I purchased Portishead's album Third on Monday morning. It was an international purchase, so WorldPay.com enabled the credit card transaction. After I entered my credit card and billing info, I was redirected to a Web page hosted at arcot.com. To my surprise, a second form once again requesting my credit card info was presented to me.
 
Since I already entered my information once, I read this new page carefully. The page was a sign-up form for a fraud protection service called SecureCode. A small link indicating terms and conditions opened a pop-up page with two paragraphs, the second of which was entitled "Terms and Conditions" but the entire body of the paragraph was just the sentence, "Your financial institution will provide the terms and conditions for this service." repeated 6 times.
 
It is sufficient to say that I did not want this service, but wound up being forced to re-enter my credit card info because WorldPay.com would not let me complete the transaction until I completed the enrollment form. I got my receipt for the purchase, and immediately began to investigate how to cancel my enrollment with this service.
 
Searching high and low for a contact e-mail address on mastercard.com, I found only a 1-800 number. Calling that number, I spoke with a support rep who knew nothing about WorldPay.com or the SecureCode service, so I demanded to speak with someone who did. I was eventually informed that SecureCode is a voluntary free service provided by Arcot Systems, and that I would have to cancel my enrollment at the financial-institution-specific portal on arcot.com. Going to http://www.mastercard.com/securecode, I was able to search for my financial institution's portal and found this site:
 
https://secure2.arcot.com/vpas/usaa_sc/enroll/index.jsp?locale=en_US&bankid=1461
 
This page simply did not allow me to cancel my enrollment. So, I decided to try to get someone at Arcot Systems to help me. I called their contact numbers that I found on their Web site and for the next 5 hours I spoke with several people, including a tech on his BlackBerry who was on-call for their Web systems on his way into work in Sunnyvale, California, and a sales person who claimed that he was "the top of the food-chain" at Arcot Systems and who eventually hung up on me. After explaining my situation 8 times, and asking each person to cancel my enrollment with SecureCode, I was told flat out, "we can't do that" 6 times, and hung up on twice.
 
All in all, I spoke with 8 people, left 3 voice-mails, sent 5 e-mails, received 3 e-mails, and also spoke with the secretary of the CEO of Arcot Systems, Ram Varadarajan, and asked her to set up an appointment to have Mr. Varadarajan call me to discuss why I am unable to cancel my enrollment with SecureCode. He never called me back.
 
What can I do? Do you have any advice for me? Can I file a civil suit and demand that Arcot Systems eliminate my information from their records? Can I file a restraining order? I need help.

I have been reading your site almost daily for a few months, and have seen where "insiders" give useful info to help get problems solved - and I have also noted where your site has advised readers having problems with their cell phone provider to contact the retention department...having been in the retention department for a small regional cell phone company for the past year, I wanted to share with your readers some tips to help them get what they are looking for. (I tend to get long winded, so feel free to edit out unneccesary content)

Basically, there are two reasons that people call retention, they either A) actually want to cancel, or B) want something, and feel that we will give it to them.

If you're in group A, a few things to make the transition go easier...

1 - Please be aware that the annoying questions that I'm asking about why you're canceling, and what carrier you're going to are obviously not for my good health. You are not required to answer the questions, but if I want to keep my job, I am required to ask them. If you don't want to be asked the questions, it would be best to port your number to your new carrier, in which case you don't even need to speak to the carrier you're porting from, just bring your account number, and password on the account if there one, to the new carrier, and we'll be done. Anybody else - this is your opportunity to air any greivences you have, and have them heard by the higher ups...however, if you are leaving, don't expect any courtesy credits for past inconveniences, etc.

2 - If you're wanting the ETF waived, please be advised that we are well trained and versed on the contract, so if you're arguing breach of contract, please have the copy of the contract with you, and be specific as to what you're fighting. As a rep, I'm required to basically argue the contract with you until you ask for a supervisor. So, if you don't like the answer, you can either ask to speak with the supervisor, or ask the rep if they can ask the supervisor on your behalf. Depending on your situation, either method has the possibility to get the fee either waived or prorated - note, though, if you want to talk to a supervisor, your best course of action is to call between normal business hours, b/c the appropriate supervisor may not be available otherwise.

(Ed. If you are trying to avoid the ETF, read our scripts for using materially adverse changes to escape your contract.)

3 - Even if you're not trying to fight the contract, you may want to take a look at it before you cancel - I know our company has a statement very visibly in the contract stating all cancellations occur at the end of your bill cycle. My advice would be to check on these things before you call to cancel, or port your number out so there are not unexpected bumps in the road.

Now, if you are calling because you want something, a few things to keep in mind.

4 - Your actual situation has little effect on the decision made. We look at multiple things, but I would say that the equation is a little like this: 40% account history/ARPU (average revenue per unit), 40% the actual request and 20% would be your situation and/or demeanor/attitude. Now, I know from reading this site, that most consumers feel like their attitude/deamenor, and the way they treat the rep should not have an effect on the outcome. In a perfect world, my friends, it wouldn't, but as much as reps may seem like robots, they're not. They, like you, do not react well when somebody is swearing and screaming at them or telling them what they will do. Be straight to the point - a long drawn out story about how the phone got busted is not really helpful, although saying "I broke my phone, and don't have insurance, and buying a new phone is more costly than the cancellation fee" will probably get you far since it is honest, and makes sense not only in terms of the business, but for you as well.

5 - Call retention only when you really need to. We're happy to help you, however, we do keep good notes of when you call, and what we did for you. Calling retention consistently when you want something or when something goes wrong will get you branded a frequent flier, and our management may note the account that no more retention efforts can be made on your account. That being said, there are other options out there.

For legitamit billing issues, try the general customer care staff, or your local retail store first. Escalate if need be, but honestly, there are of course times that people make mistakes, and these need to be fixed. Please try with the responsible party first, then, if there's no resolution, even after escalation, then retention is the place to go. But don't jump there first.

For upgrade fees/rebates, try asking your salesperson when you go to purchase the phone. Yes, we know the upgrade fees suck, however, if one company does it, and is making money off of its customers with it, then other carriers have to follow in order try to stay competative, so please don't ask why would we charge you the fee - it's nothing personal, we're just trying to stay in the game. Ask your sales rep about waiving the upgrade fee. This, like other things will come down to account history, and ARPU. If the sales rep declines, tell them that you'd like to cancel, so you can bring your service to another carrier, since most carriers waive the inital activation fees to attract new customers. At this point, they can put you in contact with retention - expect a little bit of a fight from the rep, though, since these fees are industry standard, though ultimately, it should not take much to get done. This may not work every time, and is most effective when the account is in good standing.

If your carrier has a payment services department, or a branch of billing allows you to make payment arrangements or get extensions on your bills, they may be able to get you onto a plan that's no longer offered to new customers. Just tell them that you're having a hard time paying your bill, and you were wondering if they had any older plans that might fit them better, or be less costly. They may, or they may not. This also works if you're paying for text/pictures or data access, but don't need the unlimited packages that most carriers are switching to, but still don't want to pay per use.

6 - Do your homework. We understand that there are people who call who are really not interested in canceling, but want to get something out of the carrier. Just do us a favor, and be direct. There's nothing worse than somebody calling in saying "what can you do to keep me as a customer?" The reason that's so highly offensive, is mostly because it is a time waster. You're wasting your time, and mine...because if you say that, I'm left guessing at what you really want. Do you want a phone for cheaper? Do you want your bill lower? Do you want a different phone, but don't qualify for an upgrade yet? If I don't know what you want, I'm left offering you things you don't really want. Please do us a favor. Indulge us. Be direct. If you want the phone for cheaper than what it's offered at, you could say something like "I really like the razr (or whatever), but can't see myself paying the ______ for it" Please don't say that it is free with Carrier X, especially if it isn't. If it is, we will usually try to get on their site, and explain how free once can cost you over the course of the contract - this isn't what you wanted to acheive, you want the phone for free, regardless of whether or not you'd pay more monthly with Carrier X. If you want the bill lowered, and find a better deal, and want us to match, let us know, if you want the bill lowered, but have done your homework and the plan you're on is at or lower than other carriers, don't make up a deal that's too good to be true. It's better to just say that it's too much monthly or something to that extent.

7 - If you don't want to sign a contract, your options on equipment are much more limited. You have a couple options from this point, though: You can go on a prepaid service, no contract, and often with carriers that do postpay services as well, the monthly rates are close to the same, you could see if we can give you the two year pricing on a one year contract, if you're okay with a shorter contract term, you could also see if they'd be willing to credit you a portion of the phone, (but don't expect it free without a commitment to stay with the company) or, you could ask the rep if they can find how much the company pays for the phone, and offer to pay that amount. Contracts are basically how ensure that we make up the discount given on the price of the phone and a given line (especially a shared line) doesn't become profitable until we've made that subsidy back - which can sometimes be over a year into a two year contract. If you're offering to pay what we pay, even if you stay only 3 months, it is essentially pure profit, and a pretty good business deal. You can also ask about refurbished phones, but we usually have to buy those, too, and for more than you think, so a lot of times, those won't be done if you're out of contract since we can't be sure we're not losing big sending it to you.

8 - Be reasonable - and be willing to negotiate. We are a for profit business (duh). To that end, we will try to find a course of action that fits both the customer and the company, but if you're not profitable, asking for something that's over the top, or have a history of escalating/calling retention to get what you want, then expect that your options may not match what you want to acheive - but we might be able to work something out with you. Also - with this one, admit fault when you're at fault - what I mean is, if you or your kid sent and received 3,000 text messages, but you didn't have a plan to cover it, it will go a lot further to say, we did this, we did not realize it was not covered, I can't keep the service if I have to pay for that - rather than trying to say it was a problem with the phone, or that the texts were not sent or received - those types of answers will only be met with resistance and the rep trying to explain to you how it happened - same goes for roaming charges, minute overages, or anything else that typically is unable to be credited as it is presumed to be in the control of the customer.

9 - Be aware of the return period. If you don't like the phone within the first 14 days, return it and find one you like, if you don't, please don't call us 8 months down the road saying this phone is a piece of junk it doesn't do anything, etc...you chose the phone. If it's broken, lost or stolen, or if you are at least a year through the contract, we may be able to help you with a replacement, but we don't often upgrade early in the contract because you don't like the features of the phone you chose. Also, please be aware if the phone is lost/stolen/damaged, that we are under no obligation to replace equipment, so if you're hard on phones, as much as it might be a ripoff, insurance might make things easier on you.

I'm sorry if this is too long winded, but hopefully, some of the information might assist your readers.

Kayako makes a pretty awesome support suite that came highly recommended to me from a couple of friends. I will say first off that their support software is top notch and feature packed, and I have no qualms with their product.

Their customer support, however, leaves much to be desired.

Kayako offers a few options for their products- monthly hosted, monthly and yearly leased, owned. We opted for the monthly leased option as we didn't want to plunk down the hefty $499 price for the owned license. Our major problem with all versions of the Kayako software was that it required either the Zend or Ioncube decoders to be installed on our server in order to run their software- all versions have "encoded" files that require the decoder running to use, including the owned license.

The decoders were causing a performance hit that we didn't like. We looked around, found another support suite that did not have encoded code, and installed it. It worked. The owned version of it cost 1/4 the price of Kayako. It didn't require any performance robbing decoders. We decided to go with it and drop Kayako.

This is where the pain began. First, there is no cancel button on their website. The only way to cancel is to contact their support email:

A few days ago, my first email:

I want to cancel this account. Please cancel all renewals of this license immediately.

Their reply:

Can you please let us know the reason for the cancellation of your eSupport License? If you have any issues regarding the product, we will be more than glad to assist you in that.

Waiting for your response.

Ok, you want to know why. I understand that- cool.

My second email:

We have decided to go with a solution that has 100% access to the source code unencoded. We have already made this decision and migrated to the new solution.

Please cancel the account immediately.

The key phrases in this email being "we have already migrated to a new solution" and "cancel the account immediately".

Their second response:

In case of the Owned license, you will get 99% of open source code. You can modify the source code to customize the software as per your requirement. The 1% source code which is not provided includes the license management files and they are not provided to stop the piracy of the software. Please let me know if you are interested in buying the Owned license as we have some special offers for the day or you want us to cancel your eSupport Monthly Leased license.

Awaiting your response.

I'll be the first to admit I snapped a little bit after this one. I already told them twice to cancel the account, I already told them we migrated to another solution. I know that in a couple days I am going to be re-billed for the leased license if they do not cancel my account. Now it just smells like they are trying to draw this out and get another payment from me when I have already removed their software from my server, installed another solution, and just want to move on with my life.

My third email:

I can not believe you badger your customers like this. I don't want to talk about it or see special offers.

CANCEL THE MONTHLY LEASED LICENSE NOW.

If I receive another charge from your company I will file a fraud claim with my bank and perform a charge back. You have guaranteed that I will never be a customer of Kayako in the future, and I will go out of my way to share this experience with others.

Today I was billed again after repeatedly asking them to cancel the account. Kayko has not replied to my previous email or canceled my account.

My final email before I perform a chargeback with my bank:

I was just billed again for this license after I have asked you repeatedly to cancel.

You have 24 hours to refund my payment before I file fraud with Worldpay and my credit card company.

I am waiting for your response.

Screw you Kayako. Take it from someone else who runs a service that does monthly billing- This is not how you treat customers.

You have effectively taken a customer that was pleased with your software but couldn't use it due to a compatibility issue and turned him into someone who is going to badmouth you to everyone he comes in contact with everywhere he goes online. I'll get my money back anyway, and all you will have to show for it is bad press. Keep up the good work jerks.

He writes:

Short history - Got DirecTV in July 2007, each month since, I've had to call customer service about them shutting off channels or receivers not working. I have the protection plan (about $6 a month) so other than time and hassle it hasn't cost me anything.

Current event - We had the floors redone in the living room of our home. To accomplish this we had to move the TV and DirecTV box out of the way. We did. We didn't plug it in a new location, simply moved it to another room while the work was being done on the floor. Skip forward, the floor work is done and I got to plug the TV and DirecTV box back into exactly the same spot as before. Turn it all on and the DirecTV box doesn't find the satellite. I check all the connections, even the box where the satellite line connects into the "signal distribution" box to the rest of the TV's in the home (btw - all the other TV's are working fine).

Reluctantly, I call DirecTV support. After going through every single trouble shooting step with a polite technician Marisela, she concludes I need to have a technician come to my house. Then she says because I made a change to the installation, I would have to pay $79.95 for the service call. Huh?

Fortunately for me, I had just been reading how cell phone companies technicians and reps sometimes get it wrong, so I started asking for details and specifics. First I got her name and ID number. Next I confirmed that simply unplugging the box and plugging it back into the same place in the same configuration was considered a "change of installation". She said yes. 3 times or so. I then asked if this was detailed in the protection plan, and she said "yes". I then asked if the protection plan explicitly defined what "change of installation" was and she said "no". Again, from reading about cell phone companies on Consumerist, I realized that without a legal definition of change of installation, was an arguable fact and that if all else failed some of the other hints from Consumerist such as contacting company executives or filing a complaint with the FCC were last ditch options if I needed them.

During the conversation, I asked the technician to please make a note on my account so that when I talked to other people about this issue, I would not have to explain it all again. She did.

The thought hit me though, that with all the problems I've been having with DirecTV service, this $79.95 service charge was the last straw. As much as I love the high def clear signals from DirecTV and all 5 of my receivers, I just didn't want to have to keep calling DirecTV each month. I was sad because I really don't like cable tv.

I asked Marisela about my options for canceling my account. She said she would have to transfer me to a different department. Thinking ahead and having experience with disconnects after being transfered, I asked for the name of the group I would be talking to and their phone number in case I get disconnected. Turns out there is no direct line to the retention department.

After a few moments, I was transfered to the polite retention technician Jamie. I explained my situation and desire to cancel due to the continuing string of problems and now this $79.95 fee because unplugging and replugging my box was considered a "change of installation". Jamie immediately responded that simply unplugging and replugging the box would not qualify as a "change of installation". She also explained it was within the terms of the protection plan that you could move your DirecTV out of the way for remodeling, esp for cosmetic reasons and that if you plug it back into the same spot without triggering the "change of installation" issue. She was very helpful and I'm really glad I decided to speak to someone about canceling (something I only do if I really intend to cancel). Without speaking with Jamie, I would have been stuck paying $79.95 just to get the DirecTV box to work.

Following on tips from the Consumerist, I asked that the fact there would be no fee for the service call be noted in my account. She did so and included her ID number so if a fee did show up, I could easily get it removed.

Total phone time about 40 minutes. 20 minutes trying to trouble shoot, 20 mins on hold and discussing the situation. Unfortunate that I had to go through the situation, but thanks to the Consumerist, it turned out better than it could have.

Thanks again for your great work at the Consumerist.

(Photo: grendelkhan)

He writes:

My wife and I are in a really tight spot right now with a cable company, and being an avid fan of what you guys do I wonder if there is anything I can do to either fix and/or shed some light on our situation. We had been customers of Charter Communications in Southern California for roughly a year, and at the end of our service we returned our equipment and were issued a final bill from the company. The bill was paid, however, the company made an error when we returned our equipment and issued us further notices that the equipment had not been returned, and that we owed an outstanding balance to pay for their loss. After numerous phone calls to their customer service, and after presenting the receipt we were given when the equipment was returned, the company admitted their error and issued us another statement stating that we had a zero balance. Months later we received another bill from Charter requesting, once again, the money for the unreturned equipment. When we called to find out why an additional error had been made, a Charter Customer Service Rep assured us that the bill had been issued in error, and that we had a zero balance.

This evening we received a threatening letter from Credit Protection Association, stating that due to our "Refusal to pay our outstanding balance," our "Repeated disregard for their past notices," and my own "Ignoring possible damage to my credit" that they had reported an unpaid balance to the National Credit Bureau. This balance, a random amount not represented on any other previous statement from Charter, was going to damage my credit rating and that I must pay them immediately or face further antagonizing calls/mail from their organization.

When we called Charter to receive further information about this issue we were completely shut down. Customer Service was not only rude, not only threatening, but called my wife a liar and stated that they could not pull up any information on what the outstanding balance was for, and even after conceding that we had called the previous week and been told otherwise, this was now our burden to deal with and that they would not let us speak to any supervisor, billing department, or other party who could assist us in fixing their mistake. To reconfirm we called a second time and spoke to a woman who told us that although Charter had not sent us any of the bills mentioned in our letter from the credit agency, our own powers of deduction in sifting through previous bills of what we owed, what we had paid, the equipment cost and the equipment returned would have given us incite to surmise any outstanding balance ourselves.

Who do we speak to with regards to having this issue resolved? Charter, from all my previous experience, is one of the most coarse and difficult companies to deal with. Their poor service, numerous blackouts, and horrible bookkeeping make this situation a nightmare when they are fumbling with our credit. Is there any way I can ascertain their records? The Customer Service agents we spoke to refused to allow us to speak to any supervisor. Who should we get in contact with to right their error?

We have numerous documents to back up our story, but who in an organization such as theirs do we give them to so we can be taken seriously? Any assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated. We are huge fans of this site. Thank you.

(Photo: Stephanie Costa)

I moved from NY to SC, and had a t-mobile phone. and because there is no t-mobile here in sc, i called to cancel it, because the service here is very poor for t-mobile. On August 17 I paid my bill for July and August in full, and called t-mobile to cancel the phone, she said ok that she will cancel the service without the cancellation fee because of no service in sc, but told me to fax her a letter stating that I want to cancel the service, I got off the phone and faxed her the letter. Couple days latter I logged onto my account online and saw that my service was still not canceled. I called them to see what was going on, the guy told me that they see that I called on August 17th, but that they lost the letter, and told me that I have to send the fax again, so this time I told him to stay on the phone while I send the fax, I sent him the fax while he was on the phone, and he told me that he was holding the letter in his hand and that he will take care of it.

After I while I started getting calls from t-mobile telling me I had to pay my bill, so I called them again and the guy told me that my account was still not canceled and that I was being charged for some reinstatement fee for September and some unpaid dues from before, and some fees for October, even tho I have the bills from t-mobile stating that I paid my bills in full for all the months and the bill for July and August, and that I have no minutes used for September and October, actually my phone wasn't even working during September and October because someone stepped on it in my car and broke the screen, and I had already gotten a new service with verizon. The guy told me that it wasn't right and that he will take care of it. So I thought that he will, but after couple days I again got a call from t-mobile saying that I have to pay my bills or it will be passed on to collection agencie. So I called again on Wednesday October 31st, and told the guy everything, and he told me that he can see that I called on August 17th to cancel the account, that he doesn't have the letter, and that he will review my account and call me back Sunday November 4th to tell me whats going on before he does anything. I didn't get any call from anyone on Sunday, So I called Monday. again the representative said she could not do anything about it, and this time said that it was already passed on to collection agencies, so I told her to let me talk to someone else, she let me talk to some guy from support something. The guy from support Michael told me he couldn't do anything that it was passed on already to collection agencie. When I told him everything that happened he was like yea I do see all that but I cant do anything about it, and that I would have to deal with collection agencie now, when I asked him to give me the number to collection aggencie, he told me to wait that he came back and told me that they filled it on Nov 4th and that it takes 3 days for the collection agencies information to come back and that he couldn't give me their phone number. So I asked his name he told me it was Michael, I told him Michael I was recording this call is that ok with you, right away he was like actually sir you can't do that, I told him thanks and bye.

I wasn't actually recording him, but he did seem scared after I told him.

Is there anything I can do to find some answers????

(Photo: medalian1)

I have decided to cancel my Vonage with mixed feelings. On one hand, I really enjoyed the quality of the technology your company provided. I don't have any complaints about any technical issues with Vonage. I also stand behind Vonage during your litigation with Verizon. I have always felt that Verizon's law suit was unfounded and Vonage will eventually prevail.

On the other hand, the lack of professionalism and information from Vonage's customer service department has forced me to leave for another VoIP company. A large unanswered question that led to me finally moving on was "What is your contingency plan so my service isn't interrupted?" I think it would be beneficial to current customers if the customer service department had this answer to pass on. I felt I should also pass on that there is a very slim chance that I would return to Vonage after the treatment I received on the phone yesterday when I called to cancel my service.

Along with the customer service rep ("Calvin" I believe, but don't remember for sure) complaining to me about the previous customer he just talked with (including the customers inability to pay his bill), complaining to and conducting conversations with fellow co-workers while on the phone with me, and finally, as he was typing my reason for leaving Vonage, saying "Customer... lacks... the... courage... to... stay... with... us... due... to... litigation."

Needless to say, after hearing that, I was shocked and decided that there wasn't any way that I would return to Vonage with this kind of treatment. So with that, I wanted to pass on a wish of "good luck," especially with Verizon, and a thank you for the high quality of VoIP service I received.

Sincerely,

Tony

(Photo: gripso_banana_prune)

Oh how I loved my TiVo when I got it years ago. Unfortunately, it's been made redundant by other services, so it was time for me to cut the cord.

You can do everything online with your TiVo account except cancel it, of course, so I called TiVo and listened to the groovy hold music.

The TiVo employee said he was sorry they would be losing me and he would help me cancel my account. He just needed to know why I was canceling.

I said "I don't want Tivo anymore."
"Why?" he asked.
"I just don't."

I should mention that as of late I've been through one too many of these conversations, where the employee has a script designed to stop you from canceling. I didn't want to hear about how TiVo is *not at all* redundant to the other services I have. Because it, in fact, is.

The employee continued. "But I need a reason."
"Just put down that I want to cancel."
"But why? Are you moving? Do you have other services?"
"I just want to cancel."
Now he's exasperated. "Look, I have a section of my screen where I have to put why you're canceling, ok?"
"It doesn't matter to me what you put there. Put anything you like."
"But it has to come from the customer."
"Oh." I said. "Well, you could put that I'm moving to the moon."

Silence. "Moving to the moon. Well, I'm sorry you *don't want to cooperate with us.*" Creepy. "Hold please while I cancel your service."

I was put on hold for an inordinately long time.

He came back and said, "Any more questions?" I said no, and that was it. I thought.

The next day I checked my online TiVo account, and there was a curious thing. Instead of "canceled" it said "

TiVo Monthly Service

(3 MONTHS FREE CONCESSION)" Hmm.

So I called back, saying that the phone conversation was cut off and I wanted to make sure it was canceled.

"No," the nice woman said, "I see here that you're not going to use TiVo for three months, but then your service charges will resume."

"Really? It doesn't say I canceled the service?"

"No."

The rest of it was predictable. I canceled, again, then talked to a supervisor (who told me specifically not to record the call because he "didn't want it ending up on the internet.") Basically TiVo was planning not to charge me for three months and then pick right up again after I assumed my service was long since canceled. How long would it have taken me to notice the charge on my credit card bill had resumed?

The lesson of this is: if you need to cancel TiVo you'll need a reason, just not wanting it won't suffice. I suggest you make up a reason in advance. In retrospect I think I should have said I don't have a TV anymore, because that seems pretty ironclad, but I didn't think that fast.

And be diligent - double check that you've really had service canceled.

(Photo: grovesa16)

Vonage: Why are you canceling the account.
Mark: Because we no longer need the second line.
Vonage: Unfortunately I can't do that for you. You will have to call back during regular business hours and talk to Customer Retention
Mark: But I don't want to be retained I just want to close my Vonage account.
Vonage: I'm sorry sir I can't do that, you have to call back during regular business hours.

Customer Retention Department - Vonage Customer Service Sucks [Notes From A Tool User]

Disney: "May I ask why you're canceling?"
Mike: "We don't use it any more"
Disney: "Ok, now I see that you're already 10 days into a month you've paid for."
Mike: "OK" I expect to pay for the month, even if I don't use it.
Disney: "I'll go ahead and credit back that month's payment to your cc"
Mike: "ok......"
Disney: "Thanks for calling"

Mike's full email, inside.

My kids are huge fans of Toontown, the online Disney MMOG. You know that on the Internet nobody knows you're a dog? Well, my 5 year old is a beta-tester on their test server, which kinda freaks when he's filling out bug reports on his own, but that's totally a different story.

We've got 4 different accounts with them, and inspired by the New Year, I decided to cancel the ones that I've been paying for, but the kids haven't been using. Kinda like AOL accounts.

I call them, and as a true Consumerist, I'm girding my loins preparing for an epic drama with me against the Mighty Mouse.

Retentionist vs Consumerist

Disclosure: I am an Operations Manager for a major Non-US Call Centre, both inbound and outbound, sales and customer service, so I know and expect every trick in the book. I even know the magic word "escalations", whoops, forget I said that.

On hold for 4 minutes, just time enough for KD Lang's song from "Home on the Range"

CSR comes on, Kim I think. Cheerful, and polite.
Takes my data.
Disney: "May I ask why you're canceling?"
Mike: "We don't use it any more"
Disney: "Ok, now I see that you're already 10 days into a month you've paid for."
Mike: "OK" I expect to pay for the month, even if I don't use it.
Disney: "I'll go ahead and credit back that month's payment to your cc"
Mike: "ok......"
Disney: "Thanks for calling"

WTF?

A refund without asking or begging. And one I didn't expect.

I love to go off on bad service more than most because of my job, but here's to your frozen head in jar Walt, that rocked.

AOL PR issued a statement:

"At AOL, we have zero-tolerance for customer care incidents like this - which is deeply regrettable and also absolutely inexcusable. The employee in question violated our customer service guidelines and practices, and everything that AOL believes to be important in customer care - chief among them being respect for the member, and swiftly honoring their requests. This matter was dealt with immediately and appropriately, and the employee cited here is no longer with the Company."

Too bad AOL still sucks!

Here's the recording, in case you were asleep or don't read BoingBoing, Digg, Metafilter, Anandtech, or Fark. Some observers wondered how the story got posted to so many big sites, so fast. The answer is very simple: Vincent promoted it to all of them. For a while, until Putfile bailed him out, his site was down, having used up all its bandwidth. Internet, for the win.

There's also an interview with Vincent. [Netscape News] (Thanks to Gari N. Corp!)

comment on this post

"I was sitting next to one of my clients this morning and told her about Consumerist.com, as it was up on my screen. She said "Oh, I've got one for you." Her father passed away recently, and she had to cancel or close all of his various accounts. When she called to cancel his AOL account, they asked her why she was cancelling the account. "It was my father's account, and he died." "Is that the only reason?" was their reply. She was dumbfounded. They did cancel the account, incidentally.

I do some work for a company that's also very aggressive in customer retention (i.e. try to get you to NOT cancel) and I've reviewed their call center scripts, and when "reason" = "death," they cancel immediately without trying to save the account. I'd love to see AOL's scripts or their CSR training materials."

Even more offensive is the CSR asking a yes or no question. Every low-level shoe sales associate knows to leave questions open-ended, especially when overcoming objections. "I wouldn't be caught dead in these pumps" should be met with, "Which sort of deaths might being caught in these pumps be beneficial?" Now that's salesmanship, Johnny.