(Consumerist Dot Com)

Police Ask Couple To Please Stop Having Sex On The Roof Of A Delaware Chipotle

While being interrupted by police during an intimate encounter is surely no fun for anyone, you really up the odds of an encounter with law enforcement once you make the decision to have sex on the roof of a Delaware Chipotle. [More]

(me and the sysop)

Target Security Worker Claims He Was Fired For Reporting Shoplifting Suspect Who Might Be A Cop

The job of a retail loss prevention officer is pretty clear — don’t let people steal stuff, and if you see someone who is, call the cops. But one Target security worker claims that after he reported a shoplifting suspect who may or may not be a police officer, he was fired. [More]

(frankieleon)

Throwing A Gumball Machine At Restaurant Staff Is No Way To Resolve A Pizza Dispute

In the annals of customer service requests marked down over time, there is no entry about getting your way that starts with, “Pick up a gumball machine and chuck it.” And after a pizzeria customer allegedly did just that, nothing is going to change. [More]

(Bob Reck)

Police: Hey, Knuckleheads — The Bathroom Of Chuck E. Cheese’s Is No Place To Be Smoking Heroin

Not that there’s anywhere you should be doing illegal drugs, but public places are exceptionally awful venues for such activities And ratcheting up the inappropriate level to 11? Smoking heroin in the bathroom of a Chuck E. Cheese, as police say two “knuckleheads” decided to do in California. [More]

(Mark Turnauckas)

Former Town Official Gets Five Years’ Probation For Stealing $460K In Quarters

An ex-inspector for a New Jersey town who pleaded guilty to stealing $460,000 in quarters – yes, that’s 1.8 million coins — from the city’s parking meters has been sentenced to five years’ probation. The inspector apologized, and will have to pay back almost half of what he stole. [More]

(ABC News)

Bar Worker Returns $200 She Stole From Bar Owners She Worked For 15 Years Ago

While it’s always better to not do bad things in the first place, there’s always the “better late than never” approach to making up for past misdeeds. Like a bar worker who sent her former employers $200 to compensate for money she’d swiped from the business 15 years ago, complete with an apology note saying she regrets doing it. [More]

(nadbasher)

Impersonating A Sheriff And Pulling People Over While Test Driving A Car Ends Predictably For Oregon Man

There are surely plenty of signs to alert even the most unobservant person that someone is impersonating an officer of the law. A really bright red flag? When said person tries to pull a fellow motorist over while test driving a car. [More]

(Van in LA)

Group Of 20 Thieves Hit Samsung Factory, Grab Millions Worth Of Electronics

Like one of those heist movies starring a well-dressed, smirking George Clooney and his BFF Brad Pitt, a group of about 20 thieves overpowered workers at a Samsung factory in Brazil and managed to make off with about 40,000 phones, tablets, computers and other electronics. [More]

(pstardesign)

Cops: Driver Who Fled Scene Of Crash Was “Too Busy Drinking” To Take A Breath Test

There are many ways you can get in trouble for drinking and driving, and refusing the take a test to prove otherwise because you’re too busy guzzling booze, well, that might be one of the most direct routes to incarceration. [More]

(PepOmint)

Police: Man Swipes 72 Pounds Of Whole Frozen Chickens, Drops’Em Off At Day Care

Let’s get one thing straight — day care is meant for children, not for stashing things you don’t have time to take care of at the moment. For example: 72 pounds worth of whole, frozen chickens that police say one man swiped from a truck and decided to hide at a local day care. [More]

Not the floor in question. (okbeatnik)

Bank Closes Temporarily After Customer Calmly Leaves A Few Steaming Deposits On The Floor

A branch of Barclays bank in the U.K. had to shut down temporarily yesterday, after a customer walked in and reportedly made a few stinky deposits. Fine, I won’t dance around it: He pooped. On the floor. Multiple times. [More]

(Alan Rappa)

Former Chick-fil-A Worker Accused Of Robbing KFC Drive-Thru Window At Gunpoint

Either something’s afoot in the world of chicken fast food restaurants, or it’s just a coincidence that a man accused of robbing a KFC at gunpoint happened to be an ex-employee of another chicken joint, Chick-fil-A. [More]

Man Accused Of Stealing Bird Costume, Wearing It To Bar’s “Wing Night”

Man Accused Of Stealing Bird Costume, Wearing It To Bar’s “Wing Night”

It was “Wing Night” at a bar in Kansas City last night, but we’re pretty sure that doesn’t mean that wings were mandatory. That’s what we would have assumed, anyway, but one bar patron acquired a bird costume before stopping in. Because…well, it’s not all that clear why. What is clear is that he didn’t have permission to borrow the feathered hat and cape. [More]

Police: Man Called In Bomb Threat To Southwest Airlines To Ruin Ex’s Vacation

(Chris Wilson)

There are plenty of immature ways that you could — but most definitely shouldn’t — get revenge on an ex. While most of them are, at worst, misdemeanors, a Seattle man is facing a much bigger penalty for allegedly calling in a bogus bomb threat to Southwest Airlines just to get back at an ex-girlfriend. [More]

(frankieleon)

Cops: Guy Punched Woman In The Face For The Crime Of Blocking Whataburger’s Drive-Thru Line

If there’s one thing we know here at Consumerist it’s that not only is violence against your fellow man and consumer never the answer, but it’s also a lose-lose situation. For example, a man who so badly wanted to get his car into the drive-thru line at a Texas Whataburger, that cops say he punched a woman who got in his way right in her face. And does he have any Whataburger food after that? Nope. No one wins. [More]

(WITI News)

4-Year-Old Busts A Hole In Her Babysitter’s Fake Home Invasion Story

We all know the hijinks that ensue when no one tells mom the babysitter is dead (reach back to Christina Applegate’s cinematic efforts c. early 1990s), but one 4-year-old girl wasn’t about to let her caretaker get away with lying and take her iPod and piggybank. Nope. So when her babysitter said there’d been a break-in at the home, this little girl busted the whole plot wide open. [More]

(Alan Rappa)

Police: Woman Who Led Cops On High-Speed Chase Claims She Paid For Stolen Car With Meth

While you could possibly convince police that you didn’t know the car you bought was stolen, admitting that ou paid for it with meth will still probably land you in a spot of trouble. Especially after you’ve worn out cops with a high-speed chase exceeding 100 mph. That won’t help, either. [More]

(WMC-TV)

Zoo Bans Visitor Because It Isn’t A Good Idea To Climb Into The Lions’ Den Armed With Cookies

While we’re unaware of any existing maxim that says lions can be tamed with a package of sweet treats, the Memphis Zoo is definitely against any plan involving visitors hopping enclosure barriers to offer up cookies to the big cats. That’s why the zoo has banned one woman, who allegedly climbed into the actual lions’ den while singing and bearing snacks. [More]