Consider Verizon's reaction to news that Amtrak will provide WiFi in several NorthEast corridor stations. Rather than discuss actual policy—the implications of WiFi in public spaces, the rise and fall of muni WiFi, etc—"Blog Editor" (quotes not added) John 'CZ' Czwartacki instead proffers a sales pitch, writing: "Until they wire the trains themselves with WiFi, you can’t beat EVDO for en route productivity." Later, exalting EVDO's ability to stream video—which potentially violates Verizon's terms of service—CZ kids: "I’m sure my Verizon Wireless Broadband Access (Rev A) card can handle it, but not sure I could."

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Let's see if SmarterChild can do better:

The Consumerist: Can you beat EVDO for en route productivity?
Smarter Child: I certainly can.
The Consumerist: Even on a train?
Smarter Child: I know about Non. They're a band.
Hey, I'm curious... How would you describe Non? They are...
The Consumerist: Focus, Smarter Child, focus. Don't be one of those ADD robots that needs to get all adderalled up before answering simple questions.
Smarter Child: My name is SmarterChild!
The Consumerist: Much better. Now tell me, can a Verizon Wireless Broadband Access (Rev A) card can handle all the internets Verizon claims it can?
Smarter Child: Funny. I'm not sure.
The Consumerist: Ok, then tell me this: will Verizon ever learn that stuffing marketing into a faux policy blog demeans its readers and makes the authors look like a pack of out-of-touch B-school hacks?
Smarter Child: It's really hard to say.
The Consumerist: Would a real policy blog be any more effective?
Smarter Child: I don't think I want to answer that.
The Consumerist: Me neither.
Smarter Child: Ah, you.

We understand that corporate blogs need a dash of public relations savvy, but any intellectually honest marketer should understand the difference between subtle promotion and crass sales pitch. SmarterChild does:

The Consumerist: Say, you run a company. Your company lights someone's house on fire? Do you harass anyone who writes about it?
Smarter Child: Just 'cause you say so? I don't think so.
The Consumerist: Do you believe in freedom of the press?
Smarter Child : What would happen if I were to believe in freedom of the press?
The Consumerist: I suppose you wouldn't harass reporters.
Smarter Child : Huh?
The Consumerist: Yeah, it's a difficult concept.

Wow, can SmarterChild honestly address complex matters of political philosophy and governance, perhaps even replace Verizon's worthless policy blog altogether?

The Consumerist: I've been wondering, is regulation the root of all evil?
Smarter Child: Is regulation? I think so.

Trains and Broadband [Verizon "PolicyBlog"]
PREVIOUSLY: Verizon Spins Causing Electrical Fire During FiOs Install Into Sales Pitch

The six companies that won't pretend to cure cancer anymore include:

• Ni-Gen Nutrition of Troy, Mich., which allegedly marketed an electrolyte liquid and apricot seeds as cures.
• Westberry Enterprises of Pineville, La., which the agency said sold teas that contained algae and other ingredients.
• Jim Clark's All Natural Cancer Therapy of Louisville, Ky., which allegedly sold digestive enzymes and coral calcium as treatments.

• Omega Supply of San Diego, which allegedly sold hydrazine sulfate, a substance classified by the government as a potential cancer-causing agent.
• Herbs for Cancer, which allegedly sold 16 types of teas to fight specific cancers, plus a 17th type for "cancers not on our list."

FTC cracks down on bogus online cancer cures [The Los Angeles Times]
FTC Sweep Stops Peddlers of Bogus Cancer Cures [FTC]
Cure-ious? Ask. [FTC]
(Photo: Getty)

Serve City director Kay Waldo said she felt the people at the shelter were victims of a crime.

"Absolutely," she said. "I think they take advantage of the people here. I really do."

Waldo claimed that some of the people at the shelter don't even know how to read.

"They're being asked to sign something without even being able to read it," she added. "It's a crime as far as I look at it."

"If something was said incorrectly, let the circulator's name be obtained and we will take swift action to investigate and remove that employee if necessary." Norris added.

The payday lending industry, of course, has plenty of experience taking advantage of people.

WCPN produced a segment on the dirty industry's dirty campaign:

We're won't feign surprise that payday lenders are resorting to underhanded tactics. Usury laws, election laws, ethics; it's all the same crock of unreasonable bullshit to them.

Ohio Payday Lenders Caught Lying in Ballot Initiative Signature Drive [Consumer Law & Policy Blog via Caveat Emptor]
Payday Loan Petitions Doubted [WCPN]
Ohio Payday Lending Law Change Battle Heats Up [WCPO]
PREVIOUSLY: Ohio Passes Legislation That Will Punch Payday Lending Industry In The Face
Ohio Senate Passes Strict Lending Legislation, Prepares To Punch Payday Lenders In The Face
Ohio Punches Payday Lending Industry In The Face, Breaks Its Nose, And Laughs
(AP Photo/Seth Perlman)

Cablevision writes:

"There is no direct connection between the digital transition of broadcast television stations that will occur across the nation in early 2009 and Cablevision's decision to transition away from the duplicate analog feeds of a certain number of channels that we already carry in digital format.

Unfortunately, Cablevision goes on to say:

Neither our customer service training, nor our customer communications, link the two in any way."

As for Cablevision's training, we spoke with four customer service representatives and each one said the same thing. These weren't rogue agents conjuring up their own unsupportable explanations. Two CSRS put us on hold to consult their materials, came back, and repeated their assertions.

When we asked the agents to tell us who instructed them to mention the FCC, they expressly stated that they were following Cablevision's training. We strongly suspect that if we (or you) called back, we would again receive the exact same answer. Could all the agents have made the same mistake, and lied about their training? Absolutely, but Occam's Razor seems to shred any suggestion of a coincidence.

Cablevision admits that their agents repeatedly provided incorrect information. Two questions remain: Are they now lying about their training; and, how will the FCC admonish Cablevision for their deceptive and predatory behavior?

PREVIOUSLY: Cablevision Blatantly Lies To Subscribers As The FCC Twiddles Its Thumbs
Cablevision Uses Digital TV Transition To Upsell Basic Cable

Cablevision is lying to customers by claiming that the FCC will require all subscribers to upgrade to digital cable boxes in 2009. Digital cable boxes cost $6.50 per month, plus an extra $10.95 for digital service. Cablevision recently sent a letter to all boxless subscribers threatening to cut several channels unless they forked out a bundle of extra cash for digital service. When one of our family member called for an explanation, Cablevision shirked responsibility and placed the blame squarely on some crazy new FCC mandate. We called shenanigans and decided to call back and record our chats with several customer service representatives. Inside, the recordings of Cablevision lies and the FCC's flaccid response.

Before we get to the recordings, let's look at Cablevision's fairly innocuous letter:

40 million American families don't use a digital cable box. Assuming all cable companies use Cablevision's rates, operators stand to pick up an extra $698,000,000 per month by convincing all 40 million families to shell out an extra $17.45 for digital service. That small piece of change is worth more than the yearly GDP of several small nations.

Cablevision is well within its bounds to charge whatever it wants for service. They can tell us we need a cable box, and that service will now cost $300 per month. That's a freedom afforded by the market. What they can't do is cowardly hide behind the FCC and blame their money-grubbing on the government. Let's listen as they try to do just that:

We spoke with four representatives, each of whom blamed the FCC for forcing us to upgrade to digital cable. We asked one representative how this information was conveyed to the CSRs, and she explained that Cablevision had specifically trained them to point to the FCC.

Let's be perfectly clear: the FCC decision has absolutely nothing to do with the channels Cablevision is taking away, nor does it require anyone to upgrade to a digital cable box.

Don't believe us? Let's see if we can find someone to refute Cablevision.... Maybe Cablevision is up to the task?

We spoke with two representative at the FCC who claim that several cable companies have engaged in similar deceitful and fraudulent actions. According to the representatives, the Commission is powerless to take action. One even defended the cable companies, saying:

"Most of [the cable companies] are blaming it on the FCC. It's easier for us to take it. We have broad shoulders, you know? We're the ones who have to explain it to all the consumers anyway when they find the 800 number and then they start calling and asking us: "why is my cable company doing this to me? I want to file a complaint."

Unfortunately, there are no mandates for good customer service. I wish there was! I would really like there for to be a mandate that says: "I'm sorry, but people on the phone at my cable company have to be nice to me and they have to tell me the truth." I wish there was, but there's not.

A mandate for good customer service couldn't be enforced by the 82nd-airborne, but lying? Regulated companies should not be allowed to lie to their customers.

Thankfully, the bespectacled bossman helming the FCC takes a different view. Chairman Kevin Martin recently slammed retailers for lying about the digital transition, dishing out several million dollars worth of fines to Sears, Best Buy and Walmart. Why can cable companies lie, but not retailers?

We know that Chairman Martin is a good guy who likes consumers. Let's go back and listen to the sweet consumer-protecting swan song he sung so graciously in our defense last year:

If the cable companies had their way, you, your mother and father, or your next door neighbor could go to sleep one night after watching their favorite channel and wake up the next morning to a dark fuzzy screen. This is because the cable operators believe that it is appropriate for them to choose which stations analog cable customers should be able watch. It is not acceptable as a policy matter or as a legal matter.

Kevvy was announcing that cable companies would be required to carry broadcast channels (CBS, NBC, ABC, etc...) until 2012, and not Travel Planet or RAI, which Cablevision is preparing to yank. The Chairman did, however, explicitly endorse our right to enjoy cable service without a box, and Cablevision's right to require us to rent one:

...the Commission is not forcing consumers to purchase or lease a set top box to continue watching their favorite channels. This decision lies in the hands of the cable company. They can avoid the need for new boxes bychoosing to downconvert the digital signal into analog at their headend. This downconversion would permit analog cable subscribers to continue watching broadcast television just as they do today without disruption.

This isn't the first time Cablevision has used the DTV transition to beat customers like cash-spewing pinatas. The cable giant was previously caught sending letters to prospective customers telling them that TV would disappear in 2009 unless they started paying $240 per year, despite the availability of $20 converter boxes that will keep the Price Is Right up and running.

Cablevision is clearly engaged in a pattern of deception and fraud. The FCC has a responsibility to investigate and admonish Cablevision for their abusive conduct. Predatory upseling simply cannot be tolerated in a responsibly regulated marketplace.

PREVIOUSLY: Cablevision Uses Digital TV Transition To Upsell Basic Cable
Sears, Best Buy, Wal-Mart And Others Fined For Not Warning Consumers About Analog Obsolescence
FCC Takes Action To Prevent Cable Companies From Dropping Digital Broadcast Networks From Analog Cable