No Sir, Those Aren't My 79 Adorable Turtles Covered In Pantyhose Hiding In This Package At The Airport

What! How did those 79 turtles get into that package? No way, I didn’t cover them in pantyhose and try to smuggle them into China, Mr. Airport Worker — they must’ve crawled in there on their own. That’s the pretend defense we’re imagining after authorities at the Shanghai airport discovered a box full of illegal live turtles. [More]