Blowing $100,000 on a wedding is still in season, and there’s no better way to show up your over-spending friends than by throwing a lavish affair without bankrupting your parents. Inside, seven tips to have a lovely and affordable wedding.
In a scene like something straight out The Office, a bank teller and her beau got married in a Bank of America branch as customers did their bank business, AP reports.
For ambiance, a candle was put on top of a copier, a linen tablecloth was draped over a desk and music from rocker Bryan Adams played over a speaker. “We’re having a wedding,” branch manager Deanna Kinsey told customers.
As two happily single but committed persons, you’d pay $38,621.50 ($19,310.75 each); $39,392.50 if you were married, a difference of $771. As you make more and more money, the difference becomes more acute. So, either don’t get married, or don’t make a lot of money… a fair decision for someone to have to make right?
Take that, love. —MEGHANN MARCO
The halcyon days of jumping into your rusty Impala with your teenage bride and driving off to Vegas to get married by Black Elvis at dawn in Vegas are soon to be forever gone.
My buddy John is an odd guy. Extremely attractive, charming, well-groomed and well-off, he met his bride when doing a search on the internet using the key words “Black Christian Virgin”. He found a page, put up by the girl’s own brother, where his future wife solicited from Ghana for a wealthy American husband. He then paid a dowry for her, and they were married. Over the last few years, he’s funneled hundreds of thousands of dollars into Ghana as a result, usually with no actual return, only photographs of the bus service he owns, or the mansion that’s been built by the family for him there.
You may be old and impotent. Your belly might hang over your pants like an engorged, hairy sack. But you gots the moneys, which means you gots the wimmins. Just remember to divorce your trophy bride before she puts that pick through your brain, because the alternative — signing divorce papers entombed within the cold, oblivious earth — is more trouble than its worth.