(And yes, we know it's not toxic in this form. That's why the tag is "oops" and not "poison!")

(Thanks to Pete!)

The "Kool Kreme" will make its debut complete with a topping bar in new, smaller stores that hide all the donut-making eye candy in the back.

Bob Goldin, a food industry enthusiast, explains the shift is an attempt to "reposition [Krispy Kreme] as more of a treat concept that offers consumers desserts and indulgences." We don't know what that means either, but soft-serve ice cream is a terrible idea. If Krispy Kreme really wants to bait America's cadre of healthy-in-mind-if-not-in-body consumers, they should install juice bars. Waist-minders won't travel for ice cream, but they might pick up an artery-strangling donut if they think it would nicely complement a healthy shot of wheatgrass juice.

Health Craze Has Hurt Doughnut Chain [WDSU]
Krispy Kreme hopes to heat up sales with ice cream [AP]
(AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

Here's Brian's letter:

I thought you might be interested in an unbelievable experience I recently had at a restaurant.

Last night I went to Friendly's restaurant in Norristown, PA to get ice cream. My wife and I each ordered a sundae with butter crunch ice cream. After we paid for them, the cashier realized that they were out of butter crunch. My wife is pregnant and has dietary restrictions that prevent her from eating chocolate or nuts - which rule out almost all of the other flavors. So, since they didn't have butter crunch, we just asked for our money back.

However, she told us that she isn't allowed to give refunds. The cashier explained that their manager had been giving too many refunds recently, and that the manager would get in trouble if she issued any more. So because they didn't want the manager to "get in trouble", they refused to give back our money - despite the fact that we had paid for two sundaes that they couldn't give us.

We then asked if we could speak to the manager about a refund. After a worker disappeared into the back for a few minutes, we were told that the manager was in the back and on the phone, so she couldn't come out. I was astonished that the manager refused to come out and help us deal with this issue. After waiting another 5-10 minutes, the employees told us that the manager would not be coming out from the back. I suspect that the manager was not even in the store and the "on the phone" excuse was just used to cover up for her.

We asked for the manager's name, and were told by three different employees that they aren't allowed to tell anyone her name. So not only did they refuse to let us speak to a manager, but they wouldn't give us her name! However, I managed to overhear one of the other workers mention the first name of the manager [redacted.] The employee looked terrified after realizing that the manager's name slipped in front of customers.

By the time we had been waiting at the counter for about twenty minutes, the cashier said that she would be willing to return the cost of one sundae. This was completely unacceptable, since we had paid for two sundaes that we never got!

Eventually, after about thirty minutes, one of the employees agreed to get one of the half gallons of butter crunch from the take-out freezer to make our sundaes. Finally we got the food we paid for and left.

So apparently the manager at this Friendly's restaurant:

— has instructed her employees not to issue refunds - even when they are fully justified - because she doesn't want to "get in trouble".

— has strictly forbidden her employees from even telling customers what her name is.

— refuses to talk to customers, even if they specifically ask to speak to her. In fact, I strongly suspect that she was not even in the restaurant, but told her employees to say she is "on the phone" to cover for her if she is not there

I tried contacting the store's general manager about this, but his business card only lists the phone number of the restaurant. I've put out an "email carpet bomb", but haven't yet gotten a response. Maybe getting the story out on your site will encourage them to do something about this.

Thank you.

-Brian

You might want to also give your local consumer affairs department a heads up about this new "policy." Selling a product they don't have and then refusing to issue a refund isn't, um, cool. Ya know? Come to think of it... it's not exactly friendly, either.

(Photo: *nomad* )

From Midtown Lunch:

I’m a regular reader of Midtown Lunch and I wanted to let you know that Carvel’s promotion today for free arctic and coffee blenders was a complete scam. I went to the only 2 Carvel stores in Midtown and was told at both locations that they were not giving away anything today. Actually, the douchebag working in Times Square didn’t even have the decency to say anything to me. When I asked him about the promotion he wagged his finger at me and then moved on to the next customer with no further acknowledgment or apology. The two bumbling idiots working in Penn Station claimed that they were not giving away any of the frozen drinks because they didn’t have any of the ingredients for them. I don’t know what’s going over there at Carvel but they better get their act straight or they’ll be a relic of the good ol’ days in the not too distant future. Ben & Jerry’s and Baskin Robbins pulled off their promotions without a hitch and probably won a lot of customers in the process.

Carvel’s antics will only drive more customers to their clearly more competent (and honest) competitors. Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to let you know so that perhaps you could inform our fellow Midtown Lunchers of Carvel’s deceitful sales tactics.

Damn, it's like there's an epidemic of stingy ice cream managers going on in New York City. First Ben & Jerry's shuts down "Free Cone Day" early and now this?

Did anyone else have problems getting their free drink at Carvel yesterday?

Airing of Grievances: Carvel is no Ben & Jerry’s
[Midtown Lunch]

Well, Ben and Jerry's, you ruined my day. I love free cone day and have been going for many years. I once waited in line for over an hour to get a free scoop in Boston on Newbury Street. I was so excited for this particular Free Cone Day, because it's my first one ever in New York. I sent an e-mail out to all my co-workers to let them know about it, too. I got out of work and raced to 34th street, because this is one of the listed participating store. I flew up the escalator to the 4th floor, busted through all the tacky prom dressed, and almost shouted "HALLELUJAH" when I finally got to the B&J only to be turned away.

"NO MORE FREE CONES," the frizzy haired girl was yelling.

"WHAT?!"

I instantly grabbed for my blackberry to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Yes, 34th street is a participating location. Yes, it is free cone day. Yes, I am on the 4th floor of Macys. Yes, I can smell the sweet scent of victory.

But no, I would not be served a free cone. Nelson, the store manager, was telling everyone (there were 20+ people crowded around) that Free Cone Day is over. So, I called the store in Astor Place. They happily answered the phone and verified that Free Cone Day is all day, which I remember, because I
A) did not read ANYWHERE about any time limitations on Free Cone Day or honestly, I would have left work 30 minutes early just to bask in the glow of some Chubby Hubby
B) remember standing in line until almost midnight one year in Boston
C)it was advertised on the signage of the store that today is free cone day

FREE
CONE
DAY

Not free cone until 6pm or free cone until my arm is tired of scooping or free cone until I get a sprained eyelash and no longer want to give you a free cone. It says FREE CONE DAY!

So why, Ben and Jerry's were you so cruel to me? I have been a loyal customer for years. I have sworn you off for making my thighs too big, only to consume pint after pint at a time after a breakup or when Aunt Flo is coming to town.

Why would you treat me like this?

Ben and Jerry's, it's over. For real. Are you happy that you lost a customer for life over a $2.50 scoop of ice cream that is probably $0.05 cogs? Anyway, Hagen Daaz is just as happy to have my money and they deliver what they say they will when they will.

I just hope you truly know how disappointed your customers were. A little girl was literally CRYING because they were being so mean about it. There was no apology. No, "I'm sorry if we misinformed you. However, Free Cone at this location is over"

I felt like I was doing something wrong by wanting to partake in the festivities. You suck, Ben and Jerry's and I'm going to tell everyone I know what a crappy experience I had. If this is a marketing flaw, then you should fire whatever idiot doesn't know how to properly convey on the signage and e-mail blasts you give out about Free Cone Day.

Even if this particular Ben and Jerry's is technically owned by Macys, then you need to tell Macys that they suck too, because they do.

But nobody sucks more than you-you hire people like Nelson to manage stores. He hires rude employees and doesn't adhere to a customer loyalty program. Honestly, how much would free cone day have cost him?

Let's talk numbers for a moment-I used to be a Starbucks manager for 7 years and have lived through many "Free (fill in blank here)" day

Even if the average Ben and Jerry's pulls in $1500 a day, that's a lost profit of $1500 for that particular day. HOWEVER, if you make new fans who are dying to be faithful for the next 50 years (say they eat an average of 20 pints a year at $4/pint, so for 50 years that one person will spend an average of $4,000 of their ice cream eating life, you make it back and then some.)

Well, I will not make a dent in your profitability, but you definitely threw the monkey wrench in my day. You are cheap, you are mean, and you deliver false advertising, which is actually a CRIME!

Will the grocery shrink ray ever stop? Or will our generation tell our wide-eyed grandchildren stories of the halcyon days of half gallon ice cream containers? Will they even believe us?

(Photo:Kris)

PREVIOUSLY: Breyers Ice Cream Shrinks To 1.5 Quarts

I'm just getting over the first wave of ice cream shrinkage (from 1/2 gallon to 1.75 quarts) when I noticed today that Breyer's is upping (or rather shrinking) the ante - they're beginning to roll out 1.5 qt packages!

Bill

Why have you downsized your Breyers 1/2 gallon cartons?

Over the last two years or so, a number of our ice cream competitors made the decision to reduce the size of their 1/2 gallon containers. At the current time, the price on all of our ingredients, most of all the fresh cream we use in our products, has gone up dramatically in cost. In order to remain competitive, Breyers has made the difficult decision to reduce the size of our basic pack to 56 oz. We believe this change is a way of mitigating the level of future price increases compared to what otherwise might have been the case. As always, you can expect the same great Breyers quality which has been our standard for over 135 years.

(Photo:Bill)

You never knew the ice cream bizness was so mad gangsta, did you? This is worse than the time Vanilla Bean took out Heath Bar Crunch. Bigger picture inside...

Sanchez drives a truck for Norfolk-based Jumpn' G's Ice Cream. He was convicted three times this summer in Portsmouth General District Court for the illegal use of noise from an ice cream truck.

He appealed the last conviction, which stemmed from a stop by police Officer Jim Conrad on Sept. 5.

Conrad has been enforcing the city's ice cream vendor regulations since a 10-year-old girl was hit by a car as she walked away from an illegally parked ice cream truck in May. The girl suffered cuts and bruises.

Sanchez also has been convicted in Portsmouth of driving without a license and not having proper equipment. He and his employer have paid conviction fees and costs of $496, court records show.

Ice cream truck driver challenges Portsmouth's music ban [AP]
(Photo:The Vista Dome)

Baskin-Robbins will pay "penalties of $343,000 and investigation costs of $148,164. [The settlement] also contains a court order prohibiting Baskin-Robbins and its franchisees from delivering less quantity of its products than what is advertised," according to the attorney general's press release.

"Our office works hard to ensure that consumers receive exactly what is advertised to them," said DA Dumanis. "It's important to hold businesses accountable—even when it comes to ice cream—and we will continue to make sure the public gets what it pays for."

Baskin-Robbins Ordered to Pay Almost $500,000 for Not Delivering As Advertised (PDF)(Thanks, Larry!)
(Photo:Maulleigh)

Also, it's tax day. So, while you're out mailing that return you can get free ice cream. Yay. —MEGHANN MARCO

Ben & Jerry's
(Photo: Maulleigh)

Let's take a trip back to a St. Patrick's Day long ago. Tommy Carvel, ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENIUS, was still alive and he still had a great idea or two left in him. Sure, Cookie Puss was already a big seller. Fudgie The Whale, too. But then one late night, while many a stoned/wasted New Yorker was watching TV, this appeared (dig that spacey Irish accent!) Not only did it change the way millions (ok, maybe hundreds of thousands) celebrated the holiday, it also inspired a Beastie Boys song.

Look at that stainless steel. That white lab coat. Carvel uses the science of the 70's to bring you the magic of ice cream. Every single ice cream cone is fact checked.

If you'd like to nominate a commercial for "Great Moments in Commercial History," send an email to us at tips@consumerist.com. — BEN POPKEN

[via Copyranter]

Likewise, a day without an email from Steve of Amy's Ice Cream is like a day without getting hit in the head with a brick. At least, that's the twist this Rocky Road may turn if his latest missives and our retorts are any indication.

All the gore you crave, after the jump...

After we posted Steve's email addres, as he said that he invited anyone with feedback to email him, Amy's Ice Cream received several supportive letters from readers of The Consumerist. Steve forwarded these emails to us.

We replied, "See, not all our readers have horns."

He then sent an email,

"Just a few of the emails I have received since you put my email address up. I am still waiting to pass judgement on your BLOG, all that BS about; "brine" and "made from left-over toffee ice cream". I really think you should wait to pass judgement on people and their businesses until after you have visited them and seen them for yourself. 95% of the emails we receive are from customers that have had a wonderful experience. We are a good company that cares about our customers and our employees. Even "Mike" who sent in the original sign and all, I think has been recovered.
Anyway, just a few thoughts...
Come see us anytime,
Amy and Steve

We replied, "Not all jokes are as sweet as a scoop of vanilla."

He shot back:

Jokes and personal attacks are two different things. I am happy I chose the high road on this one...

We retorted:

"We never passed judgment on Amy's Ice Cream, nor are we responsible for the actions of our readers.

Mike's letter and original complaint provided a window onto a bigger issue, that consumers don't like minimum credit card charges and isn't it odd that these charges are explicitly prohibited in every single credit card's merchant agreement?

The brine you mention, we were referring to the mean letter sent to you, the letter was briney, not your ice cream.

The left-over toffee, that's the award we're talking about. Again, not your ice cream. Look at the picture, you have to admit that hunk looks odd.

We never personally attacked you or Amy.

If you consider it a "high road" to describe our blog as "bullshit," raise your sights."

Both the brine and toffee were mentioned in this post.

Steve riposted:

That's not true Ben, you made all sorts of judgements through, "jokes" "attached file Steve sent" etc.... Just curious, how many hits you get a month? Don't get mad Ben, can't we all just get along?

Peace,
Amy and Steve

We suppose that might count as a sort of elliptical judgement. Last month we got 330,000 hits.

Sure we can get along.

We'd be happy to swing by the ice cream parlor some day. Before we do, however, you may want to clear up some of your health code violations.

After all, how sanitary can the conditions be if the owners constantly have their foot in their mouth?

Previously: Amy's Ice Cream thread

"I followed your link for free Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Of the 16 New Jersey Scoop Shops listed on their web site, 8 are not participating. 14 of the 33 New York Scoop Shops are not participating. I'm guessing only the company-owned stores are participating. Maybe the franchisees can't afford to give away ice cream because of high credit card fees..."

So make sure to check the store locator to find out whether your local B&J scooper is in on the action or not.

Ben & Jerry's: Our cows are so liberal it's fascist!

The epic brouhaha even warranted a mention in Amy's Ice Cream news section. For instance, did you know that, "If you buy a small ice cream with one crushin' and charge it, the fees can be as much as 15%?"

"I would like to respond to the "craziness" that is flying around," Steve writes The Consumerist. "First, I have attached the sign that greets consumers now in our stores. It is the original sign that was replaced by the one that was posted on your website. One of our managers replaced his sign with the brief and too the point sign that is not our belief. We are a small mom and pop, Amy and Steve, we are 21 years old and we are not a big company, although we have 13 stores, we do the sales volume of one Chili's restaurant in 13 locations. If we had to do it over again, we would never have taken credit cards. Most of our transactions are small and the fees are ridiculous, as much as 10-15%. Don't blame us, blame Visa and Mastercard. I apologize for this misunderstanding and encourage our customers if they are really mad to send me an email steve@amysicecreams.com."

The file Steve sent us over was titled, "NEW$10Minimum.pub"

Previously: Amy's Ice Cream thread

Steve, Amy's partner in the ice cream shoppe and husband, forwarded an email he received from someone who reads The Consumerist.

"This is a copy of an email I received this weekend. Nice people," he says...

Dunk your head in the brine-flavored ice-cream , after the jump...

"Dear Amy,

What I really love about Amy's is...

You really need to go to school and take some classes on business. You have no idea how to treat customers. I read your response to "Mike's" letter about credit card fees. You are a mean bitch who has no business sense what so ever. I will never eat your icecream and will encourage other no to as well. Really, get some lessons on customer service.

We replied to Steve, "Welcome to the unfiltered horror of the Internet."

Cluck, cluck, such scamps you are. However, if you want to do something constructive, send a similarly pointed letter to VISA and ask them to stop charging so many fees to process transactions.

In contrast, here are some quotes about Amy's Ice Cream from their website:

"Amy believes that a customer deserves more than just ice cream." - Wall Street Journal

"...sells terrific products and gives excellent service." - Inc.

"Even more than the ice cream, the scoopers and their trademark schtick...keep the customers coming back for more." - Texas Monthly.

Perhaps the customer service acumen behind the scoop should be applied more liberally to their email exchanges with customers.

Previously: Amy's Ice Cream thread.

Mike went to Amy's Ice Cream, the store that Stephen originally complained about for requiring a minimum credit card charge of $10.

We're not trying to run Amy (pictured, seated far right) out of business, we just think it's interesting that the merchant credit card processing rules prohibit requiring a minimum purchase amount, yet many stores do it anyway.

If it was important enough to pay lawyers to draft the language into contracts and the ink to print it out, obviously someone, somewhere, thought businesses shouldn't do this. However, the bad guys aren't the ice cream parlors, it's the banks and their usurious fees, which then get passed down to the consumer.

Mike wrote a letter and Amy's ice cream shoppe wrote back, after the jump...

Mike scribed:

"Dear Amy,

I was unhappily disappointed with my last visit because...
I just went to your location last night. I am 28 years old. I have zero kids, and 1 girlfriend. That means that if my whole family goes to Amy's and I order what I order and she orders what she orders the total is $8.88. I was greeted with a sign that says we do not accept credit card transactions under $10.00. I do not carry cash, I have not carried cash since about 2001. Cash is dirty, not easily replensiable, and slow. There is no real possibility that I am going to spend 10 dollars ever at an Amy's at one time. We go to Amy's often. We will not be going if I have to stop somewhere and get cash first. It is too much of an inconvience to me.

This new policy doesn't really fly with me, you are not a small company any longer, you have 10 locations, and I am sure more are coming.

Also I am not sure if you are aware of your agreement with VISA/MC but in your requirements as a credit card merchant, you are not allowed to require a minimum amount to use a credit card transaction. If they had found out about this restriction, you can have your credit card merchant account taken away.

All these factors have left me quite upset with this whole thing. I can't even spend 10 dollars at Amy's, you are not a small company anymore, and it is against the rules of being a VISA merchant.

I hope you will reconsider this policy.

Also your new policy has made internet headlines, at a consumer watch dog website."

Amy's reply:

Dear Mike,

First, we are a small mom and pop, we still answer the emails, there isn't a PR department or marketing wing to answer you complaint. I am sorry that this sigjn upset you. We are trying to keep costs down, so we don't have to raise prices. Do you realize that your $8.88 transaction can cost up to 10% to process? Do you want us to raise prices to $9.76 for you? The credit card companies charge us a transaction fee, a % of sales fee, a fee if the credit card is not read and has to be hand entered, a fee if we don't have the billing address zip codes... Are you following me? Tiger Woods is not getting $14 million dollars a year from annual fees. We are facing ever increasing costs for gas, insurance, workers comp etc... None of which you care about, but need to know because I am sure you don't want us to increase our prices. As for the Visa cards coming to get our account... that would be our lucky day, we spent close to $50,000.00 last year on credit cards. Do our customers spend more because we except credit cards? No, you can only eat so much ice cream. I appreciate you listening to our side, please try to understand. Thanks for the feedback,

Amy and Steve

Check out page 14 of the Rules for Visa Merchants [pdf].

Might be something to print out and keep in the 'ol wallet.

UPDATE: The pdf linked to was encrypted so it could only be viewed, not printed, here's a printable version, thanks to Will!

Stephen of Texas figured the jigger out after he went to an ice cream parlor that wanted a $10 minimum charge. His Butterfinger Vanilla melting letter, after the jump...