Consumerist: Contests

Can You Finish The 50 Pound Burger And Win $1,000?

Meg Marco — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 10:59:09 EST

ABCNews took a look at "Free if you can finish it" challenges all over the US — and even sent the reporter to attempt one — with the help of a championship competitive eater. So, was the 50-pounder a bargain?

The 50-pound burger, dubbed "Mt. Olympus" by the man responsible, Mike Zambas, the owner of the Clinton Station Diner in rural New Jersey, has never been conquered. If you and 4 friends can eat the burger in 3 hours, it's free — and you'll win a $1,000 prize. If not, you're on the hook for $159.95.

The best way to describe this burger is: gargantuan. Zambas has to bake a special bun big enough to hold the thing. An entire package of American cheese is used to cover it, as well as a whole head of lettuce and several tomatoes.

When the burger arrived at the table, every customer in the diner turned and looked at us. Several came over to check it out. And that's exactly what Zambas wants. We turned a normal Saturday afternoon lunch into a spectacle. Suddenly that couple two tables over got a side of entertainment with their BLT.

Of course, the reporter wasn't the first to finish it — even though he brought a professional eater with him. Maybe if he'd brought 4 of them? Ultimately, it was the eating champ's expert opinion that there was simply too much bun.

Recession Bargain or Fool's Challenge [ABCNews]

Leading Hotels Still Kinda Committed To Selling 5-Star Rooms For $19.28 Per Night

Carey — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:30:04 EDT

The Leading Hotels of the World want you to know they are still committed to offering 6,000 five-star hotel rooms for $19.28. The contest, originally conceived as a way to honor the association's 1928 formation, is proving ironically successful, fusing a modern giveaway with 1928 technology. That whole email do-over idea? Silly! Forget it even existed. The group has gone and hired themselves some internet sherpas to help run the contest, and here's what they've come up with....

There is now a dedicated website, and your better check it often if you want to beat out the 150,000 strong mob to win a snazzy hotel room. At least that is what Leading Hotels apologizer-in-chief Ted Tang said in what he promises will be the final update:

Dear Internets,
I would like to once again express my gratitude for your continued support, understanding, and patience with The Leading Hotels of the World. Since October 1, we have explored and evaluated many solutions to the technological failures encountered during the online USD 19.28 Sale.

I am delighted to inform you that today we selected Akamai Technologies, Inc., the world premier web content delivery network, with clients such as Yahoo, Travelocity, and Amazon. Together we are working diligently to finalize a new procedure whereby you, as well as the other 150,000 registrants, will have a chance to secure one of the originally allotted 6,000 room nights that are available at the rate of USD 19.28.

In developing a fair and foolproof platform, we have been faced with various considerations. Timing - both on the developmental front as well as for your trip-planning purposes - has proven to be our major and foremost concern. We chose to preserve the hotel availability dates, which in most cases began on November 1, as to not delay the promotion by several months. We also opted to maintain the promotion on a first-come, first-served basis. To make the offer a random selection or lottery would significantly delay the re-launch due to complicated international regulations. Lastly, we wanted to ensure successful communication to registrants in a prompt manner. We are now confident that, with Akamai, we have found a solution that addresses all of these challenges.

Please note that you will not be receiving any further emails, rather, we have decided to post all future updates and details on a dedicated website at www.lhw.com/1928status, which will go live on Monday, October 13. This will allow all registrants, throughout the various parts of the globe, simultaneous and equal access to the USD 19.28 updates around the clock. All updates will indicate the date and time of posting. Please know that we have intentionally communicated this website address only to registrants in order not to dilute your chances of securing a reservation at the promotional rate. We will announce the details of the new USD 19.28 promotion, no later than Friday, October 17, which will occur the following week. The sale details will be posted at least 48 hours before the promotion begins.

With thanks,

Ted Teng
President & CEO
The Leading Hotels of the World, Ltd.

Sorry, Ted, for posting the link to the super-secret website. We didn't mean to dilute the contest or anything, but since it's out there now, how about an RSS feed?

Keep checking this site, and by Friday at the latest (maybe sooner! surprise!) we'll find out when the mob gathers next.

1928 Status Page [Leading Hotels of the World]
PREVIOUSLY: Leading Hotels Do-Over Postponed
Do-Over Announced By Leading Hotels Of The World
$19.28 5-Star Hotel Room Promo Ends In Fiasco
Book A World-Class Hotel Room For Only $19.28 Per Night
(Photo: Getty)

Write Carmax Car Review, Get Chance To Win $250 Gas Card

Ben Popken — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:40:54 EDT

You can enter to win a chance for a $250 gas card by submitting a review of your car to CarMax, an online used-car retailer. 8 winners will be chosen over 8 weeks, and of those people submitting a review with a picture, an additional $300 gas card winner will be chosen. Even if it's a long shot, who couldn't use even just a possible free gas card? Plus, writing words is fun. [CarMax]

3M Steals Viral Image Idea To Avoid Licensing It

Chris Walters — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:53:01 EDT

There is probably nothing more pathetic in the world of marketing than watching a big corporation try to do something "viral"—usually they end up looking like Elaine dancing. But sometimes, they're so cynical and soulless about it that they don't just come across as incompetent, but as exploitative cheapskates as well. In 3M's case, they wouldn't pay $2,000 to license a well-known photo with its own viral history, and instead recreated a fake version of it to save a grand. We guess they're just hoping none of the sites and communities that made the photo popular in the first place will notice. Oh wait, this is supposed to be viral or something...

Melanie at All About Content has the entire story, from the original office prank that went viral thanks to sites like Digg and BoingBoing, to 3M's attempt to appropriate it, to their shabby treatment of the owner of the photo and their subsequent workaround.

Michelle, the "eMarketing Supervisor" who was negotiating with Scott, comes across as particuarly disingenuous in her email to him:

We were quoted about $750-$1000 to shoot our own, but if you could allow us to use yours on a couple in-store displays for 6 months within that range, we could arrange for that instead.

Really, Michelle? ~~Only two displays throughout the entire country? Are you a really bad eMarketing manager, or lying to Scott about how much you'd use the photo?~~ [We think mmmsoap makes a good point about how this was probably meant.]

We guess what's most offensive about this is 3M can surely afford to pay a legitimate licensing fee to the owner of the photo, which would have also served as a goodwill gesture to the community that most likely gave it the campaign idea to begin with. As Melanie puts it in her article:

But let’s pretend the legality of this move wasn’t even a question for now, and focus on this: Social media marketing campaigns rely on the social media community to carry them. As a marketer, you have to respect the community and its members. Ripping off community members and then turning around and asking that same community to generate buzz for your campaign is just ballsy... or stupid.

The irony: The YouTube contest rules say “Remember, creativity and true brilliance will get you noticed.”

Is that part of the rules, or a threat from 3M?

"3M Carjacks the Post-It Note Jaguar" [All About Content] (Thanks to Craig!)
(Photos: 3M display and original Post-It car by Scott Ableman)

Man Wins $25k But Never Receives The Money

Chris Walters — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:01:07 EDT

Back in January, Herbert Hawks made a hole-in-one on a golf simulator at the Maryland State Fairgrounds, and he won $25,000. (You can watch the winning shot here.) WBAL TV reports that as of late July he has yet to see the prize money, and every person or company the TV station has contacted passes the blame on to someone else. At the bottom of the list is Golf Marketing Worldwide, a company that insures hole-in-one contests and has a history of not paying out on contests and/or doing business in states where the company doesn't have a license.

Here's the line of blame as tracked down by WBAL:

Maryland State Fairgrounds said they only rented the space.
Contest sponsor Recreations Unlimited said they were unaware the payment hadn't been made; a spokesman for the company said it "was out of his hands."
The company that brought the golf simulator to the state, World Golf Center of Orlando, Florida, "claimed it is having difficulty getting the insurance company that backed the contest to make the payment" even though all requirements have been met.
Kevin Kolenda, CEO of the insurance company called both HoleInOne.com and Golf Marketing Worldwide, says not all requirements have been met.

WBAL writes that they "discovered Kalenda and the company haven't always paid as promised. Massachusetts, North Carolina, Oregon and other states issued cease and desist orders, claiming they were not licensed to sell insurance in those states." That got us curious about Kalenda and his company, so we did a quick search on Google to see what we could dig up. This 2002 article from a Connecticut business journal shows that Golf Marketing Worldwide has done this before:

Both the [Connecticut] Insurance Department and the state attorney general received complaints in 1995 that accused Golf Marketing of not paying when contestants sunk their shots.

...

In May 2000, Woody Harford sunk a 100-foot putt in New York City's Central Park for $1 million at the launch party for the now defunct Maximum Golf magazine.

Golf Marketing disputes the logistics of the shot, and did not pay Harford his prize.

"Man Wins $25K Contest; Insurance Doesn't Pay" [WBAL Baltimore] (Thanks to Stanton!)

RELATED
"Golf insurer happy with 'minimal' fine" [AllBusiness]

This Dunkin' Donuts Game Piece Is Sufficiently Waterproof

Meg Marco — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:10:53 EDT

Reader JoeTan says this is his 6th attempt at removing a Dunkin' Donuts game piece from his iced coffee and the results, shown above, have all been identical. Mush.

Sigh. How are you supposed to "collect the codes found on Dunkin' cold beverages and then enter them online for a chance to win great prizes instantly!?" The bastards.

Worst Company In America 2008: Round 2 Bracket

Chris Walters — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:47:03 EDT

After a furious series of battle, the weaklings have been vanquished and the Round 1 champions in our Worst Company in America 2008 contest advance to the second round. See the full-sized graphic, suitable for framing or forming the basis of informal office betting pools, inside...

Fill Out Our Survey, Enter Drawing For $300 AMEX Card

Ben Popken — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:00:00 EDT

Our publisher's advertising monkeys are giving you the chance to win a $300 AMEX card if you tell us a little bit about yourself in this 5-10 minute survey. Giving an email address is optional to complete the survey, but necessary if you want to be eligible for the drawing, otherwise we won't have any way to contact you.

(Photo: Getty)

Lawsuit Says Verizon's Text Message TV Show Contests Are "Illegal Gambling"

Chris Walters — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:26:01 EDT

A class-action lawsuit has been filed in California against Verizon and several third-party companies, alleging that they promoted illegal gambling by enticing customers to pay to enter contests in which there was an "infinitesimally" small chance of winning, reports RCRWireless. "The suit centers on 99-cent charges levied on wireless consumers who played contests associated with popular TV shows like 'Deal or No Deal' and 'Sole Survivor.'" The plaintiffs claim that the contests were less promotional sweepstakes than "illegal lotteries designed to generate revenues far in excess of the value of the cash awarded."

Because the issue doesn't implicate Verizon's subscriber contracts, the plaintiffs claim the carrier's arbitration clause isn't enforceable.

"Suit alleges Verizon Wireless text service amounts to illegal gambling" [RCR Wireless]
(Photo: Jeff Kubina)

Tell The Best Personal Finance Horror Story To Mint, Have Your Credit Card Balance Paid Off

Chris Walters — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:13:59 EST

Do you enjoy confessing embarrassing details? Mint, the personal finance new kid on the Internet block, is offering up to $5,000 (paid directly to your credit card bill) to two people with the most horrifying personal finance disasters. The winners get free financial counseling as well. You can submit text—"sob stories"—up to 1000 words, or a video—"trainwrecks"—up to four minutes or 20 MB, whichever comes first. If you were paid to do any writing over the past year, you're ineligible (we already checked).

From The Street:

"Personal finance is not something that people talk about often. People have financial blunders, and the idea behind the contest is that you can learn from other people's mistakes," said Mint founder and CEO Aaron Patzer.

Also, it's just fun to read about other people being stupid for a change.

"Holiday Spending Hangover Contest" [Mint via The Street]

Gibson Awards Prize To Artist As Promised!

Chris Walters — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:38:54 EST

Yay Internets! Tonedeff—the artist who won Lollapalooza's Last Band Standing over a year ago but never received the 10k prize package from Gibson—has received his prize. He emailed us today and wrote, "Thanks for covering the story and your support. Your blog made a HELL of a difference. Expect a shout out on my next project." We can't imagine how he's going to work "consumerist" into a rhyme, but okay. After the story went Digg-public last Friday, Tonedeff got a call from a Gibson rep Saturday morning—and a few days later he received an apology from Gibson's CEO personally.

Well, this past Tuesday, I had a one-on-one conversation with Gibson CEO, Henry Juszkiewicz. Now, it's rare that a CEO of a company that size will sit down on the phone with you and talk man to man, so for that, I was very impressed with the level of commitment and cooperation they showed in order to demonstrate the level of seriousness with which they took this whole situation. Henry assured me that this was something that Gibson was truly apologetic for and made his best effort to make sure that I came away from the entire experience feeling as though I was treated fairly and received what I deserved.

The next day, Tonedeff received a FedExed check for the full amount of the prize.

The Gibson rep who strung Tonedeff along last year left the company in November:

Henry mentioned that Don was "getting toasted" in the press and hoped that I could encourage folks to "take it easy on the guy" because apparently dude's been getting hate mail & phone calls up the yang from random folks around the world. I've never been the type of person to wish malice or pain on anyone (unless they rap), and I stand by that approach still. Personally, I think the public spanking that's already occurred is sufficient, considering this is something that will probably come up anytime someone Googles his name for a long time. That would definitely suck if I were him, so it is what it is. So, if anyone was planning on doing any wild shit, this would be a good time to put the bazooka away. Everything is settled.

Finally, Tonedeff tells everyone thanks:

In closing, I want to take this opportunity to thank EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who took time out to lend your support, write letters, post blogs, make phone calls - once again, you helped settle this thing at lightning speed.

Glad we could help!

"The Power of the Internet"

Gibson Screws Musician Out Of $10,000 Worth Of Equipment

Chris Walters — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 10:43:49 EST

A musician named Tonedeff won the Lolapalooza Last Band Standing contest in 2006. Part of the prize package was "$10,000 worth of equipment from our friends at Gibson. (yes, believe it!)." Well, Tonedeff believed it, and he's spent the last year and a half trying to get Gibson to make good on their promise. As Tonedeff notes on his blog, maybe he should have seen this coming when Don Pitts—Gibson's Ambassador of Empty Promises (shown above with devil eyes)—told him, "I mean, this is kind of weird, because you know, you DON'T play the guitar or drums."

When Tonedeff finally reached Gibson (they never called or emailed him after he won), Pitts told him to go online and pick out what he wanted. He picked out a Baldwin piano. Pitts wrote back, "Baldwin is the only division that's not part of the deal..." So Tonedeff picked out a list of guitars, using Sam Ash and Guitar Center to check prices because Pitt/Gibson wouldn't provide a price list. Pitt responded with revised prices that were at least 50% higher, reducing Tonedeff's prize list by half. After some back and forth on "suggested retail price" versus "actual price," Tonedeff gave up and opted instead to pick a single item, the most expensive he could find that came in under the $10k mark. Pitt just stopped talking to him at that point.

We're not sure if Gibson thinks it's okay to bail on their promise because Tonedeff doesn't play rock music (suspiciously, they never followed through on a promised promotional photo shoot either), or if they never intended to give any winning artist the prize package. But it's clear that they're doing everything they can to give the middle finger to the winner of a contest they supposedly "sponsored."

(Thanks to Chris!)

"[RANT] Gibson Hates Hip Hop." [QN5 Blog]

Pillsbury has told a New York food co-op ...

Chris Walters — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:28:09 EST

Pillsbury has told a New York food co-op to stop using the phrase "bake-off" because they own it. Pillsbury coined the phrase back in 1949 (according to this unverifiable web source), and then trademarked it in the early 1970s (according to another). Now you know. (Thanks to Sarah!)

Didn't Win BOBs

Ben Popken — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 14:55:18 EST

Oh, by the way, we didn't win that Deutsche-Welle Best of The Blogs contest. We got third for our category. We probably could have finished stronger if I had done another post about voting for us, but I couldn't get excited about trying to beat a blog that was all about helping people in the deaf activist community. Come on everybody, let's beat the deaf people! Didn't sit right. Plus, the voting site got hacked. Oh well, there's always the Rhode Island blog awards... [The BOBS]

UPDATE: Centex Offers New Home To Second Contest Winner

Meg Marco — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:56:49 EST

A representative from Centex just contacted us with the following statement:

DENVER, Nov. 8, 2007 — The Denver division of Centex Homes has offered to give a house to Veronica Baca, one of the original finalists in a disputed home give-away contest in Denver. In addition, the Company has offered to provide furnishings for the home and payment for all reasonable legal fees that Mrs. Baca has incurred.

"We're working directly with Mrs. Baca and her family. We expect to sort out the details and wrap this up very quickly," says Bill Anner, division president for Centex Homes in Denver.

The Centex House Party, a home give-away promotion, generated more than 250,000 entries from the greater Denver area over the summer. Officials with the Company did not learn that the initial results of the finale were disputed until two days later. The established rules of the contest required a second random drawing to resolve the dispute and determine the ultimate winner of the contest home in Brighton, near Denver. Mrs. Baca did not win the second drawing.

"It was important to follow the letter of the rules for a fair contest. Now we're going to honor the spirit of the contest and do what's right for Mrs. Baca and her family," Mr. Anner says.

"We never intended for the contest to end this way. We understand the thrill and expectation the contest created for Mrs. Baca, and we understand the disappointment Mrs. Baca and her family have endured. We regret it's taken this long to work through the process, but now we're working directly with Mrs. Baca and her family to put them in a new home as quickly as possible," Mr. Anner says.

"No one expected this kind of result, but we would rather have two happy winners in this situation," says Doug Barnes, executive vice president of Centex Homes' northwest region, which includes Denver.

We do love a happy ending.

PREVIOUSLY: Congratulations, You Won A House! Oh, Wait, Never Mind.

30,000 people will get free couches, mattresses, ...

Meg Marco — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 14:29:19 EDT

30,000 people will get free couches, mattresses, and other furniture if the Red Sox win the world series, thanks to a furniture store promotion back in March and April. Special Bonus: One of the worst, if not the worst, abuses of Photoshop ever perpetrated by a major network. [ABCNews]

Cycle Store Screws Up Giveaway, Now There Are Ten Winners

Chris Walters — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:37:59 EDT

A cycle shop in Mississippi accidentally gave away an ATV ten times in a row during a promotional contest, when all ten of the people who were randomly selected from over a thousand turned out to have working copies of the same key. The store's owner still doesn't know how it happened, but he held firm to the intent of the original promotion and gave away only one ATV, which has angered at least one non-winning winner.

"It's just a big disappointment because my key worked, and that's what we were promised - if your key works, you get the ATV," said Cheri Reus, who was second in line and whose key worked just fine. She's since complained to the attorney general, and a spokesperson for the office said they were investigating the issue.

The other nine contestants apparently agreed to let the cycle shop owner draw the winner's name from a hat, which we think shows a remarkable level of customer compassion for the store owner.

"Hattiesburg business accidentally promises 10 free ATVs" [The Clarion-Ledger via Metafilter]

Honda Dealer Sends Out Scratch-Off Tickets Where Everyone Is a Winner

Meg Marco — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 11:58:59 EDT

Here's a typo you don't see every day. A Honda dealer contracted the services of a direct mail marketing and promotions agency. The agency was supposed to send out 50,000 scratch-off tickets, one of which was the grand prize winner—entitling the customer to a cash prize of $1,000.

Sadly for the promotions agency... every ticket was a winner. They sent out about 30,000 of the tickets before anyone noticed the mistake.

No one is quite sure how Force Events Direct Marketing is going to make good on a $30 million mistake. We imagine it's a little tense around the office this morning.

Too Many Winning Tickets [ABC 6 via Ad Age]
(Photo:Ian Muttoo)

Send Us Your Customer Service Calls And We'll Mock Their Flaws

Ben Popken — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:47:52 EDT

Call centers of the world, we're gunning for your asses.

Readers, record your customer service calls and send them to us. We will post them and point out what went wrong. Something super bad need not happen. Let's kick their everyday banality and inefficiency in the face. HP, AOL, Best Buy, Amy's Ice Cream Store, Comcast, we want them all. Our maw is open and our belly growls.

Giving the voicebot all sorts of info, only to have the operator ask for it... unbearable hold times... disgusting hold music... reps cutting you off... getting transferred to wrong departments... put all under an arc-light's glare.

After posting several, we'll have a vote off and the winner will win a free copy of Quicken, or maybe a toyger.

Here's quick primer on recording phone calls. We'll edit out your personal information but you can make it easier by doing that with any number of audio editing programs like Audacity or Audio Hijack. After it's ready, just email it to tips@consumerist.com.

We must mention that different states have different laws about recording calls. They're somewhat vague and untested in relation to this particular case, but you should read them first.

To help get this party started, here's our take on The Most Excruciatingly Painful, Yet Typical, Customer Service Call Ever...

1. Pandering angelic chimes.
2. Pathetically uplifting hold music. What are we, caravaners on the amber waves of grain, getting ready to join the society for the perpetuation of awesome?
3. Who wrote the book that said it's better for people with noticeable foreign accents to make up fake American names?
4. Dead silence for 20 seconds as "Chris" reviews Mark's file. Why can't he say "hold on a sec as I check your file out?"
5. Chris asks for serial number. It should already be in Mark's file.
6. Chris asks for the model number, it should already be in the file, or in the database.
7. Oh look, Chris found the model number in his database. Guess he didn't need it after all.
8. Why hasn't Chris asked why Mark is calling?
9. Chris is trying to talk over Mark.
10. Why can't Chris send out a new piece of software?
11. Why was it even necessary to request the model and serial number without knowing why Mark was calling?
12. What does being a technician have to do with sending out a piece of software?
13. 30 seconds of hold time.
14. Followed by silence.
15. Followed by Mr. radio demo tape leftover.
16. Followed by the same hold music as before. Have we started back at the beginning?
17. Call disconnected. The failure is absolute.

Chris obviously had no idea of how to handle Mark's request. Rather than find out, he tossed the call down the phone tree well.

Congrats, HP, now your customer is even more pissed off. Don't expect any repeat business. — BEN POPKEN

Fill Out Our Survey, Get Chance To Win iPod Shuffle

Ben Popken — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 19:35:53 EST

UPDATE: Survey max response number reached. Poll closed. Thanks everyone!

You can win an iPod shuffle if you help us out with this 6-question poll to learn more about our readers.

If you opt to enter your email address, you get a chance to win a free shuffle, with color of your choice. This email address will solely be used to communicate with winners and will never be sold to anyone or used to market to you. Entering the email address is optional.

The information you provide will help out our ad sales team and keep the Goodship Consumerist running like a freight train of justice. — BEN POPKEN

Contest rules.

UPDATE 2: Worst Company In America 2007: Bracket Seeds

Ben Popken — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 11:33:37 EST

UPDATE 2: Changed brackets to look like basketball playoffs.
UPDATE: Changed brackets around to accurately reflect initial voting.

Here are the bracket seeds for our Worst Company in America contest. We seeded the brackets based on who got the top results in the preliminary voting round. Look snazzy?

Soon we shall proceed with the first dance to the death: RIAA vs ~~Best Buy~~ United Airlines!

— BEN POPKEN

Winner Announced For Cat On A Walmart Nazi T-Shirt Caption Contest

Ben Popken — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:19:57 EST

Last week we asked our readers to create captions for this picture of a fine feline on a Nazi insignia shirt sold by Walmart.

We have a winner!

"Here we see demonstration cat show us how Wal-Mart has handled the Nazi shirt issue."

Congratulations, thereviewer! Please email tips at consumerist dot com from the email you signed up for comments under with your name and address. Your $25 gift card to Target will arrive shortly thereafter.

Runners Up
phrygian: When I work up my next hairball, I have the perfect shirt to vomit on.
shoegazer: Every time you masturbate... A kitten buys a Nazi T Shirt.
adamondi: Ich bin eine Todeskatze! (I am a death cat!)

— BEN POPKEN

Lucky Golden Shit Awards Shipped

Ben Popken — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 09:38:02 EST

— BEN POPKEN

Previously: Flog Awards 2006 thread.

Cat On A Walmart Nazi T-Shirt: A Caption Contest

Meg Marco — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 12:31:49 EST

Here at Consumerist we've worked really hard to try to motivate Walmart to follow through on their promise to pull the Nazi paraphernalia from their store shelves. So far, we've failed. In honor of our failure, we'd like to announce the "Cat On A Walmart Nazi T-Shirt Contest."

Official Rules:

Caption this picture of a cat on a Walmart Nazi T-shirt by leaving a comment on this post. If you'd like to create an image, use free image hosting and paste a link to the image in the comments of this post. The comments do not support the display of images. Post a link.

The author of the best caption will receive a $25 Target gift card.

Judging will be based solely on our own opinions with no regard to quality or good taste.

Thanks to Brian for supplying this image of his cat on his Walmart Nazi T-Shirt.

Unboxed: Sony PSP Flog Lucky Golden Shit Awards

Ben Popken — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:56:32 EST

The lucky golden shit awards for the best flog of 2006 have arrived!

We're sending the small one to Sony, and the big one to Zipatoni!

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unboxing pix, inside...

'All I Want For Xmas Is A PSP' Wins Best Flog 2006

Ben Popken — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 15:47:28 EST

Based on reader votes, we anoint Sony's Alliwantforxmasisapsp as the best flog of 2006.

Sony takes the golden poo, because they should have known better. We know that Walmart and McDonalds are creepy and they have few scruples about exploiting a medium to gain market share, but Sony is supposed to be better. Sure, they can come across as a little cold and bitchy, but at least "cool." Not engaging in the lamest attempt to do a pretend customer blog the world has ever seen.

Now, where do we deliver this award? Do we mail it to the CEO? To the company that made the blog? Where o where do we fling our golden poo?

CONTENDERS' FLOGS

McDonald's, for 4Railroads and Mcdmillionwinner
Walmart, for Walmarting Across America
Sony, for All I Want For Xmas Is A PSP

AFTERTHOUGHTS

While pretend sites and stunts are common in video game marketing, there's a difference between spinning an engaging story virally and outright duplicity.

Douchebags are attracted by the cost/benefit ratio and they go, "Wow, we could spend $500 on a video and become an internet sensation!"

Instead, people should be asking, "How can we use these really powerful and interesting tools to tell a better story?"

To take full advantage of blogs, companies should stop hiring b-school and j-school dropouts or former web developers, and start grabbing up hungry English majors. — BEN POPKEN

Vote For Best Flog 2006: Sony PSP vs. Walmart vs. McDonald's

Ben Popken — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 06:35:52 EST

UPDATE: Results are in!

Since nobody should be allowed to move on from their mistakes, we're holding a knife fight to see who had the "best" flog of 2006.

Contestants...

McDonald's, for 4Railroads and Mcdmillionwinner
Walmart, for Walmarting Across America
Sony, for All I Want For Xmas Is A PSP

The winner receives a golden feces. — BEN POPKEN

Previously: Announcing The Floggies

Announcing The Floggies

Ben Popken — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 10:03:59 EST

Since nobody should be allowed to move on from their mistakes, we're holding a knife fight to see who had the "best" flog of 2006. We are pleased to announce... The Floggies.

We will mail the winning company a magnificent trophy. For now, we're thinking of taking a dump in a box and spray painting it gold.

For your consideration....

McDonald's, for 4Railroads and Mcdmillionwinner
Walmart, for Walmarting Across America
Sony, for All I Want For Xmas Is A PSP

Submit your nominations in the comments or tips@consumerist.com. Winners will be decided by reader vote next week. — BEN POPKEN

American Airlines: Evoke 9/11? Give Away A TiVo!

consumerist.com — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 05:31:19 EDT

An American Airlines passenger jet flies through an impossibly blue September sky, hurtling fatefully towards two beautiful Twin Towers. Hey, it's September 11th all over again in this exciting advertisement from American Airlines, advertising their new TiVo sweepstakes!

In this case, the Twin Towers are just the speakers of a surround sound system, as opposed to massive skyscrapers filled with innocents. To be fair to American Airlines, they pulled the ad lickety-split and replaced it with a version with the speakers Photoshopped out. Of course, an equally valid solution would have been to reverse the plane and insert arrows pointing away from the towers that said "No, really! We're Flying THIS WAY!"

American Airlines 9/11-Themed Ad [Museum of Hoaxes]

Help Us Find The Right Consumerist T-Shirt Model

consumerist.com — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 07:06:09 EDT

It's slow this morning. There's no tips; our feeds run dry. It seems like the nation's companies have hardly screwed up at all over the last couple of days. This makes us fear for our jobs.

So impromptu poll time. As you know, we recently held a contest for you guys to help us find a slogan for an official Consumerist t-shirt. "I'm thinking of writing a strongly worded letter" topped your choices, followed closely by "I'm thinking of never wearing this t-shirt." We also threw in "Mystery Shopper", because secretly, Ben and I hated the winning slogan.

At the start of the contest, I told Ben that I would find us a sultry female model to stretch a too-small baby t-shirt across her heaving, lustful mammaries.

Sex appeal sells, or so we're told. And hell, I'm a guy. I had two likely candidates for such a model. One is my friend Kathy, a tall, leggy and athletic ex-stripper. However, her assets, as they are, would probably be sneered upon with contempt by the Russ Meyers set.

There is also my friend Stacey, Kathy's voluptuous opposite, whom I approached the other day. My pitch: "We're getting a t-shirt designed. We need someone to model it. And, being totally blunt, if that girl had spectacular breasts, it would probably sell better."

But Stacey's response was interesting: " I'll tell you something about myself, as an intelligent, hip woman. I check out a lot of sites selling one-off custom shirts by print artists and such. And I LOVE it when they use flat-chested models. They're not pulling out bells and whistles, they're using real people, and they're letting the shirt stand for itself. If you're looking to sell women's-cut t-shirts, you should consider throwing in some smaller, and larger (as in fatter) models. It really catches women's attention, because we don't see them used as models all that often."

I always listen to a woman with a spectacular rack, or at least pretend to. So I did some research. And whaddayaknow: outside collaboration.

So here's the question: when we finally get this t-shirt designed, what kind of sultry babe do you want to see model it? Petite and pretty? Voluptuous and burlesque? An upright hog waving her trotters through the arm holes? We'd like to market this baby right. Let us know in the comments.

T-Shirt Contest: Results!

Ben Popken — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 07:31:23 EDT

Here are the results of our fabulous tshirt contest.The winner is "I'm thinking of writing a strongly worded letter," sent in by James C. And just because we feel like it, "Mystery Shopper," sent in by David R., wins too. Congrats, guys. Contact us at tips at consumerist dot com to collect your prizes.

The outpouring of reader entries was great. Thanks to everyone who participated.

Now we send off these winners to our superstar design team and start raking in the dough. Any ideas on how we should go about designing these, graphic-wise?

T-Shirt Contest: Vote Vote Vote!

Ben Popken — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:25:03 EDT

We're the scamps on your doorstep reminding you to vote for your favorite Consumerist T-shirt. It's for a great cause. You. Plus, if we make enough money off the shirts, Denton said he'll stop making us sell candy on the subway.

Consumerist Tshirts: Vote!

Ben Popken — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 12:58:33 EDT

Consumerist Tshirt Finalists

Ben Popken — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:01:31 EDT

Of all the many many fantastic slogans that you guys sent it, these stuck out as the strongest. Before we throw up the poll, just want to make sure they're cool with and we're not missing anything. If you feel something awesome is missing, make your case in the comments or send us word on the tips line. Tomorrow, we vote.

• I Might be a Mystery Shopper
• Buyer. Beware. Consumerist.com
• Consumerist Whore
• Companies should be afraid of their customers.
• I eat retail drones for breakfast
• I'm thinking of writing a strongly worded letter
• Caveat Venditor

Inside, all the slogans and ideas submitted so far (for reals this time).

Consumerist Tshirt Contest: FINAL DAY

Ben Popken — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 10:49:27 EDT

Today is the very last day to get your Consumerist tshirt ideas in. Put them in the comments or send them to tips@consumerist.com, subject line: tshirt.

Winner gets fame, glory, and an Oozinator.

See what others thought up here.

We have a problem, though. There's too many entrants to create a poll including every single one. So what we were thinking was going through and posting what seemed like the 10 strongest ideas.

If then there was a significant reader demand for a particular slogan, we'd add it to the roster. Then, FINALLY, we all vote for our favorite. How does that process sound?

Consumerist Tshirt Contest: Deadline Friday!

Ben Popken — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 11:56:40 EDT

Here's some of your t-shirt slogans that particularly tickled our quixotic glands:

• I Might be a Mystery Shopper.
• Your PR people can't handle me.
• I'm disputing the charges, bitch!
• Seller Beware.
• Just blogging, thanks.

Email yours at tips@consumerist.com with subject line "tshirt" or put 'em in the comments. Enter as many entrants as your little hearts desire.

The deadline is this Friday to get your Consumerist.com tshirt slogans in. We'll vote on the best and the winner gets an Ooozinator plus other mystery prizes, along with their design plastered on the backs of consumers everywhere the shirt is bought.

ALL of the slogans submitted so far, after the jump, for jazzin' and riffin' and inspiration purposes.

We'll be adding the emailed ones througout the day so check back often.

F: "I might be Vincent Ferrari" B: "Find out on Consumerist.com"
Don't Get Fooled Again: Consumerist.com.
The customer is always right. Or else.
Consumerist: Do you feel lucky, punk?
Fuck yeah I want the receipt!
This conversation may be recorded... (front)... and posted on my blog. (back)
Why yes, our menu *has* recently changed. Consumerist.com
Tack on the last '-ist' for savings. Consumerist.com
If you stay on the line, you're just another fish. Consumerist.com
For our righteous wrath, oppress one. Consumerist.com
Knowing is so much more than half the battle. Consumerist.com
"No Return Policy Strictly Enforced"
"Ask Me About My No Return Policy"
"No Returns, No Exchanges?"
Consumerist: Level 3 shopping support
I would love to hear more about the extended warranty...
You work in this store, so yes, I AM BETTER THAN YOU
No you can't have my zip code, just ring up the f-ing socks
Because I value your service, I have YOU to take a brief survey
"I've read your employee handbook"
Beware of the Sheep
Did someone say chargeback?
The customer WILL be satisfied!
Let me speak to your supervisor!
consumerist.com: we don't have a supervisor.
"AOL violated my privacy" or the more generic "My privacy was violated by my ISP"
"More coverage of AOL than Valleywag"
"You don't have to suffer alone"
"Approximately one million, seven hundred thousand customer service calls fielded per day. Most suck."
"Stamping down hard on the spines of self-entitled"
I killed a hobo for this shirt
Your call may or may not be important to us. consumerist.com
"you need a pic of you and the quote "so?" from that nightline interview. that was the shit.. either that or the look you gave that mustache guy from the previous interview. "
"Take me to your manager [w/Marvin the Martian picture]"
"Little children in Asia made this shirt for sixty cents an hour."
"Do not upsell this customer."
"Your product and/or service sucks."
'Buy. Beware. Consume.'
'Somtimes Gaytarded. Consumerist.com'
'i don't make a living wage either. '
'to speak with a csr, lose temper and yell "fuck!" '
'lay off, my job sucks too. '
'i wanted a comment invite and all i got was this stupid t-shirt. '
FRONT: "Fuck Me and I Fuck You Back." (or "Eff Me and I Eff U Back.") - BACK: THE Consumerist.com.
FRONT: "I Fucked the Man." (or "I Fucked With the Man.") - BACK: And All I Got Was This Goddamed T-Shirt. THE FUCKING Consumerist.com.
Your PR people can't handle me.
My Other Blog is a Ferrari
Brand Cist.
Endowing every ethnicity with X-Ray vision. Consumerist.com
'when you care enough to spend the very best. '
'consumerist. we'd charge, but then we'd have to suck.'
'consumerist- because no one else cares.'
Front:"This conversation may be recorded for quality assurance"
'you only love us for your money.'
'you fuck with consumers, you fuck with us! you fuck with us, you fuck with you!'
"asphinctersayswhatsthatsay?"
'consumerist: we can kick ralph nader's ass.'
I hereby claim all anagrams. A few are below
"Because you can't spell Consumerist without 'Cost Miser'"
Consumerist: Putting "Nicest Smut" back where it belongs
Consumerist: Scaring CSRs with Sonic Muster.
Consumerist: Rinse to Scum
Consumerist: Scum Site to CSRs
Conusmerist: Cums in Riots
Conusmerist: "Cums in Stores"
Consumerist: The Scorn Site
"Because consumers pay good money for the right to bitch. Consumerist.com"
"I'm recording this conversation for the amusement of others on Consumerist.com"
consumerist (n) 1. corporate karma, generally bad.
'no mercy for the wicked.'
'beware, all ye who are mentioned here.'
"You'll wish you helped me more."
"I help spread bad word of mouth. No Pressure."
"Help me send Consumerist a happy story."
"AOL Retention Specialist." And then on the back: "No, I never worked there. Consumerist.com"
On the front: "I didn't sign up for this service." On the back: "I'm disputing the charges, bitch!"
Or: "I demand to speak to a Level 3 CSR."
'90% of unhappy customers never complain...we never did fit in.' (or) ...i'll take their cut.'
Seller Beware
(Think big bold military font or something like that with Consumerist logo, maybe a desert Chamoflauge mask under the font on a simple white 100% cotton Beefy T - dont skimp on the T brand, dude, Fruit of the Loom sucks.)
How about a middle aged guy

Consumerist Reader Tshirt Slogans

Ben Popken — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 17:34:50 EDT

Our contest for readers to create the next Consumerist tshirt is in full swing. Here's the best of the bunch so far, in our humble opinions.

CANCEL. THE. ACCOUNT.

"Consumerist: Apply directly to the telemarketer"

Don't be a jag

I Might be a Mystery Shopper

Buyer. Beware. Consumerist.com

Consumerist Whore

Pic of a guy with oozinator jizz on his face and awkward facial expression. Caption: in bold lettering, "stick it to the man"

Remember, you've got until August 25th, 5pm to submit your idea and win fabulous prizes. Email us at tips@consumerist.com with subject line "tshirt" or put 'em in the comments.

All the slogans submitted so far, inside, for inspirational purposes.

UPDATE: More slogans added!

Feel free to tweak these or just riff on 'em!

"Capitalist Piggy"
Complete with picture of cute fat piggy.

"for narrow minded liberals only"
"I buy witty T-shirts"
"Customer service ninja."
"Did you cancel your AOL account yet?"
"Telemarketers' nightmare."
Consumer doesn't mean "Con Me."
On the front, "Companies should be afraid of their Customers."
On front, "Because annoying the shit out of someone goes both ways."
"Consumerist gives you the money shot"
"Demon Customer"
"Not made whole by just consuming? Bitch about it. Consumerist.com"
"It really IS a conspiracy. Consumerist.com"
"Get what's coming to you. Consumerist.com"
"Fuck Thee. Come worship at the Holy Church of the Consumerist"
"You have customer retention. I have an angry Irishman and a blog. We're even."
"What are you going to do about it? Consumerist.com"
"I have a consumer blog. Give me a free t-shirt."
"Thank you for calling customer service. How can I hang up on you?"
"Why the hell do I have to press 1 for English? "
"Psst, wanna buy some insurance insurance?"
Front: Complain like a woman..... Back: Consumerist.com
Front: Computer geeks bitching on-line Back: Consumerist.com
Front: I suck at shopping Back: Learn how to @ Consumerist.com
Front: Consumerist.com? Back: SUCKER
"I consume, therefore I am."
"Get this mutha effen blog off my mutha effen shirt!"
"For People Who Buy Stuff"
Not just Pissed - Consumerist Pissed
Forewarned is Fun - Consumerist.com
Before I open my wallet I open Consumerist.com
Screw Back - Consumerist.com
From Screwed to Scrooge - Consumerist.com
If you f*ck with me you f*ck with Consumerist.com
Bling Blog. Consumerist.com
Consumerist.com - Not the Fuzzy End of the Lollypop
Consumerist.Com. Brand Killer.

UPDATE: New slogans below:

FRONT: "Fuck Me and I Fuck You Back." (or "Eff Me and I Eff U Back.") - BACK: THE Consumerist.com.
FRONT: "I Fucked the Man." (or "I Fucked With the Man.") - BACK: And All I Got Was This Goddamed T-Shirt. THE FUCKING Consumerist.com.
Let The Buyer [striked out] Seller Beware!
Say No to Corporate Douchery
I Complain All The Time About Lousy Service And All I Got Was This T-Shirt
Buyer: Be Aware - Consumerist.com
Consumerist.com: Making the BBB look like your PR firm
F: We know if you've been bad or good ...and we're telling everyone
B: Consumerist.com
Ripped from tomorrow's headlines. Consumerist.com
"Friends Don't Let Friends Buy Extended Warranties."
Front: Caveat Venditor " Back: consumerist.com
Front: Consumers Reporting. Back: Consumerist.com
Front: My manager can beat up your manager. Back: Consumerist.com
Front: The dog ate my receipt. Back: Consumerist.com
Front: Just blogging, thanks. Back: Consumerist.com
Front: You go get your manager. I'll get mine. Back: Consumerist.com
"Don't place the order." (image of mouse/keyboard or phone + hand?)
"I would like to cancel my order."
"I would like to cancel my account."
"Dear Customer: Thank you for your money. Go F@!# yourself. Sincerely, Customer Service"
"RIAA? MPAA? Just go to Consumerist.com and RTFA"
"As long as you're getting screwed, why not make it hurt less?"
...just an image somehow showing money under the mattress.
"A capitalist nightmare"
"Don't get customer SERVICED."
"Your call will be ignored in the order it was received."
"Press 1 to continue to be jerked around by a huge corporation."
"It's called a Happy Meal, not a Fuck-My-Order-Up-Totally Meal."
What part of "You give me what I want and I pay you" don't you understand?
This outfit was $2 a pound
Front: Consumerist.com Stick it to the man Back: When he sitcks it to you
Front: Got Screwed? Back: Consumerist.com

AOL's Gold Rush Contest Strangely Parallels Legal Efforts

Ben Popken — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 16:50:14 EDT

Maybe this is why AOL is so eager to get those gold bars from the spammer's backyard?

"With more than $2 million in gold hidden across the United States, Gold Rush will combine the excitement of online game play with offline integrations and reality competitions, creating a unique hybrid broadband video experience.

The game will last seven weeks. Players will answer a series of pop culture challenges using clues scattered throughout the world of media and pop culture - on AOL.com, CBS Television network programming and in popular magazines. "

Obviously they have funding problems.

Consumerist T-Shirt Contest

Ben Popken — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 13:22:35 EDT

Insert witty remark here! Enter the Consumerist tshirt contest and earn fame and glory beyond the tip line and comments box!

Send your submissions to tips@consumerist.com, subject line: tshirt or in the comments of this post.

We accept both sentences or "catchprases" and picture attachments. Or it could just be an idea!

We'll post the best and everyone will vote on 'em. The winning entrant gets handed off to a professional tshirt designer. He will transform your idea into a bonafide Consumerist tshirt. Then we will sell it and make money and spread the love of the good ship Consumerist around the world.

But wait, there's fabulous prizes. Right now we're thinking an Oozinator, but we're open to other suggestions!

Deadline is Friday, August 25th, 5pm.

What's The Best Company in America?

Ben Popken — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 13:04:05 EDT

In terms of customer service, what's The Best Company in America? Let's hold a contest and find out.

Submit your company of choice in the comments or on the tipline. Include *why* you're recommending a specific business. Even better if you have a personal story to tell.

We'll make a ladder of all the submissions and vote. It will be like our Worst Company in America contest, except nice.

Which companies get it? Which companies make customer service a reality instead of just a buzzword on the employee manual?

In addition to universal acclaim, winners shall receive Science Award certificates. With stakes that high, competition is gonna be fierce.