Here's One Gift For That Child You Hate And Want To Scare The Bejeezus Out Of

Here's One Gift For That Child You Hate And Want To Scare The Bejeezus Out Of

Be glad it’s 2010 and not 1890, if only for the fact that your child (or niece/nephew, or precocious sidekick) will not be asking for one of Thomas Edison’s talking dolls. [More]

Are You Ready For The Return Of Bratz Dolls?

Are You Ready For The Return Of Bratz Dolls?

After a 2008 court ruling found that the creator of the Bratz line of dolls had stolen the idea from Mattel (or rather, from himself, when he was working for Mattel), all Bratz products were supposed to be destroyed, and Mattel had the right to take over the brand and do whatever it wanted with it. A judge put the mass annihilation on hold, and today an appeals court overturned the initial ruling, meaning your local toy store may soon be carrying the next generation of the once-popular dolls. [More]

Disney Princess Shrink Ray Hits Mattel Dolls

Disney Princess Shrink Ray Hits Mattel Dolls

Shopping for toys at Target, Anthony noticed an interesting change in a small, inexpensive doll that his daughter enjoys. The princesses have been affected by a toy shrink ray–the dolls are smaller, the mold used to make them is different, and they come with fewer accessories–for the same price, naturally. [More]

Mattel To Release "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy" Ken Doll. Yes, Really.

Mattel To Release "Palm Beach Sugar Daddy" Ken Doll. Yes, Really.

Playing “Madoff investors” just got a little easier thanks to Mattel’s “Palm Beach Sugar Daddy” Ken doll, which will be released in April of 2010.

"Homeless" American Girl Doll Costs $95

"Homeless" American Girl Doll Costs $95

Looking for the perfect gift for the little girl who has everything, from her own pet llama to dramatic ski and swim vacations? If the little girl happens to be Chrissa, a character in the American Girl doll series, a homeless friend may just be the perfect accessory. And if you’re a real little girl, wouldn’t you just love a homeless friend, too? Or, better yet, a homeless friend doll, for a mere $95?

Conservative Panties In A Twist Over Breastfeeding Baby Doll

Conservative Panties In A Twist Over Breastfeeding Baby Doll

A Spanish toy company has a new doll out that allows girls to play-breastfeed. Girls put on a special haltertop with daisies over their nipples and draw the doll in when it cries. When the doll’s lips press against the girl’s pink daisies, the baby makes little suckling sounds.

Don't Give Money To Strangers Online

Don't Give Money To Strangers Online

Becca Beushausen, a 26-year-old woman who went by “April’s Mom” online, scammed gullible readers out of money to help pay for a fake pregnancy. Then she accidentally screwed up her scam by posting a photo of the supposed baby last week. “‘It wasn’t a photo of a baby at all,’ said Elizabeth Russell, a mother and maker of lifelike Reborn Dolls, ‘It was a doll. I have that same doll.'”

http://consumerist.com/2009/03/10/the-caylee-anthony-tribute-dolls/

The Caylee Anthony “tribute” dolls are back up for sale, according to the company’s “tribute” website. So far, we can’t find a way to actually buy them. We’re loaded up with “Caylee Sunshine” bracelets and tees, however. That should creep out all the parents in Park Slope. [CayleeDoll.com] (Thanks to Craig!)

Caylee Anthony Doll Won't Be Sold

Caylee Anthony Doll Won't Be Sold

The manufacturer of the Caylee Anthony Doll has decided to not sell it, bowing to public reaction over the plans to sell a doll “inspired by” a child homicide victim. [Cayleedoll] (Thanks to J M!)

Toy Manufacturer To Sell Caylee Anthony Doll

Toy Manufacturer To Sell Caylee Anthony Doll

Now you too can be a part of the Caylee Anthony saga unfolding on cable news networks! What’s that? This is a grotesque commercialization of what should be a private tragedy? Don’t be such a downer! “We want it to be a tribute,” Showbiz Promotions prez Jaime Salcedo told the Orlando Sentinel. Heck, he’s even thinking of donating $3 per purchase to some good cause or another.

Best Buy: Video Games Are Not Toys

Best Buy: Video Games Are Not Toys

Best Buy told Rob that his coupon for 25% off three toys did not apply to video games because video games are not toys. Sad and confused, Rob went home and searched for “toy” on Best Buy’s website. Hop across the jump to see what appeared.

Delta's Plummeting Dufflebag Incident Results In Tragic Loss Of Favorite Dolls

Delta's Plummeting Dufflebag Incident Results In Tragic Loss Of Favorite Dolls

We feel really bad for Abby, the 9 year-old girl who lost her favorite dolls when they plummeted from an open Delta (Atlantic Southeast) cargo hold several thousand feet in the air above Chicagoland.

American Girl Place Mocks 6 Year-Old For Having A Doll From Target, Refuses To Style The Doll's Hair

American Girl Place Mocks 6 Year-Old For Having A Doll From Target, Refuses To Style The Doll's Hair

This story is just heartbreaking. We feel really, really bad for this little girl. Etta saved all her money and purchased a pretty doll from Target named Gracie. When she was invited by her friend to bring her doll to American Girl Place for a “doll hairstyle” she was thrilled…until the stylist chided her for not having a “real” doll and refused her business.

Parents Think Bratz Baby Doll Says “Fuck You”

Parents Think Bratz Baby Doll Says “Fuck You”

Is there no end to the foul things parents hear their children’s toys say? Already this season Ariel the Mermaid has been accused of calling people “sluts.” Now the Bratz baby is saying fuck you to people. Could it be that the doll is singing “So Cute?” That’s what the lyrics posted on the Bratz website say, but that didn’t stop parents from alerting the media. In the news reports they actually beeped out “So Cute” when they played the song, as if that was going to help parents make an informed decision about whether or not “so cute” sounds too much like “fuck you” for their tastes.

Little Mermaid Doll Calls Child a “Slut”

Little Mermaid Doll Calls Child a “Slut”

Well, well, well. Who knew Ariel was a prude? Apparently, if you press the button on the talking Ariel fast enough, the toy cycles through such saccharine phrases as “Life is the bubbles” quickly enough that a secret message is revealed. “You’re a slut!”

Barbie is Dead

Barbie is Dead

For this post, we knew exactly what image we were looking for: an image of Barbie — barefoot and flanked by Ken and two of Barbie’s pan-ethnic plastic girlfriends — sashaying with shopping bags right across Abbey Road. Unfortunately, that image doesn’t exist, and we’re too stupid to make it. So instead, we’ve been forced to illustrate it with this image of a murdered Barbie, her head crushed by a Volkwagen sized aluminum can. Serves her right, the cocktease.

Mattel Presents Ooga Booga Barbie

Mattel Presents Ooga Booga Barbie

Over at the Bleat, James Lileks took time out of talking about how great the olden days are to illustrate that, though we live in an age of Hooker Barbies, it’s not like they just started being offensive.

Barbie Brand Extension Prompts Farking

Barbie Brand Extension Prompts Farking

Like a tired brand getting a face lift, the revelation that Mattel will trot a line of 50’s inspired Barbie dolls prompted Farkers to Botox another trope, the inapropropriate occupation Barbie.