brand whoring
The
Champagne Bureau, a trade organization representing "the grape growers and houses of Champagne, France," just sent us a nonsensical press release warning consumers to be on the lookout for imposter champagne. WATCH OUT! You're pouring
sparkling wine into your mouth, you jerk! The thing is, the only real reason "champagne" is unique is because wine houses in that region of France managed to get laws passed to prevent anyone else from using the word on their own sparkling wines. They're
all sparkling wines; how they're made is what determines quality.
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It's Monday morning. After a weekend of lubricated excess, our skulls seem just about ready to split open in jagged cranial shards, expelling the alcohol-befuddled goop inside. The universe does dizzying pirouettes about us; all we want to do is lay on the couch, watch the Sleepover Club on Nickelodeon, remark to ourselves how some of those girls are definitely long-term investments and sweat out our delirium tremens. Yet here we are, soldiering forth against our body's most desperate urges to our loathed jobs, where being drunk is simply not a valid excuse for absence. Except in Ireland.
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Consumerist
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