Listen, denizens of the animal kingdom: I know it looks like we humans have got it made, what with large roofed structures filled with food and other sundries a wild creature might want to get into. But beware, little bears, because once you stroll through a Rite Aid, you can never go back to the wild. [More]
Look around at all the lottery winners you’ve seen on TV in the United States — a smiling person, human in features, not covered in bright fur. We are tamer than tame when compared with the tradition of dressing up in crazy costumes to claim lottery winnings in China, like a guy who just wore a huge, bright yellow bear costume to pick up his check for $85 million. [More]
There are all kinds of reasons why the post office may not be able to deliver your package today: maybe it requires a signature and you’re not home. Maybe the post office can’t get access to your apartment building, or can’t get in the gate. Or your mail carrier ran away because your home is apparently guarded by a bear. [More]
Can’t take a selfie with a big cat, due to bans on the practice or the unavailability of an obliging lion? Wildlife fans with deep pockets were able to get perhaps the next best thing to a photo, after one animal fundraising group auctioned off jeans featuring denim ripped apart by wild animals. [More]
Uninvited guests who crash parties and eat all the treats are the absolute worst, am I right? Darn treat scarfers! But a black bear took it to a literal extreme in Alaska, falling through a home’s skylight only to land in the middle of preparations for a kid’s birthday party. And he was rude enough to gobble up as many cupcakes as he could get his paws on, to boot. [More]
Underage drinkers, rowdy customers and other troublemakers are often tossed out of bars, because many people don’t respect a polite request. But bears? Bears are okay, it turns out. Particularly one that exited a bar after the bartender told it to go out. You’d make any grandma proud of your manners, bears. [More]
Vandals kept moving the dumpsters behind a Colorado Springs restaurant and rifling through the trash, so the owners set up surveillance cameras to catch the culprits. The vandals turned out to be a bear pushing the trash containers around and pawing through them. The restaurant decided to drive the bear away using boards spiked with nails. [More]
The German restaurant Edelweiss in Colorado Springs, Colorado isn’t a takeout place, but don’t tell that to the bear who decided that their dumpster made a suitable takeout container. A surveillance camera caught the critter pushing the trash receptacle out of frame. Being a bear, this was about as easy for her as it would be for a human to push around a fully loaded shopping cart. [More]
Unlike other animals with bad reputations when it comes to visiting stores with say, delicate products, we’re seeing quite an uptick in generally well-mannered bears dropping by retail establishments without doing any damage. A bear in Colorado had a bit of a sweet tooth recently and broke into a candy store to satisfy it while managing to be very tidy about his looting. [More]
Looking to frighten viewers into putting away their bird feeders, the New Hampshire Fish and Game Department warns you that bears are looking to romp into your yard and tear into them. [More]
We know that it’s not good for bears to be be too dependent on human food, but one black bear in Wisconsin took things even farther, wandering inside a grocery store, heading straight for the liquor department, and taking a leisurely nap on a shelf in the beer cooler.
If you plan on going camping in the bear-infested badlands known as the Adirondacks (note: any place with a bear is infested with bears as far as I’m concerned), don’t bother packing your food in the supposedly bear-proof BearVault 500. Although it’s been rigorously tested by grizzlies at a California zoo and at Yellowstone National Park, there’s apparently an unnaturally smart—perhaps even octopus-smart—125-pound black bear in upstate New York who has figured out how to open it.
For the sake of balance, vis-à-vis Obama’s Taking It Seriously, here’s one for Sarah Palin.
Colorado Springs police say that the vandal who broke into a closed Circuit City wasn’t trying to steal electronics — it was a confused black bear.
Stephen Colbert Tastes Like "Vanilla Ice Cream with Fudge Covered Waffle Cone Pieces & a Caramel Swirl"
Ben and Jerry’s is releasing Stephen Colbert flavored ice cream. Is this a fact? Certainly not. It may be truth, however. Expect more info in April. Watch out for Bears. —MEGHANN MARCO
It would appear that losing an arm to an animatronic bear is now the second-leading injury at Chuck E. Cheese. These plastic siren whistles have been recalled as a choking hazard, with reports that at least three children “swallow[ed] pieces of the plastic siren whistle,” setting the stage for the most festive asphyxiation ever.