The notorious Grocery Shrink Ray was supposed to help prevent this, or so we were told by apologists for it, but Datamonitor is reporting that Kraft Foods, Kellogg’s, ConAgra, Sara Lee, and Tyson “are all expected to announce a hike in the prices of their products” in the near future. Here are some of the hikes you can expect, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.
Kraft Wants You To Know That The Grocery Shrink Ray Did NOT Zap Their Italian Dressing!
By July 7, 2008
Reader Max writes in to let us know that Kraft’s Zesty Italian Dressing has (allegedly) not been hit by the dreaded grocery shrink ray– a fact that they proudly display right on the bottle!
Kraft Stole Idea For "Bagelfuls" From "Bagelers"
By April 8, 2008
As several readers have pointed out, Kraft’s new “Bagelfuls” (aka Bagel Twinkies) are not without precedent: A small New York company has been making the same thing, called “Bagelers,” since at least 2003. As depicted in the picture at left, (the company tried to make a splash at the 2004 Teen Choice Awards, scoring pictures and other stars on the red carpet holding boxes of Bagelers. Why it takes $100 million to steal someone’s idea is an answer best left to the masters of corporate America.
Kraft Invents The Twinkie Of Bagels: "Bagelfuls"
By April 7, 2008
Ever toast, spread cream cheese on, and eat a bagel, and be like, damn, this is taking too long? Kraft’s Bagelfuls, essentially, a bagel Twinkie, are for you. A “Bagelful” is a frozen bagel tube with cream cheese inside. They’re kept in the refrigerator and then toasted, microwaved, or even eaten straight from the box. If you’ve given up on life, be sure to try one of these delicious “Baglefuls.”
The Great Coffee Can Patent War, Starring Kraft and Procter & Gamble
By November 3, 2007
If you drink Folgers or Maxwell House, the coffee can on your shelf is the subject of a patent war between Kraft and Procter & Gamble. Both are accusing the other of stealing the innovative technology used to contain your precious morning fuel in a resealable plastic can that can “withstand the pressure changes that occur between the factory and the consumer’s home.”
By October 4, 2007
Kraft is recalling 23,000 cases of Baker’s Premium White Chocolate Baking Squares after FDA testing “detected the presence of salmonella in some 6-oz. packages.” So far no illnesses have been reported, so if you’re the opportunistic con-artist type, you’ve got a shot at being first-to-media on this one. [Reuters
Kraft Introduces New Butter Flavor Containing Diacetyl, The "Popcorn Lung" Ingredient
By September 25, 2007
Recently, after numerous complaints of serious illness from popcorn workers and one complaint of illness from a consumer, ConAgra and Pop Weaver removed diacetyl from its microwave popcorn and now proudly announce to their customers that their product is diacetyl free. Kraft, on the other hand, decided that now would be a good time to introduce a brand new diacetyl-based butter flavor into the market.
For Little Apparent Reason, Spiral Mac N Cheese Costs 37 Cents More Than Elbow
By August 20, 2007
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Spirals cost 37 cents more per box than regular Elbow variety, despite the former weighing 1.75 oz less than the latter, reports the thoughts on technology blog. This breaks down to a difference of $.06/oz, vs $.14/oz. That’s 24% fewer noodles, with a 133% price increase.
Recall: Oscar Mayer/Louis Rich Chicken Infected With Listeria
By February 24, 2007
Kraft foods is recalling all Oscar Mayer/Louis Rich chicken breast strips on fears they may be infected with Listeria monocytogenes.
What Is The Definition of "Real Kraft Cheese"?
By February 5, 2007
Kraft, like many food makers, often walks a fine line with its marketing, testing the limits of federal labeling regulations that are often vague or confusing.
High-Fructose Corn Syrup No Longer “Natural”
By January 23, 2007
Then, on Friday, January 12, Cadbury Schweppes announced that it, too, would stop calling HFCS-filled 7UP “all natural.” This announcement culminated several months of negotiations between Cadbury and CSPI.
High-Fructose Corn Syrup is a complicated substance that takes a lot of processing to produce. —MEGHANN MARCO
Kraft Lawsuit: Capri Sun Isn’t “All Natural”
By January 11, 2007
Kraft needs to start making food that isn’t made out of plastic, because it’s pissing people off. And the people have lawyers. A Florida woman has brought a class action lawsuit against Kraft, maker of Capri Sun. Why? She says they’re guilty of deceptive marketing because the juice drink contains High Fructose Corn Syrup, and thus isn’t “All Natural.”
Kraft: Fake Guacamole Lawsuit
By November 30, 2006
If Kraft could make peanut butter with no peanuts in it, you can bet they would. The LA TImes is reporting that a California woman is suing Kraft because their “Guacamole” doesn’t have enough avocado.
New Oblong Oreos Made For Dunking
By April 7, 2006
When I was a lad in the early 90′s, my friends and I were in perpetual fear of turning gay. We’d been told by many authority figures that one could somehow wake up and realize that they were gay, and so an elaborate system of early warning signs was passed into junior high dogma. For example, if you preferred to wear your watch on your right wrist, you were probably turning gay. The way you crossed your legs was also a signal of imminent homo-eroticism: the proper method was to balance one ankle on the opposing knee, giving proper breathing room to your elephantine testicular sack.
