Look, if you’re going to call your store “Mattress Giant,” and you’re going to have a 100% satisfaction guarantee, then don’t specifically exclude mattresses.
Mattress Giant's 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Doesn't Apply To Mattresses
By September 27, 2008
USPS Says Guaranteed Overnight Isn't Guaranteed. What?
By June 15, 2008
Dorothy found out that the USPS’s guaranteed overnight delivery doesn’t apply if you use their Express Mail boxes, because “Letters get stuck up in the top of the box all the time. Sometimes, it takes days or even a week before we find them.” Hey post office, maybe you should try to check the top of the box every day. Problem solved!
Adobe Rejects Refund Request From Last Month Because You Exceeded Their 30-Day Money Back Guarantee. What?
By April 5, 2008
Edwards tried to cancel his pre-order for Photoshop Elements 6 a month before the software shipped, but was told that he would need to accept the shipment, destroy the CD, and fill out an affidavit attesting to the destruction. Edward did as he was told, which is reflected in Adobe’s notes, but they still rejected his request claiming that he “exceeded their 30 day money back trial guarantee.”
North Vancouver Comfort Inn's "100% Satisfaction Guarantee" Is More Like 10-15%
By March 25, 2008
A man wrote in to travel writer Christopher Elliott to complain about the awful experience he and his wife had with Comfort Inn & Suites in North Vancouver, British Columbia. When they checked in, they were surprised with a “free upgrade,” but found the room was unclean and lacked linens. They asked to be given the room they initially reserved, then discovered the water was lukewarm during their entire visit, and the coffee machine was broken. The hotel’s ice machine was also broken. Richard said in each case he complained to the front desk but only got an apology—and when he contacted Choice Hotels to complain, they told him he should have brought the issues to the attention of the hotel, and consequently they would not honor their 100% Satisfaction Guarantee.
Domino's Pizza: Sacrificing Our Delivery Drivers So We Can Use Our New Slogan
By March 4, 2008
Domino’s has a mildly amusing television campaign right now to promote their new slogan “You Got 30 Minutes,” but the fine print on Domino’s site points out that this should be taken only as a suggestion, not a service guarantee: “Because safety is a priority “You Got 30 Minutes™” is not a guarantee but an estimate. You may get more.” A former Domino’s delivery guy is not impressed: “Some douchebag ad exec wants to trick customers into believing that the ’30 minutes or it’s free’ guarantee is back, then leave it to the delivery drivers to explain to inevitably angry customers why their pizza isn’t free when it gets there in 31 minutes.”
Orkin "Lifetime Guarantee" Costs $214 A Year?
By February 11, 2008
Chris writes, Last year we had Orkin come and get rid of a termite problem in our 60 year old house. It is a small three bedroom house and we were putting concrete siding on and discovered some termite trails.
Fine Print Mars In-Store Pickup Guarantees
By December 8, 2007
Best Buy, Sears, and Circuit City all promise fast and easy in-store pickup for online orders and are willing to pay if they fail to deliver. Mouseprint scoured the fine print of each guarantee in search of loopholes.
H&R Block Leaves Guy With $3100 Bill
By December 7, 2006
guarantee”, so Travis will be responsible for the bill. Whoops. H&R Block’s included “Accurate Calculations Guarantee” covers “penalties and interest caused by such error.”
