It's just a little patch of carpet with a few chairs, but the sign makes people smile.

"See? You're getting recombobulated right now," Melissa Fullmore said Tuesday morning to another traveler who was putting on his belt.

Airport draws smiles with 'recombobulation' sign [JS Online]
(Photo: lark is already taken )

Shopping Cart Fail [Fail Blog via Buzzfeed]

Dear Ben,

We have recently attempted to purchase the Consumerist (please see below). We are concerned that our offer is not being taken seriously. We have recently taken on increasing financial backing. Please see here: http://blog.3bulls.net/?p=2216

Here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32478419@N05/3035979777/

And Here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32478419@N05/3037767183/

You will note the latter is a very valuable, in fact almost priceless, image of a spider playing Wii. I trust we will be able to wrap up this sale in due course. We will make every effort to gainfully employ all Consumerist employees with no changes. Salaries of course will be in spider money equivalents. We assume this will entail almost no lifestyle changes for you and your employees.

Best,
P. Punko

Here's the original offer referenced above, which was sent to Gaby:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to inquire as the the purchase price of the website "Consumerist." I am wanting to inquire if the commenters will also be included in the purchase? Is it possible that they will not be included for a discount? I think I can automate the Consumerist commenting using a simple algorithm. First, I will have one commenter complain that it is the consumers fault, whatever the problem may be. Second I will have another commenter call someone a "jackass" for yelling at a customer service rep. Finally I will have another commenter alternately post "buyer beware" and "caveat emptor." Unfortunately, I do not have any funds available for the purchase at the moment. I do however, have a drawing of a spider, that I would like to provide for the purchase price. I think you will find its value will match that which you place on the Consumerist.

Kind regards,

P. Punko, Esq.
blog.3bulls.net

Another interested party named Michael is so busy producing money that he has no time for commas and that is why you can read his email which we have reprinted below very fast:

Dear consumerist,

After reading about the man who tired to pay his bill with a drawing of a spider I wish to purchase the consumerist with this drawing of a caterpillar which I value at about 62 million dollars should you accept my offer I promise to make drawings for all the employees daily which would range from stick figures to various animals and plants as you can tell I am quite the artist.

Regards,
Michael

Here's the letter Jeff's wife wrote to Basset Furniture, describing the strange encounter:

My husband and I first visited this store on 11/15. First I would like to say how helpful both Dagmar and Jerry were during our shopping experience. They were both extremely patient and enjoyable and were not pushy or annoying. Dagmar was our sales person and was able to answer most of our questions, if we asked something she wasn't sure about she brought Jerry in for his expertise. We appreciated this very much. Jerry and Dagmar helped us to design a custom couch however, it was a little more than we were planning to spend. We went home and looked more on Basset's website and found a different couch and love seat. We returned to the store on 11/16 to purchase the couch and love seat we found online and an armoire we found in the store.

As we were getting ready to pay another sales woman, she was either a member of management or another sales person, grabbed my arm rather hard and literally pulled me to the side. I was completely taken aback that someone, especially a store representative would put their hand on me like that. She then proceeded to asked me if we were ever going to come back to the store after working with Dagmar. I let her know that both Dagmar and Jerry were very helpful. Then she said "Oh did Jerry tell you there is something wrong with her?" I found this statement again to be highly inappropriate and totally unnecessary. Our shopping experience up to this point had been excellent. We did purchase our couch, love seat, and armoire from Bassett today, due to Dagmar and Jerry. However, I am truly appalled that an employee of Bassett would find it necessary to go out of their way to harass a customer and degrade a co-worker in such a manner. I am sorry to say that I did not catch the woman's name as I was in shock, but she has shoulder length wavy brunette hair, a while blazer with a dark brown or black floral pattern and is the one who owes Dagmar as well as Jerry an apology for ruining the pleasant rapport they had built between us and Basset.

Whether Dagmar is new and still learning the sales process, or whether she is working to overcome something, there is nothing she could have done to be more helpful or better represent Basset. Please let Dagmar and Jerry know how much we appreciated their help. The only reason we would now consider not returning to Basset in the future is the unpleasant assault by your other representative.

Dagmar, watch your back! One of your coworkers is kind of a bitch.

(Photo: Getty Images)

Please note that we didn't include a picture of the drawing because David might try to charge us for it. We really can't afford $233 right now.

Good Idea!: Man Submits Drawing Of Spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account [Geekologie] (Thanks to Anthony!)

Married To The Sea

RELATED:
Receipt Check Policies For Costco, Sam's Club, And BJ's
TigerDirect Unlawfully Restrains And Verbally Abuses Customer For Not Submitting To Receipt-Showing Demands
Detained And Harassed At Walmart For Not Showing A Receipt

I was looking through my towns Police Dispatch log for today — killing time, and noticed an odd insert that read the following ...

Police Response: Incident Desc: Disorderly Subject OFC:[redacted] Received: 10/28/2008 4:13:52 PM
Disp: ADVI Location: [redacted]
Event Number: [redacted] ID: [redacted] Priority: 3 Case No:
Comments**
10/28/2008 4:19:17 PM SB CUBIT, UNK IF TURNED ON BARGER OR CONTINUED TO ECHO HOLLOW
10/28/2008 4:19:17 PM *** MGR REQ T/
10/28/2008 4:17:51 PM BLOCKING DRIVEUP FOR LAST 6 MIN, STILL REFUSING TO LEAVE
10/28/2008 4:17:51 PM DRIVER/ WM, 20'S, RED JKT
10/28/2008 4:18:53 PM NOW LEAVING DRIVEUP - DOT/ THRU PARKING LOT TOWARD CUBIT,
10/28/2008 4:16:48 PM LV/ 598BLV, OR COMPACT, TAN SUBJS STILL AT DRIVEUP WINDOW
10/28/2008 4:16:48 PM UPSET BECAUSE THEY WANT FREE TACO'S FOR ALL OCCUPANTS OF THE VE
10/28/2008 4:16:48 PM H (SPECIAL IS FOR ONE PER VEH THRU DRIVEUP )
10/28/2008 4:15:27 PM LV/ UNK PLATE, COMPACT 4D TAN IN DRIVE THRU, REFUSING TO LEAVE,
10/28/2008 4:15:27 PM YELLING AT EMPS OCC X 4 WILLING TO SIGN FOR TRESPASS

Then looking at Consumerist, I made the Taco Bell connection ... what a connection it was.

Oh, my. For what it's worth, the official rules don't say anything about "one taco per vehicle." Here they are:

Limit one (1) Free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco per person. Participating Taco Bell restaurant manager reserves the right to deny Free Taco to any person he/she reasonably believes has already received a Free Taco or has engaged in any other fraudulent activity. All eligible consumers: Everyone in line at a participating Taco Bell restaurant before 6:00 p.m. local time will receive a Free Taco, even if it is provided after 6:00 p.m.

After the typical excellent service, my wife paid at the cashier with her check card. She got a copy of the receipt so that she could write the amount down in the check register when we got home. After writing down the amount, she noticed something odd about who checked us out at the register.... it was Ron Mexico. Since we live South of Atlanta, we're all too familiar with the Ron Mexico name: it is the alias that former Falcons quarterback, Michael Vick, would use when traveling. Since I'm pretty sure Michael Vick isn't back in the Atlanta area, this is probably just a Chic-fil-a employee having a little too much fun in their spare time. We'll definitely bring it to the attention of the local store manager, but we thought that Consumerist readers may find it amusing.

Hey, what if that guy's name really is "Ron Mexico"? Wouldn't that be sad?

She didn't want to tote it back across to the floral section when she replaced the scented oil. I was standing there looking when all of a sudden a man named Larry (who worked in the automotive section I assume) grabbed the trash can that I could feel touching my leg, yanked it up, and did a half slide/half throw toward the hardware side of the store. Well, that made the empty trash fly and crash in a loud kinda empty trash can sound way, very loud, almost 2 1/2 to 3 aisles down from where I was standing. As if my embarrassment wasn't enough, he left it in the middle of the aisle and started to return to the Automotive counter.

Surely you didn't expect him to go retrieve it, Ricky? Crazy and manners don't often go together.

Ricky, who incidentally worked for twelve years in a big box retail environment, writes:

I walked past him and said, "Thanks Larry for throwing my trash can," while 10 to 15 people just stared in amazement... It was very embarrassing. I hurried to where the can was lying in the middle of the floor and tried to pick it up without being looked at like a three-armed sideshow freak.

Larry was also trying to beat me to the trash can, the whole time saying that an "old woman" just left it there. I then politely said that "old woman" was my mother, and it was right beside me the whole time within 2 inches of my leg. He then ran back to the automotive sales counter where they change the oil, but never apologized as if he did nothing wrong. By that time I was so mad my head was throbbing, I was so embarrassed by how I was treated that I took the 2 wire items I needed and replaced the trash can back on the counter and said Wal-Mart will not get a trash can sell from me today.

Ricky went out to the parking lot to cool off, then called the store phone number that was printed on a receipt.

I was like, "I can't let this pass." I phoned and asked for the Store Manager, and the operator said she was on vacation. I then asked for the co-manager, [and the operator] said he was not there. I then politely asked, "Can I speak to whoever is in charge of the circus there?" She transferred me to Assistant Manager Mike.

Well, I told him my complaint and he never really said too much, said he would be mad too if it happened to him. [I felt] I was given the ole' "I don't have time to speak to you because I have to get back to setting the Christmas department planogram" song and dance—he was very rushed and short.

Ricky told the assistant manager the approximate time it happened and suggested he check the store security tapes for confirmation, and he left his number and asked that the store manager call him back upon her return from vacation. We hope at the very least Ricky receives an apology for how he and his mother were treated, and that Larry is "retrained" (to use a recently popular corporate term) to not throw the merchandise until after it's paid for.

(On a related note: Ricky, learn to write in paragraphs! With punctuation! Yes, I am wagging my finger at you now! It took me three days to figure out how to edit your story down to a readable level. This isn't just me being a jackass—you'll be taken far more seriously by companies if you can make a concise, well-written argument on your own behalf. Maybe not by Walmart, which has a reputation for ignoring customer complaints, but there are certainly other companies out there who actually respond to customer feedback on occasion.)

(Photo: Getty Images)

Bonus Hilarity: Summer's Eve Feminine Spray. [Best Week Ever] (Thanks, Eric!)

Jeremy says:

Not exactly sure why you need a free pair of ear buds with your face wash, but what do I know.

We're stumped. Maybe this is where those free headphones from JetBlue went, because they're certainly not on JetBlue anymore.

"If publishing history repeats itself," Slate writes, "the financial crisis of 2008 will probably produce a new crop of poverty lit for kids." We agree, and below we offer some ideas for you opportunistic writers out there.

Finger Food
A poor small town banks its future on a severed fingertip that young Elba Franklin finds in a can of beans. Before they can collect the hush money, though, opportunists from all over the country get involved, including newscasters, attorneys, bloggers, and the crotchety old man who wants his finger back no matter what it costs the town.

Rich on Paper
Micah "Crayon" Ponokie says his family is richer than god, and he can prove it by the mounds and mounds of cash they've got stashed all over the house. In this delightful picture book, Crayon and his younger brothers use the bills for everything from paper mache ninjas to flower bouquets for their unemployed mom—because it turns out paper money is worthless in Crayon's world. On the last few pages, Crayon and his brothers moan because they discover mom's making Dollar Bill Pizza again tonight.

Luv in SuvTown
Shades of S.E. Hinton color this YA novel, where Sara Elizardo and her cousins live with other homeless families in a "suvtown"—a collection of SUVs that have been abandoned because they're too expensive to drive—at the edge of a former Super Walmart parking lot somewhere in the Midwest. These modern day "stationary gypsies" have wild adventures with the law, usually involving being accused of loitering at the nearby Jack-in-the-Box, and they spend their nights sneaking through the abandoned big box store and pretending to sell each other cheap electronics and household goods. When a strange young man shows up with his unhappy, hostile parents, Sara sees a kindred spirit who might be the one to help her co-sign on a by-the-week apartment. Depressing and pathos-riddled, yes, but don't you remember those S.E. Hinton books?

Mommy's Dollhouses
Five-year-old Gertie Prentice loves going to work with her mommy. Her mommy is a cleaner—she goes into recently-foreclosed houses and makes them look good as new so they can be put back on the market, and she sneaks Gertie in with her because daycare is too expensive. Gertie goes through the forgotten toys and left-behind dishware in each house and makes up fantasies about the people who used to live there, and she wonders why the people would leave such nice houses behind. (This could be a tie-in to the YA novel above, if you're a smart publisher.)

"Mom, What's a Credit Default Swap?" [Slate]
(Images: Finger Food, Madamoiselle Green; Rich on Paper, labasta, Getty Images; Luv in SuvTown, stephentrepreneur; Mommy's Doll Houses, lumaxart, Todd Baker << technowannabe)

"I Am Going To Be Small" by Jeffrey Brown, via Neatorama

(And yes, we know it's not toxic in this form. That's why the tag is "oops" and not "poison!")

(Thanks to Pete!)

The owner kept the monkeys as pets, but saw one of them copying him one day, so he handed him a hot towel and watched him bring it to a customer. Now he's deliberately training three more, which actually concerns us a little. Two monkeys is hilarious, but put five monkey waiters together and you're risking a monkey union, which we imagine won't be quite so enjoyable—imagine Sally Field throwing her poo at the other factory workers instead of scribbling on cardboard.

"The Amazing Monkey Waiters" [Daily Mail via MetaFilter]

Airblown Inflatable Light Show Scene [Walmart] (Thanks to Paul!)

(Thanks to Seth!)

I also learned something about myself this morning, which is that I don't enjoy watching other people fart half as much as I enjoy making up French phrases.

"Extended Stay Makes a Passing Reference" [MSNBC Ads of the Weird]

I'm currently a Chase customer, but my brother is WaMu. As he was walking down the street in Brooklyn the other night, he managed to catch this picture.

That's one smart sign.

"Horrifying Lottery Mascots Terrorize Gallery" [Philadelphia Will Do] (Thanks to Nilla!)

(Thanks to Miss Dona!)

[YouTube via The Soup Blog]

Here's a head's up - Continental has canceled dozens of flights going into and out of Houston (IAH)...but they haven't told anyone. They canceled my outbound flight to California through Houston (which, fine, understandable), but didn't send me so much as an email or phone call, like most carriers do. It wasn't until I tried to check this morning that I was met with their proposed new flight plan (see attached.) It's sad and hilarious at the same time. Needless to say, I've rebooked since then.

I'd have been in trouble at the airport if I hadn't tried to check in this morning, so just a warning to anyone trying to fly across the country today - the airlines, particularly Continental, are doing their usual awesome job at handling the situation. I'm not so much upset about changing my plans, it's the total lack of communication from Continental and the completely useless "solution" they tried to offer.

(Photo: FlyGuy92586)

You are chatting with {Name Withheld to Protect... Something}, an Apple Expert:

Hi, my name is {Name Withheld to Protect... Something}. Welcome to Apple!

{Me}: I need a new doohickey; TSA lost my old one.
{Me}: I need the thingy that you use to connect a mac laptop to a pc projctor/monitor
{Me}: obviously i dont know what it's called
{Me}: thus I can't find it.
{Me}: and then once I know what it is, I need to know if the apple store by the mall by my house has it

*** 60 second pause ***

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Good afternoon.
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: I'm happy to assist with that.
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Would you like a link to the local Apple STore.

{Me}: I need to know what the thing is called firsty

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: One moment while I research that for you.
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Are you trying to hook your Mac to a projector? Explain to me exactly what you are doing.

{Me}: yes
{Me}: i have a mac laptop and we have projectors for pc
{Me}: the connector for the projector is the same as if I was hooking the mac laptop up to a pc monitor

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Did you have a plug that you previously attached?
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: What type of prong was on the projector for input or output?

{Me}: i don't know what you mean by plug. I had a small white cable, one end hooked up to my laptop on the mac side and one end hooked up to the monitor/projector
{Me}: the pc end looked like pc monitor connectors have always looked. the mac side has a bunch of square looking slots at one end
{Me}: that cable fell out of my bag at airport security
{Me}: or my dog ate it. anyway, it's gone and now I can't hook up to anything.

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: One moment while I research that for you.

*** several minutes go by***

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Thank you for your patience.

****several more minutes go by, I stop sending emails and try some more searches***

{Me}: i think i found it.
{Me}: On my own.
{Me}: http://store.apple.com/us/product/M8754G/A?mco=MTIxODk3Mw

***60 second pause***

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Perfect.
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Would you like me to place it in a cart for you?

(this is one of the stupider offers of help ever, I just found something faster than you did, I think I can click the "add to cart button".)

{Me}: No, I need the phone number for the Mac store in South Pointe mall in Durham, NC.
{Me}: I don't want to pay shipping.

{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: I will gladly send you a link so that you may contact them directly, one moment
{Name Withheld to Protect... Something}: Click Here

(Thanks for nothing. A link to the site I'm ALREADY ON. Way to go.)

You will note I never got what I wanted — them to check the inventory without me calling the store and find out if they had it in stock.

I think I'm going to order the $1.94 knock-off on Amazon, instead. It's got $2.95 shipping, but that's a net of $15.00 less than Apple...

(Photo: Getty)

Some of Harris' suggestions:

• Paste fringe onto old picture frames
• Glue wooden spoons to spraypainted canvas
• Hang scraps of wrapping paper on the wall

Here's another one:

Pick up old vinyl records from the thrift shop - particularly bad or scratchy ones because we don't want to ruin the good ones. For the sake of musical history, I recommend using old Lawrence Welk albums. Spray these in bright colors and attach them to the wall as instant graphic elements.

Elsewhere, she suggests hanging a curtain in place of your headboard, draping sheets over old furniture, and decoupaging, which is a craft technique that you really should need a license to attempt.

Harris seems aware that her ideas are not exactly mainstream:

Don't worry about the design being ugly. Remember all of the abominably ugly design ideas we have fallen for in the past (think flocked velvet wallpaper, cottage cheese ceilings, and avocado green appliances) just because someone with confidence and an accent told us it was “Fabulous, Dahling!” Your abominibly ugly idea just might be the next “in” thing!

So there you have it: if you want to save money but convince your friends that you've gone off your meds permanently, try out some of these decorating ideas. Now excuse us—we have to go finish this toaster cozy we're making out of hamburger meat trays and used shoelaces.

"Cheap Decor Ideas for Your Living Room" [About.com: Budget Decorating]
"Easy Furniture Makeovers - No Hammer Required!" [About.com: Budget Decorating]
(Photo: Getty)