Consumerist: great moments in commercial history

Great Moments In Commercial History: Domino's Pasta Dude

Ben Popken — Wed, 06 May 2009 10:33:58 EDT

Back in early '08, to promote their new line of pasta primavera items, Domino's rolled out a screechy-voiced CGI rigatoni that raps about the joys of oven-baked pasta, reports SoGood. "Pasta Dude" some rhymes, then he busts out some dance moves that look like he's bending over an imaginary dance partner and slapping them across the rear. This, apparently, was cause for controversy.

In another version with a different voice, presumably the "sanitized" one, he just places his out, palms down and parallel, and thrusts his hips. The word is that the commercials got pulled, not because they're horrible, but because some viewers found Pasta Dude's moves to be vulgar. However, the ads still aired for a while time in in L.A. and the West Coast, a nod to its rich history of people, with varying degrees of success and skill, trying to be rappers.

But judging by the campaign's short life, it seems the rhymin' rigatoni's final cries of "Pasta playa hata" were prescient. At least now we finally know what happened to The Noid; he knocked up a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese.

TRANSCRIPT

Mom: Why can't we ever agree on what to eat?
Pasta Dude: Check it, y'all, with the hip hops to perfecta from Domino's!
(screams)
Dad: What are you?
Pasta Dude: Five varieties of oven-fresh yum, the whole family's down, we're all gettin' some!
Kid: This is tight.
Pasta Dude: Pasta dude, uh! Pasta Dude, yeah!
(Mom yells)
Kid: Mom....!
Pasta Dude: Pasta playa hata...

If you'd like to nominate a commercial for our weekly series "Great Moments In Commercial History" send us an email at tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. Be sure to put "Great Moments In Commercial History" in the subject. To see other commercials that have been featured in the series, click here.

Domino's Ill-Fated "Pasta Dude" Commercial [SoGood]

Great Moments In Commercial History: Frank Myers Auto

Meg Marco — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:33:56 EST

Reader Kate nominates Frank Myers Auto for this week's award.

Kate says:

When I think of Great Moments, the first thing that springs to mind is Frank Myers Auto, an institution of local ads in the Piedmont Triad region [of North Carolina]. His commercials have been airing for ages, but a few years ago, when Frank's son Tracy bought him out, they started taking a far more surreal turn. Imagine watching reruns at 2 a.m. and suddenly [this] appears on your screen...

The fact I was not drunk at the time made it that much more disturbing. The whole "Everybody Rides" thing became a local mainstay for a while, to the point that there was even a "rap" version of "Everybody Rides"...

...so, yeah. Those random people in the video are characters from the other car commercials he's done, by the way.

Should you enjoy the works of Mr. Myers and care to indulge in more, he has his own YouTube channel.

Great Moments In Commercial History: FarmersOnly.com

Meg Marco — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:17:11 EST

Reader Laurie nominates these two commercials for a rural dating service. Farming is so lonely.

Laurie writes:

It's hard to beat these (can't decide which version creeps me out more) commercials for a "rural" online dating service. The first couple of times I saw them, I thought they had to be a gag. They weren't. All I can say is, I'd rather be lonely. Or preferably dead.

Ah, the country. We did a little Googling and found an article about people who use the site and their heartwarming intolerance for "city folk," "freaks," and "faced-paced, two-faced, game-playing, city slickers."

"They're coming from a farming background, and to generalize, I know they're not going to be a bunch of freaks," said Marquardt, who grew up on a Michigan hog farm...

SWF, likes long walks in the back 40 [Star-Tribune]

Great Moments In Commercial History: Nestle White Chocolate

Meg Marco — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:09:07 EST

Yep, that's right, we're bringing back Great Moments in Commercial History, and Reader Paul is kicking things off with this delightfully awful '80s confection.

I officially nominate the greatest commercial from the 80s: Nestle White chocolate bar. To my prepubescent mind, this commercial had everything: breathy vocals, unctuous synths, the subversive idea that chocolate could actually be white (imagine my disappointment when I realize it was merely artificial cocoa butter solids). To this day, not a month goes by that "Sweet dreams are made of thi-i-s, N-E-S-T-L-E-S" doesn't go through my head. Now that's an earworm. I realize I'm praising this commercial more than making fun of it, but this feature IS "Greatest Moments" in commercial history. They don't have to be all bad, do they?

No, they don't all have to be bad — however this one qualifies. Enjoy.

Commenter grahams points out that Faith No More covered this jingle in concert. So awesome.

Cheers To You! Motivational CD Offers Eight Creepy, Life-Affirming Tracks

Alex Chasick — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:00:48 EST

If you're down in the dumps and have nowhere else to turn, consider this collection of congratulatory remarks dubbed over applause. Only $24.95! But wait, if you order right now, you'll also get some, uh, pewter puzzle pieces?

If this had been around in the 80s, we're sure it would have replaced Huey Lewis in Patrick Bateman's CD player.
Life Fail [FailBlog]
CHEERS TO YOU!

Please Nominate Your Favorite Awful Commercials For "Great Moments In Commercial History"

Meg Marco — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:35:43 EST

Know what needs to come back? Great Moments in Commercial History. If you'd like to nominate a commercial for this prestigious weekly award, please send a link to the commercial along with a paragraph explaining what the commercial means to you. Please, please check our archive to make sure that we have not already featured your favorite. Send your email to tips@consumerist.com and put "Great Moments" in the subject.

In celebration of this momentous event, we take a look back at where it all began... with Chicago's Moo & Oink.

Snuggies And ShamWows Beseige Nation's Cheap Airwaves

Ben Popken — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:16:06 EST

The economy is 'sploding so that means it's infomercial mating season. Prices for airtime are dropping as bigger advertisers pull their spots, so the Billy Mays of the world are now getting slots during 30 Rock commercial breaks. At the same time, more people are watching TV because they don't have money to go out and it helps anesthetize them to the pain of reality. Thus, the rise of the ShamWow and the Snuggie, a super slurping sponge cloth, and a blanket with arms, respectively. Let's take a closer look.

Exhibit A: The ShamWow:

Save on heat and warm up with a Snuggie!:

And of course, the inevitable parodies. The ShamWow one is particularly good, and a bit NSFW.

ShamWow Parody:

Join the cult of Snuggie:

As seen on TV! Pitchmen reign during hard times [Star Ledger] (Thanks to Matthew!)

Behold The Wunder Boner

Alex Chasick — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:00:00 EST

Let us share with you this horrifying, but comically named, fish deboning device.

That thing is brutally efficient. We wonder how many fish they had to go through to get those shots.

Commercial Fail [Fail Blog]

Jones Bigass Truck Rental & Storage

Ben Popken — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:28:24 EST

Jone's Bigass Truck Rental & Storage will let you store anything you please. He's got a weed-riddled cement lot he bought at auction for $1.00 and some trucks you can toss some shit in.

"You know you ain't going to use that printer? Why keep it at your house? Bring it down here to my house!...I'll store this motorcycle, in that van, for $10.99 a month!"

Give the man props for his showmanship and entrepreneurial skills

[via BitterWallet]

If you'd like to nominate a commercial for our series "Great Moments In Commercial History" send us an email at tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. Be sure to put "Great Moments In Commercial History" in the subject. To see other commercials that have been featured in the series, click here.

PedEgg Ads Scam, Suit Alleges

Ben Popken — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:14:02 EDT

Who would have ever thought that a low-budget infomercial touting an egg-shaped device home pedicure device with "100 precision microfiles" might be deceptive in some way? Not, apparently, its actors, two of whom are suing the makers of "PedEgg." The thespians say they PedEgg told them the commercial would be internets-only. Instead, it's on the national airways. We don't care about that part. Rather, we chuckle over the suit's revelation that PedEgg hired a horror-makeup guy to apply "artificial bumps and discoloration" to their feet to increase the contrast between the "before" and "after" shots. Quelle horreru! Besides their dishonest advertising tactics, someone should also sue PedEgg for the gross-out shot when they dump all the foot shavings in the trash. See the full commercial inside.

PedEgg Accused Of Gross Injustice [The Smoking Gun]

Great Moments In Commercial History: Fred And Sharon's Movies

Meg Marco — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:45:22 EDT

Meet Fred and Sharon. They make movies. Video Movies. They could improve your life.

Here's a commercial that demonstrates that even local public access TV has standards that must be met. Fortunately for us, when public access says no, YouTube says "yes."

(Thanks, binaryslider!)

Great Moments In Commercial History: "Al'z Place"

Ben Popken — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:49:40 EST

The Stay Free! daily blog was watching the telly and nearly spit out its wheatgrass juice when it noticed an ad for a senior care facility in Brooklyn that has blessed its Alzeimer's ward with a delightful moniker. They call it, "Al'z place." That marketing decisions strikes us as, shall we say, unfortunate. What's the message here? "He forgot his name and so did we so we just call him Al."

Great Moments In Commercial History: Prime Cut Meat Market Restaurant

Meg Marco — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:59:22 EST

Here's a commercial for the Prime Cut Meat Market Restaurant, where:

"Bob Henry, winner of an award, proud owner of a plaque, will dazzle you."

We've never actually had chicken friend steak, and we won't... We're waiting for Bob to dazzle us.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Kinoki Foot Pads

Meg Marco — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:59:57 EST

Meet the Kinoki foot pad, a simple patch that can remove "toxins" from your body while you sleep.

What sort of toxins, you ask? Well, the Kinoki foot pad can remove:

Heavy Metals
Metabolic Wastes
Toxins
Parasites
Chemicals
and...
Cellulite!

How does it work? Well, the pads have "all-natural tree extracts and powerful negative ions," and um. "When the blood circulates to the soles, the Kinoki Detox Foot Pad can absorb toxins released from the acupuncture points."

Skeptical? "This independent study proves Kinoki Food pads lower toxic materials in your body! Isn't that amazing?"

Amazing.

"Hand Shredder" #4 On List of Unfortunately Named Products

Chris Walters — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:11:27 EST

Say No to Crack has posted a list of five of the worst-named products to ever reach the market. Runner up for best worst name is that classic of early 80s television, AYDS diet chews (which we've covered in depth here). Our personal favorite, though, is the Hand Shredder.

Their top pick is the Tiddy Bear, which we actually think is a great name, much better than the "Breast Friend" or the "Dirty Pillow Pillow"—or, if you could license Peter Scolari's face (and it can't be that expensive) then it could be called the "Bosom Buddy".

"Top 5 Most Unfortunately Named Products" [Say No to Crack via Neatorama]

Great Moments In Commercial History: Hai Karate Aftershave

Ben Popken — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:14:23 EST

The ads for Axe body sprays have a cultural debt to be paid to the makers of Hai Karate aftershave, sold from the 60's to the 80's. Their whole marketing strategy hinged on the notion that the budget aftershave would turn women into wild maniacs who couldn't wait to put their hands on you. Uniquely, each bottle came with a self-defense instruction booklet, so you could learn moves to protect yourself from the inevitable onslaught of females. Spotted this ad over at Consumerama.net. Transcripts and more Hai Karate commercials, inside...

AD 1

GUY: Hey how about a movie tonight?

GIRL: Wow, what's that aftershave?!

ANNOUNCER: New Hai Karate aftershave is so powerful, it drives women right out of their minds. That's why we have to put instructions on self-defense in every package. Hai Karate, the brisk splash-on aftershave the smooths, and sooths, and cools. Hai Karate, aftershave, cologne, and gift sets. Hai Karate, be careful how you use it.

AD 2

GIRL: Hmm, mmm. Check

ANNOUNCER: Oh dear, time for a little gamesmanship. With new Hai Karate Gamesman.

GUY: Your move.

ANNOUNCER: New Gamesman from Hai Karate. For the man who plays to win.

AD 3

JOEY BISHOP: I would like to talk to you men about this new aftershave lotion, Hai Karate. Just in case you got some now or you get some for Christmas...

REGIS PHILBIN: Wait wait wait, never use Hai Karate without first reading the instructions! They come in every package! You know why it's important....

JOEY: Ah, it's a commercial, you know they're kidding, right?

REGIS: Nonononono! It's true! Because you see with just a little too much cologne, a girl, even your wife, can become crazy! And attack you passionately! (Giggles).

Audience laughs.

JOEY: Lay some on me!

REGIS: A little over there...

JOEY: All right, we don't need that much.

Catcalls from the audience.

JOEY: Ha! Ho! Ha! Help me out! Help me out!

REGIS: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Applause.

JOEY: That was a commercial, and now this is, without any solicitation at all, young lady, would you mind coming up for just a moment? Now really, we do commercials, and we're gently unfair, because we don't become familiar with the product. Now would you mind? I have a little dab of Hai Karate on me. And I want to get an unsolicited opinion. All right? Ok. Now just give it a little whiff. Is that nice?

GIRL: It's delicious.

JOEY: Is it? Ha! Haaaaaaaaa!

Great Moments In Commercial History: Johnson Automotive

Meg Marco — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:20:00 EST

A change of pace this week: If you've ever wished that a local car dealership would hire the same agency that does the ads for GEICO, your prayers have been answered by Johnson Automotive of Raleigh,NC.

This badger is our new favorite thing.

(Thanks, MercuryPDX!)

Great Moments In Commercial History: The Game Store

Meg Marco — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:14:58 EST

Here we see a commercial for "The Game Store" in Hazleton, PA, starring Stevie Richards. Mr. Richards is a professional wrestler of some kind. Wrestling must not pay very well, because Stevie is in dire need of a new shirt.

Won't someone please donate to the "Clothe The Wrestlers Of Pennsylvania" Fund?

Great Moments In Commercial History: Lincoln Insurance

Meg Marco — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:59:28 EST

There are many fine traditions in the city of Chicago, but our favorite has to be the escalating weirdness among "low cost" auto insurance companies.

Eagle Insurance started it, but when Lincoln Insurance put our 16th president in a prison outfit complete with striped top hat, we knew they had something special.

Here are all of our favorite Lincoln Insurance commercials. Enjoy your SR-22!

Great Moments In Commercial History: Good Old Tom

Meg Marco — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:35:37 EST

Reader Marissa writes:

As a criminal defense attorney, I must say, I am extremely suspect of where all these heaps of "scrap gold" Tom's customers have lying around came from.

Oh, wait, my suspicion appears to be well founded:

Halapin is in prison at the moment. He was sentenced in July to two years for breaking into his sister's Naugatuck home and stealing the family's jewelry to sell on the streets of Hartford - and at the TV-advertised "Good Ole Tom's" precious-metal dealer in East Hartford.

There are some other versions of Tom's commercials that I couldn't find on YouTube,including my favorite of the creepy blond woman canoodling with her little piss and shake dog and talking about how lucky she is that her dead husband left behind all that scrap gold.

Well, that sounds terrifying.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Norton Furniture

Meg Marco — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 19:11:56 EST

Reader Jacob says:

I'm from Cleveland and Norton Furniture commercials have perplexed late-night viewers for the past few years.

Perplexed is the perfect word to express what we are feeling right now.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Jhoon Rhee

Meg Marco — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:59:31 EDT

This Jhoon Rhee commercial was suggested by a number of readers, including Vicki, who writes:

Your "Great Moments in Commercial History" postings made me recall this commercial from my childhood, which ran on Washington DC stations in the days before cable. I remembered it as the "Nobody bothers me!" commercial, I couldn't even remember the company or product.
I always assumed the kids at the end were Jhoon Rhee's kids, like in those car dealership commercials. Regardless of what they said, I bet they got beat up a lot.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Linda Soundtrak

Meg Marco — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 19:15:46 EDT

We'd never before considered what it was like to grow up in Oklahoma in the mid-1980s, but after seeing these "Linda Soundtrak" commercials we are now of the opinion that it would have required heavy use of the mute button.

Shhh, Linda. Shhhhh.

Great Moments In Commercial History: The Back Up

Meg Marco — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:30:46 EDT

"It's the smartest money you'll spend in your life." A bed-mounted gun rack? Smart? At first we thought this was fake, but no. Here's the patent.

"Many customers are buying one for each side of the bed." We're trying to imagine a scenario where one would need not one, but two of these. Sadly, we're not Robert Rodriguez, so we can't.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Rejuvenique

Meg Marco — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 19:59:29 EDT

This thing is just plain terrifying. That's all we have to say.

(Thanks, Rick!)

Great Moments In Commercial History: John Orcutt

Meg Marco — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 17:59:28 EDT

Reader Jeffrey says:

John Orcutt has been advertising in North Carolina for years. This most recent one made me laugh out loud.

How delightful! The scary bill collector sort of reminds us of the dramatic hamster.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Rainier Beer

Meg Marco — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 14:10:56 EDT

Reader Ian nominates these Rainier Beer commercials because they bring together "two great things that go great together: drinkin' beer and ridin' motorcycles," because the Budweiser frogs were a ripoff, and because Rainier was "bizarre before bizarre became de rigueur."

We actually like these ads. Maybe we should change the tag to "Goodvertising." Nah.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Apple

Meg Marco — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:37:20 EDT

It has the power of at least 2 computers! It can run over 10,000 different programs! It comes with everything you need to hook it up to your TV! You can take it home for under $1300!

We like watching ads for outdated technology. It reminds us not to spend tons on money on soon-to-be obsolete junk, and also makes us feel happy that technology is so much better than it was in 1984.

And just because we love you, here's one about something new called "the internet" and an old Mac/PC ad:

Great Moments In Commercial History: Dr. Jang & Associates

Meg Marco — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:12:39 EDT

Reader Diane calls this Dr. Jang & Associates commercial "a bay area classic!"

Dr. Jang sure does seem like a cheerful guy.

If you'd like to nominate a commercial for our weekly series "Great Moments In Commercial History" send us an email at tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. Be sure to put "Great Moments In Commercial History" in the subject. To see other commercials that have been featured in the series, click here.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Uncle Otto's European Eatery

Meg Marco — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:10:01 EDT

Reader Ben writes:

Dear Consumerist,
Here is a commercial for Achim's K-Bob, a restaurant in Downtown Athens, Georgia that sells kebap, a type of German sandwich. The food there is actually quite good, but their commercial is laughably bad. This was one of the first local commercials I noticed when I moved to Athens last summer and if you ask anyone who's lived here long enough they'll be able to sing the song for you. Achim's recently changed their name to Uncle Otto's European Eatery, a name that is apparently more conducive to franchising. Don't worry, though they changed the lyrics to the song and the commercial still airs almost completely unaltered.

We believe Ben that the food is good. Sort of. The guy in the suit doesn't touch the sandwiches, does he?

Great Moments In Commercial History: Crazy Bruce's Liquor Store

Meg Marco — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:57:46 EDT

Reader Dennis writes:

This is a local liquor store a couple of towns away. I remember seeing the commercials in college, but I never actually stopped in until a couple of years ago. I don't really ever make the trek there, but the prices and selection weren't that bad, as for the polka music and singing well see for yourself...

You know, Dennis, it wasn't the singing so much as the occasional barking that got to us.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Eastern Motors

Meg Marco — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 18:13:22 EDT

Here's a clip that tests the limits of how many sports guys one can get into a 30 second local cable spot.

Oh and look, there's even a behind the scenes special. We like Antwaan Randle El's take on things:
"I live for the lord, I ain't got to do all the boogie woogie."

Enjoy.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Select Dental

Meg Marco — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 18:25:22 EDT

Here's an oft-requested little number from the New York City area: Select Dental.

We love this Select Dental commercial, which, if you have cable in the NYC area you'll surely agree, is shown approximately 4 times per second. Yet, it never gets old.

The second You Tube clip contains supremely excellent bonus footage.

Great Moments In Commercial History: The Mattress Ranch

Meg Marco — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 11:47:24 EDT

Reader Dierdre alerts us to the existence of "The Mattress Ranch." She writes:

There are a few available on google, I thought this was the best, the end especially. Please note the greater than life size puppet of the owner/announcer.
Mattress Ranch has been having a huge commercial push lately, they seem to have taken over the airwaves.

I live about 10 minutes from their port orchard/gorst location, and can attest to the over abundance of poorly done plywood animals littered outside the store.

That puppet may be the creepiest thing we've ever seen in a commercial. Don't go away, there's more Mattress Ranch...

Great Moments In Commercial History: Vern Fonk Insurance

Meg Marco — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 18:55:17 EDT

What the heck? Our submitter describes Vern Fonk's commercials as "Hunter S. Thompson-on-mescaline-esque crazy," and he appears to be correct. Another submitter laments that he can't seem to find his "favorite" Vern Fonk commercial, ~~but points us to www.vernfonk.com.~~ Update: Users reported that this site has a worm. Might be best to stay away for now.

This guy scares us, who would buy insurance from someone who pronounces Christmas "Christ Mas?"

Great Moments In Commercial History: Member's Only Jackets

Meg Marco — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 14:58:11 EDT

Here's a commercial for Member's Only Jackets featuring Anthony Geary, also known as "Luke" from General Hospital. You might know him as one half of the "Luke and Laura" supercouple.

For those of you who weren't aware, Luke raped Laura and then fell in love with her. Sometime afterwards, the two characters got married with 30 million viewers tuning in. Nice. That doesn't make this Member's Only jacket commercial seem creepy at all.

Our favorite part? The tuxedo look. Very hot. How could Laura resist?

Great Moments In Commercial History: Augusta Express

Meg Marco — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 12:58:44 EDT

Reader and commenter JPropaganda is responsible for this week's GMICH: "I have this week's classic commercial moment," JPropaganda says,"Shazaaaam!"

Shazaaaam, indeed. As if the commercial wasn't enough, our dear reader even did a remix for us. We love this.

Yaaaaay. If you'd like to nominate a commercial for our weekly series "Great Moments In Commercial History" send us an email at tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. Be sure to put "Great Moments In Commercial History" in the subject. To see other commercials that have been featured in the series, click here.—MEGHANN MARCO

Great Moments In Commercial History: Montgomery Flea Market

Meg Marco — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 18:16:47 EDT

Reader Corey writes:

I can't believe the Montgomery Flea Market hasn't made the Great Moments In Commercial History. It's practically a landmark in Montgomery AL, unless you're from there.

You're right, Corey. We've just been waiting for the right moment to feature this, uh, classic.

Honestly, the dude just really creeps us out. Now its your turn to feel uncomfortable. For your entertainment pleasure, we've collected a variety of remixes inside. Because it's just like, it's just like...

Great Moments In Commercial History: Valley Ball

Meg Marco — Wed, 30 May 2007 14:21:02 EDT

This week's commercial was sent in by Matthew, who claims to have a "friend" who works "near this place." Hmm.

Great Moments In Commercial History: Harris Pest Control

Meg Marco — Thu, 24 May 2007 23:06:47 EDT

Mark writes:

Here's one for your entertaining recurring segment. This is a pest control ad that only seems to air on Comcast Detroit Cable as none of my suburban friends ever get to see it. Reason enough to endure Detroit's high taxes and incompetent City Council!
His current ad is equally head-scratching as it's just him dancing to Kool Moe Dee's "I Go To Work" and doesn't even mention pest control. It just has his phone number. If you call perhaps he just comes over and stomps all the bugs and rodents to music or he assumes he's a household name now.

This may be the greatest thing we've ever seen. Please, someone send in the new one.