Not the flowers! Noooo!

Thief Dressed As Deliveryman Walks Out Of Florist With 21 Bouquets On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a chaotic time for florists, with temporary help mixing with regular staff to get everything delivered on time and to the right recipient. (Well, mostly.) In Chicago, one busy florist claims that a man took advantage of the floral fracas to walk off with 21 flower arrangements worth a total of $2,000. [More]

More Valentine’s Day Mishaps From Proflowers

More Valentine’s Day Mishaps From Proflowers

Mykel picked out a lovely bouquet for his fiancée from Proflowers, but the lovely and lush bouquet isn’t what showed up on her desk. What she got had a lot fewer flowers than it had looked like on the site. [More]

(SarahSphar)

Florists Hate FTD And Teleflora Even More Than Disappointed Girlfriends Do

As a customer, you see ads from the ancient florist wire services like FTD and Teleflora. Readers write in and complain to us about those specific brands, since that’s the website they visit and the brand name that’s familiar. When you order up some flowers, though, that’s not who brings them to your door. It’s locally-owned florists, small business owners, who actually arrange and deliver your gifts. They might receive orders from the wire services, but often earn no profit or even take a loss on putting it together. [More]

(LouManPhoto)

Viagra Can Work Wonders On Flower Stems’ Stamina Just Like, Well, You Know

If you managed to get adecent bouquet of healthy, thriving flowers (unlike many of our readers and all these people on Twitter) give yourself a pat on the back. Now, how can you keep your stems firm, your petals blossoming and infuse those stamens with stamina? That same magic blue pill also likely popular on Valentine’s Day, Viagra. [More]

One of these things is not like the other

The 2013 Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent

This year, the major national flower-distribution networks were just as busy as usual on Valentine’s Day. Busy being terrible at their jobs. Maybe the vast majority of flower arrangements ended up where they were supposed to and looked more or less correct, but it’s the outliers that make both senders and recipients feel like crap. When the vast floral-industrial complex markets to us with the message that the quality of the flowers we send or receive is a proxy for the quality of our love, then they should go out of their way not to screw that up for us. Right? [More]

Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent: The 2013 Entries From Proflowers

Valentine’s Day Garden Of Discontent: The 2013 Entries From Proflowers

When Proflowers isn’t accusing people of bigamy, Proflowers is apparently busy really, really disappointing girlfriends. So far today we’ve received two reports of the company dispatching really subpar roses. What the recipients actually got is nice and all, but not what the sender paid for. [More]

One of these things is greener than the other.

FTD Kicks Off The Valentine’s Day Disappointment Season With Subpar Roses On February 11th

Alex tried to beat the rush. He had a dozen roses delivered to his lady’s workplace on Monday, February 11th, paying $96 for the privilege. Whatever he expected, it was not what appears in the photo that he sent: even properly lit, there’s a lot more green and a lot less luscious red rose in that picture than there should be. [More]

(Kryptomaisonaut)

Make Sure That Local Florist You Found On Google Really Is Local

Let’s say that you want to order some flowers for your aunt in Omaha. You remember the frequent warnings on this site to go directly to a local florist, so that’s what you do. You type “florist omaha” into Google, scroll past the paid listings and the ones Google has plotted on a map, and choose a shop with a nice-looking website. Perfect! Only this “local” florist isn’t so local. You tried to make the right choice, but are hurting the very neighborhood flower shop you were trying to patronize when you typed those words in Google. [More]

(gmcmullen)

1-800-Flowers Promises Flowers, Refund, Coupons: Delivers None Of The Above

Kyle had a LivingSocial voucher for 1-800-Flowers, and thought that he would put it to good use sending a lovely arrangement to his parents to show that he was thinking of them at Christmas. 1-800-Flowers didn’t really want to cooperate, though. They e-mailed him twice to let him know that the arrangement had been delivered…but it actually hadn’t. Silly Kyle, assuming that one of the messages had to reflect reality. They’ve since promised him a refund and a $20 coupon that have never come. [More]

(MZ)

Florist Added Pretty Purple Ribbon, Subtracted Actual Attractive Flowers

Maybe MZ should have just picked up some flowers from Walmart or the grocery store instead. FTD sent the order to a local florist, but not a competent local florist. Maybe FTD should learn to search Yelp first. [More]

FTD.com Vs. Reality: Enjoy Your Mother's Day Chargeback

FTD.com Vs. Reality: Enjoy Your Mother's Day Chargeback

It’s not a major flower-giving holiday here at The Consumerist without an installment of the Garden of Discontent. Laura (not me, a different one) sent along this disappointing diptych of the lush bouquet that she ordered for her mom from FTD.com and the meager handful of plant matter that was actually delivered, a day late. [More]

The 2012 Valentine's Day Garden Of Discontent

The 2012 Valentine's Day Garden Of Discontent

On Valentine’s Day, we are expected to show loved ones how much they mean to us by giving them dead plants. For extra style points, we pay strangers to bring these dead plants to the recipient for us. However, florists are unfathomably busy on Valentine’s Day. So busy that we almost feel bad criticizing when things go wrong. Almost. The Consumerist’s annual Valentine’s Day Garden of Discontent is a collection of flower or gift deliveries that aren’t what the recipient had in mind. Such as calling your fianc√©e a whore. [More]

Forget The Florist, Make Your Own V-Day Bouquet

If you’ve got plans to get a loved one flowers for Valentine’s Day, there are more options than picking up something from the display rack at the front of the grocery store or a high-priced arrangement that florists are peddling. You can save money and add a personal touch by making your own bouquet. [More]

Now Proflowers Thinks I Have Two Wives: The Margaret Saga Continues

Now Proflowers Thinks I Have Two Wives: The Margaret Saga Continues

Last week’s post about a baffling and possibly incriminating e-mail solicitation from ProFlowers produced a hilarious comments section and a lot of speculation as to the identity of Margaret, the woman (not his wife) to whom reader Chris was being encouraged to send more flowers. We have an update. The good news: Both the offending ProFlowers account and Margaret have been found. The bad news: The couple has no idea who Margaret is, but they have her full name and home address. They still have no idea how Margaret’s info ended up in the account in the first place. [More]

Why Does ProFlowers Think I'm Cheating On My Wife?

Why Does ProFlowers Think I'm Cheating On My Wife?

You can’t blame Chris’s wife for being confused. She happened to receive a promotional e-mail from Proflowers, addressed to Chris, thanking him for buying a gift for Margaret. Her name is not Margaret. Chris writes that he hasn’t sent flowers to anyone named Margaret. Either Chris wrote to Consumerist as part of an incredibly roundabout cover-up of an extramarital affair, or something strange is going on here. [More]

Is This Flower Arrangement Worth $200?

Is This Flower Arrangement Worth $200?

After a coworker’s mother passed away, J’s officemates chipped in to buy a very large, very pretty flower arrangement for the viewing. It cost around $200. While delivery and overhead are substantial in the flower industry, they didn’t expect to find that this pitiful thing had been sent in place of the massive arrangement they ordered. [More]

Not quite.

FTD Delivers Wrong Roses And Wrong Stuffed Animal To Wrong Address At Wrong Time

When Joe ordered flowers for his fiancée’s birthday last week, his order wasn’t too fussy. He wanted 24 yellow and orange roses and a stuffed dog, delivered to her workplace, on her birthday. Things happen in the flower-delivery business, we know, and seasonal substitutions are normal and to be expected. What he didn’t expect, for his $70 or so, was to have half the amount of roses he ordered, in the wrong color and with the wrong stuffed animal, delivered to the wrong address, and nearly on the day after his fiancée’s birthday. [More]

FTD Sends Your Mom More Craptacular Flowers Than Expected

FTD Sends Your Mom More Craptacular Flowers Than Expected

It’s not that we expect miracles from florists on major dead-plant-giving holidays. But the least we can expect is for the recipient–presumably, someone we give a crap about–to receive the item that we chose and paid for. Sarah’s mom’s birthday was the day before Mother’s Day this year, so she decided to use a LivingSocial coupon and order up some beautiful flowers to honor both occasions. [More]