Oopsy Poopy Barbie Doggie

Oopsy Poopy Barbie Doggie

Barbie doll has a dog named Tanner who is just like a real dog! Tanner is soft and fuzzy and her mouth, ears, head and tail really move! You can open Tanner dog’s mouth and feed her the dog biscuits. Comes with a dog bone and chew toys that Tanner can hold in her mouth, too. When Tanner has to go to the bathroom, Barbie doll cleans up with her special magnetic scooper and trash can. Posable Barbie doll included that measures 12″ tall.

Finally! This Site Covers A REAL Consumerist Issue

Finally! This Site Covers A REAL Consumerist Issue

My 11 year old, cute-as-a-button cousin Lilly writes in:

The News; Wal-Mart Hires Flying Nun

The News; Wal-Mart Hires Flying Nun

• Mr. Hooters is dead at 69, huh huh. [NYT] “Robert H. Brooks, 69, Owner of Hooters Restaurant Chain, Is Dead”

Barbie is Dead

Barbie is Dead

For this post, we knew exactly what image we were looking for: an image of Barbie — barefoot and flanked by Ken and two of Barbie’s pan-ethnic plastic girlfriends — sashaying with shopping bags right across Abbey Road. Unfortunately, that image doesn’t exist, and we’re too stupid to make it. So instead, we’ve been forced to illustrate it with this image of a murdered Barbie, her head crushed by a Volkwagen sized aluminum can. Serves her right, the cocktease.

Mattel Presents Ooga Booga Barbie

Mattel Presents Ooga Booga Barbie

Over at the Bleat, James Lileks took time out of talking about how great the olden days are to illustrate that, though we live in an age of Hooker Barbies, it’s not like they just started being offensive.

The News; Fitter, Better, Happier, More Productive

The News; Fitter, Better, Happier, More Productive

• Homeland Security Incorporated; running domestic defense like a business means capitalizing on fear for the unscrupulous. [NYT]

Barbie Is Still A Dirty Whore

Barbie Is Still A Dirty Whore

Given the fact that most children’s first experience oggling the fascinating mystery of the opposing gender’s genitalia comes from pulling down a Barbie or Ken doll’s genitalia and examining the amorphous mass of plastic at the crotch, it probably shouldn’t be surprising that there’s a lot of busy-body parental groups who are willing to launch consumerist campaigns any time Barbie exhibits a glimmer of sexuality.

Barbie Brand Extension Prompts Farking

Barbie Brand Extension Prompts Farking

Like a tired brand getting a face lift, the revelation that Mattel will trot a line of 50′s inspired Barbie dolls prompted Farkers to Botox another trope, the inapropropriate occupation Barbie.

Barbie Scarred Me, And I Liked It

Barbie Scarred Me, And I Liked It

Lil Miss Rodeo is the least of [insert the name a potentially concerned party here]‘s worries about the new line of Barbie pinup dolls. How about French Maid Barbie?

Finally. Barbie Goes Cheesecake.

Finally. Barbie Goes Cheesecake.

Mattel has announced that every ten year old boy’s secret plastic girlfriend, Barbie, is finally going 50′s sexpot. The lascivious, long legged tramp is getting her own “Pin-Up” line of dolls, inspired by the fifty year old cheesecake calendars still mustily crumbling upon the wall of our grandfathers’ garages.

Consumer Reports Oyster Awards

Consumer Reports Oyster Awards

Consumer Reports handed out the “Oyster Awards” for most difficult to open packages.