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U.S. Navy Weighs In On Cap’n Crunch Scandal: Oddly, He’s Not In Our Personnel Records

Let’s be clear, shall we? By raising the question of whether Cap’n Crunch is indeed a captain, or as some have suggested, a commander, our intent was never to lay the beloved cereal sailor low. Nay, we only seek the truth, so as to be undistracted by such trappings when it comes time to break our fast. We want to get to the bottom of this man of mystery, and the U.S. Navy appears to have the same goal. [More]