Remember Brawndo from “Idiocracy”—the world’s best and only beverage, the one that mutilates your thirst, and is so awesome that we even use it for irrigation? It’s now a real product, for those of you who enjoy mixing satire about commercialism with actual commercialism. (Wait—how does that work?) Naturally nobody over 12 years old or sane will probably want to actually taste it—it’s just another bad energy drink with fun packaging—so Sarah at CalorieLab has taken a bullet for the rest of us. Good; now we can go back to watching reruns of “Ow My Balls.”
Snickers and Cokes would be a thing of the past at school cafeterias and vending machines if the Senate approves an ambitious amendment from Senators Harkin (D-IA) and Murkowsky (R-AK). The amendment to the Farm Bill would establish strict federal guidelines limiting the sale of deliciously unhealthy treats brimming with sugar, salt, and fat.
The nutrition standards would allow only plain bottled water and eight-ounce servings of fruit juice or plain or flavored low-fat milk with up to 170 calories to be sold in elementary and middle schools. High school students could also buy diet soda or, in places like school gyms, sports drinks. Other drinks with as many as 66 calories per eight ounces could be sold in high schools, but that threshold would drop to 25 calories per eight-ounce serving in five years.
Crafty cereal makers may weasel out of their promise to stop advertising junk food to audiences under 12 by fudging serving size information. Eleven cereal makers last week set the threshold for products advertised to children at 12 grams of sugar per serving. According to the New York Times’ original coverage, many cereal makers are already “trying to reformulate the foods to meet nutritional guidelines.” Why reformulate when you can change the labels?
The New York Times reports that eleven huge food companies, in the face of regulatory intervention, lawsuits, and a forthcoming government study on childhood obesity, agreed to voluntarily withdraw junk food advertising from children’s TV shows targeted at an under-12 audience.
We’re not sure what’s more horrifying: The fact that half of British schoolchildren eat a pack of potato chips (or crisps, if you prefer) every single day, or the fact that such a rate of chip consumption means you’re ingesting more than a gallon of vegetable oil every year.
s fashion show last week. As the photo series demonstrates, apparently the high fashion you should sprint out to buy next fall is junk-food themed sleeper ware, complete with over-sized donut bracelets.