with these usage restrictions, so I legally cannot drive the car except in shows, parades, etc. If I violate these restrictions, I will get a ticket and could lose my license plates. I'm fine with these restrictions, and will accept them from State Farm as well. Yet State Farm won't give me a discount for the agreed restricted usage of the vehicle unless I paint it. Apparently fresh paint makes you less likely to incur liability while driving.

Best of all:

The kicker? I just got a quote from Progressive online for $161 for the same basic liability for the same car. They don't even want pictures.

Our resident expert in all things car related recommends Grundy Worldwide as an alternative for insuring vintage cars.

Leave other helpful recommendations in the comments.

I was at my local hardware store to pick up some disposable, quick-use masks for spraying some nitrocellulose lacquer. I go to the right aisle and pick out a decently priced pair of 3M Latex Paint and Odor Respirator with Valve masks.

After going down the list of things this mask protected the user from, I quickly found "disposable aerosol spray paint cans" on the list and was satisfied. I bought the item and was about to use it, but had an inclination to read the instructions before going out to spray.

I read through the instructions and I was cautioned NOT to use this mask with "paint spray."

Should I use the masks or not?

Well, kudos on reading the instructions! The instructions are written in a confusing way, but we understand them to mean that you shouldn't use it with paint spray, "when particulate concentrations exceed 10 times the PEL/OEL, specific OSHA standards, or applicable government regulations, whichever is lower." If you're not sure that the substance you're spaying qualifies, you should check with an expert.

Do we have any experts in the comments?

From CR:

As we reported in our June 2008 story “Scrimping Doesn't Pay,” the Valspar Ultra Premium Satin ($24 per gallon) and the Valspar Ultra Premium Semi-gloss ($24) exterior paints are less expensive than the California 2010 ($38) and Kelly-Moore Acry-Shield ($32) finishes that we rated just above them...If you hire a contractor, then labor costs will add another reason to choose a longer-lasting finish. A finish that lasts for a decade will cost you less than a cheaper one that fails after five years.

Protect Your Investment: Buy quality paints [CR]
(Photo: traci_todd112 )

RC2 is asking that you stop using the feeding chair and contact them to request new straps that will prevent your tiny bundle of joy from experiencing sudden deceleration on the kitchen floor. Those of you with the lead tainted potty-training chair should stop using the chair until you (no, we're not making this up) "contact RC2 to receive a permanent clear protective cover that covers the plaque."

No refunds or replacement products are being offered.

For additional information, contact RC2 toll-free at (866) 725-4407 between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. CT.

RC2 Recalls Potty Training Seats Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard [CPSC]
RC2 Recalls The First Years™ Children's Feeding Seats Due to Fall Hazard [CPSC]

Paint manufacturers mix in different lead compounds depending on the color of the paint. Lead chromates, for example, can enhance a yellow or orange hue. Municipal workers often use lead paint because it resists the color-dimming effects of ultraviolet light: The double yellow line in the middle of the road? That's loaded with lead. Paint manufacturers also add lead and other heavy metals to make paint stick better instead of flaking off. Price is also a factor: China mass-produces the stuff, and coloring agents like lead chromate are generally cheaper than organic pigments. (That said, added lead used to be a luxury. A house painter in the early 20th century would show up to a job with two buckets—one for the paint substrate, one for the lead powder. The more lead he added, the better the paint, the higher the price.)

Lead paint has other qualities that make it attractive to manufacturers. For one thing, it resists mildew, making it perfect for wood furniture and other surfaces likely to get wet. It's also anti-corrosive: Ship makers have historically applied a coating of lead paint, often containing the red mineral litharge, to the bottom of metal ships' hulls. (The Romans used lead paint, too—that's why the paint on some of their ruins is so well-preserved.)

Why Do They Put Lead Paint in Toys? [Slate]
(Photo: Medioimages/Photodisc)

Dale's Paint recommended the wrong coat of paint to fix Fred's car. After Fred complained, they agreed to fix it, but have been dragging their feet. Fred contacted us and intern Dyan has been after them to get their act together. This is her latest report:

I just spoke with Len at Dale's Paint and he had good news for us. He wants Fred to let him know a window of time when it'd be convenient for him to have his car repainted because he seems to have someone who is available to do it.

Huzzah. — BEN POPKEN

Previously: Update: Sherwin-Williams Customer Service Is Color Blind, Now My Car Looks Crazy
Sherwin-Williams Customer Service Is Color Blind, Now My Car Looks Crazy

The other great place to look is your local sanitation department. Most cities have specific divisions that deal with paints, since you can't just toss them in a landfill. In Alameda, CA, it's a garage full of five-gallon buckets of paint, wall to wall. They'll just let you take what you want in most cases. They have to dispose of it somehow anyway!

Save Tons Of Money on Paint, If The Color Doesn't Really Matter [Curbly]

Superstar intern Dyan got hold of the manager of Dale's Paints and asked when they planned on getting Fred's car repainted.

Len said the request was on his desk. The paint job was in the back of his mind but getting a phone call from The Consumerist was an "encouraging" reminder.

Len asked us to call back in about a week and he should have more for us.

The internet watches, and waits. — BEN POPKEN

Previously: Sherwin-Williams Customer Service Is Color Blind, Now My Car Looks Crazy

The best part? "You don't have to buy their paint to use their color viewer! Just take your Benjamin Moore paint chip-found at your local Benjamin Moore dealer-to the retailer of the paint manufacturer of your choice and they'll be able to match it!" Cool.—MEGHANN MARCO

Personal Color Viewer [Benjamin Moore via Curbly]

Fred brought his car's paint code in to Dale's in Colorado Springs, a Sherwin-Williams paint store. Dale's gave him a can and Fred painted his car. When Fred removed the masking, he discovered Dale's put the wrong paint in the can. Now it looks like he got his front quarter from a junkyard.

Fred contacted Sherwin customer service. They bitchslapped Dale's. The owner of Dale's agreed to pay for Fred's car to be repainted. But they just never seem to have gotten around it to. This was October, and now it's too cold in Colorado for Fred to repaint his car. The store has stopped returning his calls and Sherwin-Williams is also unresponsive.

Fred just wants the Sherwin-Williams store to honor the agreement for the mistake it already lived up to. We're gonna try siccing intern Dyan on this case. You can read Fred's letter and correspondence inside...

Fred writes:

Fred's emails with Sherwin and Dale's are below.

Dale's Paint Supply Co
515 N Circle Dr
Colorado Springs, CO 80909
(719) 636-2635

— BEN POPKEN

Unbelievably, this Camaro was painted not by Maaco, but by $50 worth of house paint, a coat of Rustoleum and a cheap roller. We hesitate actually recommending taking a bucket of red house paint to your new Porsche, but then again, if you can afford a Porsche, you probably wouldn't be tempted to.

50 Dollar Paint [Rick Wrench]

Let's Build Something Together... indeed. Just as long as it's not an inconvenience for one of us.

We're sure the sanctimonious anoraks among you will quickly seize Randy's letter in your sweaty maws and rip it apart, saying he shouldn't get so upset over the haughty attitude of one Lowe's employee over two buckets up paint. No doubt, that Ryan picked up the wrong base paint and so deserves mockery will figure prominently in your screeds. Before you do that, read the entire letter, imagine walking into a store you've given good money, and then being insulted by one of its employees in front of your family for no good reason.

If after that, you feel not a twinge of empathy, by all means, break out your greasy rapiers and rusty hacksaws.

The fact remains, Ryan was dissed, he's pissed, and he's not shopping at Lowes aynmore. His missive, after the jump...

Randy's letter to Lowe's is as follows

"I am writing this tonight because I have put up with my last inconsiderate, unhelpful employee that your store has seen fit to offer me since moving into the area only 4 years ago. It's been a love/hate relationship where for a few moments I can get expert customer service and just when things are looking up I am greeted (or, completely ignored) by someone who would be better off flipping burgers than attempting to answer a home improvement question. Without going into particulars of the past because the past is no longer relevant I will explain the incident that put things over the edge.

Tonight my family ventured into Lowes in search of 2 gallons of Exterior Paint. We walked in the paint aisle and identified the paint base we wanted. Sitting in a wire holder right in front of that paint was a color guide for exterior paint. We identified the color we needed for this very simple project and brought both the paint and the color guide to the paint desk. In year's past I have done this and the paint employee takes the paint, adds the dye, shakes it, checks it, and I'm on my way.

Tonight I watched what appeared to be the only employee in the area hold a completely non-work relevant conversation with another person for 5 minutes while ignoring us. After 5 minutes a new employee happened upon the desk and asked if we were being helped. We answered that we were not and just needed these 2 gallons of paint in this color. This seemed to be a very simple task. Apparently I do not know enough about paint.

Mr. Employee (sorry I didn't get his name) let us know that we did not have to get the base paint, simply tell them the color and they would go get it for us. On the surface that appeared to be a very nice offer, until he immediately tacked on that we should take back the base that we had chosen and then come back to the desk. Without pausing for any response the then changed his mind and said he would take it back and get the right base while at the same time telling us and I quote "although it's a major inconvenience, I will go back and get the right base." Yes. Those words will be etched in my mind until the day I die.

Your employee, through an act of the most sheer stupidity and ignorance I have ever experienced, managed to cost you a customer for life. Over the past year Lowes hung on by a thread and earned my purchase of a vinyl shed along with accompanying wood to construct the base. No small project. In the near future I have planned a complete flooring upgrade as well as paint and some tile work on the walls. Over 2 gallons of paint, your employee has cost you those sales.

It's very unfortunate that I was an inconvenience by going into the aisle and picking out the base I needed then grabbed the color chart that was so intelligently placed by the base that I was buying and brought it up to the counter so the employee would not have to go 35 feet to get it. Of course, I'm still confused about the wrong base as I was unaware that a color could not be put into any base.

I believe in the value of customer service over all else. I praise it when it's needed (as I did when a very exceptional employee saved you a sale on a vinyl shed) and I certainly let everyone know when it's bad. I'm sure everyone I converse with, both in person and on the Internet, will be happy to hear just exactly how inconvenienced Lowes was over two gallons of paint."

Here is my tragic tale of woe from an apartment in Baltimore, MD.

To accommodate my job, I moved from the suburbs to Baltimore City. I found an apartment in a cool old building and was set to move in a couple days after law school graduation (conveniently, when my family would be in town to help me move). Two days before move in, the leasing company informs me that the building did not pass its lead paint inspection due to chipping paint on the outside. They assured me that it would only be a couple of weeks before the building was ready, and that they would house me temporarily in a studio apartment in one of their other buildings. And they offered to have their maintenance men move my stuff again, since the delayed move in date would have otherwise required me to hire movers. Sounded good to me.

THREE AND A HALF MONTHS LATER (during which I am living out of boxes and attempting to recover mail lost/misplaced due to the uncertainty of my address, including student loan checks and my irreplaceable entrance ticket to the bar exam), I am finally told that I can move in. I prepare to move, and they call me again to tell me that the INSIDE of the apartment has now failed lead paint inspection. Fortunately, this only caused a delay of one week.

Over the weekend, I help move my stuff in to my new apartment. It starts raining, and since the complex only has a pickup truck (of COURSE they did not rent a moving truck), we had to stop. They moved in the rest a couple of days later while I was at work. I arrived home to find my brand new mattress dirty and torn, and most everything else scratched and/or otherwise damaged.

Of COURSE, the company disavowed their responsibility in this.

Upon moving in, I discover my oven does not function. I call maintenance. Three weeks later, a maintenance person enters my apartment while I am at work, leaves the door unlocked, and someone consequently breaks into my apartment and steals my DVD player, my VCR, and my laptop.

The company again denies responsibility and informs me I should have had renter's insurance. I told them renter's insurance (which I intended to get, but hadn't gotten around to it yet) would not be an issue if they hadn't left my door UNLOCKED. In BALTIMORE.

The very next day, after being larcenized, I arrive home to find a summons from rent court. Yes, the very company that moved me into my apartment has sued me for non-payment of rent in the temporary studio apartment that I had vacated. In spite of the fact that I moved into another building that they MANAGED and paid rent for that. I called to complain (again). They assured me they would dismiss the case before court.

As I did not trust them, I arrived for rent court the next week. Sure enough, they had not dismissed the case. When the judge called the case, I presented all the information to the court. The representative from their company (who showed up for court in sweatpants) had NO IDEA what I was talking about. The judge dismissed the case, and I had to get a special letter to send to the state bar so that they wouldn't deny my admission for being delinquent in my rent.

I continued a dialogue with them in order to get compensated for my stolen property. They steadfastly refused to repay me, and the property manager was a total condescending bitch about it. I started getting a lawsuit together. Fortunately, the judge I clerked for knew the owner of the management company from hell, and put in a call to him. He instructed the property manager bitch to assist me in putting a claim in to their insurance company, which paid out on my claim.

Then, a new management company took over the building, and I went the months of December and January without working heat in my apartment.

I swear, the building is CURSED.