Dell vs. MacBook Reveals Tepid Warmth, Not Exciting Scalding

Dell vs. MacBook Reveals Tepid Warmth, Not Exciting Scalding

Dells spontaneously combust. MacBooks melt scrotums. If reports are to be believed, ether company’s laptop is hot enough to cauterize lopped off limbs. But which one is hotter?

Blogobitchin!

Blogobitchin!

• When your MacBook is cooking, Apple prefers you sizzle blind. [Tuaw] “MacBook Pro heat problem heats up”

Dang MacBook’s So Hot, Could Fry An Egg

Dang MacBook’s So Hot, Could Fry An Egg

I love my MacBook Pro: it’s damned hot. And by ‘damned hot’, I mean that not only does it cause vacuous hipster chicks to spontaneously become impregnated when they see me walking by with it tucked under my arm, but I also mean that it’s fortunate that such divine conception happens, because after months of use, my loins look like someone fired a laser cannon at the crotch of a Ken doll.

Inflammatory Macbooks

Inflammatory Macbooks

Sometimes Apples have worms in them. Appledefects.com is a new blog dedicated to dissecting these worms. A recent one takes the cake. When the blog’s author complained about his Macbook running at 203 degrees fahrenheit, Apple told him, “the Macbook is a notebook, not a laptop, refer to your manual.” Which means that according to official documentation,

Greasy MacBooks Have Venereal Disease

Greasy MacBooks Have Venereal Disease

What do these things have in common? The thighs of a cheap harlot. The armpit stains saturating a large Italian man’s undershirt. The Cheetos-dusted palms of a role-playing gamer. A used piece of toilet paper. A three-week old Macbook.

Apple ‘Genius’ Messes Up Customer Refund

Apple ‘Genius’ Messes Up Customer Refund

As I wrote a few weeks ago, I recently bought myself a beautiful new MacBook Pro. I love the thing: it is the most beautiful computer I have ever owned. Nevertheless, Apple didn’t make it easy for me to give them two thousand dollars. Between that and the smug jackasses working the Genius Bars whom you practically have to beg to just try to fix your computers, I love my Apple just as much as I want to insert a catheter up one of those Geniuses’ urethras and then force him to jump up and down on a trampoline.