If You're Losing Money In Stocks You're Dumber Than A Fifth Grader

If You're Losing Money In Stocks You're Dumber Than A Fifth Grader

To win a state contest, four Wisconsin fifth graders took a hypothetical $100,000 and more than doubled it in 10 weeks, according to an AP story. The kids focused on financial stocks, which they correctly figured had bottomed out. Out of the 15 stocks they fantasy-invested in, 13 were profitable, the biggest winners being Deutsche Bank and JP Morgan. The kids won a trip to the New York Stock Exchange, where they were surely viewed with utter exasperation.

Alleged Gibson CEO Possibly Responds To $10k Contest Story

Alleged Gibson CEO Possibly Responds To $10k Contest Story

Brand new Consumerist reader Mosten posted a comment including the following response that’s allegedly from Gibson’s CEO regarding the $10,000 prize they never made good on to an NYC hip-hop artist. We have no way of verifying whether this response is legit, but thought it was worth sharing for those who are following the story.

James C., Your Oozinator Is Shipping

James C., Your Oozinator Is Shipping

Unlike other Gawker blogs, we actually send the winners of our contests their prizes. Congrats once again to James C for coming up with one of the winning slogans. We’ll get right on designing that t-shirt….soon…

UPDATE: Win $1000

We want you to have $1000 and will give you a prize for just trying to collect it.

Time to Human: Play With Our Numbers

Time to Human: Play With Our Numbers

We spent the last three weeks calling up cell phone, airline and bank call centers and seeing how long it took them to pick up. Rather than pretend we’re took stats in college, we’re posting the raw data here. It’s up to you to crunch the numbers, make pretty graphs and figure out what it all means.

Contest: Make up a Word, Win Big Like Halliburton

It’s time to vote on the best Consumerist neologisms. Who among these deserves the almighty Science Award certificate?

Contest: Neologify Your Consumerisms

Contest: Neologify Your Consumerisms

We’re holding a contests to smith fake words and witty definitions within the topic of consumer affairs.

Contest: Make up a Word, Win Big Like Halliburton

Contest: Make up a Word, Win Big Like Halliburton

In normal life, a neologism is making up a new word. In publication land, a neologism is when readers and editors jerk off together and preface statements with, “To coin a phrase…” Get it? “Gism.”

New McDonald’s Contest: Your Face On Their Sack

New McDonald’s Contest: Your Face On Their Sack

Want to get your face on a McDonald’s paper bag?

iTunes Billionth Song Contest: Play for Free

Faithful reader Mr. Scolex writes:

Wanted to share a tip for you guys regarding the iTunes 1 billionth song download contest. Apple has made this deliberately confusing so I poured over the official rules to see what the skinny was.

Starbucks Contest: The Winner!

First, Congratulations to Gregg Schultz, whose ‘Clash of the Titans’ story has been overwhelmingly selected by readers as the winner of the Starbucks contest. He’ll be getting a $500 gift certificate to Starbucks, with which he will be able to purchase as many large coffees as he desired. As as a commentor noted, his story of triumph is certain to be optioned into an uplifting Hollywood movie at nearly at time. (We’ll expect to be your date to the Golden Globes, Gregg.)

Pick the Winner of the Starbucks Complaints Contest

The voting for the Starbucks Contest is in place after the jump. Read the entries then make your choice. The winner will be forced to go to Starbucks to redeem their $500 Starbucks gift certificate. Voting ends upon our waking tomorrow morning!

Starbucks Contest Entries

We’re finally getting off our asses to post up the entrants to the Starbucks $500 Gift Certificate Contest. We’ve selected our favorites out of the entries and have posted them after the jump.

Starbucks Contest: Monday!

So yeah, yeah, we said we’d run the voting today, but we’re having a heck of a time getting the polling software to work (not to mention, you know, getting any work done at all.) We’ll get it all straightened out Monday, promise.

Contest: Your Worst Starbucks Experiences

We’re going to keep this short and sweet. Send us your best (aka ‘worst’) tales about your dealings with Starbucks as a customer. Do this because we say to do this and we exert a gym teacher-like capitulation over your judgement, but also because we will be giving a price of high irony to the person with the story dubbed most awful: a $500 gift card to Starbucks Coffee.