Helio's "Total Happiness Guarantee" Evidently Uses Alternative Understanding Of The English Language

Helio offers a "Total Happiness Guarantee" which says that if you don't like their phone or service for any reason you can return it within 30 days for your money back, no questions asked. However, their customer service staff is poorly trained and could try to tell you don't get sales tax refunded, blogs LifeClever. It's also going to take at least four months for the refund to process, he found, along with other annoying fun plot points.

We've had our suspicions and this latest story all but confirms them: Helio and its amazingly incompetent customer service staff are a plot to undermine the will of the American people in preparation for the forthcoming Scientologist uprising and takeover.

5 reasons why Helio's "Total Happiness Guarantee" is baloney [LifeClever]

More Helio Hell

...they neglected to cancel my account after I returned the equipment and canceled my service —- and didn't send me any bills/communication, only to report me to a collection agency a few months later. It was a big and annoying ordeal, I already didn't like the company and lack of customer service which is why I originally canceled, but after this situation, to say I have lost respect for them is just not enough.

Helio Baits Customer With 1-Year Contract, Switches Him To 2-Year

I wanted to sign up for the Ocean on May 13th, but I noticed that on the web site, the only option for contracts was a 24 month agreement. Given that Helio is a new company, I wasn't sure I wanted to commit to two years. I called Helio to find out if I could get a one-year agreement. The customer service rep that I spoke to was very accommodating and said I could have a one year deal. I mentioned a web promo code that would get me some other discounts, including the $30 activation fee waved, and $25 off the first four months of service, and she said that I could have all that, as well as a nice discount on the phone itself. I signed up then and there.

Helio Call Centers Still Staffed By Nincompoops

Helio Call Centers Staffed By Retards