According to the New York Times, those are:

• Your financial ancestry - how did your parents deal with money—and even farther back than that?
• Your credit history - obviously.
• Control over money - who will pay your household's bills? Who makes the financial decisions?
• Affluence and financial goals - how rich do you want to be as a couple or as a family? Financially, what is important to you?

• We'd argue that this also applies to couples who are uninterested in or legally prohibited from marriage before they commit and combine households, too. The Times asked readers for their ideas—what are yours?

  Money Talks to Have Before Marriage [New York Times]

  (Photo: afagen)

If you didn't visit nytimes.com over the weekend, here's what happened: the paper reported on Monday that they'd essentially been tricked, by someone who knew how to game their oversight policies, into displaying malicious ads to some users who visited the site.

The creator of the malicious ads posed as Vonage, the Internet telephone company, and persuaded NYTimes.com to run ads that initially appeared as real ads for Vonage. At some point, possibly late Friday, the campaign switched to displaying the virus warnings.

Because The Times thought the campaign came straight from Vonage, which has advertised on the site before, it allowed the advertiser to use an outside vendor that it had not vetted to actually deliver the ads, Ms. McNulty said. That allowed the switch to take place. "In the future, we will not allow any advertiser to use unfamiliar third-party vendors," she said.

Security consultant Dancho Danchev thinks that a particular, sophisticated crime group was behind the ad, which happens to be the same group that Microsoft filed 5 lawsuits against in Seattle's King County Superior Court earlier this week.

The lawsuits allege that an unknown number of individuals using various business names distributed malicious software through Microsoft AdManager, the company's online advertising platform.

[...]

Click Forensics, a company that tracks click fraud, on Thursday said that it had discovered a 200,000 computer botnet — a group of compromised computers harnessed to work in unison — linked to the Microsoft lawsuits. In a blog post, Steve O'Brien, VP of sales and marketing at Click Forensics called it "one of the most advanced sources of click fraud we've seen."

The botnet, known as the "Bahama botnet" because it at one time directed online traffic through computers in the Bahamas, is believed to be linked to the malicious advertising that appeared on the New York Times Web site several days ago, according to O'Brien.

Although O'Brien suggests that the cyber crime group believed to be responsible is located in Ukraine, Richard Boscovich, senior attorney at Microsoft for Internet safety enforcement, said in a phone interview that it's not clear where the people responsible are located.

"Microsoft Files Five Lawsuits To Halt Malicious Advertising" [InformationWeek]
"Times Web Ads Show Security Breach" [New York Times]

Her assessment of the fashion choices at the new J.C. Penney (or, indeed, any J.C. Penney) is mostly fair, but the article, and the kerfuffle, don't have much to do with fashion. They have to do with the perceived clientele of the store.

AND herein lies the genius of J. C. Penney: It has made a point of providing clothing for people of all sizes (a strategy, company officials have said, to snatch business from nearby Macy's). To this end, it has the most obese mannequins I have ever seen. They probably need special insulin-based epoxy injections just to make their limbs stay on. It's like a headless wax museum devoted entirely to the cast of "Roseanne."

I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that passing a 30 BMI doesn't mean that diabetes automatically sets in, let alone gangrene.

Somehow low prices, poor quality, and unattractive clothing are all rolled into what looks like praise but sounds more like a sneer.

The strategy, and a good one, is to mark nearly every item on every rack 30 to 60 percent off, and announce this with signs shouting "Doorbuster!" It all feels dizzyingly bargain-sational, prices so rock bottom as to seem virtually free.

The piece ends with the helpful advice that "No matter how many Grand Slam breakfasts you've knocked out of the park, Penney's has a size for you." Amazingly, nobody at the Times realized that some of their readers might find the piece offensive. They have an excuse: they're the Fashion & Style section of the New York Times.

WIlson posted three separate apologies on her personal blog, one of which was deleted after it received scores of critical comments. In it, she insisted that she meant this as a favorable review, she has nothing against fat people, and how could people think such a thing? She even name-dropped Beth Ditto, so you know she is totally serious.

Now, there is a more succinct apology meant to soothe the polyester-and-bacon-addled masses:

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my JC Penney article in the Times. It was meant to be irreverent — as usual — but not actually hurtful to real human beings. There is often a very fine line between 'funny' and 'offensive' — and for many people this week, I seem to have erased this line.

I very much regret that my article caused any wounded feelings whatsoever, particularly to people who already feel they take more than their share of abuse from our very shallow and ridiculous society. My insensitivity to this, and the extent to which my article exacerbated these feelings is a very real failure on my end for which I sincerely apologize.

Remember that for future reference, kids: there's a very fine line between hilarious exaggeration and things that aren't very funny at all. Like classism. And gangrene.

Playing to the Middle [NY Times]
ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING [Dregublog]
Times Writer Finds J.C. Penney's Focus On Fat People Clever, Amusing [Jezebel]

Luis Illades, an owner of the Urban Rustic Market and Cafe on North 12th Street, said he had seen a steady number of applicants, in their late 20s, who had never held paid jobs: They were interns at a modeling agency, for example, or worked at a college radio station. In some cases, applicants have stormed out of the market after hearing the job requirements.

"They say, ‘You want me to work eight hours?' " Mr. Illades said. "There is a bubble bursting."

I rolled my eyes in frustration, then realized that those paragraphs describe far too many of my college friends. Eight hours? Of work? Man, it's like something out of a 19th-century textile mill. I bet they even make you turn your iPhone off during a shift.

In all seriousness, though, this is an awful time to be looking for one's first paying job...especially with a skill set that seems more attuned to the dot-com boom.

(Photo: rollanb)

Parental Lifelines, Frayed to Breaking [New York Times]
Financial Crisis Forcing Hipsters To Be Weaned Off the Parental Teat [Gawker]

In the end, customers likely will save this year thanks to a drop in the prices Con Ed pays electric-generating companies.

A New York City apartment dweller who uses 250 kilowatts of electricity will pay Con Ed about $70 this July, down $4 from last year.

Based on the same set of assumptions, an apartment dweller who uses 500 kilowatt hours of electricity will pay $127 this July, about $9 less than last year.

The New York Times disagrees, along with the Chairman of the Public Service Commission, which approved the rate hike:

"We are always concerned about the impacts on ratepayers of any rate increase, but today's decision is particularly difficult," said Garry A. Brown, the commission's chairman. "In this economy, the idea of raising rates is very distasteful. Unemployment has risen and consumers are having difficulty paying their bills. Nevertheless, there are certain increases in Con Edison's costs that have to be recognized."

ConEd also expressed dissatisfaction with the ruling, saying that the $523 million rate hike is far less than the $819 million they requested.

Regulators Grant Con Edison a $523.4 Million Increase in Delivery Rates [The New York Times]
WATT A SWITCH: LOWER CON ED BILLS EXPECTED [NY Post]

Lead walking tours amid the ruins of your past life. Who better to show people around the financial district than someone who has worked - who has bled - on the very spot?

Maybe, said Seth Kamil, founder of Big Onion Walking Tours. But Big Onion tour guides must have advanced degrees in history.

"We've actually gotten a couple of résumés from no-longer-employed Wall Streeters," Mr. Kamil said. "I've been kind of graciously trying to say, ‘Working on the street just doesn't do it.' "

The Times is pretty good at this stuff. Maybe the ailing paper can publish an equally useful list of alternative media careers when they announce the next round of layoffs?

Career Options for Ex-Wall Street Workers [The New York Times]
(Photo: Mel B.)

The letter is signed by Consumer Federation of America, Consumers Union, National Association of Consumer Advocates, National Consumer Law Center, National Consumers League, Public Citizen, and the U.S. Public Interest Research Group. You can read the full text here (PDF).

Editorial: A Voice for the Consumer [NYT]
(Photo: Esther Peterson, Special Assistant to the President on Consumer Affairs to Presidents Johnson and Carter, from Consumers Union)

"I'm not sure if this counts as Christmas creep, but it's definitely pre-Thanksgiving."

Scandalous.

Their party is raging just as the hangover has started to set in for Americans. Frictions do arise — especially in a summer of looming recession, where many locals do not feel rich enough or secure enough to travel abroad themselves. (And let’s not even get into their weeks of summer vacation).

The Times goes on to tell the pitiful stories of average Americans jealous of newly-wealthy Europeans: Steven, a 45-year-old investment manager who worries native New Yorkers are becoming an "endangered species" (quick, call the EPA!); Randi, a 30-year-old Upper West Side ad gal who can't afford Prada bags; and Polly, a magazine editor turned blogger who hates the chic-bistro "turf war" that pits us against our cultural brethren.

Get this: Polly went to Bergman to buy her fiance shoes to match his wedding tux, and she had to wait for FIVE MINUTES behind Europeans who were wearing sneakers and bike shorts. The horror!

These aren't the landed aristocratic Europeans whose visits we can deign to accept. Ugh, no, these are those disgustingly common commoners who shouldn't be able to afford our enviable lifestyle.

These are “people with more modest incomes, who wouldn’t just walk up and say, ‘Hey, let me get a table’ if they’re back home in London, where it’s too expensive to go to Boujis,” Mr. Thomas said, referring to a popular club in that city’s Kensington district. “But in New York, they can get away with it.”

So this is what the British felt like for the past sixty years. Please Ben Bernanke, put our financial house in order so we can reclaim the mantle of shameless consumerism for ourselves.

They’ll Take Manhattan, in Cash [The New York Times]
(Photo: Getty)

The Times graph, a form of Voronoi Treemap, divides consumer spending into numerous categories and subcategories, allowing you to see what percentage of an average consumer's spending is used for food versus transportation, or on citrus fruit versus tires. Some interesting highlights:

• Electronics took the biggest dip in prices. From March 2007 to March 2008, TVs dropped 18.3% and computers dropped 12%.
• Not surprisingly, the biggest price increases were in fuel: Gas went up 26%, propane and firewood went up 23.4%, and fuel oil (for home heating) went up 48.4%.
• The only non-fuel item that increased by more than 20% was eggs, which went up 29.9%.
• Consumers spend the same amount on "alcohol away from home" (0.5%) as they do on health insurance.
• We spend too much damn money on fast food. The only categories where we spend more money are rent, gas, electricity, new cars, and meals at non-fast food restaurants. Yes, this is because other categories like groceries are subdivided into produce and meat and so on, but 2.4% is still a sizable chunk of spending.

All of Inflation's Little Parts [NYT]
(Photo: =Rah=)

I'm proud to say I instinctively reasoned the Monty Hall game correctly, which is a surprise since I have a naturally ability to screw up pretty much any probability question thrown my way.

Part I: "The Monty Hall Problem" [New York Times]
"Interactive Monty Hall Game" [New York Times]
Part II: "Monty Hall's Other Problems" [New York Times]
Part III: "The Psychology of Getting Suckered" [New York Times]
(Image: New York Times)

This is a misplacement of cause and effect. Giving a man an investment fund automatically makes him responsible and civic just as much as giving a man a fish teaches him to catch his dinner with rod and reel.

In both cases, it is going through the latter that leads to the former. Sure, a negative savings rate in an underpinning of the current financial crisis, but if we're going to discuss fanciful alternative means of stimulating the economy, then I would rather donate my $600 to help pay for the cost of congressional hearings into scandalously exorbitant bank fees.

Now that everything is electronic, and especially since the passage of the Check Clearing for the 21st Century Act, overdraft fees are insanely high, and on the rise. There's fees for having too little money. There's courtesy overdraft fees which courteously let you spend more than you have and penalize you for it. Banks process checks largest to smallest instead of the order in which they arrive, which results in more of the checks being overdrafted. The policies are geared around maximizing the likelihood of incurring a fee. And since the supposed cost they're recovering is so low, they amount to nearly pure profit.

Obviously you should never spend more money than you have, but the rules are stacked in favor of the house. The poor and financially disorganized get soaked. How are they supposed to get a positive savings rate when their bank account is a jack-in-the-box of fees, you never know when another one is going to pop up? No wonder the poor prefer to patronize check-cashing joints, at least then you know exactly how much you're getting ripped off for right up front. Reining in the bank's madcap fee spree would do more to immediately stimulate personal savings levels than sending a flood of our tax dollars to Washington-anointed money-managers.

Go on a Savings Spree [NYT]
(Photo: Getty)

Underage workers are forced to work overtime in dangerous conditions for little pay, a widespread reality factory owners easily conceal from incompetent inspectors.

A former Huanya employee who was reached by telephone gave a similar account of working conditions, saying many workers suffered from skin rashes after working with gold powders and that others were forced to sign papers "volunteering" to work overtime.

"It's quite noisy, and you stand up all day, 12 hours, and there's no air-conditioning," he said. "We get paid by the piece we make but they never told us how much. Sometimes I got $110, sometimes I got $150 a month."

In its 58-page report, the National Labor Committee scolded Wal-Mart for not doing more to protect workers. The group charged that last July, Huanya recruited about 500 16-year-old high school students to work seven days a week, often 15 hours a day, during peak production months for holiday merchandise.

Several students interviewed at the Guangzhou Technical School, less than two miles from Huanya, confirmed that classmates ages 16 to 18 had spent the summer working at the factory.

Some high school students later went on strike to protest the harsh conditions, the report said. The students also told labor officials that at least seven children, as young as 12 years old, were working in the factory.

"At Wal-Mart, Christmas ornaments are cheap, and so are the lives of the young workers in China who make them," the National Labor Committee report said.

Who is to blame? Economics. Factory owners will do anything to provide goods at everyday low prices. The reward for their productivity vastly outweighs the risk of a crackdown from China's notoriously corrupt regulators.

"The factories have improved immeasurably over the past few years," says Alan Hassenfeld, chairman of the toy maker Hasbro and co-chairman of Care, the ethical-manufacturing program of the International Council of Toy Industries. "But let me be honest: there are some bad factories. We have bribery and corruption occurring but we are doing our best."

Some factories are warned about audits beforehand and some factory owners or managers bribe auditors. Inexperienced inspectors may also be a problem.

Some major Western auditing firms working in China even hire college students from the United States to work during the summer as inspectors, an indication that they are not willing to invest in more expensive or sophisticated auditing programs, critics say.

Chinese suppliers regularly outsource to other suppliers, who may in turn outsource to yet another operation, creating a supply chain that is hard to follow — let alone inspect.

There is little that any Western company can do about those issues, no matter how seriously they take corporate social responsibility — other than leaving China.

Lululemon claims that the seaweed clothing is "made with vitasea technology consisting of seaweed which releases marine amino acids minerals and vitamins into the skin upon contact with moisture," and that the "fabric provides anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial, stress reducing, hydrating and detoxifying features."

After intially telling the NYT they couldn't dispute the paper's findings, (If you actually put it on and wear it, it is different from cotton," Dennis "Chip" Wilson, Lululemon's founder, chief product designer and board chairman told the NYT. "That's my only test of it."), Lululemon now claims that they have tests that prove the garments do contain seaweed.

The yoga wear retailer, a market darling whose shares have roller-coastered since the seaweed story surfaced mid-week, said late Thursday that tests done overnight in Hong Kong show its product line to be "consistent with the garment care and content labels."

Bob Meers, chief executive of the Vancouver-based company, said the new tests were commissioned in light of a newspaper report saying Lululemon's claims about having seaweed in its VitaSea line of clothing might not be true.

Meers said in an interview the company took batches of VitaSea clothes from stores around the world and sent them to the SGS Group laboratory in Hong Kong, the same Swiss-based company that does quarterly product testing for Lululemon.

After six hours of testing: "They came back and validated it," Meers said of the company's seaweed product claims.

Anyhow, we're sure your magical yoga pants are awesome and everything but you'll have to forgive us for remaining skeptical that seaweed in fabric (if, indeed, it's even in there) will give you vitamins and keep you hydrated.

Lululemon CEO says new seaweed clothing tests should clear company's name [CBC](Thanks, Cowboys Fan!)
(Photo:Carolyn Coles)

When the data was re-analyzed, it showed that the number of candy shipments rejected from Denmark had not been higher than the number of seafood shipments rejected from China, as the article stated. The number of shipments rejected from China was also misstated; it was 331, not 391.

Further, the re-analysis found that the F.D.A. had refused 1,782 shipments of all products from India, not 2,620. The number from Mexico was 1,560, not 1,876; the number from China was 1,901, not 2,723; and the number from the Dominican Republic was 862, not 887.

Times Report Miscounted Refusals of Foreign Shipments [NYT]
PREVIOUSLY: Tainted Exports Also Come From Countries Not Named China
(Photo: Kichigai Mentat)

Simply go here and submit your school-email address. An invite will be emailed to you with an activation link.

You'll get free access to all those special articles stamped with the creamsicle TimesSelect logo, and access up to 100 articles a month from the archive. Neat!

However, it seems they're screening out alumni addresses. Poop. — BEN POPKEN

TimesSelect For Universities [Official Site] (Thanks to jgkelley!)

Because most people do not keep phone bills for four years, the I.R.S. devised a formula: anyone who made long-distance calls would be entitled to a predetermined amount of up to $60, which would be calculated on the 2006 tax returns.

The credit is easy to get. It is claimed on Line 71 of Form 1040, Line 42 on the 1040A or Line 9 on the 1040-EZ. The cryptic description on all three forms is: "Credit for federal telephone excise tax paid. Attach Form 8913 if required."

Yes, easy. Just hope the Spanish stay out of Cuba. If you want more than $60, Mr. Twist, the Times explains how to enjoy your Sunday with Form 8913. — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER

Taking the Phone Credit: An Easy Way and a Hard Way [NYT]

The Internet, however, has allowed a variation of consumer advocacy to emerge, one that taps into what Mr. Popken calls the "distributed processing power of the readership."

By that he means that not only do the readers supply a lot of the tips about corporate shenanigans, but the links the blogs have established with other blogs creates an instant network of readers who quickly hold the company up to ridicule.

Consumers are finding these sites useful to pressure companies into fixing a problem in a way that calls made to the customer service center and letters to the chief executive can never accomplish.

Needless to say, our girlfriend is proud of us all. — BEN POPKEN

Consumers Have Allies on the Web [NYT]

If you prefer your chase cut, here is the Vincent Ferrari AOL cancel call that took first on our top ten list.

For good measure, here's a complete scan of an AOL call center training manual.

Information on using this site in general...

What are you? We're a consumer affairs blog, part of the Gawker Media Network. We write at least 24 stories a day. They appear from top to bottom, newest to oldest. Stories are separated by bold headlines.
How do I send you a story/tips/question? Email us at tips@consumerist.com. We can not promise a post, but we will read.
How can I become a commenter?
What's the deal here anyway?
How do you decide what stories to run?

Be sure to check out the stories in our "Consumerist Kit." They're chock-full of tips on evening the playing field between yourself and corporations. If on the other hand, you are a corporation, consider following the link and learning the lengths your customers will go to try to get the service they deserve.

— BEN POPKEN

John called asking about the ads Verizon is poised to put ads on the internet services accessed by its cellphone users.

Dave says the ads will only be there if a consumer wants them.

This seems to defy common sense, unless of course a user can truly opt into receiving the ads and receive a service discount, for instance. Which would be uncharacteristically neat of them.

Our chat with John is inside.

johnnyconsumer: in reference to your verizon ad story: I called them yesterday because I saw the times piece, and they called me back today with a message..the guy said "We're just exploring it and we're not REALLY going to do it"
johnnyconsumer: which stinks of bullshit to me
johnnyconsumer: the guy left this bizzare message on my answering machine
benpopken: can you send it to us?
johnnyconsumer: I can try
johnnyconsumer: in the message he says that the customer will have the option to recieve the ads or not
johnnyconsumer: whcih also stinks of bullshit
johnnyconsumer: do you have a link handy to the thing where you can record messages?
johnnyconsumer: the mssage is on an actual answering machine, not vm or anything
benpopken: placing a microphone by the speaker might be the easiest thing to do
johnnyconsumer: I'm downloading audiohijack and I'll try sticking my ibook near that
benpopken: cool
johnnyconsumer: the backstory is that I called because I saw the article (Cleverly dumped on possibly the slowest news day of the year, the 26th) and I'm thinking of getting a smartphone so I called sales
johnnyconsumer: and they transferred me..3 times. The guy who left the message was with the "data" department
benpopken: Odd
benpopken: "we just floated the pretend story to see what the backlash would be"
johnnyconsumer: that seems to be the gist of it
johnnyconsumer: is skype still doing that free skypeout thing?
johnnyconsumer: I think I could call into my answering machine and playback and hijack the audio
benpopken: i think free skypeout ended
johnnyconsumer: lame
benpopken: there's gizmo
benpopken: (Link: http://www.gizmoproject.com/index.html)http://www.gizmoproject.com/index.html
benpopken: i wonder if he's really talking about optin or optout
benpopken: or if he has any idea
johnnyconsumer: yeah. it sounds like he called marketing, got some talking points and tried to regurgitate them
johnnyconsumer: I'm pretty sure he was just a level 1 rep
benpopken: "sure you can opt out, but then you can't use verizon for the internet"
johnnyconsumer: or you can pay 10 bucks a month for noads
johnnyconsumer: like, if it was an interstitial per meg of xfer that got me 10% off my data bill I'd be totally down with it
johnnyconsumer: and it sounds like they've done some cool things with ads.. like the show your phone at dunkin donuts with this optin ad and get a 99 cent latte
johnnyconsumer: but this stinks of "rates will stay the same/go up and you'll have to deal with it"
johnnyconsumer: like the movie theatre ads
benpopken: "before you begin surfing, tell us, would you like to receive ads? if not, that's cool, just ignore this message"
benpopken: what a dumbass
benpopken: execs are saying that they're going to do ads
benpopken: and he's saying they're not
johnnyconsumer: yeah
johnnyconsumer: it doesn't really sound like he got his talking points from marketing right
johnnyconsumer: because what I get from the message is that verizon "may" be "trying" some sort of "test program" with ads what will always be optable
johnnyconsumer: and the times article pretty much said "Hey we're forcing ads. Cool, huh?"
johnnyconsumer: maybe I'll call verizon's marketing and see if I can't get something less stinking of lies
benpopken: or stinking sweeter

— BEN POPKEN

Highlights include:

ONLINE BACKUP All free AOL account holders get five gigabytes of free online storage for backing up data, transferring big files to other people, and so on. Windows users even get a free backup program that automatically copies selected folders to this virtual hard drive (called Xdrive) on a schedule. The software is clean, easy to use and extremely convenient.

CUSTOM E-MAIL ADDRESS: AOL lets you choose an address ending in @aol.com or anything else you want, as long as it's available — so you can be david@thepogues.com or david@poguefamily.com. Then you can set up other addresses with the same suffix for friends or family. (To enforce its "one custom address per person" policy, AOL requires that you sign up using a cellphone number. It insists that it does nothing else with this information.)

Right. We trust AOL with all of our personal information. Cute, but we'll pass.—MEGHANN MARCO

Free AOL Stuff, Courtesy of Bubble 2.0 [New York Times]

So here's what I'm going to do as a citizen. I'm not going to watch the Simpson show or even look at the book. I'm not even going to look at it. If any company sponsors the TV program, I will not buy anything that company sells — ever.

Does he mean it? Should we stop buying the products that pay for his meals? Shall we watch the interview so we can write down who is sponsoring what? Well, the piece isn't exactly a model of clarity. He spends most of the editorial talking about the "elite media" and late-term abortion: "Of course, babies have no legal rights in the eyes of The New York Times. " And so on.

We posit that he's the FOX moral outrage clean-up crew, but will take his advice under consideration. —MEGHANN MARCO

American Culture Hits Its Lowest Point Ever [FOXNews]

From the New York Times:

"But anyone in the Midwest who thinks this is real Brooklyn is getting fooled," he said. That's the basic message from Mrs. Ciminieri at Totonno's, who was finally persuaded to taste a Domino's slice in the name of research. "In Utah, they're going to love it because they use ketchup and American cheese on their pizzas," she said.

Mmmhmm. Suck it up, Brooklyn. This happened to "Chicago Style" a long time ago. Consumerist thinks the only argument stupider than the "Which city has the best pizza?" argument is the "Which beer is the best beer?" argument. Hint: It's not Budweiser, and pass the Lou Malnati's, please. Oh no, we didn't! Fanboys, attack! — MEGHANN MARCO

'Brooklyn Style Pizza' Meets the Real Deal [NYT]

"Google said it has invited more than 100 advertisers already buying ads through its Web marketing system to join a three-month test of a Print Ads service that places ads in daily papers including the New York Times and Washington Post."

Now that they've invaded the paper you use to line the birdcage, soon Google will begin offering ad space on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, and that dusty spot where the cat always sleeps.

Google to broker print ads in U.S. newspapers [Reuters.com]

Several former AOL retention consultants have emailed us, of their own accord, and confirmed that the manual is real. They say it's a learning material used during training.

We conducted two phone interviews late this week with former AOL retention consultants. In their opinion, all that mattered at the call center's was each operator's individual "save" rate, the number of customers they prevented from cancelling their AOL accounts. When simple sales tactics didn't work, consultants resorted to chicanery, mind games, and lying.

If a customer asked, "Will you bill me for this," the consultant could reply no. The customer could hang up, thinking they cancelled. Instead, they were still billed, but not by the consultant, by AOL.

On other occasions, the consultant would tell the customer their account was cancelled and then simply not do it. Instead, they marked the account as saved.

Eventually, the customer gets his next credit card statement and calls back. He's still being billed. He's outraged. It's very hard to convince this type of customer to stay, though the retention consultant will still try. Sometimes they're successful, and then, sometimes they're "successful."

One interviewee painted a graphic portrait of conditions inside a call center. After being "buttered up" and told the job was easy in training, he started for real and learned the realities of dealing with angered customers. To cope, he and his team went out drinking every night. Some took out their stress on their wive's faces. Others bought meth on the job and did it in the bathroom during lunch breaks. He claims that two of his coworkers went so far as to commit suicide, one by overdose, the other by self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Our subject claims he saw people have anxiety attacks, and his friend suffered a seizure right after failing to save a call. The team leaders told everyone to not notice it and keep working as the EMT's arrived. He himself suffered an anxiety attack and was hospitalized. When he came back to work, AOL fired him. Walking out the back door into the Midwest sun, he felt more free than ever before.

Edited audio of these interviews will appear here in a matter of days

Previously:

• AOL Retention Manual Uploaded in Full
• Interview With Former AOL Retention Superstar
• AOL Apologizes For Infamous Cancel Call

"We're at war, and for the Times to release information about secret operations and methods is treasonous," Rep. King, R-N.Y, told The Associated Press.

In choosing to publish the materials, executive editor Bill Keller said The Times, "remain convinced that the administration's extraordinary access to this vast repository of international financial data, however carefully targeted use of it may be, is a matter of public interest."

Especially within the context of the disclosure of phone records to the government, the allegations of secret AT&T wiretapping rooms, this comes down to protecting the ability free press to be just that, a free press. The vituperative response by whom this article may defame seems to bolster its right to be published. A doth protest too much is in order.

If free speech is treason, then the terrorists truly have won. If they win, the war is over. If there is no more war, then there is no crime of revealing state secrets in wartime. Therefore, there is no treason.

Specious, yes. Only as much so as the counterargument, but with the intent of proving a point, rather than silencing a voice.

Previously:
• Mass Trolling of Banks Records Unavoidable
• US Trolled Bank Records

The article's title is, "Conflicting Loyalties as Republicans Confront High Gas Prices."

The caption reads, "House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert switched to an S.U.V. last week after a ride in an alternative-fuel car."

Judging from the aide's raised posterior in the bottom left, this was not a staged photo-op. Eyewitnesses report someone told him the way out of Iraq had rolled under the car.

The controversy stems from a New York Times report by Christopher Elliot that Airbus quietly pitched standing room only seats to Asian carriers. The theory apparently being that Asians are already used to fitting thousands of screaming villagers on the rooves of tiny provincial trains for dozens of hours at a time, passengers flying in standing room class "would be propped against a padded backboard." Just like Hannibal Lecter!

Airbus denied the claims, going so far as to call them "totally idiotic"... but Christoper Elliot isn't backing down, and he's posted a very tiny, could-have-come-from-anywhere picture some guy sent him on his blog to prove it.

Weirdly enough, those don't look too shabby. As an eighteen year old backpacker, we've traveled human steerage before, albeit in a train — it's called the Venice-to-Vienna-on-a-Eurail-Pass option over in Europe. Make it cheap enough and we'd fly that — hell, it beats being crammed face first into some smelly Italian's armpit for seven hours.

Taking a stand [Ellipses]
Previously: Fly The Friendly Skies In A Coffin

As part of their ongoing campaign to throw a smokescreen of fatty molecules in the face of humanity, McDonald's will offer a new, "healthy," adult happy meal.

The meal features a premium salad, along with bottled water or soft-drink and one of four workout DVD's, while supplies last.

It's not salads but $1 burgers that have led to a turnaround in McDonald's sales, however, according to an article in today's Times, "Salads or No, Cheap Burgers Revive McDonald's."

Will the DVDs be as good as the bottle of Dasani featured in the photo? Dasani is a bottled water product from Coca-Cola that, rather than coming from a verdant spring tended by lithe nymphs, is simply their normal tap water before they add the carbon dioxide effervescence.

"Mickey D's Free DVDs" [DVD Dossier Blog via Digg] (Thanks to Fred!)

"An examination of regulatory filings by The New York Times shows that companies with electric utilities in at least 26 states have pocketed money intended for income taxes, and that utilities can legally do so in 21 more states."

Many Utilities Collect for Taxes They Never Pay [NY Times]

"The sleeping pill Ambien seems to unlock a primitive desire to eat in some patients...the drug's users sometimes sleepwalk into their kitchens, claw through their refrigerators like animals and consume calories ranging into the thousands," reports the New York Times.

A night nurse who took the drug describes one such experience. "One day," she said, "I got up my husband describes this in great detail I got a package of hamburger buns and I just tore it open like a grizzly bear and just stood there and ate the whole package."

So you can't sleep and you take Ambien. But you get fat from sleep eating so you take diet pills. Then you're depressed and anxious about your sleep disorder and weight gain and embarrassed about your new chemical dependency. So you take some Xanax.

Then one day, you eat an Altoid. All the drugs in your body chain reaction and you transmogrify into a tiny pill, clattering to the floor. Pfizer collects the capsule and prescribes it to immigrants to help them feel more American.

Study Links Ambien Use to Unconscious Food Forays [New York Times]

"It's unlikely that readers of the Consumerist blog will pick what truly is the "Worst Company in America," but they will have fun trying."

That's from the New York Times, 2/25/06, "What's Online" by Dan Mitchell. Read here. Archival here

The article, a roundup of What s Online and business related, starts off with the officepirates.com crap and quotes Gawker.com. That s two Gawker Media properties in one article. It s true folks, Nick Denton gives payola to the New York Times to do our bidding. Respect.

What's truly awesome is that this is all made by you. You, in all your beautiful youtitude, picked the companies and placed the votes.

Appearing in the NYT means some people are paying attention to what s going on here. Some of them run companies. Some of them are even literate.

Awesome work. Next up, let s do the Wall Street Journal.

Due to innovations like supply-chain management and just-in-time production, "there are fewer Oh-my-god bargains," said Ron Boire, executive vice president and general merchandise manager for Best Buy, "but now all customers are getting a good price instead of a few customers getting a great price."

To get a good deal, be patient, diligent and avoid impulse buying. The old grey lady (that s how cool media types refer to the NYT) advises watching Gizmodo, Engadget, News.com and Twice.com. Also, use NexTag to monitor price history charts.

A constantly downward sloping line suggests that the manufacturer has control of inventory and prices are dropping at a natural "electronics just get cheaper" pace. That means there's not much you can do. Anything you buy will be cheaper a month from now. But a flat line that also shows some abrupt drops, however small, suggests a struggling product. A need to outflank a competitor with price promotions or trim growing inventories can cause that pattern. If the line is flat for a while, hold off buying. It will drop soon enough. It always does, informs the article.

Then you can be smiling like hip Minnesota Best Buyer shopper, Dilya Gumerova (pictured). Happiness is a warm cathode-ray tube, newly purchased and deeply discounted.

Waiting for Just the Right Moment to Take Out the Wallet [ New York Times ]