Travelers can now receive up to $400 if they are involuntarily bumped and rebooked on another flight within two hours after their original domestic flight time and within four hours for international. They are eligible for up to $800 in cash if they are not rerouted by then. The final amount depends on the length of the flight and the price paid for the ticket.

Even stricter rules apply in Europe, where compensation ranges from 125 euros (about $185) to 600 euros (about $888), depending on the length of the flight and the amount of time the passenger will be delayed.

Compensation must be paid immediately in cash, or with a voucher if the passenger accepts it, and the airline must offer a choice of a refund, a return flight to their departure city or an alternative flight. Volunteers also receive compensation, which they negotiate with the airline.

Passengers are learning, however, that if an airline does not get enough volunteers at a lower figure, they might be able to bid up the offer, and also obtain sweeteners that include vouchers for meals, hotels, transportation and even plane tickets.

Baiting the bump is a proud tradition for many thrifty travelers. If negotiating provides a cathartic prelude to vacation, read our guide for getting bumped.

If your trip can't wait for vouchers and cash, we also have a handy guide for holding onto your seat.

As Overbooked Flights Rise, So Do Payoffs for Those Who Are Bumped [The New York Times]
(Photo: Getty)

Lil' Gabe is 3 and a half now and so it's very important that we always have a ready supply of fruit snacks. If we're out shopping or at the bank or whatever, fruit snacks have the ability to soothe the savage three year old. We like to let Gabe pick out his own fruit snacks and he usually will choose Spider-Man or maybe SpongeBob. However I came home recently and found these in the pantry.

I would love to know what sick bastard at Kellogg's came up with this genius idea. I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you're telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes. Seriously, how in the hell did this ever get past their legal department. You can't tell me that this isn't a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I can only assume that their next product is fruit flavored thumbtacks.

We're just happy to see Irwin Mainway, the controversial toy manufacturer, is back on his feet and working at Kellogg's.

Amazing [Penny Arcade] (Thanks to Ben!)

A lot of our posts about writing complaint letters has focused on sticking to the facts, and getting your story to the right people. I like that Bruce takes this one step further and shows how throwing in a little creative writing can increase your chances at success. It's really just an artful way of demonstrating the basic principle of "it will cost more to ignore me than to take care of my problem." You demonstrate that you're a committed customer with long-term value who has spent money before and will continue to spend money, as long as your grievance can be addressed. I wonder, however, how well the tactics will work against industries that like to play hardball with customer service, like banks, cellphones, and insurance.

You can get a digital PDF version of Bruce's book for $19.99 here.

Another free chapter, "Living in a Sitcom," involving a complaint letter written after sitting next to a really big guy on an airplane that spilled into Bruce's site, is available here.

Complain For Fun And Profit [Official Site]

The quiz is produced by the Jump$tart Coalition for Personal Financial Literacy and asks several surprisingly complex questions about credit, savings, and loans.

There's no shame in missing a question. U.S. News & World Report's very own Alpha Consumer missed one, and in the interests of fairness and besmirching our own (good?) name on the internet, we had to guess (correctly!) on one or two ourselves.

Share your results in the comments.

Quiz: Are You Smarter Than a 12th Grader? [U.S. News & World Report]
(Photo: Getty)

"Taking it seriously" is a phrase companies use over and over again in public statements whenever they have bad PR. Our series of posts on occurrences of the phrase is our attempt to question how seriously companies are really taking these matters if every time they trot out this phrase by rote.

Specifically, analyst Gene Munster and his team found that 27 percent of people walking within 25-feet of an Apple store entrance wound up entering the store. Once in the stores, however, only a fraction of those shoppers actually purchased anything. But Munster in a note to clients early Monday morning said he believes the draw may be indicative of consumers' future purchase decisions.

"The important point is this gravitational pull highlights that consumers' future buying intentions could be shifting to Apple from PCs," he explained. "If materialized, this shift should benefit Apple in 2008 and 2009."

Apple stores having 'gravitational pull' on mall shoppers - report [Apple Insider via Wired]
(Photo:mattloveskicks)

Currently, the Nintendo Wii for $79 is winning with 55% of the vote.

Here are the rules:
Claim codes will be randomly distributed to customers who voted for the winning deal in each round. Those who voted for deals that did not win will be randomly selected to be able to purchase their chosen items at not-quite-as-good, but still incredible discounts. Voters must return to the Amazon Customers Vote page on each round's Buying Day to see if they have been provided a claim code.

KitchenAid stand mixer needs to win, ya'll. Not that we have the counter space or anything. Stupid New York City apartments.

Amazon Customers Vote

Plug in your work headphones and get ready to rock out classic-easy-listening-style.

Gate Agent Plays Ukelele [YouTube] (Thanks to Brent!)

(Photo: Getty)

(Photo: Getty)

Maryland's median household income rose 2.2% to top New Jersey's at $65,144. Good old NJ is still second with $64,470. Filling out the top five were richy-richertons Connecticut, $63,422; Hawaii, $61,160, and New Hampshire, $59,683.

All things considered we'd rather be in... well, Hawaii would do nicely.

New Jersey Loses Top Wealth Rank to Maryland, Census Data Shows [Bloomberg]
(Photo:phil g)

Either way, this thing is awesome and we want one. Imagine the faces of the children as we shop in the fast lane.

Cart Bike [Instructables]
(Photo:Zieak)

You still have to deal with the IRS.

The IRS considers canceled debt as income, according to the New York Times:

Foreclosure is one way that beleaguered homeowners can fall into this tax trap. The other is when homeowners are forced to sell their homes for less than the value of the mortgage. If the lender forgives that difference, they are liable for income taxes on that amount.

The 1099 shortfall, as it is called, stems from an Internal Revenue Service policy that treats forgiven debt of all types as income even if the taxpayer has nothing tangible to show for it, unless the debt is canceled through bankruptcy.

The Center for Responsible Lending expects that 20 percent of the home loans made in 2005 and 2006 to people with weak credit, commonly called subprime loans, will end in foreclosure. Because so little money was required as a down payment during the boom, the value of many of these houses may be less than what is owed.

Some people in this predicament are fighting the I.R.S. and winning. Sometimes, lower payments can be negotiated with the I.R.S., tax experts say.

"Your home has declined in value and you lose it," Mr. Eggert said. "Then the I.R.S. says you owe tens of thousands in taxes because you got a windfall when the debt was forgiven."

After Foreclosure, a Big Tax Bill From the I.R.S.[NYT]
(Photo:Michael Stravato)

That seems lame. Is it time for more accurate and easy to find labels on food? From the WSJ:

The National Institutes of Health has called food allergies an emerging public health problem in the U.S. due to a rising incidence of serious allergic reactions to food products. The agency says about 30,000 individuals require emergency-room treatment each year as a result of food allergies, and in 2004, Congress passed a law that requires food labels to identify the food source of all major food allergens.

Serious Food Allergies Indicate Need for Greater Precautions [Wall Street Journal]
(Photo:Maulleigh)

Put the name of the item and its price in the subject line. Email it to your Flickr email upload address. Then, at least once a week, go back copy and paste the names of the items and their prices into a typical budget-managing system. Combine with sound budgeting principles, and you could have a fun way to manage your personal finances.

Cameraphones and Flickr are fun. Posting the pictures online makes you publicly accountable for your financial deeds. A tracking process forces you to be more aware of your spending. A built-in review process makes you revisit your purchases, and go, "oh dear, did I really buy that?"

Of course, you'll want to make sure you have an unlimited text-messaging / photo-sending package attached to your phone or otherwise you could end up three steps forward and two steps back. And if you don't have a cameraphone, buying one to curb spending may not make much sense.

The idea is hardly novel, artist Kate Bingaman did a project, except she drew pictures of all her credit card bills and everything she bought. Similarly, we just started taking cameraphone pictures of the food we eat and ourselves after every workout, and uploading it to Flickr, along with their caloric count. So far, posting the pictures seems to function as a reward for good behavior. IF we workout/monitor our caloric intake THEN we get to put something on Flickr. We'll see if it result in weight loss.

Some people might find this annoying, or a waste of time, or ineffective compared to their established method of expense tracking. That's fine, this isn't for everyone. It could be, however, for people who like pictures and Flickr and find the prospect of writing everything down too daunting. It doesn't matter what system you use, the essential thing is its underlying discipline. If it takes a social photo site and a gadget to gets you there, then that's what it takes.

(Photo: Ben Popken)

Other products containing cochineal extract include: Dole Diced Peaches In Strawberry Gel Fruit Bowl, Sobe Lizard Fuel , Tropicana Orange Strawberry Juice with Calcium, and Robitussin Honey Calmers Natural Throat Drops.

Don't worry, though, humans have been using the bug dye since Aztec and Mayan times, who used it for rugs and such. That's right, from the people who brought you ritualistic virgin sacrifice, an exciting new taste sensation!

However, some say the cochineal's natural dye is healthier than one made in a lab. Still, vegetarians or people with certain allergies will want to avoid products containing cochineal extract. — BEN POPKEN

(Thanks to NeroDiavolo!)

Airplanes were still allowed to land at O'Hare even though there were no available jetways at the United terminal. Wow, this looks like fun! —MEGHANN MARCO

Computer Failure Stalls United Airlines Flights [WBBM]

Neither CPSC nor DS-MAX U.S.A. Inc. is aware of any injuries with the toy trucks.

The My Alphabetic Trucks, which cost about $5, were sold door-to-door, nationwide between August 1993 and June 1994.

The 12-inch truck is lacquered wood with red wheels and one or two non-removablewooden peg men in the front cab. Thirty wooden blocks with a picture on one side and a corresponding letter on the other are mounted to the truck's bed. A "MADE IN CHINA" sticker is located on the underside of the truck.

Consumers should take the truck away from children and discard or destroy the product. The firm is out of business and cannot be contacted.Googling "ds-max usa irvine california" brings up this joint. Wow, does that look like a warehouse on the edge of town or what? Classy. — BEN POPKEN

"My Alphabetic Truck" Recalled by Wholesale Warehousing [Findlaw]

I've gotten two of these unwanted cards in the last 12 months after signing up with two different financial institutions for two different reasons. The first was a mortgage I signed, the second for a business checking account where I was the primary account user. I've worked hard all my life to maintain good credit, and I don't want these things to affect my excellent rating. What should I do now?

Beau writes:

Hi, Consumerist!

I'm writing to see if you've got any advice about how to deal with credit cards being sent without applying or requesting them. I've gotten two of these unwanted cards in the last 12 months after signing up with two different financial institutions for two different reasons. The first was a mortgage I signed, the second for a business checking account where I was the primary account user. I've worked hard all my life to maintain good credit, and I don't want these things to affect my excellent rating. What should I do now?

In August of last year, I bought a house and got my mortgage through First Horizon. I went the traditional route and got a mortgage through an agent in my area in person, rather than doing it online. But I did my homework and they matched what I could find on the Internet, so I was happy with it. When filling out the paperwork, I specifically asked my agent not to disclose my information to anyone that she wasn't legally obligated to. She assured me that it wouldn't happen and that they were very careful about that kind of thing.

Everything went smoothly I anticipated, but a couple of months later I received a new credit card from one of First Horizon's sister companies. I immediately called the customer service number and asked them to make it right by getting rid of my account and contacting the 3 credit services to make sure it didn't appear on my credit report. They said that they would make sure it happened and apologized. I also contacted my agent and her office to find out what had happened. They apologized several times and assured me that it must have been some kind of mistake at the main office because they don't apply for a credit card on behalf of the borrower unless they request it.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I requested my credit reports to make sure that everything was as it should be. I was able to view one online and the other two had to be mailed to me for some reason. The Experian and TransUnion reports were as they should be. On Thursday or Friday, I got the Equifax report and the First Horizon card was listed as "Cancelled at Customer's Request." I had a busy weekend planned, so I figured I'd start the dispute this week.

Today (Monday), before I even had a chance to dispute the First Horizon problem, I got another unwanted card in the mail! This time, it was from Washington Mutual Bank. About 6 months ago, I started a business and set up a business checking account for it. They had to have a primary user, so I gave them my name and address. But I never applied for nor requested a credit card. Actually, I asked that the ATM card NOT be a debit card for various reasons. Now, for no reason, they sent me a credit card.

So what do I do now? My first instinct is to cancel this one, put a lock on my credit reports, and report the incidents as fraud to the FTC or whichever body oversees these kinds of things. Then shoot off emails to anyone I can think of at the two companies who might listen. And if I am still angry about it, to sue in small claims court for the cost of credit protection services for the next 7 years until these things come off my credit. But that seems pretty extreme and I want to see if there is a better way to go about it. What's the word, Consumerist, what is the best thing to do here?

Good news, Beau. Since you've done business with these companies and are not receiving credit cards or credit card statements from random institutions, ID Theft is unlikely. This is extremely good news, because simply opening two credit cards shouldn't have much of an impact on your credit score, even if you're unable to get the entries removed from your score.

So, while this may be annoying, it shouldn't really affect your life. Here's what we would do. You've already done most of it.

1) Get your credit reports. You can use www.annualcreditreport.com or call 1-877-322-8228 to get one free report per year. If you've already used up your free report, you can request another one if you believe it may be inaccurate because of fraud.

2) Contact your lender with a formal complaint. You can do this in writing, or by email. Keep a copy of this complaint for your records.

3) If your lender doesn't respond in a way that makes you happy, you can file a complaint with the bank's regulatory agency. This may be the FTC, The Department of Thrift Supervision, The Comptroller of Currency...or a few more.

You'll need to figure out which agency regulates your lender by calling or using FDIC's Bank Find. For example, Washington Mutual's primary regulator is the Office of Thrift Supervision.

4) Write a formal complaint letter to the bank's regulatory agency. Follow the FTC's instructions for writing a complaint. This document also has the correct contact information for the various regulatory agencies. Keep a copy of this complaint for your records.

5) Dispute inaccuracies on your credit report. Follow the FTC's guidelines.

In your letter you mentioned suing WaMu in small claims court for the cost of credit monitoring and freezing your credit report. A freeze will prevent creditors from getting your credit score, or new employers from doing a background check on you. It also costs $10. You really don't need this. As far as suing your bank, that's really not necessary.

If you've kept your credit score as bright and shiny as you imply you have, a little new credit might not hurt you. In fact, it might even help your score, depending on your profile. So you really need not worry. You can always take your business elsewhere if WaMu has lost your confidence. Good luck. —MEGHANN MARCO

(Photo: Meghann Marco)

Yes, even though she bought a few dresses and not a Harrier Jump Jet, her receipt claimed that she'd saved $1,818,234.50 by shopping Value City.

We accept this at face value with no backtalk. —MEGHANN MARCO

(Photo: Sassenach1)

Here's a pretty damned simple ice-cream recipe: combine ingredients in a baggie. Fill a bigger baggie with ice, salt and the baggie of ingredients. Shake for five minutes. Ice cream. Who knew?

1. Fill the large bag half full of ice, and add the rock salt. Seal the bag.
2. Put milk, vanilla, and sugar into the small bag, and seal it.
3. Place the small bag inside the large one and seal again carefully.
4. Shake until mixture is ice cream, about 5 minutes.
5. Wipe off top of small bag, then open carefully and enjoy!

Ice Cream in a Bag [via BoingBoing]
(Photo: emily bean)

Pickyourown.org is an extensive (no, really) list of pick your own produce farms across the US. The choices don't stop at strawberries, there are also blueberry and blackberry farms.... Mmmm. All this talk about berries has made us hungry. —MEGHANN MARCO

PickYourOwn [via BuzzFeed]
(Photo: ordinarygirl)

6 Easy One-Pot Dinners [Real Simple]

•Grow herbs

• Grow flowers

• Grow veggies

Once you have the seeds started you can plant your little guys outdoors or in containers, whatever. Seeds are cheap. Plants are fun! —MEGHANN MARCO

Ghetto Greenhouse [Instructables]

•Telephone excise tax refund. The government stopped collecting the federal excise tax on long-distance service last August and plans to provide refunds for these taxes billed after Feb. 28, 2003 and before Aug. 1, 2006. You can dig out 41 months of phone bills, or take a standard deduction! "Under standard amounts a person filing a return with one exemption can claim $30, with the amount rising to $40 for those with two exemptions, $50 for three exemptions and $60 for four or more exemptions." Want the actual amount you paid? No problem! Use Form 8913 (PDF)

But wait! There's more! We've had tooooo much coffee!

•Split your refund! "Another change this year is that taxpayers can split refunds among up to three accounts held by U.S. financial institutions such as banks, mutual funds, brokerage firms or credit unions."

• File for Free! "The tax agency also urged taxpayers who earn $52,000 or less to make use of Free File, a free electronic program that is a partnership between the IRS and private tax service providers."

• Deduct Your State and Local Sales Tax! A law passed in December makes it possible for taxpayers to deduct their state and local sales tax, instead of state and local income tax. If you want to do this, you need to read about it on the internet because it was passed too late to print up the stuff to send you. Read about this deduction here!

Yay! Taxes! —MEGHANN MARCO
IRS Opens 2007 Filing Season [Chicago Tribune]

How to make ringtone from songs [Instructables]

Find great gift ideas at ThisNext [Lifehacker]

Fun With Warning labels - 'Marshmallow Shooter' [Bon jour, Pee Wee]

Lisa sent in a nano and got back a video iPod, but her thank you letter inside seems to indicate her son is happy with the upgrade. — BEN POPKEN

Lisa writes:

"Ben,

You truly are the greatest! Checked your site to see if my story was posted today and was surprised to learn that Nick had sent a video iPod to replace my nano. My son immediately checked the mailbox and found nothing. I told him to be patient the mail takes time. If next week rolls around and we haven't received it then I would email you again. (I was personally very skeptical it would show up.) So we had settled in to wait again, and about 30 minutes later the doorbell rings. Guess what? It was a lovely, brown box from UPS with our replacement iPod! We are stunned and thrilled. Thank you so much. I had given up, but you stepped up to the plate for me and set things right. Thank you. Thank you.

I will email ipod Mechanic and thank them. I will also send them back the iPod I have. Will you please reassure your readers that I immediately sent back the iPod that I was holding for collateral (not "hostage"? I hope that iPod Mechanic figures out who its true owner is.

You and your website are providing an invaluable service. Keep up the good work and have a wonderful, and relaxing holiday.

-Lisa H"

Are these manufactured by Sony?— BEN POPKEN

On June 6th, Lisa sent her 30gb White Video iPodiPod nano in to iPod Mechanic. After a series of comic misadventures, she received an iPod on August 1st. It was a non-functioning iPod nano large iPod...

After more emails, iPod Mechanic found her iPod on August 22nd. However, they demand she send in the non-working iPod first. After all the madness, there was no way Lisa would do that.

On Nov 18th, Lisa, emailed The Consumerist. We forwarded her complaint onto iPod Mechanic on Nov 21. Company owner Nick Woodhams told us he would look into it.

On Nov 28, we checked in with Lisa and Nick. We got no response from Nick and on Nov 29, Lisa said she hadn't heard from either.

We then sent Nick a note letting him know we were going to run Lisa's story by Friday, and perhaps by then they'll have some good news we can include?

Within an hour, iPod Mechanic shipped Lisa a new 30gb White Video iPod. They included a shipping label so she could return the nano she mistakenly received.

Lisa's case was a hangover from customer service and turnaround issues iPod Mechanic suffered earlier this summer. We applaud iPod Mechanic for fixing Lisa up right, even if took some prodding.

Lisa's original, heinous, letter, below.

Lisa wrote:

"My saga and my quest begins on June 10, 2006. At the time I had no idea I was embarking on a "quest" for what is rightfully mine. Little did I know that the iPod I own would be sneakily stolen. With my son's broken iPod in hand, I hit the Internet to get it fixed. Am I afraid? - No. I have had very positive experiences doing business online.

iPod Mechanic's promised 24 hour service was just what I needed. I would have my son's iPod back before our vacation - a vacation that would begin with a 16 hour flight. Perfect! Our vacation was two weeks away so I was not worried.

6-10-06 - Sent iPod to iPod Mechanic
6-16-06 - I receive a canned response to my emails explaining that they are overwhelmed due to a magazine article and they are swamped.
6-19-06 - Nine days after sending my iPod they finally receive it in their system. This is hardly 24 hour service!
6-30-06 - 11 days after receiving it in their system I finally receive a quote to install a 30gb hard drive for $159.97.

We are now on vacation sans iPod! I am so frustrated, but will deal with it when I get home.

I return home to an email from iPod Mechanic that says that they are not taking any more orders until they clear their backlog. "All customers will receive their iPod or the proper refund amount. We will address concerns in the order of receipt. Thank you for bearing with us as we grow." Fine. I'll be patient. I happen to know it is not easy to grow a new business. 13 years ago my husband and I started our own business and periods of growth, while exciting, are also frightening and stressful. However, we never treated our customers poorly and never made excuses. When problems arose we took responsibility and fixed them at our cost and without delay. Today we have an excellent reputation and have never spent a dime on advertising because word of mouth from our happy customers is more than enough. So, I decided to put myself in their shoes, be understanding, and be patient. They will figure it out and will have my iPod back soon. Oh, how wrong I was!

More emails and more emails.

7-24-06 - Update received from iPod Mechanic - Status - Repairing. Are they serious? It is still "being repaired!" It has been 3 weeks since they gave a quote.
7-24-06 - Today I send another email stating - Fix my iPod and return it or refund the charges. Every email I have included my phone number and asked someone to call me. I want to talk to a human! I will never do business online again unless they provide a phone #!
7-24-06 - Wow! I get a response, a human's name and a phone number!

7-26-06 - iPod shipped. Wooohooo!

8-1-06 - NOT MY IPOD!!!!! Received the iPod they sent me and it is not my iPod. I sent them an iPod nano with a skull sticker on the back and they sent me a regular large iPod! Called the phone number they gave me and leave message after message. I never speak with a human - it is just an answering machine. The delays are one thing, but to not be able to keep track of a customer's iPod and send them another one is stunning. At this point I know they have no clue where my iPod is and probably never did. So I receive a quote, give the ok and receive sombody else's iPod. What is the deal with mine? I have never dealt with such incompetence. CAN IT GET WORSE? You think, "How could it get worse than them losing your iPod and sending you the wrong one? At least you have an iPod in your possession." BUT, this iPod doesn't work! It is totally blank. I plug it in to charge it - still blank! Unbelievable. They send me somebody else's unrepaired iPod and charge me $159.97. I try to stop the charge to my credit card. Too late. Charging the credit card quickly and correctly seems to be the only thing iPod Mechanic has mastered because they obviously haven't mastered customer service or iPod repair. I email them again and demand a refund plus a check to cover the cost of purchasing a new iPod nano. They finally respond with - Is there another address on the package the iPod came in? NO.

That is it. No response to my frustration or to my demands for a refund. Just nothing.

8-4-06 - More emails expressing frustration. iPod Mechanic responds with, "We are working on it and I have sent your message to Advanced Support so that it will be taken care of immediately." Oh, now I have hope. I've been sent to Advanced Support. I am sure they will help me! I think NOT!
8-4-06 - "We have found your iPod and we will send you a shipping label so that you can send the other back to us. And once we get the iPod we will send you yours." NO. NO. NO. I email back and tell them - No,way. I tell them they need to go first. They need to send me my iPod and then I will send the other iPod back.

8-11-06 - I email again. Until I have my working iPod in hand I will hold on to this non-working one. I have had to trust them and now it is time that they trust me.
8-22-06 - New person at iPod Mechanic now involved. Now she emails me and tells me they had found my iPod, but now they can't locate it. "If I still cannot find it today we will send you out a replacement. But we will solve this today."

It never happened. They never found my iPod and never replaced it.

Bottom line - could not devote anymore of my time and energy to this insane quest for what is rightfully mine. I gave up. Every time I see an iPod or hear iPod I think of this horribly experience and I get mad all over again. Why couldn't I fix this? Why have I been taken advantage of? "

Phew, glad we got that one sorted out. — BEN POPKEN

Well, after much searching, we finally found Evil Grimace's McDonaldland debut. Watch as a gigantic, googly-eyed turd maniacally joneses for some coke. Fucking junkies. We like the hamburger flowers, though.

Ronald McDonald Vs. Evil Grimace [You Tube]

The organic language parser can generate some intriguing results. For example:

"Hatred"
"Down Low" (as in this kind of down low)
"The Pope of the Government"

(Thanks to Scott!)

UPDATE: Instead of doing work today, Matt found us a few more:
"Children Labor"
"Robot Human"
"Your Mom"

And the grand champion is... Anabelle! For her entry "If you don't join my club I will poke my eye out."

Secretly, we are gladdened, as that was the entry our fearless and feckless, but sometimes needing a hug, leader Ben Popken, chose as the best. Brownlee chose Airship's second place entry but that's okay, Brownlee's happy enough already, seeing as he has an orgasm every time Wal-Mart prevents an abortion. Rick Dobbs was 3rd.

Don't worry, you're all winners for having made it to the finals. Except of course, for those of you who lost.

Thanks for playing and Anabelle, email us what shirt from the Gawker T-shirt store you would like and your address and all that. We promise not to post it to the Gawker Stalker map.

Previously: Caption-It: William Shatner DVD Club