Elizabeth's story is just one of the many examples showing that piss-poor customer service can directly lead to lost business.

It has been over 3 weeks since I ordered a set of windows XP replacement cds, and still no sign of them. I ordered the disks using the form on dell.com and received an email saying that the disks would be sent to me in 3-5 business days. When I had not received the disks after over a week of waiting, I checked my account information on dell.com, hoping to find some answers. It was clear that the customer service rep never read the original form that I submitted and sent the disks to the "original shipping address" instead of the "current shipping address".

I replied to the original confirmation email (as the email told me to do if I had a problem) and explained the situation. I received what was obviously a form letter in reply saying that the situation would be corrected and that they would send out a new set of disks the following day. After waiting a few days for the "order info" to appear in my account information on dell.com, I was shocked to see that the disks had AGAIN been sent to the wrong address.

This time I tried calling customer service directly. After being on the phone for nearly an hour being transferred to a series of people whose English was barely intelligible , I was finally connected to a rep who said that because the package had not yet been picked up by DHL that he would personally contact DHL and change the shipping address on the package. He also stated that I would receive a confirmation email that same afternoon with the case number of my problem and all of the relevant shipping information.

By the next day I still had not received any confirmation email. My dell.com information still had the incorrect shipping address. Likewise using the DHL tracking number provided on the dell.com order info page, I saw that DHL still had the incorrect shipping address listed.

I called customer service again and was told that I had to be transferred to the technical support department to solve the problem. While I was on hold, the voice recording over the hold music told me to "have my credit card ready" so that technical support would be able to charge me for talking to them. I immediately hung up when I heard this. There was no way that I was now going to pay to talk to technical support about a shipping issue for a supposedly free set of disks.

I called customer service back immediately and was connected to a different representative who said that he would indeed be able to help me. He pulled up my file and said that he saw I had called the previous day and that the agent I had spoken to had contacted DHL and had changed the shipping address. The representative was quite rude and treated me like I was crazy for calling to confirm what I had been told the previous day. When I asked why I had not received a confirmation email about this (as the rep the previous day had promised), I was told that between Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon Dell had changed their policy and that they were not allowed to email me a copy of my case number and complaint information nor could they even tell me the case number over the phone. I was however promised by this rep that the disks would arrive on Tuesday.

Tuesday came and no disks. I received an email stating that my order had been "resolved and closed" because the package had been delivered. Magically, they now included the case number in the email, the case number that on Saturday I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to know due to their "policy". The Dell representatives had blatantly lied to me.

I checked the DHL.com tracking information. The disks had been delivered alright...AGAIN at the incorrect address. I called DHL directly and asked them if they had ever received any request from Dell to change my shipping information. Of course, they had not. The Dell representatives had blatantly lied to me about this as well.

I called customer service for a third time and explained the entire situation again. I told the rep that I had just gotten off the phone with DHL and that even though her computer said that Dell had contacted them about the shipping change, DHL had no knowledge of this. All she could tell me was that because the order had technically been delivered, the only way to receive the disks was to start the request process from scratch. I did so. So here I am Friday, sitting here still waiting for the disks to arrive knowing that some poor soul at my old college dorm has now received two sets of windows XP disks and is probably wondering what the heck is going on.

There is currently no information regarding this third order on my dell.com account info page. At this point, I just want to see if Dell will EVER be able to send the disks to me. Thank goodness all I had ordered were a set of free disks, imagine if this had been done with a full computer system.

This was not my first horror story with Dell customer service, but it will certainly be my last. I am currently typing this on my shiny MacBook. The final selling point for me was that there is a physical Apple store nearby that's open 24/7 - 365 days a year with customer service reps that I can look in the eye. Then if they lie to me, at least they have to do it to my face. ;)

Welcome, Elizabeth, to a new, better world.

(Photo: Getty)

If you've ever contested a mysterious charge on your credit card, tried to resolve a problem with your computer, or wanted to return an item to a vendor, you've probably encountered stubborn customer service agents — people who seem nice at the outset but change their tune when they realize complying with your request will cause additional work on their part. To change their orientation toward you, try the following: If you find toward the beginning of your interaction that the customer service agent is being particularly friendly, polite, or responsive — perhaps before you get to your toughest request — tell the agent that you're so impressed with his or her service and knowledge so far that you're going to write a positive letter or e-mail about your interaction to his or her supervisor as soon as you get off the phone. After getting the agent's name and the supervisor's contact information, you can then get to the more complex issues at hand. (Or, even easier, you can tell the person that you're so happy with the service that you'd like to be transferred to the agent's supervisor when you're done so that you can pay the person a compliment.) Although there are a number of psychological reasons for why this might be an effective strategy, the norm of reciprocity — one of the best-studied norms in psychology — is a powerful factor here: You've offered to do a favor for that person, so now that person is going to be motivated to return the favor. So long as you follow through with your promise, the strategy is an ethical and effective one.

More importantly, offering praise should put you in a good mood, and not being an ass is one of single best ways to solve problems.

Trouble with customer service agents? Try this. [Psychology Today via BoingBoing]
(Photo: Getty)

Kingston S: Welcome to HP Total Care for Desktops. My name is Kingston. How may I assist you today?

Consumerist Reader: hello my compaq has expanded leaking capacitors

Kingston S: Hi [redacted], how are you doing today?

Consumerist Reader: my compaq has expanded leaking capacitors

Kingston S: I understand your concern. Let us go through the issue and check how best we can resolve it.
Kingston S: In order to understand the issue better, please let me ask you few questions.
Kingston S: May I confirm your email id as: [redacted, but misspelled]?

Consumerist Reader: it's [redacted]

Kingston S: Alright. Please let me know if the operating system in your computer is Windows XP.

Consumerist Reader: it's xp

Kingston S: May I know when this issue started?

Consumerist Reader: it's been intermittent for a while it's gotten progressively worse with the compter hanging or not starting

Kingston S: May I confirm the model number of your computer facing the issue as: Compaq Presario 6010US Desktop PC?

Consumerist Reader: that's correct

Kingston S: [redacted], I am sorry about that but I will not be able to assist you in this regard as it is out of my support boundary. Shall I share my views with you instead?

Consumerist Reader: what?

Kingston S: [redacted], you can contact the Authorized Service Providers and they may be able to do something for this.
Kingston S: This is because this was one of the best computer model when it was released.

Consumerist Reader: is there a phone number?

Kingston S: Now, that it has become old, and the options for taking it for a bench repair is not left at all.
Kingston S: The phone support is a paid support.
Kingston S: [redacted], don't you think it is high time to upgrade your PC?
Kingston S: Why I suggested that because HP is selling new computers at attractive discount prices which has got all the Advanced features and latest technology support.
Kingston S: It is also shipped with the latest Windows Vista operating system.
Kingston S: There is an instant rebate going on with HP. You will get computers from HP even with the latest Windows Vista operating system preinstalled starting from $ 350. Isn't that an awesome offer?

Consumerist Reader: I think I'll buy a Mac
Consumerist Reader: Compaq/HP obviously doesn't support what they sell.
Consumerist Reader: I've heard there are nothing but problems with Vista

Kingston S: If you are getting an operating system with same features and if it more user friendly, you should go for it. I am sorry. This product has become obsolete. So, Authorized Service Providers may be able to assist you.

Consumerist Reader: So you/hp can't help me?

Kingston S: I am sorry. I can only assist you with a PC upgrade now. If you are interested, we can arrange a call back only for upgrading to the up to date PC which we support completely.

Consumerist Reader: This is the last hp product I will ever buy.

(Photo: Getty)

Cablevision writes:

"There is no direct connection between the digital transition of broadcast television stations that will occur across the nation in early 2009 and Cablevision's decision to transition away from the duplicate analog feeds of a certain number of channels that we already carry in digital format.

Unfortunately, Cablevision goes on to say:

Neither our customer service training, nor our customer communications, link the two in any way."

As for Cablevision's training, we spoke with four customer service representatives and each one said the same thing. These weren't rogue agents conjuring up their own unsupportable explanations. Two CSRS put us on hold to consult their materials, came back, and repeated their assertions.

When we asked the agents to tell us who instructed them to mention the FCC, they expressly stated that they were following Cablevision's training. We strongly suspect that if we (or you) called back, we would again receive the exact same answer. Could all the agents have made the same mistake, and lied about their training? Absolutely, but Occam's Razor seems to shred any suggestion of a coincidence.

Cablevision admits that their agents repeatedly provided incorrect information. Two questions remain: Are they now lying about their training; and, how will the FCC admonish Cablevision for their deceptive and predatory behavior?

PREVIOUSLY: Cablevision Blatantly Lies To Subscribers As The FCC Twiddles Its Thumbs
Cablevision Uses Digital TV Transition To Upsell Basic Cable

Cablevision is lying to customers by claiming that the FCC will require all subscribers to upgrade to digital cable boxes in 2009. Digital cable boxes cost $6.50 per month, plus an extra $10.95 for digital service. Cablevision recently sent a letter to all boxless subscribers threatening to cut several channels unless they forked out a bundle of extra cash for digital service. When one of our family member called for an explanation, Cablevision shirked responsibility and placed the blame squarely on some crazy new FCC mandate. We called shenanigans and decided to call back and record our chats with several customer service representatives. Inside, the recordings of Cablevision lies and the FCC's flaccid response.

Before we get to the recordings, let's look at Cablevision's fairly innocuous letter:

40 million American families don't use a digital cable box. Assuming all cable companies use Cablevision's rates, operators stand to pick up an extra $698,000,000 per month by convincing all 40 million families to shell out an extra $17.45 for digital service. That small piece of change is worth more than the yearly GDP of several small nations.

Cablevision is well within its bounds to charge whatever it wants for service. They can tell us we need a cable box, and that service will now cost $300 per month. That's a freedom afforded by the market. What they can't do is cowardly hide behind the FCC and blame their money-grubbing on the government. Let's listen as they try to do just that:

We spoke with four representatives, each of whom blamed the FCC for forcing us to upgrade to digital cable. We asked one representative how this information was conveyed to the CSRs, and she explained that Cablevision had specifically trained them to point to the FCC.

Let's be perfectly clear: the FCC decision has absolutely nothing to do with the channels Cablevision is taking away, nor does it require anyone to upgrade to a digital cable box.

Don't believe us? Let's see if we can find someone to refute Cablevision.... Maybe Cablevision is up to the task?

We spoke with two representative at the FCC who claim that several cable companies have engaged in similar deceitful and fraudulent actions. According to the representatives, the Commission is powerless to take action. One even defended the cable companies, saying:

"Most of [the cable companies] are blaming it on the FCC. It's easier for us to take it. We have broad shoulders, you know? We're the ones who have to explain it to all the consumers anyway when they find the 800 number and then they start calling and asking us: "why is my cable company doing this to me? I want to file a complaint."

Unfortunately, there are no mandates for good customer service. I wish there was! I would really like there for to be a mandate that says: "I'm sorry, but people on the phone at my cable company have to be nice to me and they have to tell me the truth." I wish there was, but there's not.

A mandate for good customer service couldn't be enforced by the 82nd-airborne, but lying? Regulated companies should not be allowed to lie to their customers.

Thankfully, the bespectacled bossman helming the FCC takes a different view. Chairman Kevin Martin recently slammed retailers for lying about the digital transition, dishing out several million dollars worth of fines to Sears, Best Buy and Walmart. Why can cable companies lie, but not retailers?

We know that Chairman Martin is a good guy who likes consumers. Let's go back and listen to the sweet consumer-protecting swan song he sung so graciously in our defense last year:

If the cable companies had their way, you, your mother and father, or your next door neighbor could go to sleep one night after watching their favorite channel and wake up the next morning to a dark fuzzy screen. This is because the cable operators believe that it is appropriate for them to choose which stations analog cable customers should be able watch. It is not acceptable as a policy matter or as a legal matter.

Kevvy was announcing that cable companies would be required to carry broadcast channels (CBS, NBC, ABC, etc...) until 2012, and not Travel Planet or RAI, which Cablevision is preparing to yank. The Chairman did, however, explicitly endorse our right to enjoy cable service without a box, and Cablevision's right to require us to rent one:

...the Commission is not forcing consumers to purchase or lease a set top box to continue watching their favorite channels. This decision lies in the hands of the cable company. They can avoid the need for new boxes bychoosing to downconvert the digital signal into analog at their headend. This downconversion would permit analog cable subscribers to continue watching broadcast television just as they do today without disruption.

This isn't the first time Cablevision has used the DTV transition to beat customers like cash-spewing pinatas. The cable giant was previously caught sending letters to prospective customers telling them that TV would disappear in 2009 unless they started paying $240 per year, despite the availability of $20 converter boxes that will keep the Price Is Right up and running.

Cablevision is clearly engaged in a pattern of deception and fraud. The FCC has a responsibility to investigate and admonish Cablevision for their abusive conduct. Predatory upseling simply cannot be tolerated in a responsibly regulated marketplace.

PREVIOUSLY: Cablevision Uses Digital TV Transition To Upsell Basic Cable
Sears, Best Buy, Wal-Mart And Others Fined For Not Warning Consumers About Analog Obsolescence
FCC Takes Action To Prevent Cable Companies From Dropping Digital Broadcast Networks From Analog Cable

So what do call center reps tell callers?

"We lie to them," Gates says. "We tell them, 'Absolutely, the technician will be there.'

A former cable company call center rep says: "We lie" to customers who ask when installer will arrive [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
(Photo: Mullenkedheim)

Basically it's averages, not each specific call; their goal is to average a $3 credit per call and to have an average call time of 7 minutes. Now that doesn't sound like a lot but for every person that calls up with a big billing problem that needs a $200 credit and is on the phone for 45 minutes you can get 20 or 30 calls of people just checking how many minutes they have left, want to know their account balance or change an address. All of those are quick, and don't require credits. Policies like these are in use at call-centers for just about every company and are certainly no excuse for denying a customer the time or money needed to rectify a problem.

That certainly makes a lot more sense, and sounds less sinister, despite our pictures of Ebeneezer Scrooge and Soviet anti-capitalist posters. Consumerist, stop railing the Kooll-Aid! It's metrics, not evil... but wait, their customer service still sucks. Oh yeah, right. Bring back that puppy, we're not done kicking it. — BEN POPKEN

UPDATE: The $3 is an average reps shoot for, over time, not a mandate for each individual call.

mrblue: I work for a 3rd party cell phone retail store. I was on the phone with a CSR for Sprint asking if they could allow one of their customers to upgrade 1 week earlier than her eligable date.
mrblue: She got rather quiet for a while, then I asked her if there was a problem.
mrblue: She said something around the lines of "Well, I have to make a decision here. This is going to lower my (her score? quota? points)."
mrblue: I told her I was sorry and if she could get me to a supervisor instead. She said no she would do it. Then I commented that I heard things were really rough at Sprint lately. She said "yeah, they're being really hard on us here." I told her how I read that they were only allowed a $3 credit per rep for certain issues and she said "wow how did you know that?" I told her about Consumerist.com. We continued to talk and she said how unhappy she was etc and then all of a sudden I hear "click" and the line disconnected.
mrblue: She sounded rather sad though =(. That probably cost her her job.

That *click* was probably the observance of another Sprint customer service rep metric: the seven-minute per call time limit. — BEN POPKEN

Customer service reps have goals to meet for every call they take UPDATE: This is the average reps shoot for per call, over time. You only get an average of three dollars per call to give back to the customer. Calls need to be under seven minutes. All companies have these metrics, but Philip says,

I have never seen any company enforce metrics as strictly as Sprint and truly give no consideration to impacting factors either..."

philip: Even a valid, justifiable adjustment (meaning we were crediting for our own mistake), specialists have a very very small limit. And if they don't make the goal, they don't get their raise. So it's motivation for them to say no.
benpopken: is the limit per call, or per day, or what?

philip: Even a valid, justifiable adjustment (meaning we were crediting for our own mistake), specialists have a very very small limit. And if they don't make the goal, they don't get their raise. So it's motivation for them to say no.
benpopken: is the limit per call, or per day, or what?
philip: The goal varies depending on Line of Business (be it corporate accounts, consumer general, retention, etc) but averages $3/call. Trust me that is not a fair amount or remotely realistic. Today in our manager's meeting the VP of Operations made it clear that it would no longer be acceptable for supervisors to make adjustments for specialists (for instance a specialist might have a supervisor make an $800 adjustment for a billing error instead of getting disciplinary action for being over goal)
benpopken: $3 a call is nothing!
philip: And that amount includes courtesy credits (which are actually technically no longer allowed), billing corrections, etc; There are specialists [customer service representatives] right now who literally are scared to go outside for break because they are worried their badge won't work when it's time to come back. I see it happen every week.
benpopken: is that how they fire people? just deactivating their badge?
philip: Depends on how many people have to be let go that day and for what issue
benpopken: crikey
benpopken: climate of fear is no way to run a place
philip: If its an attendance-related issue then we make every effort to sit the specialist down and advise them that we have to sever their employment and what not. But in some cases it happens that they go out for a smoke break and their badge doesn't work when they try to go back inside.
philip: There is a lady who is on four Level 3 warnings. Any day now she is going to be terminated for not meeting goal. She is the only specialist I have ever met that has never, ever failed a Customer Satisfaction call. It's a shame because she is so wonderful at what she does and you see her break down and cry at lunch because she is going to lose her job for doing her job without regards to bureaucracy
philip: But definitely many people who come to work and really do live in fear of not being able to keep their call time at goal (usually below 7 minutes, again depending on line of business) or keep their adjustments at goal... And then at the same time, they are held accountable for CSAT Surveys (which is when a third-party company calls the customer back a couple of days later and asks them about their experience). It's a very difficult job and Sprint really does not give specialists the support they need to take care of customers realistically.
benpopken: hm 7 minutes
benpopken: that stinks for them
philip: It's hard to pull that off when a lot of people are calling in for the 7th time desperately trying to get that valid adjustment.
benpopken: so maybe if they gave more leeway on the valid adjustments they could save a lot of grief
philip: And here's the thing- metrics exist in every occupation and industry and are extremely necessary to operate a business. But I have never seen any company enforce them as strictly as Sprint and truly give no consideration to impacting factors either.
benpopken: where did the metric obsession come from?
benpopken: gary forsee loves metrics?
philip: Gary could care less.

— BEN POPKEN

Previous leaks from our Sprint moles

He finally discovered the service interruptions were caused by a new DirecTV software patch designed to enable interactive features that J.C. has no intention of using. Furthemore, DirecTV wants him to pay to fix the problem they created.

Insult to injury, after the jump.

"I use Direct TV and two and a half weeks ago the television in my bedroom started flashing black, flashing black, flashing black, at random. I tested to make sure it wasn't on my end by resetting the receiver and trying the living room receiver on my bedroom television. I called them and went through the automotive trouble shooting before getting sent to a real person. I explained my situation and the man said this has started happening to a lot of people and he would have my receiver marked to be patched.

After a week of black flashes which seem to time themselves for dramatic moments like when Uncle Junior shot Tony I woke up to find the info bar now flashing constantly. I called to report this new development and ask what was going on. The woman took the information and said she would try to get it fixed. I asked if I could get compensated for my week of problems and they gave me $5 off my bill for the next six of months. This was nice of them.

A week passed with no changes so today I called and asked them to just send me a new receiver. The man said he would but it would cost me $15 in shipping, I asked if they would pay it and after he talked to a supervisor he said he would. He said he couldn't send out a new receiver himself but would put a note that the shipping was free and transfer me to the right department.

The lady I spoke to next took down my information, placed me on hold, and played the love song from Karate Kid Part II for me to enjoy. When she got back she asked some questions and told me that because I owned my receiver and it was out of the 90 day warranty I would have to pay for $150 for new one or sign a one year lease. I said I would prefer not to do either option and asked if they can ensure that they patched my system like the first guy said they would. She then informed me that the reason this all started in the first place was because Direct TV patched everyones receivers to prepare for more interactive stuff I would never use anyways. I asked her "So, you guys come into my house through a phone line, broke something I own with a bad patch, and expect me to have to purchase a new one?" and she said yes. So, I told her I would call back later "after I see what type of prices the Dish Network has and send an email to my favorite consumer blog so they can give you some bad press.

signed,
J. C."