The chairman of the state liquor board defends the decision, pointing out, "the reality is that, in stores around the country, customer service is inconsistent and uneven." We won't argue with that. We do think, however, you could solve any rudeness problem faster by setting out a cheap bottle of vodka next to each register along with a sign that says, "If our Associate doesn't greet you with a smile, take a free shot!"

"Pa. liquor board tries to improve worker manners" [PhillyBurbs.com via 9-to-Fried]
(Photo: swearinglibrarian)

We'll start by saying that if you live in any of these cities (plus New Orleans), you probably don't need our advice.

• If you live and Japan and are disgusting, consider mixing your bourbon with, ugh, Yogurt Pepsi.
• For you whisky and water types: only use bottled water if you like strontium, fertilizer, and solvents.
• If you want to be awake at midnight, don't use Drank as a mixer.
• Our dearly departed Jay advises you not to drink Tharra, Russian aftershave, Thunderbird (whatever, it's delicious), Pruno, or Changaa.
• Don't worry about that weird stuff in your Vitamin Water, it's just mold.
• Don't splurge on vodka. It's all pretty much the same.
• If you're getting mixed drinks at a bar, watch out for the lemon wedges.
• When you wake up tomorrow, here's a handy way to gauge just how bad you should feel.

As for us, we'll be celebrating with on old friend while we still can...


Cheers to you; be safe and have a happy new year!
(Photo: Getty)

The manager hinted that this was a liability issue, but it sounds to us like Safeway's employees have decided to play morality police instead of following the actual rules. Daniel sums up the problem:

The bottom line is that walking into a store and leaving without purchasing anything should never necessitate showing an ID. This policy creates that scenario and does not in any way prevent underage drinking. Loss of freedom and no added prevention. Lose-Lose.

Here's the letter he tried to send to Safeway, but they don't provide an email address on their website or in their press releases. (You can find phone numbers and a mailing address for Safway here, Daniel.)

Yesterday I decided to purchase a six pack of beer. Sure, there are liquor stores near me, but Safeway happens to be about a block from my house. So my brother and I, who recently turned 21 and promptly lost his ID, walked the fifty yards to Safeway. Upon arriving at the register with beer in hand I was asked for my ID, not a problem. The clerk then asked for my brother's ID. My brother had not touched the beer, nor had he handed me money, etc. I was taken back, after all I had made this exact purchase with my brother a handful of times already and had never been asked for his ID. I told the clerk this and he said that it was Safeway policy to ask for his ID. Needless to say we walked out of Safeway, sauntered across the parking lot and paid the same price for the same six pack at a convenience store - with no hassle.

Still irked by this today, I decided to stop by Safeway and see if I could find out exactly what the policy was. After speaking with the manager of the Safeway I walked away with a clearer view of the policy. The policy is, at the discretion of the clerk, to check the ID every person present. An additional reason, as the manager explained to me, was one of liability.

On the surface this sounds like a reasonable policy. However, upon further thought, it is far from reasonable.

To begin with, checking the ID of every person present does not stop underage drinking. Hell, the manager himself suggested I have my brother wait outside next time. Also, I'm pretty sure that if the clerk asks for ID and I show it to him, the liability of the store stops right there. To say it does not means that Safeway is responsible for what I do with the beer after I buy it.

The main reason this upsets me is the need for someone that isn't buying anything to show ID. If a mother and her prepubescent son walk into Safeway and she buys a case of beer, do you card the son? Clearly (I would hope) not, because there is no indication that the son is going to be drinking the beer. I'm interested, based on appearance alone - what criteria do you use to decide if that person with the alcohol purchaser is going to be consuming it? If my underage Mormon friend, who doesn't drink alcohol, tags along for the purchase am I to be denied buying alcohol? There are all sorts of scenarios that can be described that destroy any sound purpose for this policy.

The bottom line is that walking into a store and leaving without purchasing anything should never necessitate showing an ID. This policy creates that scenario and does not in any way prevent underage drinking. Loss of freedom and no added prevention. Lose-Lose. You're also losing all of my business until I have in writing that his policy has been revoked.

If even the manager acknowledges that it's a trivial "security measure" that a customer can get around so easily, why not just put an end to it?

(Photo: Getty)

5. Tharra
This spirit native to India boasts a 90% alcohol content and is made by fermenting the mash of sugar cane pulp in ceramic containers. One unfortunate characteristic of the stuff is if you let it sit long enough it turns toxic. Tharra kills hundreds of people per year.

4. Russian Aftershave
Many poor Russians have turned to "surrogate" alcohol, which is basically any product with a high alcohol content. Russian aftershaves are a popular item since some have a 97% alcohol content.

3. Thunderbird
It is a "fortified wine" and typically contains 17.5% alcohol. Thunderbird was introduced by Ernest and Julio Gallo Winery after the end of prohibition. It was marketed to low income drinkers in America. Their radio ads featured these lyrics: "What's the word / Thunderbird / How's it sold? / Good and cold / What's the jive? / Bird's alive / What's the price? / Thirty twice." Despite its yellow color, Thunderbird turns your lips and tongue black when consumed in large quantities.

2. Pruno
Pruno is a famous jailhouse drink which is typically made from different available fruits, sugar, ketchup and bread for its yeast. Basically the ingredients are put into a Ziploc bag, heated occasionally, strained and served. It is legendary for its foul taste.

1. Changaa
Changaa is an illegal drink which is popular in Kenya. It is a libation made from distilled grains such as maize and sorghum. Changaa is usually controlled by the criminal gangs who often spike batches with jet fuel, battery acid or formalin. Obviously, this stuff kills many people every year.

Nectar of the Broke: The World's 5 Worst Ways To Get Drunk [Cracked]

Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne - $1,946,617
This cognac comes in a bottle covered in 24K gold and sterling platinum. The bottle sports 6,500 diamonds crafted by a master jeweler. The cognac itself has been aged for over 100 years giving it an alcohol content of 41%.
La Ley del Diamante (the Diamond Sterling) Tequila - $1,547,880
The bottle is a hand-blown creation made by 32 Mexican craftsman, covered in 4kg. of platinum and silver and covered with 6,000 diamonds. 3,6 and 9 year old tequilas are blended in cured barrels with an alcohol content of 42%.

DIVA Premium Vodka - $1,060,000
The vodka is made from natural spring water. It is triple distilled, first through ice then Nordic birch charcoal then through granulated diamonds and gems. The center of the bottle is filled with various precious and semi-precious gems.
Nun’s Island, Galaway Distillery, 20-Year-Old Pure Pot Still Whisky and Nun’s Island, Galaway Distillery, 25-Year-Old Pure Pot Still Whisky - $194,661
The Galaway Distillery went out of business in 1908, the bottles were distilled in the 1800's. Good luck finding any.
The Macallan Fine and Rare Collection, 1926, 60 Years Old - $38,000
Macallan's revolutionary Fine & Rare Collection 1926 can be found the Homestead Steakhouse in Atlantic City for $3,300 per dram.
Wray and Nephew Rum - $50,638
This rum is made by the Jamaican distillers Wray and Nephew and was bottled in the 1940's. Some of the rum dates back to 1915. There are only 4 unopened bottles in the world.

"Mad Dog" 20/20 - $2.89
After you've sipped on the "good stuff" all night, and all the pretentious assholes have gone home, pull this baby out of your pocket and chug down a flask of body-temperature-warm mad dog. It tastes like some weird funky juice but it gets you f'd up. Salut!

Most Expensive Spirits in the World [Divine Caroline]

The campaign taps into the national pride of Mexicans, according to Favio Ucedo, creative director of leading Latino advertising agency Grupo Gallegos in the U.S.

Ucedo, who is from Argentina, said: "Mexicans talk about how the Americans stole their land, so this is their way of reclaiming it. It's very relevant and the Mexicans will love the idea."

But he said that were the campaign to run in the United States, it might fall flat.

"Many people aren't going to understand it here. Americans in the East and the North or in the center of the county — I don't know if they know much about the history.

"Probably Americans in Texas and California understand perfectly and I don't know how they'd take it."

Meanwhile, the campaign has been circulating on the blogs and generating strong responses from people north of the border.

"I find this ad deeply offensive, and needlessly divisive. I will now make a point of drinking other brands. And 'vodka and tonic' is my drink," said one visitor, called New Yorker, on MexicoReporter.com.

Reader Paul Green goes into a discussion on the blog Gateway Pundit of whether the U.S. territories ever belonged to Mexico in the first place, and the News12 Long island site invited people to boycott Absolut, with one user, called LivingSmall, writing: "If you drink Absolut vodka, you can voice your approval or disapproval of this advertising campaign with your purchases. I know I will be switching to Grey Goose or Stoli and will never have another bottle of Absolut in my house.

What do you think?

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• Brora 30 Year Old ($400)
• Bruichladdich Italian Collection, Sassicaia 1993 ($75)
• Chivas Regal 25 Year Old ($299)
• Glenkinchie 12 Year Old ($50)
• Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban ($70)
• Glenrothes 1975 ($450)
• Highland Park 15 Year Old, Cask #10146 ($80)
• Highland Park 23 Year Old, Cask #443 ($200)
• Johnnie Walker Blue Label, King George V ($600)
• Talisker 30 Year Old ($350)

"Ten High-End Whiskies from the Highlands" [BusinessWeek]
"New Whiskies from Old Casks" [BusinessWeek]
(Photo: Getty)

The article provides a lot of other useful information for the DIY liquor-store-enthusiast. For instance, it was illegal under federal law to brew your own beer or wine until 1978, but now a household with two adults can brew up to 200 gallons each of wine and beer, unless you live in a state that says you can't. Also, moonshine drinkers tend to have lots of lead poisoning, which is why 'round these parts we call it "Chinese Import Tea."

"Why Is Moonshine Against the Law?" [Slate]

RELATED
Laws for Homebrewing [Beertown]
(Photo: Getty)

Freakonomics thinks since other liquors have more unique tastes, while vodka is flavorless, it's easy for a new guy to enter into the market, especially if they've got a fancy marketing campaign. For instance, the whole Grey Goose story is mere fanfaronade. Sidney Frank decided he was going to make a more expensive vodka that people would buy into because of its price and mystique driven backstory. France, oh, they are so refined... and not exactly renowned for their vodka distilleries.

Those who disagree may be guilty of drinking the packaging.

Is Vodka Different? [Freakonomics]
(Photo: What Rhymes With Nicole)

In all four states, liquor was the most prevalent type of alcoholic beverage usually consumed among students who reported current alcohol use, ranging from 34.1% in Nebraska to 44.7% in Arkansas. The second most prevalent type of alcohol usually consumed was either beer or malt beverages (beer in Nebraska, malt beverages in Arkansas, and beer and malt beverages nearly equally in New Mexico and Wyoming). Wine was the least prevalent type of alcohol usually consumed in all four states, ranging from 1.6% in Arkansas and Wyoming to 3.1% in New Mexico.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest disagrees with the CDC's conclusions and believes liquor's popularity can be chalked up to clever marketing:

Think of the dull amber, brown, and clear bottles in liquor stores of yesterday and compare that to the bright pinks, neon blues, and girly greens that characterize hard liquor today. Today's infantilized liquors are flavored with peach, raspberry, mango, cherry, grape and every other kid-friendly flavor under the sun: Hypnotiq. Smirnoff Blueberry. DeKuyper Pineapple Coconut, Sour Apple, or Tropical Mango schnapps. Pink Grapefruit flavored Hiram Walker? Please.

Types of Alcoholic Beverages Usually Consumed by Students in 9th—12th Grades —- Four States, 2005 [CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report via the CSPI]
(Photo: jenerally speaking)