(Morton Fox)

KFC Workers Attacked By Cake-Wielding Maniac

Angry fast food customers are choosing to go after employees at Yum! Brands restaurant chains with some bizarre weapons. First there was the Taco Bell worker who took a hot sauce-laced soda to the face and now comes a report of a KFC that had to call the police on a cake-thrower. [More]

Pizza Shop Worker Admits It Was “Stupid” To Rub His Junk On Customer’s Pie

(Coyoty)

Today in Awful Things I’d Rather Not Know Happened But Well, Here We Are: A customer at a take-and-bake pizza shop has accused an 18-year-old worker of rubbing his downstairs bits on the pie as he got his order ready. The reason? He was allegedly annoyed at having to take the order right before the store closed for the night. [More]

(afagen)

City In China Introduces Slow Lane For Texting Pedestrians

As annoying as it is to walk behind someone blindly stumbling forward while texting on their mobile device, the very idea of a slow lane designated just for that bumbling purpose might very well be even more annoying. But that’s kind of the point of a new texting lane one city in China introduced recently. [More]

(Misfit Photographer)

Woman Attacked For Keeping Taco Bell Customer From Getting Breakfast

If you show up at a Taco Bell with only a few minutes to go before the deadline for placing breakfast orders, don’t get mad if a delay in front of you prevents you from getting the food you crave. And, more importantly, don’t pursue and then assault the customer you blame for preventing you from ordering breakfast. [More]

(zonaphoto)

Southwest Passenger Detained After Creating WiFi Hotspot Names Like “Bomb On Board”

Authorities detained a passenger aboard a Southwest flight that landed at Seattle-Tacoma Airport yesterday on its way to Denver, after reports that he created a bunch of creepy names for his in-flight WiFi hotspot, naming it “Southwest – Bomb on Board” and making comments about the attractiveness of flight attendants, among other things. [More]

(SHOTbySUSAN)

Okay, Enough Of This Trend Already: Thief Wipes Out Preschoolers’ Pumpkin Patch

First, it was corn stolen from farmers. Next, it was a class of fifth graders learning the harsh lessons of life when someone swiped their entire onion crop. And now we’ve gotten to the sad, low point of some awful, horrible, no good very bad person or persons stealing all the pumpkins from a patch belonging to preschoolers. What’s next, stealing milk from babies?!? [More]

(SchuminWeb)

Accused Walmart Shoplifter Flees Very, Very Slowly On Motorized Shopping Cart

Usually when someone commits a retail crime, it’s of the utmost importance to get away from the scene of the infraction as quickly as possible. But what if you just don’t feel in the mood to walk? That’s the reason a woman accused of shoplifting at a Michigan Walmart gave for boosting a motorized shopping cart to scoot herself away from the store. [More]

(digitized chaos)

Man Decides Ferrari Is So Nice, He Allegedly Steals It Twice

It must be pretty cool to own a luxury sports car, enough so that one man allegedly couldn’t give up the chase to have one in his possession. Police say a California man didn’t just swipe a Ferrari once, but twice, after abandoning it the first time, only to seek it out later at the impound lot. [More]

(frankieleon)

Police: So A Man Breaks Into A Bar… (And Takes A Nap On The Kitchen Table)

I know, I know, I ruined the joke’s punchline. But that’s because it isn’t that great of a joke to begin with, it’s just ridiculous that someone would break into a business just to take a little snooze, as Pennsylvania State Police say one man did recently. [More]

(Renee Rendler-Kaplan)

Some Jerk Stole Entire Crop Of 100 Onions Grown By Fifth-Graders

By now, we’re unfortunately used to the idea that grown adults who should definitely know better will steal from children — the Girl Scouts have been dealing with cookie-related thefts every season and it’s always a bummer. But come on, swiping an entire crop of onions grown by elementary school kids? That is just low, jerk. Whoever you are. [More]

Police: Two Guys Soaked Shelves Of Walmart Merchandise With Deer Urine

(SchuminWeb)

I can’t help it — I’ve been struggling and now it’s time to let it out: “Kids these days! Spraying doe urine everywhere, ugh!” Exasperation is the only emotion I can imagine — okay, and extreme disgust — at hearing the news that two youngish guys allegedly soaked the shelves of their local Walmart in deer urine. [More]

Keep your eyes peeled, L.A. (FoxNews.com)

California Authorities On The Hunt For Illegal Albino Cobra On The Loose

There’s a reason there are rules about which pets you can and can’t have. A cat? Sure, have one of those! But you couldn’t bring a tiger home and toss it a yarn ball. So if you want a snake — great! Mr. Slithers is a nice name. Bringing home a deadly albino cobra though, well that’s what’s got officials in Los Angeles worked up, after it escaped from whoever was keeping it. [More]

BUT WHICH ONE IS REAL?!?(Massachusetts State Police)

Driver Learns A Cardboard License Plate Drawn With Markers Won’t Pass Muster With Cops

We know, we know, going to the Department of Motor Vehicles is such a drag… all those lines and tickets and forms to fill out and grumpy people — ugh. But though it might be mighty convenient to draw up your own license plate instead of getting a new one the right way, you’re not about to fool any cops out there on the road. [More]

(Nicholas DiMaio)

World’s Worst Taco Bell Customer Grabs Employee’s Butt Through Drive-Thru Window

We understand that Taco Bell’s sole reason to exist is to sate customers’ gluttonous cravings. But while it’s okay to satisfy your lust for cheese and meat-like product with a burrito, it’s most definitely not okay to give into an idiotic desire to grab a Taco Bell employee’s rear-end. [More]

(Allison)

If You Bring A Baby With You To Shoplift At Walmart, Don’t Leave Her Behind

While we don’t condone theft of any sort, we are aware of the notion that having a baby with you while you shoplift might help create the illusion that you’re not a petty criminal who needs to be watched by store security. But if you get spotted trying to take advantage of some five-finger discounts, leaving that infant behind is incredibly uncool. It will probably also lead the police right to your doorstep. [More]

See all these people who aren't beating each other up or demanding an emergency landing? Let's all be like these people. (photo: Martin Rottler)

This Is Getting Old: Another Flight Diverted Over Reclining Seat Spat

First it was that United flight where a passenger used an illegal device to prevent the person in front of them from reclining. Then an air marshal on an American Airlines flight arrested a traveler who wouldn’t give up on his complaint about the woman in front of him putting her seat back. Delta now continues this trend, diverting a flight that was almost at its destination because one passenger thought her tray table was for napping. [More]

(PepOMint)

A Bunch Of Meanies Are Stealing Corn From Nice People In Connecticut

Just because something isn’t sitting in a store with a price tag on it doesn’t mean it’s free, people. Which is why it’s quite rude that big old meanies have been swiping corn at Connecticut corn farms, not because they’re hungry and in need of a snack, but to sell for 100% profit off the back of a truck. [More]

(Aubrey Arenas)

Couple Accused Of Stealing $16K By Exploiting Debit Card With Magically Increasing Balance

To my knowledge, there has never been an established, official “opposite day,” whereby spending money on products you actually magically increase how much money you have, much less an “opposite bunch of months” where this happens. So when a couple using a debit card that made them richer with every purchase realized what was happening, the legal thing to do would’ve been to pipe up. [More]