(kristensays)

Police Recognize The Guy Who Beat Them In Doughnut Eating Contest As Robbery Suspect, Arrest Him

It’s one thing to return to the scene of the crime, but to show up at an even packed with law enforcement after spending months on the run from police? That is just a behavior in its very own category. [More]

They are not baby-sitters. (Kevin A. Hinkle)

Attention Parents: The LEGO Store Is Not A Day Care Center

LEGO stores are fun and amazing places for children, collectors, and for human beings in general. However, there is one thing they are not: a child care service where parents can ditch their kids while they shop. A mother from Long Island learned this earlier this week after she was arrested when she returned to the store to pick up her 7-year-old son. [More]

Jerk Or Genius: Burger King Customer Buys 23 Apple Pies Just So Loudmouthed Kid Can’t Get One

Jerk Or Genius: Burger King Customer Buys 23 Apple Pies Just So Loudmouthed Kid Can’t Get One

We’ve all had to stand in line next to some insufferable brat of a child who won’t stop shouting out his desires for the entire world to hear. But most of us don’t have the gall to do what one Burger King customer claims to have done. [More]

(arbyreed)

Police: Do You Have Four Logs Of Swiss Cheese Stuffed Down Your Pants Or… (Insert Punchline)

I can imagine getting away with stuffing one log of rather expensive Swiss cheese down your pants and passing it off as a “No big deal, nothing to see here, just a guy walking around a store,” situation. But four logs of cheese? Come on now, we know you’re not just really, really happy to see us. [More]

(Consumerist Dot Com)

Police Arrest Rite Aid Customer Because Shooting Up Heroin At The Pharmacy Isn’t Okay

Sure, waiting in line at the pharmacy can feel like a test of one’s patience during what feels like an insufferable amount of time. But while I’m not sure shooting up with heroin while you’re there makes the line go any faster, I do know it’ll get you kicked out of the pharmacy pretty darn quick, no matter how long you’ve been waiting. [More]

(Great Beyond)

Bakery Robbers Demand Cash, Get 2 Doughnuts Instead

Early this morning, a pair of would-be bakery robbers walked into a bakery and demanded $20. The person staffing the counter, who happened to be the bakery owner’s 79-year-old mom, made them a counter-offer of two glazed doughnuts. They accepted. [More]

(Van in LA)

Man Uses “I Wasn’t Robbing Anyone, Cashier Just Handed The Cash To Me” Defense

We’ve all had that weird experience when suddenly, the cashier will just force you to take a bunch of the cash from the cash register. And then, because that’s so weird, the instinct is to just flee, right? Wait, that’s not normal, you say? Weird. But that’s what one guy accused of robbing a local grocery store is claiming. [More]

Facebook-Shaming Gets Another Dine-And-Dash Artist To Pay Up

Facebook-Shaming Gets Another Dine-And-Dash Artist To Pay Up

Even though it’s no different than other forms of theft, it can sometimes be difficult to get the authorities worked up about a restaurant customer who skips out on a meal without paying. But some restaurant owners are having success with getting these dine-and-dash scofflaws to pay up by publicly shaming them on social media. [More]

(YouTube)

Woman Shouting Obscenities Kicked Off U.S. Airways Flight

While we’ve never had occasion to experience it, getting kicked off a plane cannot be a fun time. But it isn’t just a terrible experience for the person in the midst of being taken away, but often it’s a very uncomfortable, cringeworthy event for all those around. To wit: A woman screaming obscenities at her captors on a US Airways flight as they take her into custody and force her off the plane. [More]

(~wesa~)

When Your Parents Don’t Let You Make Pot Brownies At Home, Don’t Break Into A Stranger’s House

First of all, let us acknowledge that it is unclear what kind of drugs two teens allegedly baked into brownies at an absent stranger’s house. But based on the pop culture knowledge we possess here at Consumerist (Have you seen Half Baked? That Dave Chappelle is going places!), we’re gonna go ahead and guess that they were making pot brownies. Allegedly. [More]

(me and the sysop)

Guy Accused Of Sticking Needles Into Grocery Store’s Packaged Meat “Just For The Hell Of It”

There are crusades, campaigns, and goals that some people are aiming for when they decided to cross the law. But then sometimes there’s no real reason to do others harm: Federal prosecutors say a 68-year-old Illinois man stuck sewing needles into packaged meat at the same grocery store near his home at least seven times “just for the hell of it.” [More]

(kejreeves)

Plane Diverted After Drunk Woman Allegedly Demands A Parachute, Attacks Crew With Prosthetic Leg

It doesn’t matter what weapon you use — threatening anyone with bodily harm is never okay. That’s why a flight from Tunisia to Edinburgh, Scotland was diverted to London after a woman who was reportedly drunk allegedly attacked cabin crew with her prosthetic leg, after demanding “cigarettes and a parachute.” [More]

(Truthout.org)

Police Arrest Man Who Left Hospital Untreated Because You Can’t Wander Around With Tuberculosis

While you might think that your health is your own gosh darn business — and it is, to some extent — when you’re wandering out there in the world with an infectious and potentially fatal disease, your health is everyone’s business. So when one man refused treatment and left the hospital, he ended up with police on his trail. [More]

(KHOU 11 News)

Literal Lowdown Thief Crawled Through Store To Steal Wigs Meant For Cancer Victims

Listen, we’re not the type to throw around the word “literally” like all those people who annoy the heck out of everyone else by claiming that they are “literally starving.” You’re not, but we can say that a man who crawled through a wig store pilfering hair meant for cancer victims is literally a lowdown thief. Because of the crawling, and because stealing from people in need is awful. [More]

(Alan Rappa)

Calling 9-1-1 To Report A Fake Murder Won’t Get You Out Of A Speeding Ticket

Getting pulled over for speeding is no fun, of course — but when those sirens come on, most responsible drivers accept that they’ll just have to face the music and take a ticket. One Florida man had bigger ideas than getting a ticket — and by “bigger” I by no means “better,” because reporting a murder that didn’t happen is just not going to work out. [More]

(Click2Houston.com)

Guess What Happens When Robbers Go After Money At A Gas Station Staffed By MMA Fighter?

If you guessed: “A lot of kicking,” from the above headline, you’d be right. A pair of accused robbers picked the wrong gas station clerk to mess with in Houston — unless they somehow decided to tussle with a semi-professional mixed martial arts fighter on purpose. [More]

(Van in LA)

Man Who Tried To Rob Pizzeria Sues Restaurant For $260K, Claiming Unnecessary Roughness

A man who’s in jail for several robberies including an attempted robbery at a pizza restaurant in Delaware is now suing police and several employees of that eatery for $260,000, claiming they were unnecessarily rough in subduing him. [More]

The original Yelp review has since been deleted, but not before the Internet saved this screengrab for posterity.

Restaurant Turns Yelper’s Lame Abortion Joke Into Fundraiser For Domestic Violence Crisis Line

Just like the rest of the Internet, Yelp is not immune to idiots who pepper their “reviews” with boorish, sexist statements that are probably intended to be funny. Most businesses would simply ignore this sort of non-feedback, but a restaurant in Portland (the one to the upper-left) saw a chance to turn a cheap abortion-based semi-joke into a worthwhile cause. [More]