The check-er-outer lady looked at it a while and said (without the slightest trace of irony),

“I don’t think cheese is a dairy product.”

Oh. Um. Well. Yes. Um. WHAT?

“No, they don’t consider cheese a dairy product.”

With that newly created fact, the cashier refused to apply a store coupon for dairy products to a package of cheddar slices. When the columnist for The Stranger asked her who "they" are, she replied, "Fred Meyer Corporation."

The columnist and his coupon-wielding friend saved the coupon for another day and purchased the cheese at full price, but we have a feeling a lot of our readers would not have let Fred Meyer off so easily.

"Cheese: The Totally Other Food Group. Apparently. Maybe From Space!" [The Stranger] (Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)
(Photo of tomato plant: Aine D)

A reader at "green gossip" website Ecorazzi reported that the local KFC says it fries its vegan patties in the same fryers and oil that it uses to cook its chicken. It's doubtful that they're the only location that does this, but even if they were, there are several other reasons why this sandwich isn't vegan, and might not even be vegetarian. The obvious one is the use of mayonnaise as a condiment, which contains egg products unsuitable for vegans. We couldn't find any nutritional information on this sandwich at KFC or KFC Canada's website, so we can't speculate on what secret animal products (like enzymes or "natural flavors") are in the bun. Having worked at a few fast food restaurants in high school, we know that gloves and utensils aren't changed between preparing meaty and vegetarian items, so you're probably getting some chicken fat in your KFC Vegetarian Sandwich one way or another.

It's nice that KFC made the attempt to offer a non-meat menu item, but vegans and vegetarians shouldn't be eating at fast food restaurants. Even the highly touted Burger King Morningstar Burger is imperfect: the patty itself contains milk and egg, the mayo contains eggs, and the cheese contains milk (and probably animal rennet). Burger King's nutrition info brochure contains the following disclaimer: "Burger King Corporation makes no claim that the BK VEGGIE® Burger or any other of its products meets the requirements of a vegan or vegetarian diet."

If you'd like to learn more about how cheese is made with veal stomach, sugar is bleached with animal bones, and other depressing reasons not to ever eat anything ever again, check out the Vegetarian Resource Group's Frequently Asked Questions About Food Ingredients

(Photo: Getty)

Not that Cabot is too concerned about that, apparently, since they're going after wives with this spot:

Cabot's market research shows that while their cheese is eaten predominantly by men, it is purchased mostly by women. She wanted a series of ads that would convey to women that when guys get together to drink beer and eat cheese (which is not often enough, by the way), the cheese they want to find in the fridge is Cabot.

The 375 pounds of seized illegal cheese included panela, queso fresco and queso oxaca varieties, the [California Department of Food and Agriculture] says. It was a significant find, the department says.

"Illegally produced is cheese is serious threat to public health," says CDFA Secretary A.G. Kawamura.

Arrests drain bathtub cheese sellers [Central Valley Business Times via BarfBlog]
(Photo: jthorvath)

Back in July, Lefthandedtoons drew a cartoon mocking how Subway has triangle cheese, but never arranges it in a rhombus on the sandwich. Instead, Subway invariably lays it in a razorback formation, which the cartoonist felt led to "unnecessary dairy overlap" and "soul-crushing disappointment."

Amused, a UK subway worker printed out the cartoon at work. His boss was not amused and hung the above sign in the storage room, which reads, "Cheese triangles need to be placed [drawing of razorback formation] -> this will promote the need for customers to desire extra cheese - as it doesn't cover whole sandwich. Double cheese [picture of double razorback] = 40 p extra!"

Subway: A Method to Their Cheesy Madness [Left-Handed Toons]
PREVIOUSLY: Dear Subway, Please Use Your Isosceles Cheese Correctly

Logan security remains high as terror concerns are raised [Boston Globe] (Thanks to Dork Esquire!)

An Open Letter To Subway [Left-Handed Toons] (Thanks to Ryan!)

Jennifer Little, a Pizza Hut spokeswoman, said the new strategy is to treat cheese "almost like an extra topping." Little said the price change also could be justified because a typical cheese pizza has about 50 percent more cheese than a similar-size pie with one topping, such as pepperoni.

Rising cost of cheese cuts into pizza profits [The Courier-Journal]
(Photo: Mr Waby)

The store manager could not explain the price difference, but Cabot could. Cabot's letter and the big cheese, after the jump...

Kane County health officials said Thursday that cheese may be causing a salmonella outbreak that has made at least 20 people sick.

They urge consumers to throw out all Mexican-style white cheese purchased in Kane County, especially unlabeled packages bought in stores or from street vendors.

Health officials matched the salmonella to cheese after testing the product at a Hispanic grocery store in Aurora.

"We have uncovered an illegal cheese manufacturing and distribution operation," said Paul Kuehnert with the county Health Department.

Officials speculate someone may be making the cheese at home with unpasteurized milk.

These products get their flavor from natural and synthetic ingredients that add up to processed cheese — made in a laboratory, not on a dairy farm...
Kraft, like many food makers, often walks a fine line with its marketing, testing the limits of federal labeling regulations that are often vague or confusing.

Nowhere is that confusion more evident than on products containing Kraft's signature food: cheese.... Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Three Cheese lists no varieties of cheese among its ingredients (a Kraft spokeswoman says the three cheeses are a processed cheddar blend, Monterey Jack and blue cheese), although it does list cheese culture, milk and sodium tripolyphosphate.Many products with the "Real Kraft Cheese" logo, like Easy Cheese, Oscar Mayer Cheesiest Cheese Dogs and Cheez Whiz dip, don't list any natural cheese as an ingredient."

Crain's says calling Kraft's processed-cheese product "real" cheese is legal.

"Calling processed-cheese ingredients real cheese is legal, because while the Food and Drug Administration regulates many food-related claims, defining terms like "low-fat" and "organic," it doesn't define other terms, including "natural" and "real." That means manufacturers can use those terms as they see fit, as long as they do so "in a manner that is truthful and not misleading," according to an FDA spokesman."

As far as the guacamole and Capri-Sun go, Kraft has changed the labels on both. —MEGHANN MARCO

What is 'Real Kraft Cheese'? [Crain's Chicago Business] (Thanks, Kerry!)

PREVIOUSLY:
High-Fructose Corn Syrup No Longer "Natural"

Kraft Lawsuit: Capri Sun Isn't "All Natural"

Kraft: Fake Guacamole Lawsuit

This McDonald's microwaved her partially eaten burger without removing the lettuce, then gave it back to her. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Joel and his girlfriend are returning to the McDonald's today to speak to a manager. Ew!—MEGHANN MARCO

Joel's full email inside.

Joel writes:

Here's the deal: You buy cheese. Kottke says:

"This weekend I was handed an opened wheel of processed cheeses by a friend. He said that his brother-in-law had caught wind of a frequent flyer promotion whereby you get 500 miles for each purchase of this cheese wheel and had purchased 75,000 miles for ~$300, which also means he's got more opened cheese wheels than he knows what to do with. "

We have no idea if this is true, but Kottke is generally reliable. Anyone have any more info?—MEGHANN MARCO(Thanks, Mike!)

Buy cheese, fly for free [Kottke.org]

The Telegraph has the full story on the naked cheese women:

Making a smelly cheese sexy is no easy task, but a group of French women posing in their underwear are giving it their best shot.

The Calendrier des From'Girls (Cheese Girls' Calendar) is the brainchild of V ronique Richez-Lerouge, the founder of France's regional cheese association and its national cheese day. She is also the face of December for the calendar.

She hopes that the charms of Mademoiselle M line Camembert, Mademoiselle B r nice Brie de Meaux or Mademoiselle Pont l'Ev que will melt the traditional image of pongy cheese.

The article ends with this quote from Miss Richez-Lerouge:

"I recently had a wonderful unpasteurised Stilton in Paris," she said. "Why not launch a Miss Stilton yourselves?"

We've got a wonderful idea for a joint British-French cheese cheesecake spokesmodel: "Miss Paris Stilton". Wokka wokka!