(Mike Mozart)

Burger King Employee Beats Up Former Co-Worker Who Attempted To Rob Restaurant

In a move that would probably get him fired if he worked at Walmart, a Burger King employee in Ohio fought off a knife-wielding wannabe robber, who happened to have previously worked at that restaurant (and whose special lady friend still works there). [More]

(Evan Jackson)

Teen Counterfeiter Blames Crime On “Too Much Freedom” From Mom

Reason #6,721 I have no interest in ever being a parent: My child would someday try to pin the blame for his or her misdeeds on my parenting, just like the teenage counterfeiter in Pennsylvania who says the reason he created bogus $100 bills was because his mom was too easy on him. [More]

Apple: Stolen Celeb Nudes Were Result Of Good Guessing, Not Data Breach

(SimonQ錫濛譙)

In what amounts to a “don’t blame us” statement, Apple appears to be trying to shake off any culpability it might have in this weekend’s massive posting of hundreds of stolen photos of a female celebrities in various states of undress (Again — no, we’re not linking to them). The company is saying there was no data breach on iCloud or Find My iPhone… but only in the sense that not everyone’s photos were stolen. [More]

(Nicholas DiMaio)

World’s Worst Taco Bell Customer Grabs Employee’s Butt Through Drive-Thru Window

We understand that Taco Bell’s sole reason to exist is to sate customers’ gluttonous cravings. But while it’s okay to satisfy your lust for cheese and meat-like product with a burrito, it’s most definitely not okay to give into an idiotic desire to grab a Taco Bell employee’s rear-end. [More]

(Allison)

If You Bring A Baby With You To Shoplift At Walmart, Don’t Leave Her Behind

While we don’t condone theft of any sort, we are aware of the notion that having a baby with you while you shoplift might help create the illusion that you’re not a petty criminal who needs to be watched by store security. But if you get spotted trying to take advantage of some five-finger discounts, leaving that infant behind is incredibly uncool. It will probably also lead the police right to your doorstep. [More]

(Ninja M.)

Apple & FBI Investigating Mass Leak Of Stolen Nude Celebrity Photos

As you undoubtedly read about over the long weekend, numerous female celebrities’ mobile accounts were recently breached, and the extremely revealing results were posted online for all to see (And no, we’re not posting any links here). In addition to the personal embarrassment this invasion might have caused for the people in these images, it’s a black eye for Apple, who has a lot of explaining to do about the security of its iCloud storage. [More]

Drunk, Angry Customer Pulls Employee Through Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window

The employee was pulled through that wee window and then further assaulted by the customer. (Photo: Google Maps)

One might think that working at a fast food drive-thru window would provide some measure of protection from angry customers who want to leap over the counter and do bad things to you, but that is apparently not the case. [More]

(Sathish J)

Yet Another Airline Passenger Arrested For Groping Sleeping Woman

To all air travelers, but mostly to my fellow males — What the hell is wrong with some of you? It pains me to write yet another story about a passenger accused of molesting a sleeping woman in the seat next to him, but it apparently happened over the weekend on a United flight from Tokyo to Newark. [More]

(frankieleon)

Hot Sauce-Filled Soda Is Weapon Of Choice For One Taco Bell Customer

We’re pretty sure that throwing any beverage at a Taco Bell employee will get you booted and banned from the store. But since you’re at Taco Bell, why not include some hot sauce in the beverage bomb you toss in the Bell staffer’s face? [More]

If You Want To Keep Your Job As A News Anchor, Don’t Get Caught Shoplifting

If You Want To Keep Your Job As A News Anchor, Don’t Get Caught Shoplifting

As celebs like Wynona Ryder have demonstrated, you can get caught shoplifting and still go on to have a decent career in the public eye. Perhaps Ryder’s redemption tale will give some hope to a California news woman who has resigned her local anchoring gig after being charged with shoplifting. [More]

Our expert reconstruction of the crime scene. (photo: Morton Fox)

Burglar Breaks Into Restaurant To Cook Himself Crab Cakes

Every master criminal has his or her weakness that lands them in jail. Some get caught because they feel compelled to clean out every diamond from a vault. Others can’t resist the temptation of going up a supposedly unbeatable security system. Then there’s the guy in Delaware who was caught robbing a restaurant because he stopped to cook up some crab cakes for himself. [More]

Facebook-Shaming Gets Another Dine-And-Dash Artist To Pay Up

Facebook-Shaming Gets Another Dine-And-Dash Artist To Pay Up

Even though it’s no different than other forms of theft, it can sometimes be difficult to get the authorities worked up about a restaurant customer who skips out on a meal without paying. But some restaurant owners are having success with getting these dine-and-dash scofflaws to pay up by publicly shaming them on social media. [More]

(mytoenailcameoff)

If You’re Unhappy About Comcast Charge, Don’t Pull Gun On Service Tech

While we disagree with some who think that Comcast is an admirable company, we certainly don’t advocate using a gun to resolve your disputes with the cable company. Apparently our talk-it-out ways are not shared by a New Mexico woman who is accused of pulling a gun on a Comcast tech following a dispute over unexpected charges for a service call. [More]

Police Hunting For Man Who Stole 9 Lawnmowers From Sears… One Mower At A Time

Police Hunting For Man Who Stole 9 Lawnmowers From Sears… One Mower At A Time

When I first heard about a man wanted in Alabama for allegedly stealing nine lawnmowers from a Sears store, I assumed he’d swiped all the mowers at once with the aid of a truck or moving van. But no, this mower thief had the idiotic bravery to steal the nine mowers one at a time… in the backseat of his sedan. [More]

(Enokson)

If You’re Going To Commit $175K In ID Theft, Don’t Do It Under Your Real Name

One would think that a scammer clever enough to steal a victim’s personal data and trick some of the nation’s largest banks into helping her steal $175,000 would have the forethought to hide her own identity. But that idea apparently didn’t occur to a North Carolina who also posted helpful photos of herself online to aid police in their search. [More]

Even Millionaires Can’t Urinate On The Candy At CVS

Even Millionaires Can’t Urinate On The Candy At CVS

Even if you’re a wealthy real estate heir who has previously been acquitted of murder charges, you will probably get arrested if you decide to expose your private parts to CVS employees… and then use said private parts to urinate on the store property and products. [More]

FedEx Indicted For Shipping Drugs For Illegal Pharmacies; Denies Allegations

(Michael Sauers)

More than a year after UPS agreed to pay $40 million to settle federal charges that it knowingly made shipments for illegal online pharmacies, a federal grand jury has indicted FedEx for similar allegations. [More]

(frankieleon)

Fake Airport Security Screener Tricks Women Into Pat-Downs

The world has enough problems with actual, inept TSA agents who have never heard of our nation’s capital. We don’t need jerks posing as airport security just to molest female travelers. [More]