Mysterious Substance On Package Sickens Apple Store Employees, Sends 4 To Hospital

Mysterious Substance On Package Sickens Apple Store Employees, Sends 4 To Hospital

Retail stores receive lots of packages every day, but no one expects them to send employees to the hospital. That’s what happened at an Apple Store in Monterey, California, when a package covered with a mysterious chemical made store employees ill, sending four to the hospital and forcing authorities to evacuate that area of the mall. [More]

Jell-O Causes Biohazard Scare

A quivering, offal-like pool of cherry-flavored horse gelatin caused authorities in Germany to declare a biochemical emergency.

Reader Wants A Job. We Give Him One!

Reader Wants A Job. We Give Him One!

In an email with the subject “b.s. economy,” reader Leo whined to us:

For Today’s On-The-Go Urinator

For Today’s On-The-Go Urinator

Everyone’s had that horrible moment once in their life when they just had to go to the bathroom, yet couldn’t. Maybe you were stuck on a wide-open stretch of highway, or enduring the spasms of your bladder on an airplane when stuck in a delayed landing pattern. At first, you try to ignore it, but pretty soon, you can feel it practically bubbling up in your stomach, swimming around your molars. You’re certain if you don’t vacate immediately, geysers will start spraying out of your ears like a cartoon character.