She didn't want to tote it back across to the floral section when she replaced the scented oil. I was standing there looking when all of a sudden a man named Larry (who worked in the automotive section I assume) grabbed the trash can that I could feel touching my leg, yanked it up, and did a half slide/half throw toward the hardware side of the store. Well, that made the empty trash fly and crash in a loud kinda empty trash can sound way, very loud, almost 2 1/2 to 3 aisles down from where I was standing. As if my embarrassment wasn't enough, he left it in the middle of the aisle and started to return to the Automotive counter.

Surely you didn't expect him to go retrieve it, Ricky? Crazy and manners don't often go together.

Ricky, who incidentally worked for twelve years in a big box retail environment, writes:

I walked past him and said, "Thanks Larry for throwing my trash can," while 10 to 15 people just stared in amazement... It was very embarrassing. I hurried to where the can was lying in the middle of the floor and tried to pick it up without being looked at like a three-armed sideshow freak.

Larry was also trying to beat me to the trash can, the whole time saying that an "old woman" just left it there. I then politely said that "old woman" was my mother, and it was right beside me the whole time within 2 inches of my leg. He then ran back to the automotive sales counter where they change the oil, but never apologized as if he did nothing wrong. By that time I was so mad my head was throbbing, I was so embarrassed by how I was treated that I took the 2 wire items I needed and replaced the trash can back on the counter and said Wal-Mart will not get a trash can sell from me today.

Ricky went out to the parking lot to cool off, then called the store phone number that was printed on a receipt.

I was like, "I can't let this pass." I phoned and asked for the Store Manager, and the operator said she was on vacation. I then asked for the co-manager, [and the operator] said he was not there. I then politely asked, "Can I speak to whoever is in charge of the circus there?" She transferred me to Assistant Manager Mike.

Well, I told him my complaint and he never really said too much, said he would be mad too if it happened to him. [I felt] I was given the ole' "I don't have time to speak to you because I have to get back to setting the Christmas department planogram" song and dance—he was very rushed and short.

Ricky told the assistant manager the approximate time it happened and suggested he check the store security tapes for confirmation, and he left his number and asked that the store manager call him back upon her return from vacation. We hope at the very least Ricky receives an apology for how he and his mother were treated, and that Larry is "retrained" (to use a recently popular corporate term) to not throw the merchandise until after it's paid for.

(On a related note: Ricky, learn to write in paragraphs! With punctuation! Yes, I am wagging my finger at you now! It took me three days to figure out how to edit your story down to a readable level. This isn't just me being a jackass—you'll be taken far more seriously by companies if you can make a concise, well-written argument on your own behalf. Maybe not by Walmart, which has a reputation for ignoring customer complaints, but there are certainly other companies out there who actually respond to customer feedback on occasion.)

(Photo: Getty Images)

Today my boyfriend and I went to our mall in Hattiesburg, MS. It is a very small city and only has one mall so it is the one by default we are forced to go to.

My boyfriend about three weeks ago purchased Proactiv Solutions. First of all, when we went three weeks ago we were forced to purchase the more expensive, larger version due to the fact that they were out of the thirty day trial kit.

He was very hopeful that it would work, he decided to try Proactiv because of me and results I have seen with friends and family who have also used Proactiv.

We went today to return the package, a process that Proactiv claims is easy! After we arrived to take back the product the woman at the kiosk started to verbally HARASS us! Upon giving her the box she opened it took one look inside and said that it did not work because it was being used improperly, when it had been used in only the ways it was specifically outlined in the product guide to use. She also stated my boyfriend had used too much of the "Repairing Lotion." This would make sense if she could have seen through the bottle or actually picked it up and felt how much was in it, but she did no such thing. The woman went on to say that if we were going to use it again, to use it properly. And to that my response was, "we are not going to be using Proactiv again." Well, that is when I asked her to give us back our money, and that is when she started going off, asking me who I was and why it was any business and why I was even there!

This made me angry, and I told her that we just wanted the money back, and we did not want to here how we were supposed to use the product.

She felt harassed by us so she called security on me. Then when I asked to get the receipt back, she refused to give it back, and then upon me asking for a number to call to complain she covered up all of the numbers and refused to talk to me telling me that she couldn't receive anything until security got there. All of this in the middle of the only mall in a small town. So I waited for security, and upon coming over and listening to her yell at him, he told me to come over and get away from her because she would not stop yelling, and refusing to do anything until I was out of her sight.

I was forced to leave the mall all because Proactiv REFUSED to allow us to return the product easily without being harassed. What has happened to customer service? what happened to the customer is always right? Does a guarantee only function as a guarantee after you withstand the harassment?

The customer is not always right, because sometimes the customer is a complete jackass. But it sounds like in this case, you were dealing with a crazy person who doesn't believe in taking any sass-back from kids these days, or who figures if she acts psychotic enough she'll scare away customers who try to return products.

However, Proactiv makes it very clear on their website that you can return the product within 60 days, no matter how much you use or how well you feel it worked. Their "guarantee" page simply states,

If you're not totally satisfied with the results, simply return the bottles within 60 days, even if they're empty, for a complete refund of the purchase price (less shipping & handling).

There's no fine print on the page, and none we could find elsewhere on the site, and no mention of having to show proof of purchase in the form of a receipt. There's also no mention of kiosk sales falling under a different return policy, so it seems pretty clear that Proactiv has to take your return.

At this point, we suggest you escalate the problem beyond the Krazy Kiosk Lady and contact Proactiv directly to negotiate a return. You should also—regardless of whether you succeed in returning the product—write a clear, polite letter to the company describing how badly you were treated by this woman, how she confiscated your receipt, and how she refused your return and basically got you kicked out of the mall. They need to know that their kiosk employee is badly representing the company. The main thing at this point is to be polite, but persistent, and make it clear to Proactiv that you expect them to honor their no-risk return guarantee.

Oh, and let your boyfriend do this if he's the one who paid for it.

An anonymous tipster writes:

I worked for several years at EDS, which is the home of Proactiv's customer service center (that you listed in the article - the Des Moines office).

Unfortunately, calling the call center won't do much good. They're not authorized to take back kiosk purchases, since they have no customer account. They're just for the infomercial and online orders. They're just going to tell the person to take it back to the kiosk.

What they want is Guthy-Renker Corporate. Regular customer service can't transfer you and agents/supervisors don't have the corporate number (at least when I was there).

A quick Google search turned up the address:

41550 Eclectic St
Palm Desert, CA 92260
Phone: 760-773-9022
Fax: 760-773-9016

Yes, the kiosks and the vending machines are owned by Guthy-Renker corporate. They have been very reluctant to franchise out product except abroad (citing quality concerns, internally, but I doubt that - probably a money thing). Guthy-Renker even has an eBay store to compete with people who were reselling Proactiv (this is actually fulfilled from the same building, a giant warehouse/call center, in Des Moines that the infomercial stuff comes from).

Proactiv is owned by G-R and they are a large infomercial company that has sold many other products, e.g. Anthony Robbins CDs/DVDs, Windsor Pilates, Sheer Cover, Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty, Susan Lucci's Youthful Essence, Core Secrets, and many other failed products. Proactiv is one of their most successful products.

The problem was that the person who wrote the apology letter mixed up the gender of Dr. Madduri—which led him to believe it was about the female flight attendant in question—when really he was the individual with the "bizarre behavior." When you read it with this new understanding, it becomes clear that Southwest fully sided with the flight attendant and never meant to communicate with Dr. Madduri about the issue.

"Dear Sivaprasad Madduri: Sometimes an explanation for the reason why things happen isn't always possible, and the bizarre behavior of the individual during your June 26 flight to Las Vegas supports this point. While I'm unable to explain the circumstances surrounding the disruption, I think it's important to offer my heartfelt apologies for any concerns you may have had as a result of this event. Naturally, we don't want this experience to affect your feelings about flying with us in the future, or for it to be your last recollection of traveling with our Company.

"In fact, we would consider it a privilege if you gave us another opportunity to provide you with better memories. I am confident your next trips with Southwest Airlines will be more pleasant and to prove just that, I sent a LUV Voucher to every person (except, of course, the lady who caused the disruption) who was onboard your flight."

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported on Dr. Madduri's arrest and the apology letter back in July, and they were able to get a slightly different story from Southwest that naturally makes the airline come off in a better light, but still leaves many questions unanswered:

Brandy King, the spokeswoman for Southwest Airlines, said flight attendants were required to explain the cockpit-door and front-galley regulations as part of the preflight announcements.

Yes, but many of us zone out during those announcements.

King said the flight attendant tried to explain the regulation to Madduri during the incident. The criminal complaint, filed by the FBI, makes mention of a second flight attendant who allegedly tried to explain the regulation to Madduri after he returned to his seat after his first effort to get to the lavatory. The complaint says the first flight attendant again tried to explain the regulation to Madduri when he made his second attempt. The complaint states that Madduri said, "I'm not listening to you."

Did the FBI talk to any of the other passengers? That would settle the argument. Sadly, the FBI office in Las Vegas did not return repeated phone calls.

"Doctor now regrets pleading guilty over incident on airplane" [STLtoday via airliners.net]

Southwest has since told Dr. Madduri, "We don't want this experience to affect your feelings about flying with us in the future," and they've offered him a $100 voucher. It turns out the "apology" was meant for the other passengers, and was in fact about Dr. Madduri.

From Rediff:

Ironically, even before he filed his complaint with the Southwest Airlines officials, he got a letter from Frederick Taylor Jr, senior manager at the airline's customer service communications, offering a $100 voucher for a future flight.

"Sometimes, an explanation for the reason why things happen is not always possible, and the bizarre behaviour of the individual during your June 26 flight to Las Vegas supports this point," Taylor said in a letter accompanying the voucher. "While I am unable to explain the circumstances surrounding the disruption, I think it is important to offer my heartfelt apologies for any concerns you may have had as a result of this event".

"Naturally, we don't want this experience to affect your feelings about flying with us in the future, or for it to be your last recollection of traveling with our company. In fact we would consider it a privilege if you gave us another opportunity to provide you with better memories."

Here's Dr. Madduri's story in his own words:

[I am] a physician from India who immigrated to the United States 38 years ago and [has] been in private practice in South East Missouri for more than a quarter century.

On June 26, 2008, I traveled from St Louis to Las Vegas to attend AAPI annual convention by Southwest flight 1226. Two hours into the flight, I tried to go to the bathroom ( I take a blood pressure medicine with diuretic that makes one 'go' more often). As I was sitting in row six, I walked to the front lavatory. The flight attendant, named Lora Lee Minton, abruptly stopped me and essentially shouted at me, "Go back! This bath room is occupied, and you cannot stand here."

Shocked and dumbfounded at this unfriendly behavior, I went back and sat in my seat. Two minutes later, I saw the lavatory door opening and I got up and walked towards the bath room again. The same flight attendant (Lora Lee Minton) screamed at me, "I told you not to go to that bathroom," and started pushing me into my seat. I was totally confused at this erratic behavior, and told her that I had been taking medicine and I had to go to the toilet. I even tried to walk past Ms.Minton as I was very uncomfortable.

"I told you not to go," she pushed me into my seat! I was lost. I flew many times but had never experienced a rude and unfriendly behavior like this. Confused and not knowing what to do, I went back and sat in my seat. I saw the pilot came out of the lavatory, walked into the cockpit and closed the door behind him. Later I could use the bathroom.

The sequence of events that followed were more frightening and beyond the scope of any one's imagination. As the plane landed in Las Vegas , I was escorted by two police officers and was handed over to the FBI. The FBI interrogated me at length and for the first time, I was told that the flight attendant, Ms.Lora Lee Minton, reported that I was causing 'disturbance' during the flight. I was also told that when the pilot is out of the cockpit, no one is supposed get up from their seat, till the pilot goes back to his seat. This apparently is a federal law being enforced since 9/11 and no one ever told me, nor was it announced during the flight.

That night I was taken through federal centers for further investigation. I was hand-cuffed, finger printed and was 'processed' as a common criminal. I was told repeatedly that my background was checked and I had no criminal record. Even after checking my back ground and even after confirming it by calling my family members (Our two children that live in St Louis and Houston, Texas ) and my professional partner (urologist from Poplar Bluff, Missouri ), I still had to go through the harassment. I was dragged through Federal court buildings that night with hand and ankle cuffs, left in cells for hours before I was interrogated and was threatened repeatedly with abusive language: 'Shut up,' 'I am going to kick your ass,' to name a few. Finally I was taken to a federal detention center in Las Vegas and was ushered into a large jail cell! I spent the night in jail with 43 prisoners - most of them drug dealers and picked up at street fights!

The next day I went through processing in a federal court building and presented in front of a Federal Judge. The public defender told me that my 'case' was decided and I would be released if I pleaded guilty and paid a fine of $2,500. He also told me that I could refuse to plead guilty, contest the judgment and even could win, but could be taking a long time, cost more and might result in multiple trips to Las Vegas.

Exhausted, depressed and completely deflated, I agreed to what ever the public defender suggested and got out after 24 hours of 'living hell'.

I endured the most horrifying and traumatic 24-hours of my life for a crime I sincerely believe I did not commit. A simple statement by the flight attendant (Lora Lee Minton) in normal tone of voice that I was not supposed to wait in front of the toilet when it was occupied by the pilot, would have saved the ghastly ordeal.

I was told repeatedly by the prison guards, some of the FBI officials (not all of them were rude), the prison inmates who heard my story that the reason I was targeted was because of my skin color (brown) and ethnic background (South Asian, Indian).

When I returned home, I did not feel like lying flat and take the abuse, more so the incident involved not only me but an entire race and ethnic group. I sent my story to local, state and national news papers including all the major Indian news publications. The response was overwhelming: the news papers were very receptive; I received numerous e-mails, letters, phone-calls, sympathy and supportive cards; every one wanted me to 'fight-it-out' and 'not to keep quite and do nothing.'

I did send my story to ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) of Missouri and Nevada , yet I haven't heard from them yet, though I was told that my experience had merit. I contacted attorneys locally as well as in St Louis and was told that they were looking for proper attorneys that specialize in civil liberties cases; I was told by some that I should not have pleaded guilty and should find eye-witnesses that would testify in my favor.

During 30 years of my stay in America , I never felt so threatened nor my rights so violated as I did that fateful night. 'You are not guilty until proven otherwise', the anthem we are made to believe all the time was turned out to be not true; I was guilty until prove my self innocent. I was treated like a guilty person and was never given a chance even to tell my side of the story. Even after the incidence, I am finding it difficult to prove my innocence. I want Southwest Air Lines to realize their mistake and drop charges against me. I did contact Southwest airlines and was informed that they were standing by their stewardess and the issue had no racial profile or bias.

(Thanks to Ashish!)
(Photo: Cubbie_n_Vegas)

For those wondering why such a policy is a sound investment, You've Been Left Behind explains:"'WHY'" is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames!" The package offers encrypted storage space for personal letters and can send emails to 62 of your closest, hellbound friends and family. According to Wikipedia, there is debate as to how much time elapses between Rapture and everyone going to heaven/hell, but as You've Been Left Behind points out: "Imagine being in the presence of the Lord and hearing all of heaven rejoice over the salvation of your loved ones." Isn't that worth $40 a year?

You've Been Left Behind
(Photo: Getty) (Thanks to Dirk!)

One of Blasberg's gentleman callers told her he'd found her number on Craigslist after she started crying (that must have been an awkward conversation).

Blasberg hired attorney Leah Mayersohn and private investigator Robert Crispin, who worked with Craigslist to take the ads down — though they kept reappearing.

The ads had been completed using a Yahoo e-mail created in Blasberg's name.

Crispin quickly narrowed suspects to Isenberg. He began covertly digging through Isenberg's trash, usually about 4 a.m.

The key evidence, Crispin said, was a calender [sic] page with an IP address that matched one used to create the Yahoo account.

Yeah, we don't know either. Nice protest, though. We're with you on that. We also don't know why it was nuts, but apparently it has something to do with the show. Hey, this is The Consumerist, you can't expect us to know this entertainment crap. Read an email from a sad Jericho fan inside.

The last several days have literally been NUTS for CBS. When CBS announced their fall schedule and Jericho wasn't on it, there were email, letter, fax and telephone campaigns to try and save the show from cancellation. The most ingenious campaign was the sending of nuts to CBS, an idea drawn from the season finale. If you'd like to do a story, here are a few websites to check out. I think this would be a good story for your site, not only because it is a case of "consumers fight back", but an issue of old vs. new media (Jericho had alot of web based content, and a lot of fans who watched the show online.).

CBS.com Jericho message board
Jericho Rally Point forum
Jericho Lives protest resource site
Nutsonline.com Jericho support page - People can donate money here to go towards a bulk order of nuts to be sent to CBS.

This is starting to get some major media attention. There is an effort to raise money for an ad in Variety. TNT and HDNet are showing interest in picking the show up from CBS.
Thanks,
James

'Jericho' Fans To CBS: 'Nuts!' [CBS]
(Photo: NutsOnline)

"This is a stunning, damaging decision for public radio and its commitment to music discovery and education, which has been part of our tradition for more than half a century. Public radio's agreements on royalties with all such organizations, including the RIAA, have always taken into account our public service mission and non-profit status. These new rates, at least 20 times more than what stations have paid in the past, treat us as if we were commercial radio - although by its nature, public radio cannot increase revenue from more listeners or more content, the factors that set this new rate. Also, we are being required to pay an internet royalty fee that is vastly more expensive than what we pay for over-the-air use of music, although for a fraction of the over-the-air audience.

"This decision penalizes public radio stations for fulfilling their mandate, it penalizes emerging and non-mainstream musical artists who have always relied on public radio for visibility and ultimately it penalizes the American public, whose local station memberships and taxes will be necessary to cover the millions of dollars that will now be required as payment. On behalf of the public radio system, NPR will pursue all possible action to reverse this decision, which threatens to severely reduce local stations' public service and limit the reach of the entire music community. NPR will begin on Friday, March 16 by filing a petition for reconsideration with the CRB panel, the first step in this process. We ask that the online royalties be returned to their historic arrangement and that public radio can continue to provide its vital service to music discovery."

UPDATE: Reader Darren made "Team NPR" shirts on Cafepress. He says he's charging the lowest amount, so only Cafepress makes a profit. No money goes to NPR, it's just funny. We thank him for his hilarity.

NPR may lead fight against Internet radio royalty rate hike [Chicago Tribune]

"It was just our intent to uphold our rights as small business owners to choose our clientele," she said. "All the hate, the threats of sodomizing my children, the threats of me being murdered, came out because of a very businesslike straightforward e-mail I sent. The crowd of tolerance and diversity is not so tolerant."

One of those calls was from Beelzebub, who needed his hedges trimmed.

"But Farber said she and her husband have also gotten hundreds of calls and messages offering encouragement and have been touched by that. "We just cried. We have been through so much," Farber said. "We become accidental crusaders for Christ."

Unlike nearby Austin and Dallas, Houston has no laws prohibiting businesses from discriminating against clients based on sexual preference. — BEN POPKEN

Houston landscaper accused of bigotry [AP] (Thanks to Acambras!)

Previously: Garden Guy Refuses To Work For Gays

At 9:08 a.m. Farber, who together with her husband, Todd, owns Garden Guy Inc., a landscaping company on Hillcroft, hit "send" on a message that delivered a painful blow with the verbal equivalent of a smiley face.

Yadda yadda, webernet firestorm, and then Rick ties a neat bow around the story in his closing graphs.

Were I posting [on the Garden Guy message boards], I would commend the Farbers for standing by their principles in an age where money trumps all.

They might, however, consider climbing up one more rung on the moral ladder.

They should refuse to do business with all sinners.

WHOA. Jesus Chris, indeed.

What does this mean for you, the consumer? As with every other product, it's advisable to examine potential vendor's business practice's. If their webpage has a quote at the bottom urging viewers to visit a website of an organization whose whole reason for existing is the condemnation of your lifestyle and beliefs, maybe you should scroll down a bit on the google results page.

We refuse to work for homosexuals [HoustonChronicle]

Previously: Garden Guy Refuses To Work For Gays

Garden Guy, Inc declined to do landscaping on Michael and Gary's new house because they are gay.

From: Garden Guy Inc Date: October 18, 2006 9:08:36 AM CDT To: [redacted] Subject: Cancel Appt -Garden Guy

Dear Mr. L [redacted]

I am appreciative of your time on the phone today and glad you contacted us. I need to tell you that we cannot meet with you because we choose not to work for homosexuals.

Best of luck in finding someone else to fill your landscaping needs.

All my best,

Sabrina

Todd and Sabrina Farber
Owners, Garden Guy, Inc.
visit us at: www.garden-guy.com

The mind boggles.

Plus, it's illegal to discriminate in this way, right?

Well the email is forwarding around the net and it's got a lot of people adding some interesting posts to the Garden-Guy message board.

What is it with garden companies hating on gays anyway? Remember this post? Outside Pride Lawncare Hates Faggy CBS

Full rendering of the forward, inside.

> From: L, Gary (Operations)

> Sent: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 10:14 AM

> To: [redacted

> Cc: Michael L.

> Subject: FW: Cancel Appt -Garden Guy
>
> As most of you know, Michael and I are in the process of building a
> house. As the finish date draws near, we've begun the process of
> looking for a landscape designer. Please see below for the note we
> received from one of the companies we contacted. I'm still shocked
> at the ignorance that exists in today's society.
>
> Hopefully, you'll choose never to patronize their business, and
> will ask the same from your friends and family.
>
> Regards,
> Gary
>
> From: Michael L.
> Sent: Wednesday, October 18, 2006 9:17 AM
> To: L., Gary (Operations)
> Subject: Fwd: Cancel Appt -Garden Guy
>
> WOW
>
> Begin forwarded message:
>
>> From: Garden Guy Inc
>> Date: October 18, 2006 9:08:36 AM CDT
>> To: [redacted]
>> Subject: Cancel Appt -Garden Guy
>>
>> Dear Mr. L.,
>>
>> I am appreciative of your time on the phone today and glad you
>> contacted us. I need to tell you that we cannot meet with you
>> because we choose not to work for homosexuals.
>>
>> Best of luck in finding someone else to fill your landscaping needs.
>>
>> All my best,
>>
>> Sabrina
>>
>> Todd and Sabrina Farber
>> Owners, Garden Guy, Inc.
>> visit us at: www.garden-guy.com
>>
>> Member of the Association of Professional Landscape Designers
>> www.apld.com
>>
>> Creating beautiful landscaping for Houston homeowners since 1991!
>>
>> Phone 281-208-4400
>> Fax 1+801-365-9353
>> email: sabrina@garden-guy.com
>> email: todd@garden-guy.com

CT: "Lucille Schenk bought $20,000 worth of jewelry a year ago, plunging herself into debt and despair. She knew something was wrong but couldn't help herself.

When Schenk finally sought help, psychologist April Lane Benson advised her to have a "conversation" with the jewelry before she made a purchase, as a way to put distance between herself and her compulsion.

"I would say, `You are so beautiful, I can't live without you; I love the way you sparkle,"' recalled Schenk, 62, who lives in Ohio. "The jewelry would say back, `You need me. You look pretty when you wear me.' I would say, `I do need you. I can't possibly think of being without you. But something has to change. I need to stop this. I can't afford a penny more."'

Lucille is now seeking treatment for schizophrenia.

In which a woman calls 911 to get them to come "enforce" the way Burger King won't make her a Western Bacon Cheeseburger the way she wants. The 911 operator handles herself with incredulous aplomb.

Priceless. The sad thing is, the bigger we get, the more people like this we have to deal with.

Why Troy decided to dam a potentially significant revenue stream is beyond the scope of this humble reporter's vision.

[via Gayrightswatch] (Thanks to Acemanlove!)

If you would like to tell Troy, the owner of OutsidePride.com just what you think about his queerCBSbashing email, here's his contact info:

Troy Hake - troyh@outsidepride.com

You may want to consider using "antediluvian" in your message. It's an awesome word.

The ability of people to freely express their opinion is what makes this country great. Likewise, the right of others to respond in public debate, and WHOIS.net.

Adam P. sent us a remarkable rant from the president of Outside Pride. He sent a homophobic manifesto to the participants of his company's email list, trying to rally them in a full-on campaign against what Adam P. pricelessly refers to as "the whole CBS homosexual cartel" — Cold Case and Without a Trace, among others.

Troy Hake, the president of Outside Pride, and his astonishing anti-gay rant, after the jump.

This is not your typical newsletter from Outsidepride.com, Inc. In fact, this is the first one in six years which is not business related. I apologize for cluttering your inbox with an unsolicited email; however you are free to unsubscribe just by clicking the link at the bottom.

I want to share with you my television viewing experience the other night on prime time television. I ask those of you who agree with me to go to www.cbs.com and go to the bottom of the page, click the feedback link and express your opinion. I know the vast majority of you will agree with me as all polls indicate. We are the majority, not the minority as the liberal media would lead you to believe.

My wife and I sat down to watch television the other night with our children. Cold Case was on which is normally a fairly enjoyable show to watch; however, the last half hour of the show dealt with a young man who wished he had asked his male friend to come with him (long story short). The show ended with the two men hugging and obvious intimation they had discovered their gay feelings towards each other. The very next show was Without A Trace. The whole last half hour of this show was about two lesbians who were struggling with their feelings of lesbianism. It ended with full acceptance from one father and the two lesbians making out. Yes, they were kissing right at the end of the show on public prime time television. So much for wholesome family television.

Now, I am NOT trying to bash homosexuals and I am not a bigot; however, I feel homosexuality is morally wrong and should not be "promoted" as what is the norm for society. Text books are being rewritten as I am writing this to "highlight" every homosexual who has made a contribution to society. There are teachers who have been asked to make sure students know that, "This person in history was a homosexual." History is being rewritten to promote homosexuality and prime time television is doing its best to make homosexuality a "normal" behavior. If homosexuality was the norm, civilization would have ceased to exist thousands of years ago. Procreation takes a man and a woman. There was Adam and then there was Eve, not Adam and Steve.

There are literally tens of thousand of you reading this email right now. If you are tired of the way public television is going let CBS know! It will only take about 1 minute of your time. Again, just go to www.cbs.com and click the feedback link at the bottom. It is time the majority speak up and not let the minority run this country. The majority can bring back the Christian heritage this country was founded on because it is, "In God We Trust."

Thank you for your time,

Troy Hake
President
Outsidepride.com, Inc.

Download MP3 here.

A description really won't do this call justice. So just listen as, over eight minutes, an insane cat lady calls a telemarketer a terrorist, a rapist, an Iraqi insurgent, a murderer, a serial killer, a criminal, a sexual abuser, a hater, hurter and life deserter. And that's just twenty seconds of the phone call. She also claims to have had an appendix rupture due to telemarketing calls and that she can produce an incriminating list of hundreds of people who have been murdered by telemarketers. That's another ten seconds.

And it goes on and on and on, interrupted only occasionally by Alex's calm, hilarious responses and a sound from the woman's throat sounding very much like the regurgitation of her entire esophagus.

Through it all, Alex is unflappable. Scummy profession aside, he's our new hero: smooth as silk, sarcastic yet polite. We love his understated response to being accused of being a serial rapist: "Wow! That's a pretty harsh accusation!" The woman uses this as a segue to tell him about a friend who was gang raped by telemarketers; Alex doesn't even blink. What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold!

There's a strange logic about the entire recording that becomes clear after the second or third listen. We recommend listening to it again and again. This is the second best thing we've ever posted. Thanks, Nick!

Crazy Telemarketer Call [YTMND]

Guys like David Wilson, who writes:

I was watching Nightline and found the AOL story interesting. So I went to your website and looked around. I then searched your website using the word "circumcision"...

Of course! As you would! Our first thought when visiting sites for the first time is to get a good feel for the sheathedness of the writer's phallus. Not 'feel' literally, you understand... that's what Blogger's Night at the local pink flamingo cocktail bar, The George, is for.

David continues after the jump...

To my surprise something came up. But it had to do with your posting on"Send us your Tax Nightmares. In the very first sentence you use the word circumcision;

"Awaiting April 17th is like waiting for a circumcision, the only comfort being that, two months from now, you might get a small portion of your foreskin back. "

Man, if you've never read the truth about circumcision and what exactly is removed, you might want to do so.

It was only at this point that we realized that David wasn't just sniffing around trying to discern the cut of our jib. He was one of the vast armada of one-dimensional, politically-charged crazies who saw the entire world through the focal point of his own mania.

Man, if you've never read the truth about circumcision and what exactly is removed, you might want to do so. Infant male circumcision is going to go down in history as the biggest medical blunder of all time. When you remove the foreskin, you also remove the ridged band of sexual nerves. These nerves are your sexual pleasure nerves.

Circumcision got started here in America as a misguided attempt to stop our young boys from masturbating. This is well documented in our medical journals. 80% of the men in the world are intact. Please educate yourself about the history of circumcision here in America. And be sure to read up on the anatomy of the foreskin. I've provided you with plenty of links that will no doubt blow your mind. Maybe next time you won't try to associate male genital mutilation with humor.

And just for fun. Here is a link to my 2 headed VW in front of the White House.

As every girl who attended May's zany 'Boozing Consumerist Night' at the Bukowski Bar in Boston knows, I, John Brownlee, am circumcised. Ben looks kind of Jewish, so I think he is too. So allow us both to salute David with our flaccid, mutilated genitalia and tell him to fuck right off. They're our dicks and we'll associate humor with their mutilation if we damn well want to.

David's got a point about the complete lack of necessity in circumcising children in this day and age, although his other points are idiotic. "Well documented" it may be, but a circumcised cock hasn't stopped any sixteen year old from fapping his way to a bedroom full of silly string.

As for lamenting the theoretical carnal pleasure I may be missing along with my foreskin, I'm not really in the habit of measuring my highly satisfying and enthralling sex life against some abstract ideal of what it would be like in some alternate dimension where my parents didn't take the obstetrician's advice.

Look, I'm not going to circumcise my kids. It's unnecessary and unpleasant. But I'm not going to let some doofus with a miniature dumbbell attached to his dick and a business card that reads RECAP tell us what humorous analogies about our own genitals we can or can not make.

Why are we bringing David to your attention? As we get more visitors, we're getting more and more people who can only see this site through the focus point of their own one-dimensional mania. We're also getting more and more people who love laughing along with us as long as its not their group or pet interest of choice that's being irreverently addressed.

To these people, we just wanted to say this: Get over yourselves. We're here to help you as a consumer, not to pander to you as a reactionary wingnut. In other words, it's business as usual here at the Consumerist.

Also, stop sniffing around our junk.

PETA is claiming that the cow is going to go extinct because we keep eating hamburgers. A theory so ludicrous that it can only be responded to with an astounded aposiopesis...

Although PETA's wheatgrass-puking hippies might not recognize the reality disconnect of their theory, we'll briefly highlight it: there are more cows now than there have ever been in the history of the world. The reason? It's because we like to bean cows with sledgehammers, barbecue up hunks of their quivering flesh and then consume them between hamburger rolls. Not to mention society's penchant for drinking the thick, creamy liquid that comes out of the cow's butt.

Click on the image above to see the ads in all its crazy gory.

PETA Ads [Adblather]

Here's an amazing gem from Patrick Byrne, on why Overstock is so exuberant that the feds have a battering ram at the company door:

"I may be the first CEO in history to celebrate receiving an SEC subpoena. Some of the requests suggest the whispering of the blackguards, but I remain unconcerned about their hokum. In truth, I am gratified to see that the SEC is looking into the issues about which I have been speaking: I believe our capital markets are broken in a deep way, our system of corporate voting and governance is a hoax, the savings of Americans are being drained through our financial system's fissure of unsettled trades, and the system appears to be cracking around Overstock.com (of course, I could be proved wrong if they would force the settlement of, or even reveal the size of, all unsettled trades in OSTK, which I believe number from 7 to 30 million shares). While some of the miscreants file frivolous delaying motions, and others schmooze with hedge funds and write what they are told to write (yet call themselves 'journalists' to shield their perfidy behind the First Amendment), I on the other hand applaud the SEC's actions and eagerly anticipate my chance to get these issues into court."

We assume he'll be defending himself, wearing a bathrobe, no underpants and a beer foam party hat while whisking a plastic toy light saber dramatically about the courtroom to illustrate his points.

Previously:

• SEC Sticks Subpoena To Overstock
  
• SEC Tells Agents to "Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself"
  
• Overstock.com's CEO Patrick Byrne 'Perhaps' is an Ogre
  
• Overstock.com Actually Understocked, Manned by Soulless Robots
  
• Overstock.com's Patrick Byrne Leaks Own Interview
  
• Overstock.com's Patrick Byrne: Not Gay, Not Coked Out, Not a Jedi

A highly entertaining lunatic who's now been arrested for the theft of that very $1 million Ferrari he crashed. Apparently, the Red Ferrari in question was illegally imported, along with a black version and another $500k sports car. They had all been leased by his former company, Gizmondo. and financial instutions are claiming ownership.

We have no idea how the wrinkles of this Gizmondo-CEO-turned-Uppsala-Mafioso's court case will shake out, but if the investigation itself is anything to go by, it should be about as entertaining as a locomotive filled with dynamite colliding with a space shuttle. We'll keep you posted.

Car theft arrest for video game mogul [News.com.au]
Related: We Love Gizmondo Founder 'Fat Stefan' Eriksson

No, really... he really loves Adidas. Heck, we can't even begin to summarize how much Larry loves Adidas. Luckily, though, Larry has pulled one of the most poorly designed, purple-font-on-black-background websites out of his unpuckered Adidas hole to tell everyone just how much he loves Adidas.

We'll let Larry tell you for himself...

As you go through my site, you may notice that I am really into adidas. I started wearing nothing but adidas when I was nine years old in the third grade. I played soccer, and was very good, I might add, and that is what got me to start wearing adidas. I have not worn another shoe name brand since then. I have vowed to never give a penny to the brand with a check mark, and if you would like to know why, then you can e-mail me and I will tell you. adidas america's headquaters is in Beaverton, Oregon, not far from where I grew up, and I hope to work for them one day. Needless to say, I am a walking billboard for adidas. I eat, sleep, and die anything adidas. Oh, and I have an adidas tattoo, too (Trefoil on my left shoulder).

In addition to answering such riveting questions as "What's Larry's favorite number?" (6) and "What's Larry's favorite animal?" (Koala Bear), Larry has cryptomaniacally assembled the ultimate HTML hard-on for the Adidas company. Larry also has a fawning history of the Adidas company, reviews on each Adidas product, advice to new Adidas acolytes and way too much fucking time on his hands.

If you love Adidas, or just love laughing at losers, check it out! Companies, we hate to say it, but you might be right: there's such a thing as too much customer loyalty. Especially when that customer loyalty involves spumes of ejaculate launching about your product brand.

Larry's I Love Adidas (Thanks, Portal of Evil!)

It gets weirder. Here's the scoop: on February 21st, Eriksson crashes his $1 million dollar Ferrrari (one of only 400 ever built) into a telephone poll. When the police arrive on the scene, Eriksson begins frenziedly explaining that he was merely the passenger of the vehicle when it spun out of control at 165mph. The driver is a mysterious German man whom Eriksson only knows by the name of Dietrich, who ran off into a nearby canyon and disappeared shortly after the crash.

It gets weirder. Moments after the crash, a group of men arrive on the scene in the guise of the Murky, Omnipresent Man — Homeland Security. The police, without really checking their credentials, lets them onto the crime scene. They poke around, talk to Eriksson, then disappear as suddenly as Dietrich.

It gets weirder. During his interview with the police, Eriksson begins insisting that he is the Deputy Commissioner of the San Gabriel Valley Transit Authority's counter-terrorism unit. The S.G.V.T.A. is a nonprofit bus service for the mentally and physically disabled, and it's counter-terrorism presumably combats Al Qaeda's nefarious San Gabriel "gimp" chapter.

But it gets weirder, because Gizmodo has a pidgin English translation of a recent Swedish article, in which Eriksson is identified as a ringleader in the Uppsala Mafia and identified by his underground moniker, "Fat Stefan".

Man, we love this guy.

Link: Ferrari Owner Had Other 'Crash'
Link: Ferrari Case Takes New Twist With Possible Tie to Bus Agency
Link: Gizmondo Heads = Swedish Mafia? Oh My!

After a December 23rd call to investors, his company's stock mysteriously took a dive, according to The Register

During the session, Byrne admitted to making up stories about being gay and a coke-head in the hopes of uncovering a mysterious group short-sellers led by a "Sith Lord." These individuals allegedly engineered an intricate conspiracy to cripple Overstock. Part of the conspiracy included tapping Byrne's phone calls and apparently some kind of spy ring.

This isn't the first time El Reg has taken a swipe at Overstock.com. That piece is worth reading not just for Byrne's ramblings, but for its details about the sub-standard service some customers have been receiving as Overstock continues to grow.

Image appropriated from Business Week.