AOL lies to their customers and has a policy of refusing to escalate to supervisors:

If you refuse to pay your bill, AOL will threaten to ruin your credit (with AOL):

AOL's abusive relationship with its "members" is not new, but it is surprising how enthusiastically they have embraced the standard lies and deceit peddled by the debt collection industry. According to our tipster, the guide is from 2006, but the tactics and policies remain unchanged.

The only way to fight back against scummy collectors is to know your rights under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.

Read AOL's full collections guide, complete with other despicable practices, here.

PREVIOUSLY: EXCLUSIVE: Old AOL Cancel Script vs. New
AOL Retention Manual Revealed
Quit AOL By Fax, Mail, or Phone

I was reading some different articles about shredding paper while I was doing research into the type of paper shredder I had wanted to buy. It seems that the range in percentage of people who use a paper shredder are between 18% - 51%. That's a lot of people who don't shred paper and are susceptible to identity fraud.

I haven't had that happen yet, thankfully. But reading the stories in the paper or seeing news on TV definitely makes me aware that I don't want to be part of that club.

Since dumpster diving is perfectly legal in most areas of the country, you don't want your information floating around that is easily read. I will qualify this by saying that the majority of dumpster divers (like myself) are honest people and wouldn't even consider a crime of that nature. However it is the small percentage that always seems to ruin things for everyone and make life difficult.

Shredding can also be productive and fun. Instead of throwing out shredder leavings, use them as packing material, pet beds, or makeshift confetti for impromptu ticker-tape parades. If you don't want a shredder at home, use one in the office. If you have kids, consider a hamster-powered shredder. Just get a shredder. And resist the urge to shred the instructions.

Buy a Shredder [Frugal For Life]
(AP Photo/Paul Sancya)

Among the missing documents were an 1823 letter by U.S. Vice President John C. Calhoun and copies of the Davy Crockett Almanacs, pamphlets written by the frontiersman who died at the Alamo in Texas.

He was found out by an alert history buff who saw the items posted on the online auction site and alerted authorities, the state attorney general's office said in a statement.

"Man arrested in eBay sale of historic documents" [Reuters]
(Photo: Getty)

This is a revision of their previous policy, shown in the second screenshot, mandating hanging up on customers who said they were recording the call.

AOL saw this story was blowing up and figured that people might try to duplicate Vincent's call. Rather than telling them to buzz off, which could've created another infamous bad customer service call, AOL told its reps to "continue to provide the outstanding customer service all our members deserve and expect." Clever, very clever.

Screenshots inside...

"Though it doesn't happen often, we have all experienced abusive caller situations. In some rare cases, after repeated warnings, these have resulted in our having to disconnect the call. This document clarifies AOL's hang-up guidelines and provides a consistent policy on when to escalate to your coach — and when to disconnect. NOTE: This does not apply to members who have disabilities that require them to record the call. (e.g. a Lifeline Service, etc.) It is not acceptable to disconnect a call with a disabled member if he or she is using this or any similar sort of service.

Currently, our Legal Department guidelines list only one situation where a call cannot continue.Because AOL does not allow callers to record our conversations, we may, after advising the caller of our policy, terminate or escalate the call when the caller refuses to discontinue recording. The following are guidelines for handling this type of call:

Required Warning Approach and Phrasing (A four-step process)

"Mr/Ms Member, I will be able to work with you on this; however, AOL does not allow our conversations to be taped. I cannot go further unless you discontinue taping the call. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires the reading of the next statement to the member.)

"Mr/Ms Member, as I mentioned before, I will be able to assist you with this today; however, I cannot go further unless you discontinue taping the call. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires the reading of the next statement to the member.)

"Mr/...Ms Member, At this time, because you continue to tape our conversation, I must disconnect the call, unless you are willing stop taping now. Are you ready to turn off the tape, so I can help you?" (A "Yes" answer allows the call to continue. A "No" requires that the call be ended at this point using the following statement.)

"Mr/Ms Member, I am now ending the call." End the call unless the caller will allow escalation. Regarding all other calls: Follow guidance as presented by the Training Department, Management, and your coaches. Consultants should use Customer Profile's scripting and approaches as determined by listening to the caller's identifying behaviors. Each call must be handled with the profile approach most closely matching the caller's behavior. Making an accurate initial assessment of the caller is an important part of the process. Should the call reach a point where the caller is too irate and/or abusive to allow a productive conversation to continue, the consultant should obtain callback information and escalate the call to a coach. The coach will use this information to initiate a follow-up contact with the member.

Example: Suggested Escalation Phrasing

"Mr. Member, I apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused. Let me get a number where you can be reached, so I can have a supervisor return your call. Would daytime or evening work best for you?" As with any policies, if you have any questions, please see your coach. Article Audience: AOL, CS and Wal-mart Connect ______

Do not distribute this article in any form, to individuals who are not employees or agents of America Online, Inc., its parent, subsidiary, or affiliated companies."

"What to Do If a Member Informs CCC the Call is Being Recorded
Proper call handling procedures when a member is recording a call with Member Services.
Last Updated On: 6/23/06

Audience: All Queues

How to Properly Handle a Member Interaction if the Member is Recording the Call

While rare, the situation can arise where a member informs a consultant that they are recording the call. On the Phone or via eSupport: Member Advocacy Rules

Whether the interaction is over phone, e-mail or chat, you should always fulfill our shared commitment to Member Advocacy. Therefore, AOL's policy is if a member informs you they are recording a call, you should stay on the call and continue to provide the outstanding customer service all our members deserve and expect. This is the same expectation for eSupport Live and E-mail consultants — no matter the medium we use to offer assistance, our goal is to be the best Advocates possible. Please see your coach with any questions!

Do not distribute this article in any form to individuals who are not employees or agents of AOL LLC., its parent, subsidiary, or affiliated companies."

— BEN POPKEN

Design of the New US e-Passport [Department of State via Kottke]

I. Initial Sales Pitches

A. "I assume you want us to protect you bumper to bumper on the car, right?" (assumption makes the customer feel like everyone takes it)
B. "You've rented from us before?" (if yes) "Then, I'm sure you took our coverage last time, right?" (customer will feel silly for having not taken it)
C. "How long do you need the car?" -three days- "Three days? That's only $60 and protects you the full value of the car!" "...it's only $19.99/day and protects you of the full value of the car!!!" (make sure the customer feels your excitement)

Before getting insurance at a car-rental place, call your car insurance company and your credit card company, as oftentimes you're already covered with one of these places.

(Photo: presta)

II. Handling Objections A. I have my own insurance- "Yes, but you have exposure. Meaning, if anything happens, we'd have to collect your deductible, place a claim through your insurance, you'd have to worry about surcharges, insurance rates going up, etc..." (exposure, most powerful objection word ever) B. No, I'm ok... I don't need it- "80% of my customers under 10 days do take it because they would not be responsible for any damage, regardless of fault!" (customers love to be a part of the majority, it's comforting)

III. Thing You Should NEVER Say
A. "How do you want to cover the car?" (this gives them the option of their own insurance, and they'll use that option every time)
B. "Do you want to take our coverage or use your own insurance?" (Are you kidding me?! This is not sales!)
C. "We offer a protection package that can cover you bumper to bumper..." (Duh, that is precisely what you'd be doing... offering, not SELLING!)

IV. A True Seller...
- A true seller can close the deal within 30 seconds.
- A true seller doesn't even need the "three no's."
- A true seller "persuades" rather than "offers."
- A true seller believes in what he/she is selling.
- A true seller uses 1 to 2 powerful words, rather than a novel.
- If you work for Enterprise, you are a true seller (you just might not know it yet).

Tipster Tim Nudd writes: "As I was waiting for the guy to run my credit card, I noticed a piece of paper on the counter...It seemed to be a one-page cheat sheet for how Enterprise employees should go about selling car insurance to its customers. It was just sitting there, so I took it."

"To be fair, I don't know if this is a standard-issue Enterprise sales sheet or what. Plus the guy didn't even bother with any of this crap when I told him I didn't need his insurance. I did think it was a little weird that this Enterprise location has it in writing that making the customer feel silly can be a good thing."

— BEN POPKEN

(This is a repost from our archive.)

Things like, if there's a customers dispute with a lack of evidence, decide in favor of the customer, always be polite, and make sure your workers completely cover all their open sores...

Click to enlarge.

Try to please the customer. When in doubt and in a dispute, decide in favor of the customer. Looks good.

Make stores accountable to customer complaint line and establish metrics. Highly advisable.

Ah yes, the "Golden Rule" of fast food. Hear hear.

Cleanliness is next to godliness. And God doesn't have any open sores. — BEN POPKEN

PREVIOUSLY:
Did Quiznos Even Read Book Included In Their Training Kit?
Quiznos Manual: An Answer For Everything
Quiznos Manual: Natural Disasters Are Good PR Opps

The time standard for the Baser, Finisher and Wrapper positions is 20 seconds or less at each station per sub. After you slice your onions, you must verify that the lengths of the onions are no longer than 2 inches and 1/8 inch thick. Bacon should never be broken or cut in half. Never let the phone ring more than once. Don't shout across the restaurant with the phone line still open. In the event hostage taking, do not attempt to capture the abductor or free the victim.

The manual says this is to ensure the delivery of a product that confirms to official standards. Undoubtedly, it does, as well as reducing costs and making it easier for the average person to open up a Quiznos.

But maybe there's something else....

(Photo: Media Guru)

Maybe by having a numbered headline for every single movement, an answer for every decision, it makes it that much easier for the corporation to ensure the franchises' obedience. Like only buying from approved vendors selling at a markup, which are owned by The Quizno's Master LLC, as several franchise owner's lawsuits allege.

Even when Quiznos franchise owner Bhupinder Baber shot himself three times inside a Quiznos, he did it in the bathroom, away from the customers, in an easily moppable area. — BEN POPKEN

PREVIOUSLY:
Quiznos Manual: Natural Disasters Are Good PR Opps
How A Quiznos Owner Shot Himself 3 Times In The Chest
We Have A Quiznos University Training Kit

Walmart's lawyers issued a takedown notice for the market research we posted on March 6.

The letter, posted inside, is dated for March 8th, the same day the AP article confirming the data published. That's what we like to see, synchronized watches.

To see the slides, go the original post or download from one of these two sites:
http://rapidshare.com/files/20790789/walmart.rar.html
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IBCTP2LY

— BEN POPKEN

PREVIOUSLY:
Walmart Confirms Slideshow, Positively Spins "Conscientious Objectors"
LEAKS: Walmart PowerPoint On "3 Customer" Plan

This directive seeks to exploit the plight of victims of natural disasters for corporate benefit. It's almost as disgusting as hot lettuce, or the lazy local press that eats up this spoonfed pablum. Barf. — BEN POPKEN

The AP picked up the Walmart market research we posted on Tuesday.

They got confirmation about the slideshow, which said that Walmart's defined 14% of "The Shopper Universe" as being "conscientious objectors." Of this, Walmart spokesman David Tovar said,

...the research data was genuine but that "conscientious objector" meant consumers who base purchases on a company's practices, such as charitable giving or environmental measures.

He said the term was not synonymous with Wal-Mart boycotters.

Really? So... "objectors"... that somehow means they're still down with the big blue? Check your dictionary. "I object to your business practices, yet I'm irresistibly drawn your low prices." Another PR mouthpiece spins like a dervish in his own filth.

Wal-Mart Releases More Internal Data [Forbes]
Wal-Mart: Few Shoppers Moved by Press [Forbes]

Thousands of records containing personal information from people in and around Lubbock remained in a Lubbock County field, Wednesday night. Some of these records contain people's names, social security numbers, even copies of their drivers licenses and birth certificates.
Lubbock County farmer, Kelly Kelsey contacted the Lubbock County Sheriff's office, when he discovered this pile of boxes on his land Tuesday evening while he was working in the field.

"I couldn't imagine what in the world it was. I got out to look at it and found people's employment records, and social security numbers, and even some check books. Lots of information, vital information from somebody," Kelsey said.

Man Who Dumped Personal Documents Says He Did Nothing Wrong [NBC11]

UPDATE: Walmart Wins Because We Fumbled
Walmart Sends Us DMCA Takedown Letter For Slideshow
Walmart Confirms Slideshow, Positively Spins "Conscientious Objectors"

We received what appears to be an internal Walmart PowerPoint presentation detailing its plan to break down it customers into three core segments, a strategy that announced last week.

There's 29 slides in total. We enjoy slide 4. On it, Walmart classifies 14% of "The Shopper Universe" as being "Conscientious Objectors." We guess these are the people who refuse to shop at Walmart on principle.

These shoppers are defined as being "less loyal" to Walmart.

Slides 11-13 detail the "psychographics" of a price-value shopper. 14% of this group find themelves lonelier than most people. 47% say religion is an important thing in their life.

Slide 16 says that "Brand Aspirationals are behaviorally committed shoppers of Wal-Mart, but less so emotionally."

Slide 22 says that 22% of Brand Aspirationals say they, "feel like I never have time for the people in my life."

Kathy, can you hit the lights? Everyone hear me in the back? Ok, great, let's get started...

If you're interested in this material, be sure to download it and save it elsewhere, as there's a pretty good chance someone may want us to take it down.

UPDATE: Images redacted per Wal-Mart's request.

THE END. Slide 29 of 29. — BEN POPKEN

On 10/05/06, we posted a reader complaint about not being able to understand the accents of COX directory assistance workers in, "Cox Outsources 411 To Filipinos."

On 10/12/06, an internal COX company website pointed employees towards The Consumerist post and provided talking points in case any customers called in to complain, a COX employee tells us.

As they say on the streets, suckers better recognize.

The internal memo, inside. — BEN POPKEN

Trouble is: They don't know who the hell they are suing. Target has asked for the help of AOL, Microsoft and Yahoo, INC in searching for "John Doe," an unknown blogger believed to live in Georgia.

"John" shared Target's loss-prevention policies (sent to him by an unknown Target employee) on several websites including Targetunion.org and uses the screenname "Target Sucks." What did "Target Sucks" have to say about Target's lawsuit?

"I didn't sign any confidentiality agreement with them and really don't give a rat's ass if they like it or not."

The real test will come not from the results of the lawsuit, but from the response of Microsoft, AOL, and Yahoo, INC. When a big box store comes calling about a user who allegedly violated their confidentiality policy &mdash which company will refuse to violate theirs?

Then again, if Target waits around long enough, AOL might just accidentally post "John's" search queries. Anyone searching for "pecans" and "I fucking hate target" ... ?

Previously: AOL's Guide To Just A Super Fun World-Class MRM Call

Click to expand.

OLD

NEW

Anytoodles, someone else has sent the phone numbers to us again. He reveals how they fell into the "wrong" (we, the customers) hands in the first place.

Brett says, "I was just going though the things on my desktop and found a spreadsheet that might interest you... The guy who installed my cable logged in to get the number and firefox dumped the file on my desktop."

Call us shenanigans, but just don't call us late to dinner.

We really like tip #53. Works great, provided you have a place of employ to bike to.

But why bother begging for Level 3 from the laminated manual guy, when you've got the direct phone number?

We've got the numbers for every state serviced, inside.

We suggest saving the picture to your computer in case of emergency (nothing like the key being locked in the safe)...

UPDATE: Some of these phone numbers are out of service or only go to level 2. We're sorry if this hurts your feelings. We provided the document "as is."

Download as an excel sheet.

Back in 2003, Kurt Walker was an Associate General Manager in the Oklahoma call center. His nickname, "The Hatchet," derived from the "gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face" when motivating the Saves Coaches to fire employees.

One saves coach, Dan Critchfield, sent around a mass email to his higherups, declaiming, "I have grown weary of Kurt telling...on an almost daily basis, in our Team huddles...About how much "fun it was" to fire certain people." Of Kurt, Dan said:

"My true impression is that of a sociopath with no conscience."

After an email was sent around encouraging saves coaches to up their numbers, Kurt sent his own to hammer in the message. While his took a strong tone, with lines like, "10 calls a day will keep the unemployment office at bay" and "Do these things mean anything to you?" he seemed to feel he was looking out for his worker's best interests. "You may not agree with me right now, but I am going to force you to make money," Kurt wrote.

After his email didn't go over well, Kurt arranged an emergency team potluck. One that was meticulously organized

There were to be two green veggies, two side dishes, two salads and three deserts. No more, no less. Everything was micromanaged to the last asparagus.

The sender of this email, who we previously interviewed, doesn't know what happened to Dan. "I am sure he was fired," he says. "That is what we refer to as "Final Flame Email". These were popular...their last way to stab at the company they had come to hate."

Presented in its epic entirety after the jump...

Red arrows point to the juicy bits.

It reveals a heretofore untold bizzaro world, where Comcast and TimeWarnerCable are business partners.

While relatively tame in terms of corporate hogwash, this line jumped out at us.

Many of you are probably familiar with Comcast and know employees there. They are a premiere company and enjoy a very high-level reputation among their existing employees and customers.

How do we enter this magical parallel universe? A cracked mirror? A tiny door? Strumming an elaborate chord sequence on our six-string theory guitar?

Full text inside, because we can.

To: Houston Division Employees

Fr: Ron McMillan

Cc: Wayne Knighton, Landel Hobbs

Tomorrow, Wednesday, August 2, Time Warner Inc. will officially announce the dissolution of Texas-Kansas City Cable Partners—the 50-50 joint venture by which the cable systems in our Houston, Kansas City and Southwest Texas divisions are managed by Time Warner Cable, but jointly owned by Comcast and us.

This ownership arrangement was initiated back in 1985, when the Kansas City systems were formed. The Texas Cable Partnership was formed in 1998. Then both of these partnerships were merged together into what has become known as the Texas-Kansas City Partners, which closed in 2004. It provided the opportunity for either Company to trigger the dissolution of the venture any time after June 1, 2006. Earlier this month (July 3), Comcast notified us that they planned to trigger this event. Comcast's action gave Time Warner Cable the right to choose which of the two pools of systems—either KC and SW Texas or Houston—they would select to own. Comcast, in turn, could decide how the outstanding debt be distributed against the two pools.

Time Warner Cable has decided to keep its Kansas City and Southwest Texas properties.

I'm sure many of you may be puzzled by this outcome, because of the importance Houston represents in terms of the company's overall cluster in Texas. This decision has nothing to do with performance; indeed your contributions in driving sales of the bundle and improving customer care have made significant improvements to our bottom-line. From Time Warner Cable's point-of-view, both pools represent very attractive, well-run operations. Several factors came into play, but certain economic considerations were paramount. Under the terms of the partnership, Comcast could assign the debt carried by the partnership among the two pools of systems. They chose to assign the entire debt to the Houston division.

Many of you are probably familiar with Comcast and know employees there. They are a premiere company and enjoy a very high-level reputation among their existing employees and customers.

The dissolution of the partnership will not likely take place before the first quarter of 2007, since regulatory and franchise review and approvals are necessary. For the immediate going forward period, nothing changes.

Operations will continue to follow normal course. There may be situations, which require Comcast management's concurrence, but I don't expect that to alter the way we get things done here.

As we get closer to the time when the transfer will take place, I'll have a good deal more information to share with you. I know there are many unanswered questions now, but it is my intention to get answers to all of you on all of your questions as time proceeds. No one will be left out of the process. We will schedule regular get-togethers to present new information as it becomes available regarding the transition. We will ensure you receive detailed information about how Comcast is organized and how their benefits and other employment programs work.

As part of an even bigger organization, there may be new opportunities available. Our own HR team and representatives from Comcast will address these issues in the months ahead.

We will continue to conduct business as usual providing excellent products and services to our customers and acquiring new customers. Our pace of innovation will not slow down. Our attention to the bottom-line and our customer's satisfaction will not lessen.

Many of you have been in the cable business for some time and have worked for several "predecessor" companies and know these transitions can be very positive. Both Comcast and Time Warner Cable have an overwhelming interest in making this a smooth transition for our employees as well as our customers.

I am counting on all of you to continue to do the great work you do. Our customers will still be your customers when the transaction is completed, probably early next year.

Of course, our friends in Kansas City and the SW Division are also being told of the outcome of this dissolution process. It will not become effective until the normal regulatory and franchise reviews and approvals are in-hand and that is not expected much before the first quarter of 2007.

Subject: Legal Complaint Date: 7/27/2006 7:21 PM

Please call me promptly. You have proprietary and copyrighted document on your sight (url at bottom below) that belongs to us, Cingular Wireless. We want it removed from your site.
Thank you.
...cingular-distills-customer-value-into-thermometer-form-188379.php

Glenn Blumstein
Chief Counsel - IP & Network
Cingular Wireless
425-[redacted]

Notice how site is misspelled at first. Note too, the curious interplay between first person singular and plural. All your document are belong to me.

We'll be keeping the hot property up until our legal team tells us otherwise.

We are Unicron, eater of worlds. Your attacks only make us stronger!

They want us to take down their internal documents we posted. The items contain information about how they use a customer's "long term value" to decide if and what discounts to offer them if they try to cancel service.

Get 'em while you still can, folks.

Knew all those anti-Cingular posts would come to trouble.

With a capital T. And that stands for telephony!

Why would a drug company hush up that it killed it's pill poppers? Because of the money bomb, obviously.

According to our tipster, this memo "proves GSK knew that providing adequate safety warnings in Paxil's prescribing language would cause doctors to severely curtail or not prescribe the drug. [This] company memo came about at a time when GSK was readying to unleash a HUGE marketing campaign to push the drug."

Unforunately, those billions couldn't afford corporate communications anything better than Microsoft ClipArt.

It's certainly no smoking gun but we found it amusing. "Why is stopping Paxil-smithing bad? Because it makes us a lot of money. See fig. A: a big bag of money." The item's timing is notable, although not proof of anything in and of itself. We expect to see it featured prominently in Michael Moore's forthcoming big pharma shock-doc, "Sicko."

"An AOL representative declined to say whether the manual was legitimate or comment on the matter."

We know it's cross-eyed and with facial features askew, but gawd, that's sooo cold. How could they disown their offspring so out of hand?That manual is going to have difficulty with commitment when it grows up.

"AOL Customer Service Manual Posted To Web?" [Cnet]

"Why are we changing the way we handle LTV1 customers?

To contribute to our Revenue goal, we are no longer going to save LTV 1 customers."

If you're costing Cingular more money than they make off your account and want to try to game the CSRs into discounts, you may be interested in what's posted after the jump. It's a series of potential things you might say and what the CSRs are supposed to say back to you...

You can also download the whole thing as a text file here.

Related: Cingular Distills Customer Value Into Thermometer Form

But wait, how does a lowly Cingular rep determine how profitable you are as a customer? Luckily, there's a handy box on the operator's screen showing a computerized calculation.

If you threaten to leave Cingular for a wireless provider that doesn't suck, the degree to which they try to lure you back into the fold will depend on how green your mercury is.

The full three page job aid for Cingular reps, after the jump...

Page 1

Page 2

Page 3

Related: How Cingular Avoids Giving Discounts to Worthless Customers

Read our critique of the contents here.

Thank you, disaffected former AOL retainer.

After the jump, a few select preview pages...

A shot from the flowchart.

Related:

• AOL Retention Manual Revealed
• AOL Employees Slander Vincent Ferrari On Company Time
• BREAKING: Spitzer To Talk To AOL, Again
• AOL Updates Retention "Offer Matrix"
• AOL Internal Memos, After Vinny's Call
• We Interview Vincent Ferrari, AOL Canceller
• Dead Defeat AOL
• AOL Canceler on Today Show
• AOL Wants to Sell "Internet" to the Dead
• Consumerist on CNBC
• AOL Apologizes For Infamous Cancel Call
• The Best Thing We Have Ever Posted: Reader Tries To Cancel AOL
• AOL Officially Sucks More Than Anything Else

A plain manila envelope arrived on our desk this week. Inside was the eighty-one paged "Enhanced Sales Training for AOL Retention Consultants" manual. Upon opening, the flowchart, "Guide to a World-Class Retention Call," fell out.

It's amazing that the story has come this far, that Vincent could record his attempt to cancel AOL, that recording would shoot to national TV, and now, a mole has sent us incriminating company documents.

One thing quickly becomes evident after reading the pages of tips and tactics. Callers are viewed not as customers, but prospects. Under the heading, "Think of Cancellation Calls as Sales Leads," the manual reads...

If you stop and think about it, every Member that calls in to cancel their account is a hot lead. Most other sales jobs require you to create your own leads, but in the Retention Queue the leads come to you! Be eager to take more calls, get more leads and close more sales. More leads means more selling opportunities for you and cost savings for AOL.

In a public statement, AOL's Nicholas Graham claimed that John, "violated our customer service guidelines and practices, and everything that AOL believes to be important in customer care - chief among them being respect for the member, and swiftly honoring their requests." If this is true, then why is there such a complex system designed to thwart those very requests? Brevity thrives on simplicity.

To reel you back in, AOL has a six stage system:

1. Greet and Verify
2. Discovery
3. Tailored Value
4. Right Offer
5. Resolve Concerns
6. Motivate to Activate

In Vincent's call, John never got past step 2. He got stuck in "Discovery" where he used "digging" to try to get more information about Vincent. John's goal was to use this intel to build an argument for staying with AOL, and deliver what the manual calls the "tailored value." A bit of an ill-fitting suit, if there ever was one, since in his inquest, John never found out that Vincent was an IT professional.

Digging involves asking the lead questions that build a portrait of the prospect's wants, interests and needs. AOL cheerfully terms these, "WINS." From page 4-20 of the "Best Practices" section:

With respect to Vincent's computer expertise, John's attempts at digging play like a study in comedy.

VINCENT: I don't need it, I don't want it, I don't use it.
JOHN: So when you use this, is that for business or school?
VINCENT: I don't want the AOL account, can we please just cancel it?
JOHN: On June 2nd, I see 72 hours of usage...

Some sales cannot be made. There is a certain point after which you're just wasting your time. Past that, you risk enraging the customer. Then there's the point where the customer tapes the conversation and humiliates you in the national media.

"This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes," goes both ways.

John had access to a program, "Merlin," apparently so-called for its ability to turn piss into champagne. If Vincent was more pliable, John could have used it. By clicking various responses a lead makes, the behavior matrix suggests phrases for the salesperson to utter and guide customers back to AOL's fetid bosom.

The soul of Merlin is the Member Profile Guide. It boasts four tabs, "Know," "Listen," "Feel," and "How you want them to feel." Apparently, "Manipulate" was too blunt. Each tab provides different stratagems tailored to the specific customer on the line. For instance, the "Know" tab, "identifies the Member attribute and the 'role' we should play for the member." For example, if a new member has a low amount of usage, Merlin suggests taking on the guise of a "helpful guide."

Alternatively, selecting the Feel tab gives users, "an idea of the emotions the member might be feeling and how we might appropriately respond to those feelings...in bullet point form."

The manual is full of more creepy delights, including:

• On "overcoming objections" i.e. customer's desire to not connect to watered-down version of the internet, the manual advises to, "allow your callers to talk comfortably about their concerns." By doing this you can literally, "watch their concerns and resistance drop."

• As we all know and love, the best way to "keep it real" is corporate policy mandating naturalness. That's why AOL developed, "Keep It Real"...a set of principles that will drive a world-class Member experience..."

• Then there's also this doozy from black-is-white land: "The reason that many Members are going to high speed is, because the actual internet connection is much more stable....we now have the perfect solution...a free modem." Ah yes, the hot-rodding superpower of 24kbps.

• Jason Watkins, an AOL Customer Care Consultant quoted in the manual says it best, "Consumers believe everything is a commodity, i.e. where can I buy the service for the least cost. My objective as a salesperson is to prove otherwise."

An AOL retention consultant's job is to trick consumers into being stupid.

It's hard to keep track of the array of tools at their AOL call center employee's disposal. There's "Member Connect," "The Discovery Wheel," "eSource," "ASQ," "CSS," "FBB's," "WINs," and "Drill Down Questions." Operators get advice and coaching from their team leaders and fellow employees. With over 160,000 calls a day, the sales force continually hones its craft.

To AOL's credit, John seems to have missed the section that advised to, "Never get angry with the Member...Don't criticize the Member by saying things like "you don't have to be so difficult with me" or "you're impossible to deal with." Maybe that's because most of the manual is devoted to overcoming customer's objections and selling them on AOL's awesomeness.

"Traditionally, when companies have profitable but shrinking businesses, like AOL's access service, they try to milk as much money as they can from them without investing new cash.," reported the New York Times on July 10th. The article hinged around CEO John Miller's proposal in two weeks time before his Time Warner overlords for a bold revamp of AOL's services. Included in the proposition are said to be plans to eliminate retention consultants entirely.

Instead of investing in a system that people actually wanted to use, AOL created a system for duping customers into not exercising their right to leave for cheaper, higher-quality services. Behind the rhetoric of "Member Services" and "World Class Value" are suits that see their members as spreadsheet numbers. The suits sleep soundly as long as one column is kept high and the other low.

UPDATE: Full copy of the AOL manual here.

Readers, please Digg this story.

• AOL Employees Slander Vincent Ferrari On Company Time
• BREAKING: Spitzer To Talk To AOL, Again
• AOL Updates Retention "Offer Matrix"
• AOL Internal Memos, After Vinny's Call
• We Interview Vincent Ferrari, AOL Canceller
• Dead Defeat AOL
• AOL Canceler on Today Show
• AOL Wants to Sell "Internet" to the Dead
• Consumerist on CNBC
• AOL Apologizes For Infamous Cancel Call
• The Best Thing We Have Ever Posted: Reader Tries To Cancel AOL
• AOL Officially Sucks More Than Anything Else

We ask for an extension.

Besides, who releases gangbusters stuff on a Friday? One's attention is drawn much more quickly to midget Michael Jackson and two-faced kittens.

However, we will disclose that since Vincent's big web debut, he's caught a lot of nasty comments on his blog. Some of the comments resolve to AOL and Netscape (owned by AOL) ip addresses. Netscape and AOL employees took time out of their day to slur Vincent, on company time.

Does the professionalism ever stop?

Read their remarks, after the jump...

New comment on your post #2548 "Utterly Aggravating"
Author : matt gabels (IP: 207.200.116.72 , cache-ntc-ab08.proxy.aol.com)
E-mail : waitingroom3223@hotmail.com
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=207.200.116.72
Comment:

you people have got to be kidding me? I'll repeat it....you've got to be kidding right? SO WHAT if you can't cancel your AOL account online. BOO HOO!!!! Fact of the matter is...due to security issues on line, it IS a privacy issue, would you want some hacker stealing your password and shutting your account down? what the hell do you people mean that it's not a privacy issue?? This is getting to be regoddamneddiculous! You can't cancel ANY account online! You can't cancel your cable, your phone, cellular or home, credit cards, bank accounts, hell you can't even cancel your trash service online.

Since we're on the topic of how "difficult" it is to cancel an AOL account, let's take a few moments to analyze that call....1st,Did Vincent's account get cancelled? yes, how long did it take? 5 minutes. Big deal. How many pitches were made during that call? NONE. Where is this harassment and horror story that this poor defenseless excuse for a human? He wasn't pleasant and everyone knows it.

Because Mr. "I wanted to expose the Horror Stories was oh so plesant on the phone" our friend Jon had to tell him to stop talking and running him over so he could do what Mr. I wanted to expose the horror stories and have my 15 minutes of fame wanted, without even making an attempt to get vincents business.

Had Mr. I'm so starved for attention I need to be a jerk and show the world that I can be a jerk to people and then play the victim had he answered the questions and said no to the 3 pitches, the call would have taken tops 2 and a half to 3 minutes. Instead he antagonizes the CSR and ends up on the news. What a joke!!!! You're a laughing stock within AOL dude, that's hysterical Ironic thing is, his "dad" is ALWAYS logged on as popsferrari, which the genious Mr. I want my 15 minutes of fame gave out on his website.

Keep usin' it, those ads that keep AIM free keep my stock from dipping!

New comment on your post #2511 "Open Call for AOL Retention Specialists or Employees"
Author : anonymous (IP: 207.200.116.72 , cache-ntc-ab08.proxy.aol.com)
E-mail : dygital@gmail.com
URI : http://www.google.com
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=207.200.116.72
Comment:

First off we all sign a NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT. Not only do we (as aol employees) agree to it, and are held accountable for the damages incurred, but if I (or anyone) was to send you confidential documents substantiating your biased point... both you AND the person releasing information are held accountable, financially.

Sure I know you want to prove a point, getting people to break their NDA's is another. I'll share this bit - its common knowledge EVERY retention business has quotas. Duh.

Lighten up a bit, stop being such a prick because you chose to repeatedly say "cancel the account" repeatedly, and you saw the rep was being an asshole too. You earned your 15 min of fame, on who's watch - your
employers?

I however do commend you for shining light on an issue - and changes have been made... but seriously - dont risk other workers their jobs just so you can end out on top. Cancelling my aol account wasn't that hard as you had
it, or others mentioned herein.

Contrast this with Nicholas Graham's assertion that cancellation requests are processed quickly...

What exactly do we gotta love? Find out, after the jump...

Leaks.

That's right, we have a copy of the AOL Retention Consultant manual. We've also got the cheat sheet flowchart. It's really interesting to follow along and see what parts of Vincent's phone call jibe with what the employees are instructed to do.

And then also, how it differs.

We can't wait to bust out our mad compare and contrast seventh grade essay skills. Salivating, really. We need to find a bib.

More to come, soon, after we're done savoring. There's the savory, the sweet, and then, the snark. Oh yes, there will be snark. The book will bleed snark. And then the snark will bleed. And then the blood will cry. And then the tears, they will explode, scattering acid into every pore.

Is it risky? Sure, but anything worth doing isn't without dangers. If your company found out, they could conceivably ruin your life. Luckily, we're publishing the materials, not you, which comes in handy for those pesky cease and desists and cries of libel and defamation (which, incidentally make for great blog fodder as well). We'll go to court to protect our sources who want protection, , a better guarantee than some outlets will give you these days.... Whether profound or profane, debilitating or inane, we're interested. Stand up for the little guy. Stick it to the man, even if you are the man. Sit on the stool and coo, pigeon, coo with all the gusto and moxie you can muster. The tip line is always open so drop us one.

The upshot is that as of June 23, ten days after Vincent's call hit the net, AOL ordered its retention specialists to only make TWO offers during a cancellation call. If a member says no to both, the account must be canceled. What a nice idea, a policy against having protracted arguments with your customers.

Nestled amongst the ultimatums is this line:

If members...are trying to provoke the Consultant into being unprofessional, immediately cancel the account.

As a matter of conjecture, this would seem to reveal that there's some in the AOL retention hierarchy who suffer under the misbegotten notion that Vincent somehow goaded John into acting like a jerk. Wow, they STILL don't get it. See you in the welfare check line, fellas.

Also, what's up with the capital C in Consultants and M in Members. What are we now, managing a cult?!

Smoking gun, after the jump...

Keep in mind with this offer sequence:
You are allowed to offer additional options if the member proactively asks.
Exercise common sense. If members are irate, use strong language, interrupt offer pitch to say they're not interested, or are trying to provoke the Consultant into being unprofessional, immediately cancel the account.
Credit cannot bbe given to members already on or being put on a commit PI.
Remember to uphold the Keep It Real standards and be true Member Advocates!

How the New Offer Sequence Helps You
With the new streamlined offer sequence you are now able to pitch an offer more tailored to the member's needs - faster. This ensures a better member experience while also reducing your talk time.
For example, with the combination of the AOL Advantage messaging with the PI pitch, you are able to directly show the value of AOL with the PI that best fits the member's needs.

If you like this entry, be sure to check out "AOL Internal Memos, After Vinny's Call"

In these AOL company documents we obtained, Scott Falconer, EVP of Member Services, transmits a rah-rah to the troops, expresses concern and appreciation for their work, and reminds them to renew their dedication to Servicing the Member.

Underneath the gloppy gloo of corporate newspeak lurks an inconvenient truth: retention consultants need to keep a 60% saves rate to keep their job.

Gotta love Scott's touting of their "third party verification" as an "industry-first initiative." Yes, those would be the same Watchmen AOL had to hire when Spitzer went after the ISP for their anti-consumer retention policies last year.

There's also a tone in the memos that instead of an unmitigated PR disaster, AOL suffered a death of family member. Given the circumstances, that's not necessarily an inappropriate turn to take.

Source documents, after the jump...

Member Services,

Recently, some AOL Member Service calls were posted on the Internet that do not reflect our serious commitment to Member Advocacy. On any interaction, you should assume that it could be posted on the web.

You have tough goals, and no doubt it can be difficult to deal with a member calling very frustrated with some aspect of their service. But we must remember the importance of creating a good member experience by being straightforward, helpful, respectful, friendly, and positive during every interaction. Imagine yourself on the other end of the phone, how would you want to be treated? Being an advocate, on behalf of members, strengthens the very foundation of what AOL stands for. AOL is our members.

In every member contact, I need you to step into your Trusted Advisor role and respond to our members in a manner that shows we are on their side. I need you to really hear what our members are saying, actively listen to them as you work to meet their needs, establishing a sense of trust and mutual respect.

I am proud to be a part of this tremendous team and know it's your personal mission to watch over our members. Please continue to focus on building a strong business - a business with member advocacy at its core.

Sincerely,

Scott Falconer
EVP, Member Services

As follow-up to the message I wrote you on Monday, June 19, I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining our unwavering standards of ethical and effective service during every member interaction.

The aftermath of the unfortunate, disappointing and unacceptable behavior of one of our former colleagues ha been severe. Following the posting of the recorded call on the Internet, various television and print media have featured the story, including a lengthy interview this morning with the former AOL member on NBC's Today show and on CNBC, casting a very negative impression of AOL and the great work all of us in Member Services do on behalf of our members every day.

While fulfilling our Member Advocacy Commitment (the "F" in FOCUS) is Member Services' number one goal for 2006, there is no time like the present to reiterate the commitment each of us has pledged to uphold on behalf of our valued members:

As the voice of AOL, I promise to conduct myself with integrity at all times, provide excellent service, and ensure a world-class member experience on every call or interaction.

The foundation of AOL is our members. The foundation of our relationship with our members is Member Advocacy. By being uncompromising in our adherence to our standards of behavior, we will maintain a relationship of trust with our members - trust that we are on their side and will provide them with a high quality customer experience. As you can see, withholding our highest level of service from even one member is all it takes to damage the trust and credibility you have worked so hard to earn.

With all of the safeguards we have in place:
*recording and monitoring of member interactions
*our Keep it Real policy, which details our standards of professionalism and ethical behavior
* and Third Party Verification, an industry-first initiative to guarantee quality in every single retention call Any attempt to circumvent our member promise is a violation of our practices, and we maintain a zero tolerance policy for non-compliance.

Please use this unfortunate customer interaction as a reminder that we must maintain our standards of conduct at all times, maintain the goodwill of AOL, and most of all, that we must keep our promise to Fulfill our Member Advocacy Commitment!

Regards,

Scott Falconer
EVP, Member Services

Dear Member Services Colleagues,

We have had a tough week here at Member Services. Although I am sitting far away from you here in Dulles, I am listening to your member interactions and I sincerely admire your response following the recent recorded call posted on the Internet. You are responding to member after member with even more consideration, respect and patience than before.

I hear many of you experiencing more challenges that you usually face with promises of recorded phone calls and the such. Amid all of this, you continue to demonstrate that respect and consideration are the rule, not the exception - all the while continuing to be the bedrock of our business.

As you continue upholding our commitment to Member Advocacy, I want you to know if you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to your leadership team for help. We're here for you as you are tirelessly here for our Members.

Before we head into the weekend, I want to take a moment to sincerely thank you. I want each of you to know, your commitment and faithfulness to our Members has not gone unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Scott Falconer
EVP Member Services

If you like this entry, be sure to check out another internal document "AOL Updates Retention "Offer Matrix"