According to Hank's full story, the cruise was a magnificent blend of fine food, shambling old people, questionable musical numbers, and gorgeous scenery. It was only when he tried to leave before the date on his itinerary that the ship's pleasure police went into overdrive:

When we reached Juneau, I had to return to Los Angeles. But when I tried, with my luggage, to leave the ship along with the hundreds of other passengers disembarking to see the city, the ship's crew stopped me and informed me that I would not be permitted to leave the ship with my luggage. Then, in the rudest possible way and without explanation, the ship's security escorted me, as though I were a criminal, to the ship's Guest Relations desk, where the security officer informed the concierge that I had tried to escape.

Apparently, some brain-dead U.S. lawmakers in 2006 passed the Jones Act, which among other things, fines foreign cruise ships that allow a ship passenger to disembark from a ship in a state different from the one from which he originally boarded. Because most cruise ships, including the one I was on, operate under a foreign flag to avoid being subject to a number of U.S. laws, the cruise line wouldn't let me off the ship. I was afraid I would be trapped on a huge floating city, being forced to "enjoy" a pleasure cruise where I could eat, swim, eat, and learn about nature as much as I wanted — for all of eternity. I imagined being locked in the theater with Brett Nixon yelling at me, "You will stay, stay, stay, stay, stay on this amazing pleasure cruise, and you will like, like, like, like, like it and Alaaskaaah!"

For over an hour, Celebrity Cruises held me on the ship against my will as I argued with them about the ridiculous bureaucracy of it all. Finally, they agreed to release me from their custody after fining me $200 and sending me to U.S. Customs (though I had never stepped foot on foreign soil, being on the foreign cruise ship evidently required me to "reenter" the United States through Customs). The way the cruise line's security had treated me, it was though I had tried to steal their precious waffle-making apparatus from the waffle bar and smuggle it off the ship. Except I was just trying disembark and return home, in my own country.

Eventually, I escaped their clutches. At U.S. Customs, they barely looked at my paperwork and let me continue on to the airport. But I miss the waffles.

"Held captive on a ship with delicious waffles by Celebrity Cruises" [withoutbaggage]
(Photo: trialsanderrors)

Until recently, the law said that unwarranted computer searches constituted an "intrusion of the mind", but those days are now over in light of the new rulings. The latest rulings stem from a case where airline passenger, Timothy Arnold, was pulled aside for secondary questioning upon his arrival into LAX from The Philippines in July, 2005. Customs agents searched his laptop and found images depicting child pornography. Initially, it was ruled that agents didn't have reasonable suspicion to search his laptop, however, that ruling was overturned. Arnold was later charged with possessing and transporting child porn and with traveling to a foreign country with the intention of having sex with children.

U.S. Attorney Thomas O'Brien praised the decision, "The government needs to have the ability to restrict harmful material from entering the country, whether that be weapons used by terrorists, dangerous narcotics or child pornography." However, many disagree.

Travelers now have new concerns about the security of their private and corporate data. Some fear that poorly trained officers could accidentally corrupt or erase data during such searches. Also unknown, is where and how long data will be stored, perhaps making it vulnerable to theft or breaches. As it stands, all retrieved data can be kept indefinitely.

Despite the governments' new far-reaching power into your privacy there are a few things you can do to help secure your data when you travel. CNET offers a handy article that outlines different types of encryption and other techniques that can help keep your data secure.

The added delays and headaches seem almost insignificant when considering how much our personal liberties are being systematically revoked. We can understand the need to search for weapons and contraband but suspicionless searches of data is a bold new level of privacy invasion. Our laptops and personal information, once considered an extension of the mind, are now considered luggage. We wonder how long it will be until our minds are also considered luggage and subject to search without suspicion.

Border Agents Can Search Laptops Without Cause, Court Rules [Information Week]
9th Circuit OKs Border Guards' Search of Traveler's Laptop [Law.com]
Security guide to customs-proofing your laptop [CNET news]
(Photo: Getty)

They're concerned with protecting the U.S. food supply. Contaminated meat can put U.S. livestock at risk of mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease, swine fever, avian flu and other illnesses that can enter the food supply through garbage feeding and other means. Plants may harbor pests that could decimate whole crops.

So the regulations are based on the disease conditions in the country the product is from. Beef in any form is not allowed from Europe, Oman or Israel, all classified as areas with bovine spongiform encephalopathy, or mad cow disease. Canned beef bulgogi from Korea, however, is fine. Korea is classified as free of mad cow.

Spain and Italy are recognized as countries with swine disease, so in general no ham because curing methods don't always kill the disease. Parts of France have been designated as bird flu zones, so no foie gras.

So what does this mean for you?

Fungus routed from the ground by pigs in France? Load up. Basil plant from your grandmother's garden in Italy? Pack it up (just shake off the soil)! Kangaroo jerky from Australia? Bon appetit.

But don't even think about canned corned beef from Dublin or smoky, Spanish chorizo. And foie gras, even cooked and canned? At your peril.

In general, baked goods, candy and chocolate are all fine to bring into the U.S. Condiments — oil, vinegar, mustard, pickles, syrups, honey, jelly — also fine.

Cheese is trickier, with hard varieties such as Parmesan and cheddar allowed, but soft, fresh or runny varieties, such as Brie, burrata and ricotta — big no-nos.

Fruits and vegetables generally are prohibited or require special certificates, unless you can prove they were grown in and came directly from Canada. Except potatoes. No Canadian potatoes, which have suffered disease outbreaks.

Fresh meat generally is forbidden. No steaks, no chops, no sausage. Unless it comes from New Zealand. Or is a wild bison. From Canada. That you killed yourself (keep your hunting permit with your passport.)

Cured meats — that's your Serrano, Parma and Iberico hams, plus Hungarian salami and other delicacies — are almost always forbidden. Unless they come from particular, preapproved production facilities.

Check with customs before leaving so your potential contraband doesn't earn you a strict talking-to from concerned customs agents. The only thing you can know for certain is that the agents won't be shocked by whatever you're trying to bring back.

For Maurine Bell, port veterinarian at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport during the 1990s, that would be the whole goat she once found stuffed in a passenger's luggage.

"The gentleman was from Greece and he was bringing it in for his daughter's wedding," she says. "We took the goat. And the suitcase, too."

Think twice before stuffing your suitcase with prosciutto [USA Today]
Know Before You Go - Regulations for U.S. Residents (PDF) [U.S. Customs and Border Protection]
(Photo: dizznbonn)

A few months earlier in the same airport, a tech engineer returning from a business trip to London objected when a federal agent asked him to type his password into his laptop computer. "This laptop doesn't belong to me," he remembers protesting. "It belongs to my company." Eventually, he agreed to log on and stood by as the officer copied the Web sites he had visited, said the engineer, a U.S. citizen who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of calling attention to himself.

Maria Udy, a marketing executive with a global travel management firm in Bethesda, said her company laptop was seized by a federal agent as she was flying from Dulles International Airport to London in December 2006. Udy, a British citizen, said the agent told her he had "a security concern" with her. "I was basically given the option of handing over my laptop or not getting on that flight," she said.
...
"I was assured that my laptop would be given back to me in 10 or 15 days," said Udy, who continues to fly into and out of the United States. She said the federal agent copied her log-on and password, and asked her to show him a recent document and how she gains access to Microsoft Word. She was asked to pull up her e-mail but could not because of lack of Internet access. With ACTE's help, she pressed for relief. More than a year later, Udy has received neither her laptop nor an explanation.

Clarity Sought on Electronics Searches [Washington Post] (Thanks, AK!)
(Photo:devwalla)

Heath and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt explains:

We're recommending the implementation of this strategy in six cross-cutting building blocks. Let me review them for you. The first is, advance a common vision. Let me give you some commentary on that point. There are many different organizations who have specific responsibilities. And in some cases, they have different priorities that need to be melded into one common vision. In other words, rather than just looking at whether the border is secure, we also need to make certain that the products that are crossing them are safe and we can use the same technology in many cases to detect both. So a common vision.

The second is increasing accountability enforcement and deterrence. I talk about prevention with verification. Clearly, we need to have strong enforcement. The third building block is focus on the risks over the life cycle of the imported product. I've given you some — that's basically going from a snapshot to a video.

The fourth — and I'll dwell on this a little more — is on building interoperable systems. We found that there were data systems that — used by, for example, the FDA, where an FDA inspector would need to have five passwords to get into five different parts of the FDA system. We found that the Customs and Border Protection would have seven different sections of their system, and neither could access data of the other. We found that there were substantial systems being developed among the shippers and the retail and wholesale community, and they were not integrated. So there is a remarkably important opportunity here to create interoperability among systems, so that we can see the life cycle of the product and have much more efficient capacity to track and to screen and to respond.

The fifth building block is a culture of collaboration. This is not a new problem within any federal or public/private enterprise, being able to break down silos. And sixth, promoting technological innovation with new science. We saw many instances where field tests, for example, were useable for inspectors to make on the spot determination, as opposed to needing to take samples and send them to a lab.

The working group's recommendations can only work in concert with an effective inspection system. It is unreasonable and unaffordable to inspect every item arriving at our ports, but the government should develop a system that both streamlines operations, and holds importers accountable for importing products that comply with our safety laws.

Press Briefing on Import Safety by Heath and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt and National Economic Director Al Hubbard [The White House via AP]
(AP Photo/Harry Rosettani)

The card, which allows computers to connect to a local area network, experienced a partial failure that started about 12:50 p.m. Saturday, slowing down the system, said Jennifer Connors, a chief in the office of field operations for the Customs and Border Protection agency.

As data overloaded the system, a domino effect occurred with other computer network cards, eventually causing a total system failure a little after 2 p.m., Connors said.

"All indications are there was no hacking, no tampering, no terrorist link, nothing like that," she said. "It was an internal problem" contained to the Los Angeles International Airport system.

LAX outage is blamed on a single computer [LA Times]
(Photo:Kenny Miller)

PREVIOUSLY: 20,000+ International Passengers Stranded At LAX

Ginger from customer care took my call. I explained my situation and let her know that I was aware that these cancellations were last minute, but asked if there was any way to cancel or get a voucher or possibly reschedule. Right away she told me that booking for the Sheraton Baltimore City Center Hotel had a no cancellation policy, but offered to see what she could do. *Bonus* Before putting me on hold she let me know that it may take a long time, but reassured me that if I hung on she would be back. She was back about 5 minutes and told me that she was able to cancel the Sheraton and give me a full refund. She put me on hold again to look into the booking for today. A few minutes later she came back to let me know that she was able to cancel and refund that booking as well.

(Photo: CanadaPenguin)

Background:

My fianc and I were importing a car into the US through the port of Miami. We had planned to pick the car up in Miami and drive it to Connecticut, stopping along the way for over night stays in Jacksonville, Fayetteville and Baltimore. We used Priceline to book our room at the Clarion Hotel Airport Conference Center in Jacksonville and Hotels.com to book our rooms at the Days Inn Fayetteville and the Sheraton Baltimore City Center Hotel.

Unfortunately, US Customs was not on the same time frame as everybody else. The car arrived in Miami on Monday and was expected to be released by Wednesday or Thursday (a timeline we used to plan our trip). It wasn't until we flew into Miami on Thursday that we were informed that customs put the car on hold for inspection Wednesday and decided not to do any inspections on Thursday. This obviously threw our whole trip out of whack.

The Story:
I called the Clarion Hotel Airport Conference Center in Jacksonville on Thursday (the day of check-in) to cancel - realizing full well that canceling on the day of check-in was a sure fire way to rack up extra charges. The woman at the front desk informed me that since it was booked trough an online travel site I would have to cancel through them (Priceline) directly. She also stressed that though the online sites are often cheaper, they are infamous for their poor service and cancellation policies and further urged me to call the hotels directly for future bookings.

So, I rang Priceline's customer support number (which by the way is near impossible to find on line). After explaining my dilemma I was told read to from a script that it is against company policy to offer a refund for same day cancellations. I very nicely pleaded my case again and asked if there was any protection for circumstances clearly out of the customer's control. Again, reading from a script, she restated that same day cancellations are against policy. She also added that she could transfer me to her manager who would tell me the same thing. I was put on hold and subsequently disconnected 5 minutes later. I gave up at that point.

I knew I should have called Hotels.com right away to cancel, but I was exhausted after a day of dealing with customs, the freight company and Priceline, so I slept on it.

This morning I called Hotels.com (on their easy to find 800 number) to cancel my bookings, again with full expectations of being hit with anti-customer cancellation policies and charges. Ginger from customer care took my call. I explained my situation and let her know that I was aware that these cancellations were last minute, but asked if there was any way to cancel or get a voucher or possibly reschedule. Right away she told me that booking for the Sheraton Baltimore City Center Hotel had a no cancellation policy, but offered to see what she could do. *Bonus* Before putting me on hold she let me know that it may take a long time, but reassured me that if I hung on she would be back. She was back about 5 minutes and told me that she was able to cancel the Sheraton and give me a full refund. She put me on hold again to look into the booking for today. A few minutes later she came back to let me know that she was able to cancel and refund that booking as well.

Wow both reservations were cancelled and refunded! I didn't have to plead my case to endless reps and managers, I didn't have to beg for forgiveness or detail my incompetence. The call was no more than 15 minutes and I only dealt with one person (who was not the slightest bit rude). My expectations were blown away with Hotels.com. Ginger earned Hotels.com a loyal customer today. If only she worked at Customs we probably would not even be in this situation.

Brian's sister left her remote garage door opener behind on a recent visit. All he wanted to do was UPS it to her Detroit to Canada.

Thanks to the incompetence of a UPS employee, Bullwinkle and the Mounties put the kibosh on that happy little plan. Find out what the ey, after the jump...

Picture shows in-formation drills of Mounties practicing not delivering your mail. [source]

My wife's sister lives in Canada and we live two hours away in Detroit. My wife and son spent a few days with her sister and when she returned, discovered that her sister's remote garage door opener had been left in her car. So, figuring that the best way to get it back to her would be to send it by courier, she asked me to take it to the UPS store near my office.

Upon entering the store, I promptly found the form for sending things internationally and spent five minutes filling it out. I then presented it, along with the opener to the young lady behind the desk. She looked at my form and said, "Oh, you don't have to fill this out because we do it all by computer now." I bit my tongue and watched as she began to enter the information. Even though she had the form right there on the counter, she felt compelled to ask me each question. Again, biting my tongue, I gave the information.

When she came to a description of the item, I said it was a garage door opener. Value? I shrugged my shoulders and threw out $20.00. What difference did it make, I wasn't going to pay for the insurance.

Now came the time when she asked which type of delivery I wanted. Upon asking what the options and prices were, she said I could have it there within 2-3 days at $58.00. $58.00? The next option was 4-5 days at $53.00. $53.00? I was now thinking maybe my sister-in-law could just go buy a new opener. The third option was 5-7 days at $9.95. I wanted to ask what was so special about that fifth day that caused the price to go down, but why bother? The price was fine. I chose #3, paid, got my receipt and went home figuring it was all done.

Six days later, the opener had not yet arrived so my sister-in-law called UPS in her Canadian town to check on its status. She was informed that the opener was stuck at the border and UPS would not deliver it unless she paid a duty of $18.00. Further, she would have to pay sales tax, which in Ontario is 15%, bringing the total to $21.75. The duty is usually applied to merchandise sold in one country and imported. She tried to explain to the UPS person that this was just a used garage door opener, it was not sold, and there should be no duty or sales tax. She was told that she would have to pay this or she could not have the opener and it would be returned to me.

After stewing for a couple days, my sister-in-law tried again with UPS. She finally found out the problem: I had put the value at $20.00. You see, she was told, unlike the Post Office, which examines each international package to determine if there was a sale or not, UPS does not — is too lazy — to do this. Instead, they just assume every package is a sale, take the value stated as the sales price, and then apply the duty and tax. (Nevermind the issue of why the duty on a $20 item is $18). They do not determine, and more frustrating, do not ask the sender, if there was a sale or not.

The solution? My sister-in-law had to call the UPS office located here in Detroit right by my office, explain the situation and get that person to change the stated value of the garage door opener to $1.00. That person then had to send a letter to the Canadian UPS people so they had documentation of the true value of the opener. Now, there was no duty due, nor was any tax owed. So, within the next few days, hopefully, my sister-in-law will finally get her garage door opener back.

In summary, putting aside the issue of UPS just wantonly assuming that all deliveries are sales and imposing duty and tax on the unsuspecting recipients, and then holding the packages hostage, UPS has not made an effort to create a check-box that an item is not being sold, is a gift or whatever (as the Post Office does), and has totally failed to tell its customers, the shippers, of the significance of the stated value of what is being shipped, or the potential cost for the recipient.

Brian Garves

The mysterious Edward W. corresponds from Britain:

I'd also like to call your attention to a lovely little practice FedEx enjoys with overseas shipments. Several times, my loving parents have shipped various items to me in the UK. Items get delivered, everyone is happy. Until a few weeks later, I get an invoice from FedEx for customs duty, which they informed me, they've paid on my behalf as a 'convenience'. A 'convenience' for which they also 'charge'. This means I've paid up to 20 duty and service charge on such high-end items as a bag of sage-and-onion stuffing and canned pumpkin for Thanksgiving. My personal favourite was a courtesy copy of a book I helped edit. It was FedExed by the publisher, but arrived when I was out. A neighbour took it in, and handed it over to me later. A week later, what should arrive but an invoice. So I had to pay (again, 20) for a book I hadn't requested, hadn't signed for, and conceivably (as far as FedEx was aware) hadn't even received.

I should point out that at no point during delivery are you made aware that duty has been assessed on an item...you only find out when the invoice comes, or (even better) if you get a rather dubious letter from a 'collections agency' threatening you with legal action if you don't pay.

This happened to me three different times. Now, I wouldn't use FedEx if Tom Hanks came to the door with a pair of ice skates, a silly smile, and an apology.

I really, really hate FedEx.

This is John Brownlee, slipping out of the Consumerist's royal 'we' for a moment. Edward, I sympathize with your plight. As an American living abroad myself - with a mother who likes to send me little care packages, usually consisting of novelty underpants - what once was a pinhead-sized pucker has been stretched into a gaping vortex by the repeated bonings I have received over the years by hidden C.O.D. shipping charges. I haven't yet experienced the FedEx reaming, but in Ireland, there are numerous other ways in which An Post tries to bore out your wallet. My favorite is when the shifty-eyed mail man arbitrarily charges me a V.A.T. of 21% of what the goods I have received are worth. Nothing makes your birthday more special than the mail man whisking away your birthday presents because you don't have 100 in cash in your pajamas to pay off what is, at heart, the sort of bullshit socialist tax that would have been a Bolshevik's wet dream.